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Maria Hill or rather Robin Scherbatsky as she’s known in this part of town, gives Carl the bartender a smile as she gratefully takes the tumbler of scotch from his outstretched hand. She’s sitting in their usual booth. Alone. Brushing off the layer of dust from the table, Maria lays her head down and relaxes. Out of all the places still standing in New York, Maclaren’s Pub seems to be pretty well off, enough to open for the few New York survivors who weren’t lucky enough to make it out of the city before the Chitauri came.
A beep from her phone interrupts her otherwise quiet evening.
- Where are you? –NR
Natasha. She should’ve known nothing could keep Natasha under in the medical ward for more than an hour. Maria makes a note to send Dr. Halverson a reprimand when she gets back, the doctor assures her Natasha would have been asleep for at least four hours. Enough to get a drink, take her mind off aliens and superheroes and come back to medical to see Natasha wake up.
-NY. Pub. I’ll be back soon. –MH
She eyes the scotch ruefully before gulping it down as if it were cheap hard liquor. It burns all the way down her throat. She savors it. Throwing down a twenty, rather large for a tip but Carl would need it after the day he’s had, Maria dusts off her plain t-shirt and jeans, the best civilian clothing available in the Helicarrier in her size; she gets up to leave.
“Robin?”
Maria freezes, shit. This is why she chose Maclaren’s, here she’s not Deputy Director Maria Hill, she’s just Robin Scherbatsky journalist for WWN. She’s let her guard down. Now it’s come back to bite her in the ass.
“Lily, hi,” Maria says, slipping right into her Robin persona.
Lily rushes in and hugs Maria, very tightly. Maria holds back a gasp of pain from her bruised ribs, opting to pat Lily on the back and easing out of the friendly hug.
“You’re back,” Lily says, her eyes glossy.
“Not for long,” Maria answers. “There’s a lot of coverage they want on this alien invasion story but after that I’ll be back in Europe.” At least that’s the official cover story for Robin’s departure from New York. “I’m glad you’re okay, how’s…”
Lily ushers Maria back into the booth and orders them both beer. Maria clenches her jaw, looks like she’ll be here a bit longer than expected. She texts Natasha under the booth, her phone away from Lily’s prying eyes.
“Everyone’s okay,” Lily says to Maria’s relief. “Ted and Barney are going to be so glad you’re here.”
Opening her mouth to protest, Maria’s too late. Lily already has her phone out and is calling Marshall to rally the rest of the gang. She catalogues the five different ways she can incapacitate Lily before the call can even connect, but she remains frozen until Lily’s done talking.
-
Maria laughs warmly at one of Ted’s stupid jokes, she’s about four scotches in and is finally feeling a pleasant buzz. The familiarity of these people seep right in, Maria’s no longer worrying cleaning up after the Avengers and the scathing words of the World Security Council, she’s just a normal woman having a drink with her friends in a pub that’s probably about to cave in on them. She can overlook that small detail; so far the structure seems to be holding. She’s earned a few hours of peace before going back to being Deputy Director, or hard-ass Hill as the junior agents like to call her.
Barney’s just going off on another one of his conquest stories when Maria straightens her spine and her senses go on red alert. She’s being watched and she knows exactly who’s just entered her slice of life. Maria spots the flash of red hair in the corner of her eye, though her gaze never strays from her group of friends in front of her, she’s tracking the movement precisely. Her heart thumps faster and hopes it’s a simple extraction rather than contact.
“And she – oh holy mother of sex,” Barney blurts out.
She squeezes her eyes shut. Maria doesn’t even turn her head towards the apparent cause of Barney’s boner, but her friends do and they’re all slackjawed. Maria Hill is definitely compromised.
Barney leans in, as do the others. “Dibs! I’m going to go with, man who’s happy to survive alien invasion and just wants to live life to the fullest.”
“Is that going to even work?” Lily asks, looking at Barney’s object of affection critically. “She’s an eleven, I’m sure it’s going to take more than that.”
Ted butts in. “I call second when you crash and burn.”
“Come on,” Barney states. “I can make it work.”
Barney gets up without another word and stalks towards the bar, swagger fully in place.
“Twenty on Barney,” Marshall wagers.
“I’ll take that bet,” Lily says.
Maria takes a glance at the interaction at the bar and smirks. “Hundred that he gets her to come over, but she won’t be going home with him.”
Giving her a wide smile, Ted says, “Thanks for the confidence Robin.”
