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// Evan Buckley //
Buck dials Maddie’s number frantically looking around the emergency refugee camp for some sign of Christopher. Somewhere. Anywhere. His heart is pounding and it feels like it’s getting harder for him to breathe. The longer he’s away from Christopher the more he feels filled with fear. He can feel his head getting lighter and his vision growing blurry but he blinks through it all continuing to look for him in the crowds of people making their way over. Suddenly he hears a click and the ringing comes to a stop. “Hey, it’s me.”
His voice cracks as he tries to speak, the tears burning his eyes threatening to break free. And it isn’t until he hears her voice that he allows himself to breathe. If anyone could help him right now, it was her.
“Buck? Where are you? I don’t know this number?” Maddie’s voice is more surprised than concerned.
“I borrowed someone else’s phone.” He rolls his eyes as he brushes her off. There’s no time for this. The more time they wasted the worse things could get for Christopher. “Maddie, I need your help.”
The cracks in his voice are almost unbearable as he fights the lump growing in his throat. It’s bad enough that he felt like his heart had been ripped clean out of his chest and he wasn’t prepared to deal with Maddie’s questioning. “Okay. Um, tell me what’s wrong. Are you hurt?”
He can’t even get himself to think about what could be wrong with him the only thing he can think about is Christopher’s glasses wrapped around his neck, the only thing he had left of him. Tears pour down his cheeks but he quickly wipes at them trying to regain his composure enough to talk.
“Eddie dropped Christopher off with me. Um, he thought, you know doing some activities with him would get me out of my apartment. Out of my head.” He can’t help but laugh at himself. This was in a roundabout way his fault. Had he stopped being so stubborn Eddie would have never dropped Christopher off at his place. And if he never had him they’d have never ended up at the Pier at the heart of the tsunami. Christopher would have been okay if it wasn’t for him. He shakes his head at himself trying to shake the anger filling his veins. “Maddie I brought him to the Pier.”
“Oh my God. You were there?”
“I had him. Right Mads, I had him.” Buck begins to shake as he tightly wraps his hands around his glasses. The pain of losing him washes over him once again and he tries to hold back his tears again. “I-I kept him safe. We were...we were on top of a ladder truck. And then the water receded.”
“Okay. You’re not answering me. Are you injured? Bleeding?”
He can’t help but feel angry. Angry that she could even think about him when Christopher was somewhere out there. Lost. Alone. Scared. His anger vibrates through his chest as he snaps at her. “No, it doesn’t matter. Don’t you hear what I am saying? Christopher is gone.” He squeezes his eyes shut for a moment trying to catch his breath but it feels hopeless. He was useless. Maybe Cap was right. He wasn’t meant to be a firefighter. He couldn’t even save the one person who mattered. How could he save anyone else? “I checked the emergency refugee camps.”
“Did you check the VA hospital? The command center?”
“I’m here now and he-” Buck finds his breath caught in his throat as his eyes lie on Eddie walking out of the hospital. And he quickly moves out of the way ducking behind a tent to avoid him. “Oh, God.”
“What?”
“Eddie is here.” Buck leans his head against a pole. He’s overwhelmed with fear, regret, but most importantly guilt. He lost Eddie’s son. That wasn’t something to take lightly. Not now, not ever. He was his responsibility and he failed him.
“Does he know what happened?” He can hear Maddie take a deep breath as she waits for him to respond. But he finds himself at a loss for words. There’s no way he can tell him. He couldn’t. “Evan you have to tell him.”
“How?” He chokes on his own words for a moment. Wiping at his forehead with the back of his arm he continues out of the way and towards the dark streets. “How do you tell your best friend that you lost his son?” He laughed at himself. The audacity to call Eddie his best friend while losing the most important person his life.
“No, no, no. He’s his father. Okay, you have to tell him that Christopher is missing.” As much as he hated it she was right. But he was too far gone. He is halfway down the street running through groups of people checking every child that walks past him.
“No Maddie I need to keep on looking for him. I need to find him.” The words roll off his tongue like a prayer. I need to find him. He just needs to know he’s okay. If Eddie never talked to him ever again it’d be okay because at least he’d know that he was okay. That they both were.
“Buck you are in no condition to go looking for Christopher by yourself.” He can hear her moving from the other end of the line. And before he can respond she cuts in. “I’m coming down there.”
“No, no. Maddie. Maddie.” The line cuts and he finds himself alone in the dimly lit street.
There’s no time for him to cry so instead he wipes at his tears with the back of his bloody arm and pushes through. His body is numb at this point. All the adrenaline coursing through his body is enough to mask the pain he’s in.
