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Namjoon is 7 years old the first time he runs away. Well, perhaps calling it running away is giving him a little too much credit. What he does is sneak into the garden when no one is looking and hide in the flowerbed. His freedom lasts for all of thirty minutes, though, because the gardener finds him while trying to get rid of some of the weeds. Even so, those thirty minutes give him a taste of what it’s like not having to constantly do something, stand with his back straight or make sure to use language in a specific way that will show off his status. It’s a taste of freedom, and Namjoon is eager to run away again.
When he’s 11, his runaway spot in the garden no longer serves its purpose, because he’s already tall enough that the spot doesn’t hide him at all. So Namjoon explores the palace estate for hours on end. Well. It stacks up, because he can never explore for too long at a time. But over a couple of days he’s able to explore more of the grounds than he has thus far. The result is that he finds a hole in the walls surrounding the palace.
He’s pretty sure the hole had once been a door, because there seem to be hinges on it, but the door is long gone. Through it he finds a path, old and overgrown, and clearly not one that has been used in many years, but a path all the same. One day, he decides, he’s going to walk the entirety of it and find out where it leads, but for now he’s content sneaking through the hole and exploring close enough to the palace that he doesn’t get lost.
Namjoon is 15 when he gets his own personal bodyguard. His mother tells him that it’s because he’s growing, and needs someone to help look out for him, but Namjoon knows it’s because he’s been running away more often. Jungkook is a few years older than him, which Namjoon is pretty sure is part of his mother’s ploy to get him to not try and get out of the palace so often.
The plan backfires, because of course it does. Seeing as Jungkook is a few years older than him, he’s at the perfect age for Namjoon to convince him that running away into the forest by the palace is the best thing for them to do. It doesn’t always work, which is mildly unfortunate. Not that Namjoon really expected to get away with it all the time. He was more than content to blame everything on teenage rebellion, something he was sure to grow out of in a few years.
Namjoon is 21 when he decides that escaping into a forest is not a teenage rebellion thing. He doesn’t have a personal bodyguard anymore, though that’s entirely Jungkook’s doing. A few short years after being promoted to his bodyguard, Jungkook continued to rise up the ranks, until he was the head guard of the royal palace; the youngest person to ever get the title. But that was the less important bit. What was more impressive was that Jungkook was, effectively, Namjoon’s friend. Which meant that, while he knew where the hole in the palace walls was, and while he knew that Namjoon left through it often, he never said anything about it to his parents. If asked, he only promised that Namjoon was safe. If he’s being honest, Namjoon readily admits that he’s sure Jungkook has someone spying on him, just to make sure he isn’t lying to the king and queen.
And that means that Namjoon gets to sneak out nearly as often as he wants to. Nearly. Because no matter what he wants to be, Namjoon is still the crown prince, and thus needs to show his face often.
Still, Namjoon gets to sneak out every once in a while. The forest that surrounds the back of the castle is expansive, even when looking at it from the town. However, it feels somehow even bigger when you’re actually inside it. Despite having spent the last six years exploring parts of it, he still feels like he doesn’t know half the place.
This, of course, doesn’t stop him from continuing to explore the woods. He runs into new areas all the time, but he’s spent a lot of time exploring this place, and so had marking various trees with various nicks and cuts to make sure he knows how to find his way back to the hole in the wall.
“Jungkook!” It’s a hot summer morning, perfect for trying to find a lake in the forest. Because Namjoon knows there must be one there, and even though he’s been searching for it for a few months already, he’s certain that he will find it eventually.
“Prince.” Jungkook’s greeting is significantly less enthusiastic, but Namjoon doesn’t let it bother him; Jungkook is a professional now. And, no matter how polite and even his greetings are, Namjoon can always see him smiling, though.
“I bet you’re real busy at the south side of the palace grounds today, aren’t you?” It isn’t subtle, but Namjoon’s not trying to be subtle, so he doesn’t really think it matters.
“The south end, huh? Why, prince, you wouldn’t happen to be trying to get rid of me, would you?” Namjoon has no doubt that Jungkook knows exactly what he’s getting at, so he only smiled widely at him in return.