She sips her beer and raises an eyebrow. “I never said she’s going home with you Mosby.”
His brow furls in confusion. “Then who—“
“Guys this is Natalie,” Barney gloats with his arm slung over her shoulder. “Natalie Rushman, she modeled in Tokyo.”
Maria does roll her eyes at this. Of course Natasha would use that cover. Lily’s wrong of course, Natasha is definitely not an eleven, she’s over the scale beautiful in her business attire and perfectly coiffed hair. She’s holding herself demurely but full of sexual appeal.
Barney ushers her into their booth, but Natasha skillfully avoids sitting next to him and squishes herself into Maria’s side, directly across from Barney though.
“Pleasure to meet you,” Natasha drawls, her foot brushing up Maria’s calf.
She keeps her composure and takes Natasha’s outstretched hand, squeezing harder than she normally would. “Likewise.”
“S-so, what do you do Natalie?” Lily rushes out, sensing the tension between Natasha and Maria. Though equating that to jealousy for Barney’s affection. Maria sighs, there’s jealousy alright, but totally from a different angle.
“I’m the PA for the CEO of Stark Industries,” Natasha politely provides. That part is slightly true at least, she might still be under Pepper’s payroll for all Maria knows.
“You know Tony Stark?” Ted asks, his eyes bulging. He’s wanted the contract for designing the Stark Towers but lost out to that darn Swedish architecture firm.
“I know him yes, but I’m not his PA. Pepper Potts is the CEO.”
Maria could put in a good word to Pepper or Stark for Ted, the tower needs to be rebuilt anyways. But from the way Ted’s eyes are gleaming at Natasha, Maria might just reconsider her generosity.
While they’re all distracted from Wendy carrying a tray of alcohol and food, Maria slips her hand under the table and taps code on Natasha’s thigh.
-What do you think you’re doing?
Natasha smiles sweetly and turns back to Barney’s horrid stories.
-Don’t ignore me. Nat you aren’t supposed to be out of medical. You have to rest.
Maria’s not paying attention to the rest of the group until Natasha turns right to her and says, “You weren’t there.”
“Huh?” she isn’t expecting Natasha to actually speak to her, out loud in front of everyone.
“You weren’t there to see me kick some alien butt with Ted and Marshall here,” Barney says. He gives her the ‘play along’ look.
“Oh, right no I was not there.” Maria sips her beer, avoiding Natasha’s piercing eyes and instead focuses on the hyperbolic fight story Barney is spinning.
Barney reaches over to touch Natasha’s hand at the end of his story. There’s a crack in Maria’s beer bottle, luckily it’s empty.
“You okay?” Lily asks sympathetically.
“Perfect,” Maria grinds out.
Natasha’s thigh touches hers. “I have something to confess.”
All the boy’s perk up to attention, especially Barney. He’s getting ready to bolt with Natasha, she almost feels sorry for him.
“I’m a big fan of yours Ms. Sparkles,” Natasha says with the biggest fangirl grin she’s ever seen.
Maria blanches. Oh no. There’s maybe two different ways she can one up the Black Widow in this scenario, one of them involves a broken beer bottle which would create too much attention and she isn’t ready to explain a bar brawl to Fury any time soon. The other, well, Maria steels her resolve, she’s going to torture Natasha later.
She grabs Natasha by the back of her neck and crushes her lips against Natasha’s. Glass shatters next to her, Ted’s beer and Barney’s scotch by the sound of it. Nipping her bottom lip, Maria smiles and edges back into her seat. She’d much rather deal with this bomb than the Robin Sparkles one.
“Sorry guys,” Maria says with a shrug. If there is a camera on her, she would take a picture at their slack jawed expressions.
“Hnnn…how…ehhhm…what?” Barney stutters out, his facial ticks coming into full effect.
Slipping an arm around Natasha’s shoulder, she pulls her close. “We’re together.”
Marshall is the first to recover, probably because he’s in no way sexually attracted to her – the other three on the hand are still processing – he offers her his congratulations. “How long have you two been together?”
Natasha puts her hand on her knee, she’s got this cover story. Maria gulps, this might get more complicated, she pleads with her eyes to Natasha to not make this worse. The smirk she receives is not comforting.
“I was obsessed with Robin when I was a teenager, Robin Sparkles. Gosh I must’ve listened to her music on repeat for hours at a time,” Natasha relays.
