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Felix just sighed as he shoved his cold hands deep into his pockets, eyes low to watch the stone walk way under his feet as he fled from the ball. As he sighed he could see his hot breath escape him as the noises of his fellow classmates and companions faded into the background; Leaving the Blue Lion house wasn't exactly easy for him but he felt better suited to the Black Eagles anyway, Byleth was here and beating Byleth was his goal. Or at least, that was his goal. When she'd joined the monastery, choosing the Black Eagle house, he felt his heart sink for just a moment; She'd seemed strong in their mock battle even if all he did was watch. He was looking forward to training with her and it wasn't a lie when he felt himself smile when she asked him to join her house alongside that idiot Sylvain. While he knew Sylvain was just joining at the chance to flirt or to get a date, Felix had better motives. He was going to watch her, learn her weakness, and then beat her to prove he was the better swordsman.
It started as a stupid tease from Sylvain and that's what he wanted it to stay as but the longer he thought about it, the more he saw it to be true and he hated himself for it. He didn't have time for romance or for dates, he had to get stronger, but that damned Sylvain put that idea in his head. He could hear the idiot chanting the words 'Felix has a crush!' in the back of his head and he could even see exactly how the other lord would stand to point it out too. It wasn't a crush, damn it! Felix just wanted to defeat her, to show her he was stronger, but would she cry? Would she finally show some hint of emotion in the form of tears with an embarrassed look on her face? He just groaned as he covered his face with his hands, covering what inkling of a blush might be there and would blame it on the cold air.
He couldn't believe he was letting his mind wonder in places where Sylvain's ruled with a crown and an iron fist. It made him sick. He didn't have time for these stupid thoughts! He'd have to kick Sylvain's ass later when he saw him, he'd make sure he went to bed a broken man and would have to go to class explaining why he couldn't walk and couldn't hold a lance. He's sure he'd get the scolding of a life time or maybe the Professor would laugh at the red haired lord's pain in a quiet chuckle like she did from time to time. Felix could feel himself smiling as he crossed his arms, the mental image of Sylvain sulking with dread on his face as he was forced to stand making him the Black Eagle house clown was too good for him not to smile at.
Just as the cold air started to get to him, turning his cheeks pink to match the tips of his ears, Byleth had walked out of the ballroom with her head low and exhaustion clear on her face. Yet, instead of moving to greet her, he slid into a hidden position much like he'd seen Hubert do on occasion when he thought no one was watching him. Felix just watched as she mumbled to herself as if she were having a conversation with someone who wasn't there but she eventually found her way away from the courtyard and quietly made her way to the goddess tower. The young lord just frowned as he slipped out from behind his pillar and just kept his thoughts to himself, It isn't like the professor to be as distracted as she was. I could have got the jump on her and she would of been completely caught off guard. If he could of, Why didn't he? Much like most students at Garreg Mach, Felix kept his sword on him at all times but people always pointed his out because he trained rather often.
Why didn't he get the jump on her? That could have been what he needed to finally win.
He made sure to keep his distance, just so he had time to hide if she were to turn around, but all his thoughts could focus on was his missed chance at a preemptive strike. It was Sylvain's fault and even if it wasn't, even if it was his own damn hormone filled brain, he'd blame it on the idiot anyway. Any chance to kick his ass at least. But when Byleth stopped, taking a seat on some broken pile of stones within the goddess tower, he stopped as well and did his best to slow his breathing as to remain in the shadows. "I'm not everyone's favorite teacher." Byleth mumbled to herself, continuing the conversation with herself from earlier. She paused for a moment, as if waiting for someone to respond, before speaking again once more. "You may think I jest but it is the truth. Felix and Sylvain only joined my house because Sylvain is a skirt chaser and Felix wants to best me in combat." Felix felt himself frown as he narrowed his eyes, his icy glare as cold as the air around him as he focused his attention on dying plant across from him. His ears training themselves to listen to Byleth and only Byleth.
Yes, the only reason.
The only reason.
Yet, before he realized it, he felt himself walk out from behind his hiding spot with his familiar irritated scowl that Byleth learned was just 'Felix'. At the sound of his footsteps, her head moved up to glance in his direction and smiled as a greeting to the teen lord. "Oh, look who it is." He'd tried to give his tone a playful sound to it, like he was happy to see her, and even threw in a small smile on his face as she greeted him.
"It's a nice night, Felix." Byleth stood slowly, her gown fluttering slightly in the gentle breeze as she stood. The clothes she wore tonight were different from what she normally wore but somehow (she must of convinced Manuela or someone) her jacket's overall look was pushed through into the dress. There was a small gentle smile, one she began to wear more now, and Felix just avoided her dark blue gaze. "What are you doing spending it in the cold? I would have assumed you'd be spending time with the lions."
He just put one of his hands on his hips as he turned his head away, "I just wanted some quiet." That was the truth at least, "It was loud. Between the music and the sounds of talking, I could barely hear my own self think." In a moment of bravery, he turned his head back and moved his eyes to meet her seemly empty gaze. "But enough about me. What are you doing here?"