“I wouldn’t dream of it.” He isn’t sure why they both constantly play at this, pretending they know but that the other doesn’t know that they know. Maybe it’s fun, maybe it’s to have a reason to still talk to each other; they don’t get to do that as often anymore. Being the head royal guard means that Jungkook doesn’t have as much time to sit around and talk, so Namjoon uses moments like these to check up on him.
“Of course not, prince.” Jungkook replies, but he’s smiling wide at Namjoon, and he can’t help but return the grin. “Be careful to be back by supper, won’t you? I can’t cover for you again.” Namjoon gives him a little salute in return. He knows Jungkook is right, too, but he doesn’t want to admit it.
Namjoon’s been so focused on finding the lake that he’s been returning home much later than he was supposed to. It isn’t Namjoon’s fault, in his personal opinion. It isn’t like getting lost in the exploration is part of some big plan. It just, keeps happening, is all. If there was some way to get bells tolling when it’s time to head home, Namjoon’s sure that he’d be back on time.
The woods are beautiful. No matter the time of day, or the season, they are always beautiful. In spring there is new life in the air, everything waking up and colors starting to bloom. In summer, the trees provide cool shade, and the animals seem less skittish than usual. In autumn, the colors start to warm up as everything turns to shades of fire instead. In winter, there is white snow as far as the eye can see, and everything is completely silent. Sunrise or sunset, midday or well into the night, the woods are never the same. And yet, they are always beautiful.
Ten years he has spent exploring the forest that stretches out behind the palace, and still he feels like there is so much more to see.
Sometimes, he feels as though the forest is alive, growing every day while he isn’t looking. He thinks it very likely is, in some way. When he was young, his Nanny used to tell him that all sorts of magic was hidden in the woods. He knows this to be true, because he’s seen things with his own eyes, things that shouldn’t be and yet are.
The palace has a grand library full of books from all around the kingdom, but hardly any of them speak of magic. There’s an old book of folk tales with a note in one of the margins that says “every story is born out of truth” , which is very cryptic and even more interesting. Namjoon’s already read it front to back several times. There are other folk tale books, but none of them have any notes like that written. Still, Namjoon’s read them all at least once.
The only other book with a clear indication of magic is what looks like someone’s journal. Namjoon found it in the very back, hidden behind some other dusty books. It reads very much like a journal, too, someone’s thoughts on the world around them. Namjoon keeps this book in his room, worried that it will disappear if he doesn’t keep it close. It talks of creatures from beyond this realm, of magic strong enough to move an entire kingdom. Namjoon can’t be sure if any of it is real, or only delusions of a paranoid person, but he can’t help but hope.
Hope turns to conviction quickly when Namjoon keeps seeing things he can’t explain. Magic seems like the most obvious answer.
He is supposed to be looking for the lake, using the knowledge of the area and how lakes affect the space around them to actively look for it. He doesn’t. Instead, he lets his feet carry him as they will, unbothered by the fact that he’s going into unknown areas.
(He feels safe, because he has a system of keeping track of how to return to the palace. Certain trees are marked by ribbons, or small nics into them, or a simple paint mark. It’s not a very complicated system, but it helps him find his way back, and helps him feel more confident in further exploring.)
Even though he’s wandering through the forest without really paying attention to where he’s headed, Namjoon makes sure to check the trees every once in a while, makes sure to mark them if they aren’t marked. As amusing as it would be to have a handful of guards running around the forest looking for him, Namjoon doesn’t want to do anything that might lose him the little freedom he currently has.
Perhaps it is precisely because he lets himself wander that he eventually runs into the lake. The sun is slowly starting to set, and the woods around him are bathed in deep reds. But the lake isn’t even what catches his eye. No. There is someone standing by the lake, swaying ever so lightly from one side to the other. Namjoon is standing directly behind them, and they seem to be flowing in the setting sun.
He doesn’t speak, because he doesn’t think he’s able to. And the stranger seems to either not notice him, or not care that he’s there. They stand like this for a while, both silent, until the sun is completely gone and the stranger is bathed in moonlight instead. Then, they turn around.