Holding in a snort, Maria takes her hand on the table. To everyone else, it’s a lovely gesture, but to Natasha it’s a fair warning. Maria’s going to kill Natasha, there must be a poison SHIELD has Natasha isn’t immune to.
“She was interviewing Mr. Stark in Milan and I just had to meet her. So I asked her out and she said yes.”
Okay then, that wasn’t too terrible, Maria won’t kill her but there will be consequences for bringing up the Robin Sparkles cover.
“Was your first date to the mall?” Ted snickers.
Maria gives him the glare reserved for when Hawkeye pulls a prank; it makes Ted cower into his seat.
“No it wasn’t,” Natasha says in a sickly sweet voice. “We were in Italy, there was food but I can’t even remember what we ate. A walk down the old streets.” Her voice lowers and gets breathier, Natasha leans in closer and darts her eyes to Maria’s lips. “A kiss.”
“And?!” Barney urges.
Maria’s about to smack his head but Natasha glides her finger down Maria’s jawline. “And a hotel room, with a giant bed.”
Ted whines, pathetic puppy dog whining.
Lily forces a smile. “That sounds very romantic.”
Her lingering attraction to Robin is still there, Maria notes.
“Oh it really was,” Natasha presses a kiss to her cheek. The sticky press of her lips leaves a mark. Territorial. Guess Natasha isn’t only trying to rile up Barney and Ted.
Now is the perfect time to bounce, they can chalk it up to sexual tension. “We should really be going,” Maria says. She pushes Natasha bit to get out.
“Aw honey, but I just met your friends,” Natasha stays put and presses on Maria’s pressure point in her wrist. Her legs go weak and Maria collapses onto her seat.
“Yea Robin,” Ted leans on his hands. “We just met Natalie, the secret girlfriend.”
Maria regains feeling in her legs, she shakes her wrist and pulls it away from Natasha’s grip. “Not secret girlfriend Ted.”
“Then why haven’t we heard about her?” Ted persists.
“That’s why I’m here,” Natasha saves it. “Robin wanted me to meet all of you in person.”
“Oh, so she’s talked about us?” Barney grins.
“Yes, she has.” Natasha gives him a once over.
Maria digs her nails into the palm of her hands at Barney’s leering gaze on Natasha. Breaking his nose is not an option, but kicking him in the shin is.
“Ow!” Barney’s head nearly slams on the table as he winces. Oops, maybe that was a bit too hard. She is wearing SHIELD issued boots today, not her usual flats or heels as Robin.
She lets herself relax and take in the moment. Natasha is the best at adapting and this is no different, by the end of the night her friends are absolutely in love with her. For the time being, thoughts of SHIELD, superheroes and aliens are at the back of her mind, she’s just a regular citizen having a drink with her girlfriend and friends at a pub. At least she pretends to be, she can almost trick herself into believing that.
“We should really be going now,” Maria politely interrupts. Fury would not be pleased she’s been out for hours.
“Do you have a place to stay?” Ted asks them both. “Your old room is still open.”
Maria raises an eyebrow. That’s unhealthy for him to keep her room like that.
“I was just renting it out,” Ted hurries to explain. “But she kind of fled before the chaos. So it’s open now, if you need a place to stay.”
“We’d like that very much, thank you Ted,” Natasha accepts on their behalf.
While the group goes their separate ways, Barney aching to stay over at Ted’s place too, Maria whispers to Natasha. “What are you doing? We need to go back.”
“I took care of it, Fury’s fine with us leaving for the night.”
Maria stops mid-step. “You planned this.”
“It was in my calculations,” Natasha nips her neck.
Nearby, Barney groans and begs Ted to let him stay over again.
-
“You are in so much trouble Romanoff,” Maria says with her back against the door. She crosses her arms and glares at Natasha lounging on her bed.
She halfheartedly shrugs and scoots up the bed. “You left me.”
Maria softens. Sitting next to Natasha, she talks her hand and kisses the back of it, an apology. “I’m sorry.”
Shoving Maria down onto the bed, Natasha straddles her and locks her arms against her sides. Unless Maria wants to fight, there’s no way for her to escape. “You’ll just have to make it up to me Hill.”
“Fine,” Maria rolls her eyes. She grins and brings her thighs up to Natasha’s back. “But first, can you take care of that?” She angles her head towards the window.
Natasha slips off her heels and throws them across the room, hitting the glass where Barney is behind on the ledge. There’s a yelp and a thud against the fire escape then a long groan of pain. He’ll be fine, he only fell one story to the fire escape.