Chapter Text
Just a Momentary Thing
Chapter 1
Prologue
September 2018
It rained all evening and into the morning. The dark clouds and overcast sky made it look like it was night rather than the early hours of the morning. The chill in the air added an extra layer of misery. It was fitting because misery was exactly the word Veronica would use to describe the day. If her father hadn’t talked her into this, this day would have unraveled the same way the last five days had unraveled. She would have laid in bed until noon, watched day-time television, pretended she was fine then cried when no one was looking.
The coverings on the large windows of the apartment did little to conceal the dread. Every few minutes a bolt of light lit up the clouds and it was like the universe was delivering its deepest sympathy. A short time ago she would stand outside on the balcony, and watch the early morning surfers while she drank her coffee. Today the beach was desolate, the sand was speckled with dents from the rain drops.
Veronica contorted her body to see her back in the bathroom mirror as she struggled to zip up her dress. Quiet conversation could be heard from the living-room and she was tempted to call for help when she figured she’d snagged the zipper on the fabric. Upon close inspection she realized it hadn’t snagged. The zipper had reached the highest point possible. It didn’t fit. Are you kidding me?
She took a deep calming breath and stood still for a moment trying to keep herself from having a full on meltdown. Screaming that she wasn’t leaving the house before rushing back to her bedroom to put her sweatpants back on. She felt like an idiot for ever thinking it would fit. Instead of the modest and appropriate black dress she had laid out the night before, she had to wear a blush colour that felt altogether too cheery for the worst day Neptune had ever seen.
As soon as she arrived at the venue, the clouds disappeared and the sun was shining happily. The concrete pathways which had been soaked, shiny and a gloomy grey colour were now bright, white and completely dry. The chilly wind had transformed into a soft warm breeze that blew around the scent of thriving garden flowers. The weather no longer matched her mood and it felt like a betrayal. Veronica looked out the floor to ceiling window to the courtyard and watched as everyone in their Sunday-best arrived. They all did the same thing. They arrived. Then stood outside chatting quietly. It was truly beautiful and would make for a picturesque wedding or a lovely, summer garden party but people were not gathering to celebrate anything today. She watched Wallace and Shae meet up with Mac. Air kisses and hugs before frowns and perfunctory conversations, probably about how Mac’s flight was or how beautiful the grounds were. Awkward small talk about whether they should go inside or wait outside a little longer. Questions about how she was and if anyone had seen her.
“Well thank goodness the weather cleared up. It could have made for a real depressing affair,” Veronica glanced down at her dress. A dress that had been in her closet waiting for a certain celebration that would never come.
“You don’t have to make a joke, Honey,” Keith said sadly. He squeezed her arm gently then stretched his arms behind him. His hands linked together as he rocked on the balls of his feet.
“Sure I do,” she said before looking up at the ceiling, her tongue firmly against the roof of her mouth to keep her lip from trembling. He pulled a handkerchief from his suit jacket and tried handing it to her. She wouldn’t take it so Keith took hold of her hand and forced it into her fist. In order to not cause a scene she didn’t fight against it as much as she wanted to.
People she barely knew continued to approach and apologize to her. She crossed her arms wondering how much longer she had to do this. She was annoyed with Keith for manipulating her into thinking this was a necessary occasion. A side table filled up with sympathy cards. She contemplated what the hell she’d do with those. There was no need for keepsakes, this was definitely going to be a day to forget. If only she could fast-forward today. Though, if fast-forwarding through time was possible she’d rather fast-forward through the next year. If time was the only thing that healed then she wished she’d wake up and it would be three hundred and sixty-five days in the future because this last week had been nothing but painful. And as far as she could tell, today wasn’t any better than yesterday or the day before.
Keith stood quietly, his hands still linked behind him. She knew he didn’t know what to say to her either. No one knew what to say to her. People were still arriving when some soft music started playing in the foyer. For some unexplained reason, when Dick arrived she’d had enough. Before she had a chance to get away, a dark-haired middle-aged woman approached, “Hello Veronica,” she took hold of her elbow. Her dad seemed to know her or at least he pretended to but she can’t recall ever seeing this woman in her life. “I am so sorry,...,” her hand made its way to hold Veronica’s, her hands were soft and for a moment she felt comforted when she looks in her eyes. “I can’t even imagine,...” It’s too intense and Veronica felt if she started crying she wouldn’t be able to stop. A fake smile pulled at Veronica’s lips, “Will you please excuse me,” she said before she rushed away from the woman.
It seemed everyone’s eyes were on Veronica as she crossed over the spacious room. The pity was enough to make her sick. Her throat was so sore and she knew she was holding her breath. She walked faster, her heels tapped loudly on the hardwood floor towards the washroom to find some solace. It was times like these that she wished she still carried ‘Out of Order’ signs. She could slap one on the door and give herself some much needed privacy. Before heading into the women’s restroom she changed her mind and went straight for the men’s.
It felt like all the air forced out of her lungs when she saw him. He had been the epitome of a rock, and now she wondered how much of that was a facade. His usual larger than life presence was gone. He was completely wilted. This was supposed to be her last resort to keeping herself off the floor. The sight of him exposed a deep fear she had been pushing out of her mind, her solid ground was all an illusion. He had been pretending the same way she was.
The sound of the door swinging back startled him. He stood up to his usual height. Wiped his eyes quickly with a sniff, then tossed a wad of tissues in the trash before he immediately grabbed a couple fresh ones from the box on the counter.
