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“Excuse me, but I believe I had a meeting with Lord Beelzebub, as usual,” Gabriel gave the demon his forced polite smile “not with you.”
“Lord Beelzebub could not attend for reasons that are none of your concern,” The demon didn’t even bother with fake smiles, just the straightforward business speech of Hell “so today you’ll be meeting with me, Dagon, Lord of the Files and Master of Torments.”
“…Oh, I see,” Gabriel tried to hide the disappointment on his face and did a quick miracle to make the chocolates he’d brought to Beelzebub disappear “very well, then. I assume you have the paperwork?”
“Of course,” Dagon smashed a huge pile of papers on the table. “I took the liberty of bringing all the paperwork you filled improperly so as to correct them. I accept nothing but perfection regarding my files,” Dagon smiled this time, a mean and crooked one “and it seems that Lord Beelzebub has been too conniving with you.”
Gabriel begged to differ: Beelzebub was surely strict with paperwork, but then Dagon proceeded to scold him for details he’d never even thought about and he admitted to himself that maybe — and just maybe — Beelzebub was actually a little bit soft on him. The thought gave him a weird feeling inside on which he didn’t want to dwell much.
The meeting with Dagon was not a pleasant one. The demon smelt like fish and complained about how his tittles weren’t aligned enough with the letters, how his crossbars should just connect the letters and not cross them and how his cross strokes (that apparently were different from crossbars) were varying in length 0,2 millimeters more than was allowed in Hell’s code.
It was the most infernal, hellish, torturing, agonizing time Gabriel’s ever went through. He managed to keep his polite smile nonetheless.
“Do you think Lord Beelzebub will be able to attend our next meeting?” He asked once every single detail on the files was sorted out and corrected.
“As I said, it’s none of your concern, Archangel,” Dagon replied dryly “I’ll be the one meeting with you for the foreseeable future.”
As soon as Dagon left, Gabriel got his phone and called Beelzebub. There was no way in Hell, Heaven or Earth that he was going to endure this torture again.
Beelzebub was chilling in their office when their phone buzzed. It was Gabriel.
Well, at least he used his phone this time, they thought whilst rolling their eyes. The Archangel had tried to contact them by using an Ouija Board once… It was ludicrous. His excuse was something along the lines of ‘I wasn’t sure if I could call you for private matters, since I just have your business number’ and their reply was something like ‘yez, because that’z my only number. Juzt call me if you must, being summoned is annoying’.
They fiddled a little with the things on their desk, letting the Archangel wait a bit out of pure mischief, then rejected the call and sent a message:
No calls. Just text.
Gabriel answered immediately:
Are you ok? We had a meeting today. Dagon came instead.
I’m fine. Just not in the mood. Dagon is competent.
They made me rewrite everything because of the way I dotted my i’s and j’s!
Beelzebub grinned at that, rejoicing in the idea of Gabriel’s dreadful time with Dagon. They sent him a devil emoji as an answer:
😈
Gabriel proceeded to write a huge complaint about his meeting, detailing every single reason why it was unfair, unnecessarily torturing and not professional at all. Beelzebub put their phone aside for a solid ten minutes (which was how long they presumed Gabriel’s whining would last) and spent some time just watching the flies swarming around their head and enjoying their nice and soothing buzzing sound.
The fact is Beelzebub was stressed. It was no big deal, in fact, it was even expected, since they were a Prince of Hell, hence most problematic issues ended upon their desk. When one has to deal with demons (incompetent ones especially) on a daily basis, it’s usual to have some stress peaks every now and then.
When it happens, Beelzebub either cancels or reschedule every single appointment they have for a couple days (or weeks) and, if it’s impossible to do so, they send someone else instead (usually Dagon, since most of the other demons aren’t reliable on business matters).
It wasn’t a mere whim. Beelzebub liked to indulge, of course, but they wouldn’t let work accumulate or go through the trouble of reassigning tasks if they could avoid it. The case was that The Lord of the Flies simply couldn’t get any work done during peaks of stress. They couldn’t concentrate enough to fill the paperwork correctly and anything demanding communication with other people was out of question because of their… Speech problems.
Beelzebub liked buzzing sounds; they were surrounded by it pretty much all the time after all. Their flies were good company and the sound was mostly pleasant. The problem was when they were the one to buzz. It happened naturally, their tongue would just slip from the S position to the Z one, since buzzing was the most comfortable and natural sound their mouth could produce. Proper speech took some more attention and effort.
Beelzebub soon enough noticed the patterns regarding their speech impediment:
If they went through the trouble of actually minding the way they talk, they could speak normally (but it demanded quite a bit of effort and mindfulness), even though it would tire them quickly.
If they relaxed, most S’s would turn into Z’s, but the buzzing would be minimum.
If they were confused, angry or taken aback, most S’s and some “th” would turn into “zz” or “zzz”, it was hard to conceal the buzzing then, almost impossible.