“Christopher. Christopher. Please, Christopher.” Buck frantically runs down the street trying to ask every other person if they’ve seen Christopher. Any sign of him at all. A sharp pain shoots up his leg and he feels his body slowly starting to give out beneath him.
He continues to run as long as he can checking every corner of every street. But soon the darkness begins to take over him. He can’t quite see through the pain anymore. His vision grows blurry and the sound of his blood pounding against his ear begins to grow louder. Buck doubles over in an attempt to catch his breath.
Grabbing Christopher he continues to cry. "Chris. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry I failed you. I failed your father too. I'm just a failure to everyone." But his body gives out beneath him and the last thing he feels is his body collapsing against the cold, wet floor. He can feel the light slowly beginning to give out his eyes flickering shut. But before he falls unconscious he slips in a prayer. Please, God, please. Just make sure Christopher is safe. Please.
// Eddie //
Eddie continues to walk through the tents checking over his patients when he hears a familiar voice from beneath a neighboring tent. He quickly rushes over to see Christopher lying on a bed screaming and crying at the top of his lungs.
“Buck. Buck. Where’s Buck?” Eddie quickly rushes to his side grabbing his hand and running his hand through his hair. He’s never seen him under such distress in his life and he can’t help but feel his heart get caught in his throat.
“What’s wrong, Christopher? What happened? Are you okay?”
“Buck.” It’s all he manages to say before he breaks down in his arms. He can feel Christopher’s nails digging into his skin as he holds him and his warms tears staining his shirt. And isn’t until he feels his tears that he realizes he’s missing his glasses.
“Where’s Buck? What happened to your glasses? Come on Christopher I can’t help him until I know what happened.” Eddie carefully holds him against his chest caressing his back softly trying to calm him down. It tears him apart to even think about what he’s probably gone through today. Or how he even ended up here. Lost without Buck anywhere in sight.
“What happened?” Eddie feels a hand on his shoulder. He doesn’t need to look over his shoulder to know it’s Cap. All he can do is shake his head in response. “Where’s Buck, Eddie?”
Eddie fights tears of his own but can’t quite contain himself anymore. Buck was out there somewhere, lost and alone because of him. “Hen, watch Christopher for me? Please?” Hen simply nods as she takes his place on the edge of Christopher’s bed. Eddie presses a kiss to Christopher’s head before heading out.
It’s like everything else around him has gone completely mute. He grabs his jacket, his phone, and a first aid kit. Ignoring the voices yelling after him he runs out into the dark streets.
“Buck. Buck.” He begins powerwalking down the street flashing his light as he scans the area. Occasionally he stops people to ask them if they’ve seen him anywhere. “Please. Have you seen a man with dirty blonde hair? He has a scar on his left eye? Tall? Blue eyes?”
It feels like he’s been walking forever as he rushes down the dark streets. It seems like his search is hopeless. No one has seen him nor has he been reported to be at any of the emergency refugee camps.
His tears continue to roll down his cheeks the longer he goes without finding him. He doesn’t even know what has happened to him or where he went missing. For all, he knew he’d never find him. He could be under rubble somewhere. He could be lost at sea. He could be murdered or kidnapped. Anything was possible.
As he turns the corner he sees him. Unconscious on the floor covered in blood. He drops to his knees beside him quickly checking his vitals letting out a deep sigh of relief as he feels a pulse. His clothes are wet and his skin is burning up. Wrapping his neck in a brace Eddie sweeps Buck off the ground carefully resting his head against his chest. He can’t contain his tears rolling down his cheeks as he runs back towards the hospital as fast as he can.
He has a pulse but he’s not sure how long he’s been lying there or what other damage has been done to his body considering how much blood is spread across his body and face. Running back to the hospital feels like it’d be quicker than waiting for an ambulance. He just doesn't have the patience to wait for someone else to come help him. Not when he was fully capable and willing to do whatever it takes to save him.
Eddie ignores the feeling of his legs tightening up beneath him. He ignores his arms tensing from the stress of carrying Buck as he runs. He ignores the overwhelming fear that’s washing over him. There’s no telling how bad his injuries were. If anything happens to him he’s not sure what he’ll do.
As he turns the corner towards the hospital he sees Cap and Chimney lined up with a few other guys from their station. Immediately they whisk Buck out of his arms allowing him to fall to his knees. He presses his palms into the floor as he doubles over trying to catch his breath and contain his emotions. But he can’t. There’s no way. Definitely not after seeing him like that. He was completely torn apart. It wasn't like Eddie to break down like this but it felt like all his emotions were coming back at once.
