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When Robert first wakes up, he can feel breathing against his neck and the sun seeping in from between the navy curtains in the corner of the room. He always wakes up first, Aaron's always been a heavy sleeper since he got out of prison, before that he was a light sleeper just to get by. Robert likes knowing that his own presence is a safety blanket for his husband.
He stretches out his legs and he feels Aaron groan against his neck, eventually turning onto his back, "Hnn, what time is it?"
"Morning to you too, sunshine. It's about nine," he laughs.
Aaron turns back to face him, smiling, and leaning closer to Robert, "Happy birthday," he says, kissing his cheek.
Robert smiles back at Aaron, still sleep soft, his hair fluffy. Robert's eyes crinkle with his smile, and he kisses him good morning.
"How long do you reckon we have until the chaos?" He asks, knowing Seb has already slept in longer than usual, and Liv had plans to go into town with Gabby at ten so she'll be making noise soon.
"Few minutes yet."
.
After 9:20 rolled around, Seb started rattling in the room next door, and Aaron made his way to see him while Robert got in the shower.
"Hello little man," Aaron smiles at his son, who's already too big for his liking. "Have a nice sleep?"
Seb smiles. He's been going through a phase at the minute where he prefers Aaron over Robert in the mornings, but that's usually forgotten about after an hour or two. Aaron always maintained the theory that he could pick up on the stress that Robert has over being late for work whenever he sleeps in.
Once Seb had made it onto the floor, he makes his way straight for the door, and Aaron picks him up to save him from the staircase that he swears will be the death of one of them one day. "Is it breakfast time?"
.
After an hour of breakfasts and Liv's morning clattering, Aaron finally gets the chance of giving Robert his present, looking forward to a day of their little family (even if Liv wouldn't be there until later on). Robert's at the counter making coffee when Aaron puts his chin on his husband's shoulder, "How's it feel old man?"
"Piss off," he mutters, "You're not far off, he'll have you going grey in no time."
"Reckon Liv's already got me on my way."
Seb's made himself busy with his building blocks, and screams when he sees Diane and Vic entering his home.
"Hi!"
"Jesus Vic, hi," Victoria has already made her way over to Seb, messing with his ginger hair while Diane rushes to Robert to wish him a happy birthday.
"Happy birthday, pet," she hugs him tightly, "What are we doing today?"
"I was thinking we could go see Dad and then go for dinner at the pub?" Vic says from the sofa, while Diane leaves their presents on the table and takes a seat.
Aaron sees his quiet day ruined and kisses Robert's shoulder, then making his way to Seb.
Robert sits with Diane and nods, "Yeah, dinner sounds good," he looks over to Aaron and Seb, "Do we need to go see Dad today? I was hoping to get some time with Seb today, he's off back to Liverpool in the morning."
"It'll only take a minute, Robert," Vic says, and Robert looks at his feet. He's used to going to see his dad, and he barely thinks about what happened with him anymore. Now he has Aaron, and Liv and Seb, it's easy to ignore how his dad acted to him when he was still a teenager, but on a day like today, he tries to get out of it.
Aaron looks up, a sympathetic smile on his lips, "Rob, it'll just be a sec, yeah?" He knows how his husband still struggles, even if Robert doesn't make it clear to anyone, even if he pretends - it couldn't be clearer to Aaron.
Robert nodded, knowing it'll be over soon. It wasn't as if he couldn't visit his dad anymore, in his own way, he loved his dad. Even if his dad wasn't perfect, he was the only dad he knew. He wanted to make him proud, but on days like his birthday, he didn't want to second-guess if his father would approve of his family. His safety net. His love. He'd made a life that he loved, and a life that he was proud of, and he counted his luck everyday that Aaron gave him that - he didn't ever want to be in a position of doubting it. Not anymore.
.
Robert and Aaron didn't hold hands in public a lot. Sometimes when they took Seb out, they'd each take one of his hands, and swing him around. He loved it. But only in times when they really needed each other would their hands find each other's in public. Right now, however, they held on.
Seb's never liked the cemetery that much. He didn't mind it as a baby but now he can walk, he kicks up a fuss at just standing around a stone in the grass. Luckily, Aaron was a godsend for Robert and kept him occupied while still holding on tight to his hand. "What kind of grandad do you think dad would have been to Seb?" Vic wondered.