Then, there were their stress peaks, when almost all consonants would become either a “z”, “zz”, “zzz” or “zzzz”. It was as if their tongue simply refused to leave the Z position. Needless to say, effective communication was a problem.
So, yes, they’d take as much time as they needed to relax and solve this issue. And, if they could enjoy the privilege of being idle for the time being, well, it was a great bonus.
Gabriel finally ceased his whining (it took him a solid twelve minutes) and Beelzebub took their phone back and skimmed his text. Blah blah blah Dagon was a nitpicker blah blah blah They smelt like fish blah blah blah I don’t deserve it blah blah blah When’ll you come back?
That was a good question. When would they go back to business?
As soon as possible.
It was not really an answer, but it was the better Beelzebub could do. Gabriel didn’t seem satisfied:
You sure you’re ok?
Yes.
We could go for a stroll together. I don’t have any more meeting today.
I’m busy.
I could pay you a visit then.
In your office.
I
Am
Busy
I won’t take long.
I’ll let the demons attack you if you come down here.
It wasn’t that Beelzebub despised Gabriel’s visits. They just didn’t want to see anyone until their speech was a little less… Impaired. Especially Gabriel. He would find it unprofessional and unbecoming. Beelzebub should be the master of their own tongue after all, not the opposite. Being unable to communicate due to stress was embarrassing.
If you’re so busy, how do you have time to text me?
Beelzebub decided to ignore him after that. They succeeded for twenty-one minutes, until their curiosity (and the buzzing of the phone) got the better of them.
Hey.
Heeeeey.
:(
😢
😢
😢
Beelzebub?
Lord Beelzebub?
Beelz?
Bee?
Beep beep?
Don’t just ignore me.
I’m an Archangel.
I’m The Archangel Gabriel.
You can’t ignore me.
Are you really fine?
Heeeeey.
Oi.
I’ll buy you donuts.
With lots of sugar.
We can meet at the park.
I’ll not beg if that’s what you’re expecting.
I’m the Archangel Gabriel.
I don’t beg.
Not ever.
I’m just… Worried about you in a professional way.
Because you’re much more reasonable than Dagon.
And you don’t smell like fish.
🐟
Don’t you have anything else to do but bother me?
Like actually working for once?
I bet Heaven can find work for you if you’re so desperate for entertainment.
Oh! So you are reading my messages!
It means you’re free, right?
It don’t have to be a stroll in the park.
We can meet wherever you like.
Don’t ignore me :(
Oi!
Beelzebub rolled their eyes and turned off the cellphone, Gabriel could be so immature… He hated not being the center of attention. It could be kinda endearing, but the Prince of Hell was not in the mood.
Well, at least it was entertaining. They fiddled some more with random trinkets they kept on the desk and, after a while, decided to take a nap just because they could. Their flies followed suit and nested on their hair to get some rest too.
The only buzzing sound in the room was Beelzebub’s light snoring.
Beelzebub was disturbed by someone knocking on the door. Three loud but rhythmic knocks, some seconds of wait, repeat. It was so annoying yet professional that they knew exactly who was there. And they were not happy.
“Go. Away.” They had to put a ludicrous amount of effort not to buzz in these two simple words.
“No,” Gabriel said in that oh-so-annoying voice of his, “I brought milkshake.” He said as if it would be of any help.
Maybe it would.
“What flazzzor?” Beelzebub mentally blessed themselves for not being able to pronounce a simple V. Gabriel didn’t seem to mind though.
“All of them. Mixed together in a rather large cup,” It was the right answer. With a dramatic sigh, Beelzebub opened the door and let the Archangel in (after he gave them the atrociously sweet beverage, of course).
Gabriel closed the door after him, sat on a chair near the desk and watched while Beelzebub sucked greedily at the straw. All the shake was gone within a few minutes, but Beelzebub proceeded to take the straw out of the cup and chew on its end for any sweet remaining they could find.
Gabriel suppressed a smile. Beelzebub’s way of eating was simply gross, utterly disgusting and unsettling to watch, but he found it quite amusing after getting used to it. Endearing even. Not that he would ever say it out loud, he had some love for his life common sense after all.
“So, are you going to tell me why I’m meeting with Dagon now?!” The Archangel asked after Beelzebub was done with their drink. The Lord of Flies didn’t even spare him a glance, more interested in fiddling with the straw.
“No,” They said flatly. They liked ‘no’, it was a good word. It was short, straightforward and, more important, had no Th, S, V, Z, X or any of these tricky phonemes. No chances for accidental buzzing.
Gabriel stared at them for what felt like a long time. They didn’t really expected a mere ‘no’ as an answer. Sure, he thought Beelzebub would tell him it was none of his business, or maybe that they didn’t have to explain anything to him, but not a simple ‘no’.
“Why not?”
Beelzebub took some time to answer, as if measuring the words.
“Don’t want to,” They said, still fiddling with the straw.