Namjoon is met with the most beautiful boy he has ever seen in his life. He’s too far away to see his features clearly, but even so he can tell. The way his head tilts to the side, the way his eyes almost seem to shine as they look at Namjoon, the way he smiles, pink lips illuminated by the moon; he is beautiful.
“Well, hello there.” The boy says, and Namjoon is broken from his trance, at least to an extent. He takes a few steps closer, until he’s able to see the boy more clearly. He stops then, keeps his eyes on him but doesn’t move any closer.
“Hello.” His voice feels like it’s caught in his throat, still trying to get out and coming up just a little short. It seems to amuse the boy, who tilts his head to the side again and then turns away as if he’s about to laugh. He doesn’t.
“I’ve forgotten how charming humans can be.” He says, raising his hand up to his face as he turns back to face Namjoon fully.
“Humans.” It stikes him, perhaps a moment too late, how odd it sounds for someone to say humans, instead of people.
“Yes, humans, your kind.”
Oh. Oh . It’s not exactly direct, but that’s the confirmation of magic Namjoon has been hoping for. He stays silent for a moment, and in that moment the other turns away, apparently losing interest. Namjoon can’t let that happen, not before he gets a chance to actually speak to him.
“Are you a faery?” The boy turns back to him, looking at him with his head tilted lightly to the side, lips pulled together, as if trying to decide if the question is genuine or not. When he seems to make his decision, he throws his head back, laughing as if Namjoon made some great joke. Namjoon can’t see the humor in the situation, and so he instead appreciates how beautiful the laughter is. It is, perhaps, the most beautiful sound he has ever had the pleasure of hearing.
“A faery, I have yet to hear something quite so funny.” The boy says after a moment, tilting his head forward again to look at Namjoon. His eyes are sharp, and Namjoon kind of feels like he’s staring into his soul.
“Why’s that so funny?” The boy looks at him, moves closer until he’s standing right in front of him. He’s shorter than Namjoon, but not by too much.
“Have you not ever heard of the size a faery is?” He talks weirdly, but his voice is beautiful.
“No.”
“The tallest faery I have ever seen was hardly larger than your hand.” He reaches out and takes Namjoon’s hand, bringing it up to eye-level. Namjoon is struck by how warm the hand is.
“Oh.” He feels breathless for some reason. Maybe it’s because of how close the boy is, maybe it’s because of how beautiful he is, maybe it’s because of how warm his hand is. “What are you then?”
The boy looks away from Namjoon’s hand and at him instead, eyes snapping to him almost unnaturally fast. “Only humans would ask for what you are before asking for your name.”
“You didn’t ask for my name either.” Namjoon points out, which only makes the boy laugh once again.
“No, I did not. Do you not know it is unwise to give your name to a fae?” Which, Namjoon supposes, is a very clever way to tell him what he is. “Or is it that you wish for your soul to be gobbled right up?”
“Fae don’t eat your soul.” Namjoon points out, because that’s just a silly notion. But then, this entire conversation is silly.
“No, I suppose we do not.” The boy muses, tilting his head lightly to the side. “So, human, what do they call you?”
For a moment, Namjoon isn’t sure what to do. Fae don’t steal souls, but he’s been told over and over again to be careful when giving out his name, so perhaps it would be smarter to give him a nickname instead. “Joon.”
“Clever.” The boy says, lips pulled up into a smile that looks half way wicked and half way charming. “My name is Yoongi. It certainly is a pleasure to meet you, Joon.”
“Yeah. It is.”
They’re both silent for a few moments, Namjoon watching Yoongi and his every facial expression, and Yoongi taking Namjoon in. It feels like hours when Yoongi takes a step back, but Namjoon is sure it’s hardly more than a few minutes. “It is getting late, Joon, humans ought to be going back to their beds.”
He’s right, more or less. Namjoon needs to get home before Jungkook is forced to send out a search party for him. Even so, he’s unwilling to move. “Will you be here tomorrow?”
“Well, you will have to find out tomorrow, no?” Yoongi turns around then, and Namjoon watches him disappear into the forest before he traces his steps back to the palace. He makes sure to remember the way back.