“He’ll be alright. He’s Buck.” Cap holds out a hand for him to take but he can’t quite get himself to look him in the eye. After seeing Buck’s condition he feels he can’t look anyone in the eye right now. “Come on, Eddie. You couldn’t have known.”
“No, but this is my fault. He almost died. Do you get that? He put his life on the line for my son .” Eddie wipes at his tears with his palm. He’s been in wars, burning buildings, collapsing buildings. But this is the first time he’s ever felt completely helpless. Like he’s had something to lose. “If anything happens to Buck…”
“Hey, look at me.” Cap kneels in front of him pulling his face in the palms of his hand. His eyes are filled with sympathy but also laced in fear. As much as Eddie cares for Buck, it’s clear Cap does too. He’s the closest thing he’s had to a son since he lost his kids. “Nothing is happening to Buck.”
Eddie finally finds the courage to stand up taking Cap’s hand as they begin to head towards the emergency room.
“Eddie. Eddie. Where’s Buck?” Maddie is completely distraught as she frantically rushes after them. She doesn’t even acknowledge anyone else. But one look into Eddie’s teary eyes and she knows it’s not good. “Eddie. Please. Tell me what happened?”
“I don’t know. Someone brought Christopher in and he was crying for Buck. He said he couldn’t find him.” Eddie tries to hold himself together as he stares into Maddie’s eyes but seeing how hurt she is, just makes him feel worse.
“He was here. He called me and said he lost Christopher. He had injuries but he still went to go look for Christopher.” Maddie begins crying and Eddie doesn’t know what else to do. He simply wraps her in his arms and squeezes her tightly. “He’s all I have, Eddie.”
All he can do is hold her and try to hold himself together, for her sake. It’s only fair. No matter how scared he is for Buck. He had to be there for Maddie the same way Buck was there for Christopher. Because Buck’s family was his family and vice versa.
Soon enough Chimney takes over on consoling Maddie and all Eddie can do is pace back and forth as they wait for any news. For all, he knew he was lying in the back untreated. Or in the middle of some excessive surgery that could leave him bedridden forever. And it was all his fault. All because he was an idiot who wanted to help him in all the wrong ways.
“You really care about him, don’t you?” Eddie’s torn from his thoughts when he meets Maddie’s puffy-eyed gaze. A trace of a soft smile at the corners of her lips. Chimney smugly smiles behind her and he can’t help but roll his eyes in response. “You care about him like more than just a friend, Eddie.”
Eddie pauses for a moment contemplating his feelings. Or the feelings he’d tried so hard to suppress. The feelings he tried to pretend didn’t exist. Just for the sake of saving a friendship with someone he never wanted to lose. But as he stands in the waiting room of this emergency room he finds it hard to deny any of it anymore. It’s true. He cares about Buck more than anyone he’s ever met.
“He cares about you too. More than you know.” Maddie lets out a chuckle. It almost feels like she’s laughing at him. “He was willing to die to find Christopher. Trust me he’s never loved anyone more.”
Eddie stands in silence not quite sure what to say if there was even anything left to say. He just simply nods. If there were ever a time for a prayer it was now. Please, God. If you’re listening. Please. Please. Please. Bring me my Buck back. I need him. Christopher needs him. We all need him. A single tear runs down his cheek. And he finds his throat slowly closing in on him as he considers the depth of their situation. He could very well lose Buck before he even gets the chance to tell him the truth about how he feels.
“For Evan Buckley?” A doctor walks out with a tablet in hand making her way towards them.
“What happened? Is he going to be okay?” Maddie clasps her hands in front of her as if begging the doctor for good news. And really they all just wanted to beg, plead that somehow Buck would be okay. They couldn’t lose him. Not like this.
“Yes. He had extensive blood loss, a concussion, multiple abrasions, some broken ribs. But he’ll be okay.” She flashes a smile in everyone’s direction but stops for a moment when her eyes lie on Eddie. “May I ask which one of you is Edmundo Diaz?”
“That’s me.”
“Well, Evan was insistent that we send you in first. So, if you’ll follow me.” Eddie can hear Chimney’s laugh as he makes his way down the hall following the doctor. But he just shakes his head ignoring the stares. He’s sure it’s not what they think. Or at least he was preparing himself for if it isn’t. “Mr. Buckley, I’ve got someone special here to see you.”