Robert bit his tongue.
"Definitely one that got him into all sorts. He'd be climbing trees by now. Trees first, stairs later," Diane joked.
Aaron squeezed his hand, knowingly.
Time passed easily enough, and soon enough Diane started heading in the direction of the pub.
"Rob," Vic stopped her brother, and Aaron released his hand, taking Seb out of the cemetery.
Robert faced her, still standing by his father's stone.
"He would be so proud of you, you know that?"
He nodded, wanting to get out of there. If time would pass just a second quicker, he'd love it.
He never wanted a son like me.
"Rob, he would. A good dad, you. Brilliant with Liv. And Aaron, you love him. You've got yourself a little tiny family. That's all he wanted for you."
"Can we do this later?"
"Robert, why don't you think he'd be proud?"
"Vic-"
"He would be! Mum too. Even Andy if he stuck his neck out."
Robert looked to his feet.
"He'd adore Seb. He'd be sneaking him sweets and the lot. He'd be the grandad that just spoiled him rotten. Giving you and Aaron grey hairs."
In loving memory of Jack Sugden.
"He'd be hanging off every word Liv said. She's a proper smart-arse, he'd be proper proud of her an' all. Doing all her retakes after the drinking, she's doing so well, now. Dad would be so proud of how you and Aaron got her there."
Beloved husband, father, and grandfather.
"And Aaron, Dad might have been a farmer and old school, but he would have loved to see you this happy. Aaron knows you better than you do, Dad would see that, you know that, Rob?"
"A good man at rest in the good earth."
Robert closes his eyes, trying to remember the feeling of Aaron's hand in his just moments ago. This morning, feeling his breath against his neck, hearing Seb knocking about this morning, Liv making her brew before Vic got there.
"Robert!"
"Please can you just stop!"
"No-"
"He would have hated it!"
"You don't know that!"
"Yes I do Vic."
"You don't! He would have come round, Dad loved us!"
"Dad loved you Vic! He didn't speak to me for weeks after he saw who I was. Leathered me."
He said it without even thinking about it.
It was like the words were glass bottles, shattering around his feet. He could feel the bleeding on his socks, his shoes.
"I-"
"What did you just say?"
"Vic-"
"Robert, what did you say?"
He swallowed the dry of his throat, "Dad loved you Vic, he loved all of us. He was a good man, remember that, okay?"
"He hurt you? No, he wouldn't. Not for that."
With that, Aaron came back over, "You coming, old man?"
Robert stared.
"What's going on?"
"Ask him," Vic said, already on her way out.
"Robert?"
"I told her. I didn't even mean to, she just kept saying how proud he'd be and how he'd love you and Liv and Seb. I just couldn't listen anymore. I couldn't get the words out, I've ruined her dad. I'm the worst brother, Aaron. I've ruined her family-"
"Shh, shh," Aaron held him, kissing his temple, "You told her about what he did?"
Robert breathed heavily, nodding. He felt a kiss to his forehead, and with that his breath came back, "I told her he leathered me. I didn't say anything else. She didn't believe it. You don't think she's telling Diane, do you?"
"I don't know, love. Calm down first, yeah?"
.
Eventually, they made their way back home. Seb was happy enough, still with Diane at the pub, and Robert was glad his son didn't have to see him like this.
"Look, you didn't ruin her dad," Aaron said, sitting next to him at the table, he places a brew in front of his husband, "Your dad hurt you, he saw something in you he didn't like, and he put his hands on you, that wasn't on you. Rob, you disappeared for years and were on your own. Your dad was ruined for you. You didn't want to go see him on your birthday, you didn't want to think of him. He ruined your dad, never mind Vic's dad."
Robert fiddled with the handle on the mug, "She's my little sister, Aaron. If you could protect Liv, wouldn't you do that?"
"Even if you protect her, you still hurt, Rob. Think about it. If I didn't tell you about Gordon, I would be dead by now. Never mind what Liv knew about her dad, I wouldn't be here. She didn't need a dad like that. You deserve people to know why you were like that for all those years. You didn't have affair after affair for the crack of it. You were terrified of me before you even knew why."