The next morning he can hardly wait to get out. Which is, of course, why he can’t get even a minute to himself. Early in the morning his mother demands that he sit with his tutor for a few hours to catch up on some lessons she thinks will be very important. And then after he’s done with that, there is a fencing lesson to be had. And after that, lunch. So by the time Namjoon makes it to the lake, it’s well past midday, and he isn’t even sure if he’ll run into Yoongi again.
As he sits down by the lake, the water clear and beautiful before him, Namjoon thinks that he won’t be lucky enough to see the fae today. He never promised to be there, in the first place, but Namjoon still hopes.
“Well, here I thought I would not have the pleasure of seeing you today.” It’s weird that Namjoon can recognize the voice after only having heard it once, but it’s so distinct, that he’s sure he could pick it out from a crowd.
“I got caught up in some stuff, so I’m a little late.” Namjoon responds with a shrug, turning to him and offering a smile. Yoongi is beautiful, standing just a few steps away from him and looking at him with those sharp eyes.
“Careful, Joon , you will make me think you were eager to see me.” He’s still standing a few steps away from him, but Namjoon can see something in his expression shift, become softer almost .
“You would be right.” It feels like a confession, and maybe because it is one, effectively. Namjoon was more than eager to come here and see Yoongi, and even now he could still feel the excited energy at the tips of his fingers.
The answer makes Yoongi laugh, the same melodic, beautiful laugh from yesterday, and Namjoon feels more accomplished from that than from everything he did today. He’s still smiling when Yoongi walks over to sit down next to him.
They spend the following two weeks together nearly every day. Namjoon does his best to get away from the palace as often as he can, putting a bit more effort into it than he usually would. (If Jungkook notices at all, he doesn’t say anything about it.) And Yoongi waits for him by the lake every time. By now, Namjoon knows the way by heart. He no longer needs to rely on his marking system to make his way over to it. His feet have learned the way.
Namjoon gets the chance to get to know Yoongi better, to see more than just a pretty boy. He still thinks Yoongi is the prettiest boy he has ever seen, but there’s more to it. He’s clever, and he says things that Namjoon wouldn’t think of, and he takes their conversation in directions Namjoon couldn’t even imagine. His nose scrunches up just before he laughs, and it’s the cutest thing he’s ever seen. His eyes are sharp, often focused on Namjoon, but he’s learned to recognize the softness in them, the gentleness hiding behind the sharp edges.
It’s very simple. Namjoon is falling in love.
This realization doesn’t come as a surprise, there’s no reason why it should. Namjoon has always been in tune with his feelings, and while he’s never fallen in love before, he’s heard of it enough that he knows what it’s supposed to feel like. He knows especially because it’s how he feels. Butterflies, smiling without reason, feeling like you’re constantly bathed in the soft morning sun. It’s a wonderful feeling.
And yet, it is not one he has shared with Yoongi yet. A part of him is scared, he thinks, that Yoongi will not feel the same way, that he will lose something wonderful because his heart is too big, because Yoongi is too wonderful. Which feels like it should contradict itself, that because Yoongi is so wonderful, he would not let something like that ruin their friendship. But worry and fear are not rational, and so Namjoon stays silent.
For now, at least.
Today is no different that any day in the past two weeks. Namjoon makes his way over to the lake, and finds Yoongi already sitting by it. He takes a moment to look at him, to take in his figure and how he looks in the afternoon sun. Only once he’s taken this moment does he call out to him, smiling wide when Yoongi turns to look at him.
(A part of him is certain that Yoongi knows he’s there before he announces himself, but seeing as that would mean that Yoongi is aware of how Namjoon takes a few seconds to just take him in before approaching. As such, he does his best to ignore this particular thought.)
“Now, what are those Joon?” Yoongi seems to enjoy saying his name. Or, at least, Namjoon thinks he does. He can’t think of why else he would say it so often.
“These are toys.” Namjoon says, sounding too proud of himself.
They’ve made a sort of deal. Yoongi teaches him about magic, or creatures that his one and a half books don’t cover, and Namjoon brings him trinkets to show him. Sometimes he brings food instead, though that’s a bit more difficult to sneak out.
“Toys for children? You are aware we are both well into adulthood, yes?” Even so, Yoongi doesn’t try to hide his amusement and interest.