Gabriel took some time to ponder as well. Beelzebub thought it was ironic, seeing that the Archangel was usually the talkative one. He never seemed to shut up.
(A more self-conscious part of them wished that Gabriel would just drop the matter and start to ramble about anything, just to give them a sense of normalcy. Beelzebub refused to acknowledge this part’s existence)
“Was it something I did?” Gabriel asked at last, genuine worry flashing briefly in his purple eyes.
“Not everyzzing izzzz about you, you conzzeited idiot,” They blurted out despite themselves.
“Oh, so it’s not? Good,” He ignored the insult. “What’s the problem then?”
“Not your buzzzinezz,”
“But it is! I swear to God I’ll discorporate if I have to rewrite a single file again,” He added a dramatic hand gesture for good measure. “Besides, you never skip our meetings, what happened?”
Enough was enough. If Gabriel wasn’t going to drop the subject, Beelzebub could very well just end their misery and tell him already. After all, they thought, they could always punch him in the guts if he mocked them.
“I’m zaking zzzzome time offz,” They said “for zztrezzz,”
“Well, you could just have told me,” Gabriel seemed satisfied with the explanation “I really got worried for a second. So… You think you’ll be able to go back to work soon?”
“Azz zzzoon az I ztop buzzzing,” Beelzebub almost cringed at the amount of z’s in this sentence “Can’t really get anyzzing done like this.”
“Oh,” Gabriel seemed genuinely surprised. “Oh.” He repeated as if it’d make any difference.
“Come on, don’t pretend you’ve never notizzed it before,” They feigned anger to hide their embarrassment. It was a touchy subject.
“I assumed you did it for the aesthetic,” He looked somewhat sheepish “You know, like using a fly hat or choosing a dark colour scheme. I didn’t know you had a speech impediment.”
Beelzebub had never felt such an urge to throttle someone before.
They sat there in silence for what felt like a long time.
“Zzooo…” Beelzebub decided nothing could be worse than that awkward atmosphere “Go ahead, mock me zzo I can throttle you and we call it a day” They resumed fiddling with the milkshake straw and feigned indifference.
“Why would I mock you?” Gabriel asked confused.
“Becauzzze you are an Archangel, kind of a jerk and have juzzt found out a weaknezz in a Prinze of Hell. A ridiculouzz one. Of courzze you’ll make fun of it,” They crossed their arms and looked at him in a daring way. “Juzt go on with it already.”
Gabriel gazed at them and suddenly got up, heading to the middle of the room.
“Fine, I’ll show you something,” He looked around, hoping there would be enough space for what he was planning “Since I know you’d never believe me otherwise.”
He manifested his wings. All six of them.
The room was a bit small for it, but he managed not to break anything. Beelzebub stared at him both curiously and confused.
“I hope you have a good reazzon to clutter my office,”
“I do. Here, have a look,” He motioned to his wings. Beelzebub complied.
At first, everything seemed normal, until they inspected closer and noticed that at least four of them had some feathers missing. A fair share of them. Mostly primaries and secondaries, but some coverts as well.
“What happened?” Beelzebub asked, running their fingers absentmindedly through the remaining smooth feathers.
“Well, you see…” It was Gabriel’s turn to look embarrassed. “I tend to… Pull out some feathers when I’m stressed. I try not to, but it keeps happening. Sometimes I can’t even fly until they grow back,” He admitted, Beelzebub nodded in understanding. “That’s why I started jogging, to relieve some stress in a more healthy way so it happens less often.”
“My point is,” He continued “I know how stressing being the Head of the Department can be, and I’d never make fun of you for it worsening your speech impediment. I’m not that insensible, for the record,” He sounded offended by Beelzebub even considering he’d mock them.
“Fine,” It was the closest to an apology he would get and Gabriel knew it.
“Well, now that we settled this matter,” Gabriel hid his wings again; Beelzebub pretended they didn’t miss fiddling with the feathers “Would you still be opposed to a stroll in the park? Nothing stressing or business related, I swear.”
“You’re inzzufferable,” Beelzebub smirked wryly “And you’d better pay me zzome more ice cream,” They grabbed the twisted straw on their desk and put it in Gabriel’s hand without a word before heading to the door “You coming?”
Gabriel was bemused, then he looked at the straw and realised Beelzebub hadn’t been fiddling with it at all, but folding it into a rose. A rather beautiful one. It was also kinda sticky and viscous, since The Lord of the Flies had licked it thoroughly before folding it, but the Archangel didn’t mind at all.
He put it in his pocket before following Beelzebub to the door. Neither of them acknowledged the gift or the quite personal conversation they had, it was like a mutual agreement. Some things are better off unspoken.
Both ignored the feeling that things had changed; that they’d reached a point of no return.
Beelzebub taught Gabriel how to fold a napkin into a swan in exchange for him trying every single flavour of ice cream they ordered (“Fine, but just a lick”).
It was a nice Monday afternoon.