Tears were still collecting in Robert's eyes, knowing his secret had finally left his chest, "I could live with it, you couldn't. My dad didn't do that much damage."
"Rob, look at me," he took Robert's hands, "You liked a boy. That's not a crime, it doesn't matter what year it was, what you were doing, what he thought you were doing. You didn't deserve to have your dad's hands on you, okay?"
Robert lifted their hands, and placed a kiss on Aaron's palm.
"You believe me?" Aaron asks.
"It's because I don't want to feel less than proud."
"Hm?"
"You said before, that I didn't want to think of my dad today. When I think of my dad, I don't think about this too much anymore, not since we got back together. Our family, it means the world to me. When I think of what happened, it makes me second guess this, us. What we have. And I don't want to do that. I'm dead proud of everything I have. You, Liv and Seb. That's what I'm proud of, and thinking of my dad makes me question things that I shouldn't."
"Your dad did that."
Robert nods, "I guess he did, but Vic didn't know that, and now she's probably telling Diane and I don't want to lose them."
"I won't let that happen."
Robert rubs the backs of Aaron's hands, as the door flies open, "Hi losers," Liv exclaims, Seb towing next to her, "I stopped by the pub, and he wanted to be back at home, was getting cranky from all reports."
Aaron stands, kissing Robert's head, "I'll get him down for his nap," he says, as Liv looks over at the state of Robert.
"Y'alright?"
Robert nods, "Yeah, what's that?"
Liv looks down and remembers the box in her hand, "Cake. Still your birthday, init? I forgot to get it in town and that's all David had so caterpillar cake it is."
"Thanks, Liv."
She puts the cake down at the table, and take's Aaron's seat, "So what's going on?"
"Nothing-"
"Robert."
"Really, it's nothing. Just some stuff with Vic."
She can hear the strain on his voice, and she knows this is the Robert who's second-guessing things. She's learned all his ticks and tells in the same way she's picked them up with Aaron, so she knows full well when he's carrying something, "You're a goodun, you know."
"You what?"
"I won't say it much but you're good. Proper stepped up for us, and we wouldn't be a family like this without you. You do your best for us, right? You're enough for us, Rob."
Robert smiles, feeling tears in his eyes, nodding again.
Aaron came down the stairs then, taking another seat, baby monitor in hand, "He's out like a light, as per." By the feeling in the room, he knew he'd missed something, "We okay?"
"Yeah, Liv got me a cake."
"The staple caterpillar cake, I see."
Liv smiles, knowing they'll be good as long as they're here. She likes knowing her home can be a bubble for them. Growing up she had to deal with so much on her own, she likes just knowing everything will be fine in these walls. She sees Aaron's hand reaching for Robert's thigh, and she knows something has happened but just sitting here, she knows he'll be fine here, too.
"Liv, while you're here and we're being soft, I should probably tell you sommat before you hear it God knows where," Robert starts.
Liv looks over to Aaron, who's already murmuring something like Are you sure?
Robert looks sure and terrified all at once, and it seems like his chest is rattling with something.
"Something about my dad."
.
Luckily, Liv believed Robert, and it gave him something to work with other than the feeling of Vic's words. He found it hard to think of himself as someone who needed people to believe him about something he never thought would leave his throat, but here he is. He's trying to play on distractions at the minute, entertaining himself by seeing Seb surrounded with bouncy balls and puzzle pieces.
"Mum rang, she said to come down to the pub when we're ready," Aaron sat, throwing himself onto the couch, stretching his legs out while Robert is sat on the floor with his son, "She's bought you something. Think she wants to see Seb before tomorrow too."
"The pub?"
"She said Vic and Diane are there but just to go through the back door if something was up."
Robert plays with Seb's fingers, thinking, "Did she know?"
"Nothing at all. I said something had happened with Vic, and she said that Vic had a face on her but her and Diane hadn't spoken to anyone much, been in a booth all afternoon."
"Right then."
Aaron puts a hand through his husband's hair, "I'll be there, okay?"
.
When they get to the pub, Seb's a bit fussy and Liv's gagging for a brew. Chas finds them in the back, "Birthday boy, pressie time, is it?"
