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“Crowley, what are we doing here?” Aziraphale looked through the Bentley’s window to the myriad of humans in creepy costumes converging at one point.
“I told you we were going somewhere on Thursday, angel.” Crowley left the car, but Aziraphale didn’t miss that smirk. Aziraphale followed him out of the car to where he was standing, facing a sign. “Ngh, I expected this.” The demon turned to the angel. “Angel, you need to do something about... this.” He said vaguely waving at his general direction. And, oh! Now he had scales on his face How lovely.
“What is this? And dear, you are looking a little more demonic than normal.”
“You are too fluffy and if we want to get in there, you have to be less friendly looking.” Aziraphale stretched to read the sign over his shoulder.
“THE MANSION OF TERROR
100m-->
COME TO THE HAUNTEST HOUSE IN LONDON!
FREE ENTRY
ONLY WITH COSTUME”
“”The Mansion of Terror. Free entry with costume.” A haunted house attraction?” To say Aziraphale was disappointed was an understandment. When Crowley told him last night he would be picking him up for a surprise, he was expecting a nice dinner in a nice restaurant, not a costume party in a dirty, poor lit street. And it must have showed on his face, because Crowley immediately changed his posture, prepared to do the temp-the-angel dance.
“Come on, it will be fun!”
“We don’t share the same definition of fun.” Aziraphale murmured.
“What were you expecting, a nice walk on the park, today?”
“I don’t see why all the excitement.”
“It’s Halloween, angel. You know, scary movies? People dressed as monsters and over sexualized... everything?” Crowley waved his hand in a circular motion.
“That one is yours, isn’t it?”
“Yeah, but not the point. Come on! Or are you afraid or something?” Crowley gave him a cheeky smile.
“Nonsense. I just don’t like spooky things.”
“Oh, we averted the End of the World, sure you can face humans with plastic horns.” Aziraphale couldn’t see his eyes, but he just knew he was doing that weird thing he couldn’t say no to.
“Fine!” He side glanced the demon before closing his eyes, and when he opened them again, he had a couple more, as in, fifteen in total. And a spiky gold crown. “This will do, right?”
“And they think demons are the scary ones.” He took off his glasses and sauntered to the line. “Let’s go angel!”
After an hour and a half and a Halloween dance, they were almost there.
“I hate lines.” Crowley grumbled, remembering he was the one who proposed the unpractical waiting method. Aziraphale was on his right, looking anxious between the decorations and the humans in costume. Some were very into it. He heard of this haunted house on Twitter a couple of years ago, but between being a nanny to the fake Antichrist and stopping the Armageddon, he hadn’t got the opportunity to check it out.
He heard good things about it, but he had to say he was impressed. There were projectors showing ghosts and apparitions on the walls. To their left, they had a cracked porcelain doll ready to burn for witchcraft next to three nooses of different lengths where people were taking photos. They had left behind a while ago an electric chair with a twitching dummy and a guillotine, which resurfaced some old memories. He promised they’ll go for crepes after that. They couldn’t see much from the outside, but the lighting, the sound effects and the fake smoke made a nice atmosphere. Huh, the zombie guard was back with a group of people exiting the house. Looks like they were next.
“How many are you?” He asked with a rough voice.
“Just me and my friend here.” Azirhapale turn to the guard.
“Awesome costume, a demon right?” He took note on his tablet. They had been taking notes of what everyone was dressing as. “And what are you supposed to be? Those eyes are cool.” Aziraphal looked offended the human didn’t recognize him as an angel and Crowley had to fight a laugh.
“I’m not supposed to be anything. I’m an angel, young man.” Crowley took him by the shoulders and directed him to the front door.
“Sure you are, angel.” They stood in front of the door, waiting until a girl in a tattered black dress and white contacts gave them the go. Crowley was first and he could feel the angel’s tight grip on his jacket. They entered a room lit with a couple of candles and a lot of pumpkins, two skeleton guards guarding a black curtain with crossed spears. A third actor in a creepy mask was walking ominously around them, then stopping by what appeared to be a demonic shrine. So first they were setting the mood, great.
“Look angel, looks like my loot came too.” Aziraphale gave him a weak laugh before tensing when the guy in the mask came to him an looked at him reaaaaaally close. The guards retired the spears to let them go and they went forward, the guy in the mask followed them, his clawed hand going through the curtain, reaching for the angel's head before disappearing.
They entered into a green lighted room with blood all over the walls. There they found a bloody surgeon and his tall, bony, scrawny assistance of black eyes.
“I think they are making dinner!” Crowley said, looking to the microwave with a head inside. Aziraphale was more preoccupied with the guts on the table the surgeon was going through aggressively. The assistance stared at him in the eyes, towering over him, and he stared back. Did he really want to scare a demon by staring? Kudos for not blinking for a minute. He gave up with a shiver and waved to the next curtain. Crowley went through it, leaving a stunned angel behind.
He was alone in a dark corridor, at his left there was a serial killer scene in a bathroom, with a pig’s heart on the sink and all. And to his right, there was what appears to be a little girl's room. Crowley peered into the bathroom and a masked man tried to jumpscare him, he responded with an enthusiastic “Nice!”. He heard a shriek and turn around just to see Aziraphale coming through the curtain being chased and stabbed with a rubber knife by the surgeon.
“Crowley. Why did you leave me?” The angel looked afflicted at him with all his eyes and grabbed his arm firmly. He smiled, and Aziraphale gave him an unamused pout.
“Sorry angel. Look in the bathroom, they’d made an impressing job with it.” Crowley guided him to the bathroom and as soon he glanced inside he was screaming again after being jumpscare. Crowley was having too much fun. He laughed, wheezing.
They then went inside the girl’s room. On the door there was a name, Leyre. Two girls stood inside surrounded by dolls. Crowley crouched before the girls.
“Which one of you is Leyre?” The younger one raised her hand with an exited. “Me!”. “Oh! You have a very nice room. Love what you have done with the dolls. Why don’t you show my friend”, he pointed at Aziraphale who stood at the doorway,” some of them?” The older girl went quietly to pick up some creepy dolls to show to the angel, whom eyes were looking from the dolls, to the little girl now clutching his leg, and Crowley, murderously. Crowley looked down the corridor and guessed that was the exit. With one last hidden jumpscare.
“Okay girls, we have to go now. Keep the good decor!” He grabbed a agitated Aziraphale by the shoulders guiding him to the exit. “Well, that was fun.”
“As I said before, dear, we do not shaAAAAHHHHH!” They went through the curtain and sure enough, a girl with long black hair and a bloodied night gown came from their right, scaring the hell out of the angel. Crowley snorted and howled after his trembling friend. The humans looked at them confused on their way to the Bentley’s parking spot.
“You are uncorrectable, you old fiend!” Aziraphale pouted once sat in the car.
“Ehhh hehehe... That was fun, angel! You can’t deny that was really good.” He rolled his fifteen eyes. “Okay, what about some crepes now?”
“I would like that!” Aziraphale automatically beamed, literally. “Can we go to that place we found in 2009? The one with the great variety of syrups, you know which.” Like the last half hour never happened, Crowley though.
“Yeah, yeah. But turn it down a bit with the Holynessssss, will ya?” Crowley put his sunglasses back on and drove like a mad man to get his angel some well earned crepes.