“Logan?” His back stiffened at her voice and he squared his shoulders. “It’s just me”, she let him know.
When he looked in her direction her heart sunk further. His eyes were so red, they looked incredibly painful. “Hey,...” he sounded more upbeat than she expected. The voice didn't match his look in the least, “,...ready?” he asked with a soft smile. Why did he feel the need to do that? It was like he could read her mind. She needed him to keep her steady and he instinctively knew that meant he had to hide.
“Not yet,” she answered and approached closer, he nodded and looked back at his reflection in the mirror with another sniff. “Do you need anything? I can bring you some water or something if you want to stay here,” again, his voice was even and didn’t match his appearance. She shook her head no.
“Okay, I'll just be a minute,” he said making her nod shyly. She wondered if he was asking her to leave.
“Ok,” she swallowed smoothing out her dress. “Umm,...Dick is here,” She didn’t know why she thought that would comfort him. With that new knowledge, Logan’s hand immediately went up to cover his eyes, his face scrunched and his shoulders shrugged up and bounced when he couldn’t stop himself from crying. “I know,” her voice cracked before she went straight to him and wrapped her arms around his waist. She felt relieved when his muffled cries stilled and he rested his head against hers. His arms reached around and squeezed her tightly against him.
“,...don’t want to do this,” he whispered.
“Me either,” she agreed before she buried her head in his chest seeking comfort only he could provide.
When they both emerged from the restroom, they noticed more people had arrived. Veronica didn’t think they knew this many people. She suspected a lot of them were Logan’s comrades who all arranged to attend without his invitation. Veronica noticed Mac’s eyes from across the room. Mac smiled softly, sadly but didn’t rush to her friend like she wanted to. Mac had tried to visit Veronica at home the day she arrived in Neptune but that had been a particularly bad day.
It started out when a neighbor dropped off a seafood casserole. It was supposed to be a nice gesture, a meal so they didn’t have to cook. Veronica tore the top off the casserole dish and dumped the entire thing in the trash before furiously cleaning it for courteous return. Keith had tried stopping her while she sanitized the counter and anything else that might have been contaminated by shellfish. “He can’t eat that!” she cried. Tears had left streaks all the way down to her chin while she laid in bed eavesdropping on Logan who was on the phone with Mac. He told her that it wouldn’t be the best time for a visit and he would see her on Sunday. “She’s just really tired,” he said softly. “she knows, Mac,” he said. “Thank you. Yeah I know. Thank you.”
About an hour later Veronica’s phone chimed with a text message from Mac that simply read, There’s a Mama Leone’s lasagna, with your name on it, sitting on the porch. I love you xoxo - Mac
Veronica now approached Mac. Neither said a word, before Mac enveloped her in a protective hug. Veronica melted into the friend she hadn’t seen in months. They only pulled from their hug when the room had cleared out considerably. People had been funneling into a room with lined up chairs. Logan approached Veronica and warmly greeted Mac, “Hey Mac,” he smiled gently.
“Hey you,” she tilted her head to the side with a teary grin trying to fight the sore feeling in her throat and the pain she was feeling for her best-friend. Logan inhaled sharply and his eyes rolled up to the ceiling to try and keep composure. At that moment someone gave Logan a gentle shove, he wasn’t surprised to see who it had been. Dick gave his grieving friend a serious nod before going to the room to find a seat.
Wallace tapped Veronica on the shoulder and they hugged while Logan hugged Shae. They switched and Shae smiled softly at her friend, “Hey sweetie,” It was as if Veronica’s body responded alone when Shae hugged her, she stiffened and pulled away quickly finding relief in Logan. The music began to swell to a more noticeable volume. Veronica and Logan linked arms, then walked into the room. She noticed the beautiful easel was positioned at the entrance. It was like a sharp knife dug into her heart. “uh God,..,” She turned into his shoulder at the sight of it.
Riley Lane Mars
August 20th 2018 - August 30th 2018
The next morning she got out of bed earlier than usual, it wasn’t like she was sleeping anyway with the same ‘what if’ thoughts running through her mind. Her dad was wrong, there was no closure. The worst part of all had to be when the funeral director went on a tangent about celebrating life, she could practically feel Logan’s jaw clench in anger. She also couldn’t help but be hurt that her mom hadn't shown up.
She walked over to a pile of cards on the counter and tossed them into the recycling bin. She pulled her robe on and walked to the kitchen. Logan was already gone. He was usually up and at it by five am and out the door no later than six. She could see his surf-board out in the water. She tied her robe, opened the sliding glass door, and went out on the balcony to get a better look. She couldn’t remember a time Logan went out for waves as pathetic as these. She could barely see any waves at all but she could see him sitting on his board. When she saw him paddle in towards the shore, she went back to the kitchen and put on a pot of coffee. She poured two cups, cream and sugar for her, black for him and glanced at the photos still left on the fridge. She wasn’t sure she would ever be able to take them down. She brought her mug towards her lips and glanced back outside wondering what was taking him so long. Veronica’s heart sank when she noticed he was now sitting in the sand facing the water. He was wearing a sweater and his hooded head rested between his knees. Pony nudged her in the leg and she dropped down to his level and sat on the floor. “Hey buddy,” she smiled softly and gave him a rub between the ears. “He’ll be back soon,” she cuddled him closer. "He'll be ok soon,"