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"No, I ain't sharin' my copy of Watership Down with you," Dave drawled, cocking an eyebrow at Jade. "Now scram, you're blockin' my sunlight."
"We're not that different, you and I!" she replied. "You, an ambiguous criminal past. Me, I stuffed the dead body of my own grandpa!"
"TMI."
***
"Nepeta. I insist that you button the top button of your sweater. It is extremely lewd otherwise."
"Whatefur you say, Equius!" she said, complying with his demands of modesty.
But as soon as his back was turned, she stripped down to a bikini and went swimming with Jake. She reminisced back to the time when he was first trying to win her heart, how nobody ever thought he could be good enough for her. Goddammit, she should've just stayed in her cave where she could kill things in peace.
***
"I've finally captured you, Mister Vantas. And I have all sorts of ways to make people talk," said Dirk cooly, surveying his prisoner.
"THE FUCK DO YOU WANT TO KNOW? IT'S NOT LIKE I'M THE LEADER OF SOME FAILED SOCIAL EXPERIMENT WHO IS KEEPING AN ENTIRE CITY OF PEOPLE HOSTAGE AS PART OF A SICK GAME! IT'S NOT LIKE WE'VE BEEN SPYING ON YOU AND STEALING YOUR WRIGGLERS! JUST LAY THE FUCK OFF ME FOR ONCE, YOU PARANOID PSYCHOPATH!"
***
"The numbers! You need to type in the numbers!" screamed Roxy over the shrill alarm. "Otherwise we might all die! Or something!"
"I'm trying! I'm trying!" yelled Sollux in reply, who was incapacitated for some reason. He clawed his way over to the computer terminal, thinking about how that goddamn alarm was going to give him a migraine before he knew it. He scrambled to type the numbers, making a few typos in panicked haste, backspace! backspace! okay, here we go...
4 13 6 12 10 25 ....
Just as he was about to smash the "enter" key, the alarm stopped entirely, and a giant metal door slammed shut. The clock stopped counting down and started spinning backwards, then... turned into heiroglyphics... ?
"Bird, bird, other-bird?" Roxy read uncertainly.
"Yep, that's what it looks like it says," agreed Sollux.
"Welp. Looks like we're trapped. Wanna make out?"
"Duh!!"
***
Far away, but not too far, at the bottom of a cave illuminated by the glittering waters of a golden stream...
"SISTER. OBSERVE. HOW THE HuMANS AND TROLLS ARE ALL SO VERY STuPID. IT MAKES ME WANT TO CHOKE. EACH AND EVERY ONE OF THEM PERSONALLY. HOW COULD YOU EVER HAVE IMAGINED. THAT ANY OF THESE MISERABLE IDIOTS. WOuLD LIVE uP TO YOuR SOCIAL EXPERIMENT?"
"i picked them by the nUmbers! they were the very best ones! bUt don't get too cocky yet, brother dearest. one of them will persevere yet! i still have faith in hUmanity!"
"WELL. I HOPE THEY ARE AT LEAST HAVING AN AWFuL TIME. HERE... IN PuRGATORY!!!"
(both laugh)