"Hiya," Robert says, helping Seb onto the sofa. He'd been starting to climb by himself, mainly just to stand up, he couldn't properly get onto furniture yet.
"Marlon's even made a sneaky cake for yous, he thought Vic was going to do it but she's not been at work since last week so you can have that in a bit," she says, putting a small white box and a wrapped rectangular-shaped present in Robert's lap.
Aaron smiles as Liv passes him a tea, and leaves one on the table for Robert, "Cheers, Liv."
Robert opens the wrapped present to find a framed photograph from when they all went to Whitby with Seb last month. Chas had wanted a day away from the pub so him and Aaron thought it was time for Seb to have a day there. He spent hours stumbling over the cobblestones and looking in shop windows, Chas ended up buying him a lucky duck, and let him choose out the colours - now the windowsill in Seb's room is adorned with a little burgundy glass duck to remind them. He opens the small box to find a lucky duck of his own, a little navy blue one.
Robert looked at the faces in the picture, he and Aaron were stood together, with Seb hanging off of Robert, and Chas and Liv sat in front of them. They had to ask a stranger to take a photo, and Robert remembers not feeling scared, and realising he's not afraid for people to see his little family. His husband. And their little bubble. Staring into this photograph now, a black wooden frame around it, he smiles. Loving Aaron and their little family is the one thing he thinks he's really good at. He's made all sorts of mistakes, but now with his family and with the love he has, this is the one thing he's good at. And it's the thing he knows he can do forever.
"You like it, Rob? Chas's voice rips him from his trance, "It's nothing much but-"
"It's everything. Thank you."
He can feel Aaron's hand on his wrist, "Well, if that's everything, wait until you see Marlon's cake, reckon you're easy to please today, love."
.
"I want to go through, I think."
"You sure? We can stay here if you want, you don't need to do this today," Aaron reassured him.
Robert shook his head, "No, it's out there now. I want today to be about our family. If Vic and Diane don't believe me or can't be around today. I think that's okay. I've got time."
"Right, let's go then," Aaron stood, Seb already on his way out, "I'm right here, eh?"
"You always are."
.
"Two pints, an orange juice, and some of them crisps Liv liked, please Chas."
Aaron, Seb and Liv sat at the back, wanting to keep away from Diane and Vic until Robert was ready, when Robert got back, Aaron could feel the eyes of Vic on the side of his head.
"I think I'm gonna just go over to them, and have the chat now, save them staring for the whole time," Robert says, breath shaky.
Aaron looked up, "You want me to come?"
"No, I'll go alone, just keep an eye out, and if I look like I need you more than usual," he jokes, "Maybe come over."
"Alright," Aaron smiles, taking his hand from under the table, "You can do it, hm? Remember what we said, you don't owe him anything, he did something that hurt you. You aren't ruining anything by being honest about it."
Robert nods, smoothing Seb's hair from where he's sat on Liv's lap, "I'll be back."
.
Robert makes his way over, putting a chair on the edge of the booth, not exactly wanting to be sat next to Vic or Diane for the conversation, "Hiya."
"Rob," Vic says, immediately hugging him, "I'm sorry for storming off, I completely believe you, 'kay? I love you, I'm sorry it happened, I was a right cow."
"You believe me?"
"Course I do, you idiot," she smiles against his cheek, kissing it, "You're my big brother, why would you lie?"
"What's going on?" Diane questions.
She didn't tell her.
Vic holds onto Robert's hand, nodding at him.
And he tells her. He tells her it all.
"There used to be a lad called Stephen, he worked on me dad's farm. I don't think you were with my dad yet, Diane."
"Yes, I remember him. Your dad and me were just friends then, I think. Can't remember, really. Stephen was around the village on his off hours, though. Jack mentioned him sometimes," Diane turned to Vic, "I think you were only little, pet. Robert, you must only have been a teenager."
"Fifteen."
"So I would have been about seven," Vic points out, trying to do the quick maths in her head.
Robert looked at his hand in hers, and quickly looked over to Aaron, who had his head lingering between him and playing around with Seb, "Stephen was the first boy I liked."
"Oh," Diane says, "I didn't know you liked a man before Aaron."
