Chapter Text
"I need to ask something of you," Dany said in Valyrian.
She looked towards Grey Worm, who was sat on the other side of the small table in her chambers at Dragonstone.
Grey Worm nodded instantly, not even questioning what her request may be.
Dany reached to the side of her, picking up the small leather book. She continued their conversation in Valyrian.
"This is...for Jon, should anything happen to me," she whispered, running her thumb over the corner of the book. "I would like you to make sure it reaches him. I'm going to leave here, in my chambers, hidden in that chest." She tilted her head towards the grand wooden chest at the end of her bed. It was dark red in colour, with golden swirls painted on all sides. Dany never really used the chest. It was full of clothing items she didn't wear.
Grey Worm frowned at the book in her hands as he answered her, also speaking in Valyrian. "Nothing will happen to you, my Queen."
"I can't guarantee that." Dany stared at the book, brushing the tips of her fingers across the front cover.
"I can," Grey Worm replied. "I will not let anything happen to you."
Dany shook her head. "There is no way you can fight on the ground and protect me. I have Drogon. I should be fine, but if I'm not..."
"I cannot." Grey Worm eyed the book again. "I would do anything you ask, but I cannot do this."
"Why not?"
"I do not think I will survive the battle," he replied.
Dany snapped her gaze up to his face, her eyes wide with shock and hurt. "Don't say that."
"Why not? You are saying the same thing."
She sighed, realising he had a point. "I'm just preparing for the worst."
Grey Worm turned his head to the side. Dany noticed how tired, worn out, and sad he looked. It was unlikely he cared about whether he lived or died. Ever since they lost Missandei, he hadn't been the same.
"I am sorry, my Queen, but I cannot make that promise," he mumbled, still not looking at her.
Dany had a sudden overwhelming urge to hug him. She had never hugged him since they had met, but she was so desperate for human contact. It was unlikely that Grey Worm would appreciate her affections, so instead, she pulled the diary to her chest, and tried to leech some comfort from that.
"Alright then. Tell all of the Unsullied about it," Dany decided. "Each and every one. Tell them this is to be given to Jon in the case of my death. Tell them where it will be located, and that any one of them has permission to come and retrieve it."
Grey Worm looked pained at the suggestion, still not accepting the thought of his Queen dying, but he nodded regardless.
"Tell them to wait for a moon or two to pass before they give it to him," Dany ordered. "He will likely need time to recover after the war, and if I'm not here, I don’t want this to have the opposite effect of what I mean it to.”
Grey Worm frowned at her, confusion etched on his face. “I don’t understand.”
Dany swallowed hard and chewed her bottom lip for a second as she tried to come up with the right explanation.
“I hope when he receives this, for it to be a good thing for him. I want it to make him feel better, not worse. I worry that if he receives it too soon after my death...he might not be able to cope." She paused, blinking slowly. "I think it will be too raw for him to read straight away. I don't want him to do anything stupid or reckless. I want him to be safe, wherever he ends up after the war."
Dany wondered if Jon would miss her if she died? Would he even need time to recover from her death? Or would he move on straight away? Was she doing the right thing by telling him about their daughter? Or would he regret that she hadn't managed to tell him sooner? She still wasn’t sure, but it felt like the right thing to do.
"He will go back to the North," Grey Worm said, disturbing Dany from her thoughts. "After the war."
"Do you think so?" She asked. "You don’t think he will want to take the throne if I am gone?"
"He does not want the throne. He does not deserve the throne. You worked for the throne, he has not."
"He might make a good King."
Grey Worm shook his head. "He will not. He betrayed you. A good King does not betray those he loves."
He doesn't love me like he used to. Dany thought to herself. I don't know what he feels for me now. I don't think he knows either.
"Where will you go, if you survive?" Dany asked, changing the subject quickly.
"I will stay and serve my Queen."
"And what if I am not here to serve?"
Grey Worm’s jaw stiffened. "Then I will do as you wish."
"I wish for you to do whatever you want to."
"Then I will go to Naath," Grey Worm replied.
Dany's heart tightened in her chest as Missandei's sweet smile flashed through her mind.
"Very well," she replied, almost inaudibly. She hadn't expected him to say that, but she was glad he had.
Silence shrouded the room, and Dany began fiddling with the hem of her sleeve, feeling a thread that was coming loose. Missandei would usually fix that for her. She will have to find someone else, or fix it herself. The thread matched how she felt right now; broken and unraveling. Just a slight pull would probably cause it to become undone completely.
"May I ask what it is?" Grey Worm pointed to the book.
"It's my diary. I've wrote everything in here since we first visited Winterfell. I hope it helps Jon understand how I've been feeling recently," Dany explained. "I also plan to write him a goodbye of sorts, to explain a few things."
Grey Worm stared at Dany with a cold, hard glare. "Jon Snow does not deserve you. He should have been punished for betraying you."
"Perhaps," she replied, dismissively. She had no intent to punish Jon. She had considered it a couple of times, but the thoughts made her stomach twist, and they never turned into actions.
"He hurt you. When he told people he was the rightful King."
"He only told his family, because he thought he could trust them. It was his sister who spread it futher. I do wish he had kept it to himself, but I don't believe he wanted to hurt me on purpose." She smiled wistfully at Grey Worm. "I would still trust him with my life."
Grey Worm tried to keep his face impassive, but Dany still saw the slight twitch of his eyebrow, as if he was silently questioning her judgement.
She didn't wish to discuss the matter further, but she didn't want him to think he had upset her either, so she spoke to him in a gentle tone. "I will see you later in the throne room."
Grey Worm recognised her words as a dismissal, so he stood, bowed to his Queen, and left Dany's chambers.
As the door clicked shut, Dany placed her diary on the table in front of her, and moved her hand to the lower part of her stomach. For a few seconds, her heartache disappeared, and she felt a glimmer of happiness. Her pregnancy was hardly visible, and she couldn't feel anything other than flutters that she thought she may be imagining, but Dany knew it was real. She knew their daughter was in there.
She wasn't completely certain she was carrying a girl, but she had an instinct, just like she had with Rhaego. Since she found out, she had often imagined what it would be like when her daughter grasped onto her finger with her own tiny hand, or when she laughed for the first time, or said her first word.
A family of her own had seemed like a fantasy for so long now, but as long as she was victorious in the upcoming war, it would soon be a reality. Dany had considered not taking part in the fighting, but it was unlikely her army would win without Drogon, and Drogon probably wouldn't succeed without her.
She would never admit it to anyone, but she was frightened. She feared for her life, and her child's life, and the lives of her army. And Jon. She thought. I fear for his life too. It was the main reason she had decided to tell him of their child after the war. She didn't want to distract him from the battle, and risk his life. She almost told him before the battle against the dead, and it was only on reflection she realised what a mistake that would have been.
"We will build a better world after the war, my sweetling," Dany whispered to herself, pressing her palm onto her stomach. "And I promise, I will always be there for you. Now, and always."