“My nan used to tell me that you could be 50 and still be a child at heart.” Namjoon counters, not because he thinks he needs to, but because it’s a conversation that they can have. It’s how most of their conversations start, with a throwaway joke and a comment. These are the conversations Namjoon enjoys the most, because it’s incredibly easy to get lost in the flow of the conversation, paying no mind to how many topics they’ve jumped through.
“Would you not say that being like a child in your later years would be a bad thing?” Yoongi asks, leaning over to pick up one of the toys Namjoon brought. They’re not so much toys, as they are various puzzles. The one Yoongi’s fiddling with is a cube that comes apart if you pull at the right things.
“There’s a difference between being childish and keeping a part of your child self with you as you grow up.” Namjoon watches Yoongi’s hands as he talks, the way they pull and tug at the toy, the way the delicate fingers trace over certain worn parts of it.
Everything about Yoongi seems delicate in a way. Maybe it’s because he’s a fae. Or maybe it’s just something about Yoongi, something very distinctly him. Namjoon, ever the romantic, likes to think it’s the second one.
“Joon, are you even listening to me?” Namjoon looks away from Yoongi’s hands and looks at his eyes instead, flashing him an apologetic smile.
“Sorry, I got distracted.” He admits, feeling more than a little sheepish about it.
“Distracted? What had you so distracted that you were unable to listen to me talk?” At least Yoongi sounds more amused than upset about it.
“You.” He could have lied, or avoided the truth. But Namjoon’s not that type of person. He’s already done his best to hide his growing attraction, but why should he? Yoongi is his friend. He has a right to know how Namjoon is feeling.
“Me?” It’s the first time Namjoon sees Yoongi shocked speechless, even if it lasts for all of a moment. “And why would you be distracted by me?”
“Because you’re beautiful.” Namjoon doesn’t miss a beat. “You’re beautiful. Physically, yes, but your soul, too. I can’t boast about having talked to too many people, but I’ve never enjoyed a conversation more than when I’m having it with you. It doesn’t matter if you’re talking about a flower you saw on your way here or if we’re discussing whether or not stars can feel that they’re dying. You’re beautiful. The way you think, the way you express your thoughts. Just. All of you.”
Namjoon decides that Yoongi looks beautiful like this, too; stunned and with his pale cheeks starting to gain color slowly. How appropriate that Namjoon should decide that Yoongi is beautiful before he notices that he’s blushing.
“You know, there is a saying among my people. That should a fae ever fall in love with a human, they would lose their soul.” If he was talking to anyone else, Namjoon would have taken it as a rejection. But Yoongi has a way of taking the long way round when reaching a point.
“Is it true?” He can’t help that his voice sounds a little breathless.
“Well, I am still here, am I not?”
“No.” Namjoon is sitting by the lake, Yoongi laying down with his head on Namjoon’s lap. His leg is starting to go numb, but Yoongi looks too peaceful to move, and so Namjoon keeps playing with his hair and ignoring the prickly sensation.
“Why not?” Namjoon thought it would be nice to take him back to the palace, get him to meet Jungkook, at least, if not his parents. It’s been a good month since their confessions, which feels like an eternity and no time at all at the same time.
“What if your parents dislike me?” Yoongi opens his eyes to look at him, and Namjoon can see the worry clear in his eyes.
“Why wouldn’t they like you?” He wants to chase it away, to assure Yoongi that there is no way his parents could do anything but love him, but he knows it’s important to validate his concerns.
“Because I am not of your kind. How can you be certain that they would accept a fae? Was it not you who told me how you have no books on magic in your home at all?” Yoongi counters, and Namjoon wants to tell him he’s thinking too hard. But he has a point.
“They don’t know any better, about the books, anyways. I asked my mom and she said the library was like that when she inherited the throne. She never got around to updating it, is all.” It’s a bit more an excuse than Namjoon would like it to be, really. The absence of books and knowledge of magic is something he’s been looking into, and it seems that a past ruler did his best to erase it all. Namjoon hopes to be able to restore it.
“And we don’t have to tell them you’re a fae if you don’t want them to know.” Namjoon continues, because he’s serious about this, serious about bringing Yoongi into his life in a way that isn’t running off to the woods every day and enduring Jungkook’s endless teasing about it. But Yoongi’s comfort has to come first.