"Well, yeah," Robert breathed for a second, "Plenty, really. Aaron was the first that I let myself go with. Stephen was kind of the reason it took so long. Wasn't to do with him, really. We used to just get on, joke about. We were kids, I didn't know anyone else who liked lads. All I knew was that he liked me. I didn't care much that he was a bloke per say, didn't pay it much mind."
Victoria smiled, knowing the innocence her big brother would have had, "That's nice, that you had that, I'm glad you did."
"I knew it wasn't that common for me to like a boy, I knew the lads at school didn't, because kids that age, they only go on about girls, don't they? I thought it was me being stupid, but Stephen understood it. He liked me back."
Diane nodded along.
Robert saw Aaron looking over, and heard Liv nattering along to him, "One day, he kissed me. And I liked it, I really did. And I took him up to my room."
"Did you-"
"No," Robert interrupted, "Dad, he came in, found us. We were on my bed."
Diane swallowed, "What did he say?"
"Not much. Grabbed the back of my t-shirt, pushed me onto the floor, yelled for Stephen to get out, that he was fired."
Robert could feel his stepmother's eyes, looking him up and down, for his eyes twitching, for his hands shaking, for anything that would show he was a liar. He could feel his sister's thumb, rubbing back and forth on his hand. He could feel Aaron, all around him. He was across the pub, but still could feel him. He was stronger for it.
Robert blinked for a second before saying, "He didn't talk much for the next hour or so, he leathered me for a while without a word. I cried while he did, flinched. He didn't want someone like me, or Stephen in his house, his farm. Around Vic, or anyone, really."
Diane sat up, blinking a lot more, her mouth opening and closing a few times.
Vic put Robert's hand in both of hers, instead her clinging onto just one.
"He didn't talk to me for weeks after. He told me that night that he'd hurt me because I was bunking off. What happened to skivers, he said, but we both knew what it was for. He'd caught me skiving, who knows how many times before and he just used to tell me get back, never did that before," Robert looked over at Aaron again, nodding at him.
Aaron knew then that Robert had got the words out, his own words, and that he was okay. He just hoped Diane would say the right thing, he'd seen Vic hug him before, so he was hoping Diane believed every word like Victoria.
Diane shook her head, "No."
"Diane?" Vic turned to her.
"He didn't do that. He hated that sort of thing, he hated roughing you kids up. He went mad at you for something about leaving Vic on her own once, he hit you a few times, he told me that was the first time he laid a hand on one of yous. He wouldn't lie, he was a good man."
Robert sat straighter, nodding, "It's okay, if you don't believe me."
Vic felt her heart breaking, "Diane, this is why Robert has been like he has been for years. Can't you just listen to him?"
"Jack wouldn't do that. If he did, it wasn't like Robert's saying. I'm sorry, love, but no. It's not like you haven't lied about worse before."
Aaron found his way over, holding onto Robert's shoulder, "Diane, it's taken everything he has to tell you."
"I'm sorry, Robert pet, but it didn't happen. Your dad, he wasn't like that. He accepted, was open."
"I don't think he was like that, not really. Just, he didn't want a son like it," Robert said, Aaron massaged his shoulder, to make him feel comfort, even if Diane wouldn't believe him.
Diane shook her head, "I'm sorry, pet. I just can't believe that, not your dad."
"Well, I better get back to Seb," Robert stood, "Marlon's made a cake, you'll have some later, yeah?"
"Robert-" Aaron started.
Robert rubs his husband's arm, "I'm okay," he smiles, "I'm fine, promise."
.
It's five o'clock when Marlon comes out with the cake, Seb was starting to get hungry himself, and Robert's pretty sure that Aaron told his mum that they would be off soon.
The pub sings happy birthday, and Robert really feels it, these people used to hate him. Hated who he was, even Aaron. Liv. Chas and Cain. Aaron made him better, Andy was right. He was better for it, so he smiles and blows the candles. Hears the old man jokes Chas throws at him, feels Cain's pat on his back, Zak's laughter. Feels Seb standing on the chair to see the candles' smoke. Feels Liv smiling with her eyes crinkling, singing her heart out. With it, he kisses Aaron. They never did it in public, not really. But he wanted to, this was what he was proud of.
He hears the whistles of the scattered Dingles', from Kerry and Bernice in the corner. He feels their love.