“Eddie.” The doctor excuses herself leaving them alone closing the door behind her. Eddie feels a chill run down his spine as he stares down at Buck. His blood-stained face, the bruises, the bandages covering his lacerations. The guilt resurfaces and he can’t quite meet Buck’s eye. “I’m so sorry, Eddie.”
Buck’s voice breaks as he utters his name. Tears run down his cheeks and Eddie can’t help himself. He takes Buck’s hand in his giving it a firm squeeze as he takes a seat on a stool beside him. “No. No, Buck. God, I don’t know how to thank you enough.”
“Thank me? Because of me, Christopher is lost somewhere by himself.” Buck throws his head back against the pillow squeezing his eyes shut and Eddie feels paralyzed. He’s only ever seen him this distressed when Maddie was missing.
Eddie wraps his hand around the back of Buck’s neck pressing his forehead against his. The warmth of his skin against his makes him feel oddly safe. All the tension he’d been carrying in his shoulders finally begins to release. “Christopher is safe. He’s down the hall in a bed with Hen. All thanks to you. You saved him, Buck.”
Buck’s blue eyes burst open meeting Eddie’s. And maybe it’s the way his hand wraps around Eddie’s forearm or the way he licks his lips but Eddie finds himself incapable of containing himself anymore. He gently presses his lips to Buck’s allowing all his worries to wash away with this one swift motion. Buck’s hand runs up Eddie’s arm until it’s at the base of his neck eagerly pulling him in for more. Eddie carefully holds himself up above Buck allowing his hands to run through his hair. For the first time in a long time, he feels happy. Lost in complete bliss.
When they finally pull away from each other their faces are only inches away from one another. Both of them trying to catch their breath. Eddie sits back on his stool running his fingers nervously through his hair. And he can’t quite wipe the large smile off his face.
“You’ve been my best friend since I got here, Buck. You’ve been there for me like no one else has in my life. You’ve become like family to me. And today when I thought I lost you I guess it showed me that I don’t want to be just friends.” Eddie takes Buck’s hand in his, his finger aimlessly running along with the callouses that cover his palm. He shakes his head at himself before looking back at Buck. “I’m sorry. I know this is a lot. And I know you probably want nothing to do with me after almost dying trying to save my son. It’s my fault you’re even here…”
He’s cut off as Buck leans forward grabbing him by the back of the neck and pressing another kiss to his lips. It wasn’t like Eddie to ramble. Or even do big long declarations of love. But with Buck it was different. He just didn’t know how to act when it came to him. Didn’t know how to lay his feelings out on the table. But by the way, Buck’s arms were wrapped around him and their tongues were tied there was no need to stress anymore.
“I love Christopher. And if it came down to it I would die to protect him.” Buck leans back for a moment letting out a deep sigh as a large smile crosses his face. “And I love you, Eddie. I’m not going anywhere.”
“Thank God.” Eddie and Buck both turn towards the door to see Maddie standing with a large grin on her face in the doorframe. Chimney giggling close behind her.
“It only took you almost dying for you to admit it.” Chimney leans against the wall as everyone else begins to flood the room. “Oh right, Cap I believe you owe me $20.”
“No, you both owe me $20. You bet that Buck would tell him after we all left. I bet he’d do it within the hour.” Hen walks through the door carrying Christopher in her arms. As she places Christopher on the bed beside Buck she holds her hand out for her money.
“Thanks for saving me, Buck. You’re the best firefighter ever.” He leans his head against Buck’s chest wrapping his arms around him to give him a tight squeeze earning a soft groan in response.
“Easy, tiger.” Eddie places a hand on Christopher’s arm. He can’t contain the smile on his face. When Shannon came back he was sure he’d be able to get over whatever it was going on between him and Buck. But through it, all everything led him back to Buck.
“So, does this mean Buck can stay for sleepovers now?” Christopher bats his eyelashes at Eddie and he can’t help but melt. The hold that little boy has over him is almost terrifying.
“I think daddy will have lots of sleepovers with Buck from now on. You can stay with us whenever that happens, Chris.” Chimney winks at Eddie and Buck. Eddie can’t quite respond is cheeks growing pinker with each growing second.
“I think I should get back out there.” Eddie abruptly stands up nearly knocking over his stool. He briefly smiles down at Buck. “You two take care of each other. I’ll be back later to take us home.”
Eddie leans over pressing a kiss to Christopher’s head, sneakily giving Buck’s hand a squeeze before making his way out of the hot seat. They were definitely going to get a lot of shit for this, but at least he’d go home tonight knowing that the two most important people in his life were both his.