“As for them not liking you, I can’t see why they wouldn’t. You’re an amazing person, and if I’m in love with you I’m sure they will be too.” He reaches out and takes Yoongi’s hand, intertwining their fingers gently.
“Yes, but you think that because I had bewitched you into falling in love with me. I am not so sure I can do that to your parents. Nor would I want to.” Yoongi shakes his head lightly, likely chasing the thought away before it can find purchase in his head.
“I just, do not wish for them to be upset with you and forbid you from coming here. I would miss you too much.” It isn’t often that Yoongi is so forward with his feelings, usually going for a more roundabout approach. It catches Namjoon off guard for a moment.
“Even if they tried to keep me from here, I’d just make Jungkook help me in getting out. Maybe I’d run away for good, live out here with you.” Yoongi pushes at his face, but Namjoon manages to catch the smile on his face. “I’m serious! We could make a little cottage here by the lake and everything! I could learn how to hunt, we could grow our own vegetables, it would be great.”
“You know nothing of farming!” Yoongi accuses him, tries to keep his voice very serious, but Namjoon can hear the laughter bubbling in it. It takes them all of ten seconds to fall into a fit of laughter.
“If you are sure.” Yoongi starts some time later, well after they’ve both calmed down. “I would be honored to meet your parents.” Namjoon kisses the hand he’s still holding in response.
Ten minutes later, he’s kissing any part of Yoongi he can reach, because his smile is beautiful and his lips addictive.
Namjoon isn’t at all surprised that the meeting with his parents goes so well. (This is a lie, Namjoon is at least 60% surprised, but statistics are unimportant right now.)
His mother adores Yoongi, says he’s the most well mannered man she’s ever met (a comment which earns her an offended whine from Namjoon’s father). She asks him endless questions, and Namjoon has to stop her more than once when Yoongi starts to fidget a little.
His father seems almost distant at first, observing the two of them. But Namjoon can see how he melts the more they interact, the more he sees how in love they are. By the end of the dinner, he is laughing along and joking with them.
But perhaps the most important approval comes from Jungkook, who they go out to meet before Namjoon walks Yoongi back to the lake. As odd as it might be, Jungkook is Namjoon’s closest friend, and so he cares what the other thinks.
It surprises him how much relief he actually feels when Jungkook immediately seems to like Yoongi. They talk for a good while, standing by the gate because now Namjoon doesn’t need to sneak out anymore.
By the time they get to the lake, it’s well into the night, and they have only the moon to guide their path. Not that Namjoon looks at the path all that much, he’s far too busy admiring the way moonlight seems to make Yoongi’s hair glow.
“If you do not stop staring at me, you are going to walk straight into the lake.” Yoongi points out, though he doesn’t turn to actually look at him.
“Nah, you wouldn’t let me do that.” Namjoon says with a shrug, utterly unapologetic. Ever since they got together, Namjoon’s been less and less subtle about his staring. He doesn’t think it necessary to hide it. After all, he spouts poetry about Yoongi’s eyes often enough for him to know how much time he spends staring at him.
“You are right, I would not.” Yoongi does turn to him then, reaching out to take hold of his other hand. “I would rather you not drown.”
“I know how to swim.” Namjoon points out as he takes a step closer, lacing their fingers together.
“Irrelevant.” Yoongi smiles at him all the same, leans in for a quick kiss, hardly anything more than a peck.
“I had a lovely time today, I am happy that you talked me into this.” He says when he pulls away, reaching up with one hand to move some hair away from Namjoon’s forehead. “I love you.”
“I love you too.” No matter how many times he hears it, his heart still skips a beat. He doesn’t think there will ever be a time when hearing Yoongi say those words won’t leave him just a little breathless.
“You should likely be heading home soon. I would not wish for your parents to worry.” Yoongi says, voice soft, and does not let go of his hand. And so, Namjoon doesn’t let go either.
“Probably.” He says, leaning in for a goodbye kiss.
And if he stays with Yoongi a little longer than he should that night, just kissing in the dark, only the moon is their witness.