Byleth just smiled and he avoided her eyes again, he loathed making eye contact with people and now even more now that she was smiling. "I guess I'm here for the same reason as you." Walking over to the edge of the Goddess tower, his Professor watched as a few students fled to the courtyard to catch their breath and to have a moment of peace. Among them was Linhardt with Caspar and it seemed Caspar caught his low energy as the small boy was hunched over, panting as his body tried to cool down from the stress of dancing. She just chuckled as she pushed a stray hair behind her ear, "but I don't mind spending time with you if you don't mind."
The teen just scoffed as his answer as he too leaned against the railing of the goddess tower, his own stray hairs blowing gently in the breeze. A little part of him resisted the urge to mimic her movements, to tuck his own long hairs behind his ear or to swipe them up out of his face, and he kept to that resistance; He stared out from behind the hairs that covered his face, narrowing his eyes as Sylvain (with Dimitri and Ingrid) walked out before he caught his gaze glancing up. Felix just quickly averted his gaze, just barely catching Sylvain's discreet thumbs up before Ingrid pulled his attention away. It was annoying that he knew where he was now but at least he could relax knowing Dimitri and Ingrid seemed more occupied with relaxing for a brief moment in the cold air of the monastery.
Byleth just closed her eyes as she took a deep breath of sharp cold air, "Do you believe in the Goddess Tower rumor, Felix?"
Oh yeah. That stupid rumor where if a man and woman make a wish they're destined to have their wish granted; He could count the names of girls Sylvain had tried to take up here, only to be rejected (they were smart girls he'd give them that), on both of his hands.
"No." His answer was straight forward and he didn't bother to look at his professor because he knew if he did, he'd fall for that trap again. Her seemingly empty eyes that knew the exact way to get something out of him. He hated how they made him so weak and all it did was make him angry. "I don't have time for things like romance." Felix knew he'd let something slip when he felt himself smiling, it was a bit of a smug one, but still a smile nonetheless. "I guess, you'll just have to settle with being mistaken as my lover." The moment those words left his mouth he felt sick, like someone had sucker punched him right in the gut; Ashe, who read great amounts of novels, would express that war and love were one and the same. Both were harsh battles fought on a battlefield, both resulting in either happiness or pain. He though it to be trivial, just the ramblings of a lovestruck teen who desperately wanted to find his knight, but now he knew what Ashe really meant. Felix was standing here, like Byleth had punched him square in the stomach, as he made himself face his crush for her. Disgusting.
She laughed.
He could hear it in the back of his head as he kept his gaze away from her.
That somehow made him feel worse; He'd meant it as a jest but to hear it be laughed at like he was a clown? It was like Byleth had slapped his knuckles with a training sword. It was something small but god the pain was real; He didn't have time for love or romance, he needed to get stronger, and his professor was his best and favored sparring partner. Now, to hear her laugh at his proposition, it just filled him with bubbling rage. Sylvain was right, he hated that the idiot was right, he really did love his professor.
He could feel her hand on his shoulder, her eyes on his profile, and her words in the air but they never fully reached him.
"Night."
Felix did some calming down in those five years they were all apart; He'd journeyed, he let himself think for once without letting that bitter snarl of the shadow of doubt control him, and came to his final realization. He was angry because he loved her, that much was obvious to everyone at this point, but it was because he'd always told himself he never had time. He was seventeen for goddess sakes', a dumb kid, and they might have been on the precipice of war but now he really wished he would have let himself live for once. Glenn would have wanted him to be happy and if that happiness came in the form in letting himself loosen up for once, then he would have taken it. But Glenn wasn't here. He left that life behind five years ago when abandoned everything he ever knew in the pursuit of power.
When he saw Byleth again he thought he saw a ghost, he'd nearly screamed her name but kept his mouth shut like it was bound together by the tightest of ropes. It was only when she'd reached for Edelgard's hand, holding it tightly, that he realized she was here and she was alive. When he watched her mouth move, his heart dropped into his stomach when he caught the fact she'd said 'El' in perhaps the most delicate voice she'd ever used; Edelgard had just blushed, squeezing the leader of the strike forces' hand like she'd lose her if she let go, and he knew Edelgard had caught what he hated most. She loved the pro- She loved Byleth like he did but the difference was, Felix could see the pulse of a heartbeat glow in those empty green eyes.
It didn't take a genius to see that what they had was love.
He just stared as Byleth chatted with Edelgard before Hubert joined in.
If Sylvain was a smart man he'd keep his mouth shut and as Felix glanced up at him, he only saw the pity in those brown eyes and not the understanding; If there was anyone here that was familiar with rejection it would be a hard tie between Lorenz and Sylvain. He didn't want his pity so he just walked away, listening to the bustling voices of the other Black Eagles and the people that were just like him. People who left their country to be part of something better, people who were ready to fight, and those who gave up everything to start again.
The people who didn't have time to fall in love.