Seb clambers over onto Aaron's lap, "Happy birthday, Daddy Robert," Aaron says. And Robert kisses his son's cheeks.
"Shall we go home, then?"
"Home it is."
.
After Seb's fed and has a bath, it's almost 7, so he's in his pyjamas and ready for bed.
"Somebody wants a story, Daddy Robert," Aaron says, holding Seb, who's got his giraffe hanging from his hand, blanket covering him. "I thought you could send him off down here and we can take him up, special day, init?"
Robert smiles, "Alright little man, let's get comfy while Daddy Aaron picks out a story, eh?" Aaron runs back up to Seb's room to grab a book from his shelf. He smiles at the photos on the stand, Liv had painted the frames with polka dots and little doodles of ladybirds and leaves, each photo of their little family.
Once he has one picked, he comes back down to the sofa where Seb is already drifting to sleep from being laid with his dad, and Robert starts to read.
While his husband reads, Aaron strokes the skin between his son's eyebrows, and down the bridge of his nose. He used to do it when Robert couldn't get Seb to sleep, but before they had got back together, it became a habit as it always sent him straight off to sleep. After a few minutes, Seb was out.
.
Liv came downstairs after an hour, finding Aaron and Robert at the table.
"You okay?"
"I'm great, Liv. I love you, you know."
"Alright softie don't get too much, I know it's your birthday but there's still boundaries."
Robert smiles, "I know, madam."
Vic quietly knocks and opens the door, "Rob."
"Hey."
"I'm so sorry," she says, making her way over to hug her brother from behind, standing just behind the back of his chair.
Robert shakes his head, "I expected it, don't worry, really. I kept it a secret for you, not because I was scared you wouldn't believe me."
"You what?"
"You're my baby sister, I wanted you to have the dad you knew you had, I didn't want you thinking he was someone who hated people. He didn't want a son like how I've turned out, but you didn't need to know that. Both your parents were gone before you deserved them to go, I wanted your memory of Dad to be good, not just what he did to me that one time."
Victoria kisses her brother's head, "You're so good, you know?"
Aaron and Liv smile, "I'll just check on Seb, come with me, Liv?"
Victoria takes Aaron's seat, and holds Robert's hands.
"Thank you for trying to protect me, but what about you? Hm? This is why you hid everything for so long, you deserved better than that."
"I'm okay. Honestly, I am. It just gets me on days like today, weddings sometimes. It hit me on mine and Aaron's wedding, the first one, but I had him. I'm so lucky to have him, and Seb, and Liv, this little family. I don't really care about what he would think when I have them. They're all I need, and you, Vic, you mean the world to me. I'm glad you know, a bit. I wish you didn't need to know but you do now, and that's okay, I reckon."
"When did you tell Aaron?"
Robert huffs a laugh, "First time I tried to propose, we were fighting, and he wanted to understand my bisexuality better. So I told him, and he was perfect."
Victoria puts a hand on his cheek, "I'm proud of you, even if we don't know if he would be. I reckon he'd have come 'round, to see you like this. Superdad. Best big brother ever."
"I'm proud of me too."
.
Later on, Liv goes to bed, kissing Robert's cheek. Victoria went back to Keeper's earlier, so it's just Aaron and Robert.
"Good birthday then?"
"Anything's good if I have you."
"Soft."
Aaron smiles, "Close your eyes, I have an idea," he gets up from the sofa, where they've been laid and watching stupid telly for the last hour.
"Am I gonna regret it?"
"Cheeky git, get 'em closed."
Robert laughs, hearing a box opening, "You're taking forever," he whines.
"Shut up."
"You can't say that it's my birthday," Aaron can almost see the smirk on his husband's lips.
Aaron chuckles, "You'll be saying nothing if I smack you one in a minute."
Robert can feel him getting closer, "Can I open?"
"Yeah, go on then," he says, putting a plate on the coffee table.
Robert's eyes open, seeing the caterpillar cake, with six lit candles in it, and he laughs.
"Two cakes in one day!"
"Can't waste a good caterpillar cake," he smiles, "I'll even let you have the head piece."
"You spoil me, you."
"Get it blown out, wish for sommat."
Robert looks at him, and he blows out the candles.
fin.