Chapter Text
“Maybe try going to the zoo this time, something inland.”
Eddie’s words had been drifting around Buck’s mind since that unexpected visit last week, popping up whenever he was trying to plan his next day with Chris. Despite Eddie’s heartfelt trust, Buck had still been anxious to take Chris anywhere outside his apartment - opting to either have food delivered (thank you GrubHub) or cook it himself, spending most of the day watching Chris’s favorite movies, building misshapen leggo...somethings - and pretty much anything the kid wanted to do that involved staying indoors. Chris didn’t seem to mind, he was just happy to spend any time he could with his Buck - a title that still melted Buck’s heart no matter how many times he heard it.
When it came time for Eddie to pick up Chris, he always asked about their day - glancing at Buck each time it became clear that they had once again not left the apartment, to which Buck would look away and turn his attention to hugging Christopher goodbye one more time. Thankfully, Eddie never said anything, but Buck knew that sooner or later he had to go outside again - with Christopher in tow - because life was continuing to roll along at its usual pace regardless of the trauma left in the tsunami’s wake.
It was a Tuesday night when Buck made the decision that tomorrow would be the day. He’d checked the Los Angeles Zoo website before crawling into bed, adding the times of the animal feeding events and shows into his phone for reference. He made a mental checklist of everything he’d need to pack - sunscreen (he couldn’t do much against a fucking tsunami but at least he could fight the goddamn sun), snacks, water bottle, coloring book and crayons for the drive over.
Buck finished his mental list before checking his phone was plugged in, setting an early alarm and settling under his comforter as an excited smile crept onto his face.
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Warm sunlight bathed his apartment with an early morning glow, reflecting off any shiny surface it could find and adding an almost cartoon-like sparkle to the place. If anything, it only mirrored Buck’s upbeat mood as he double-checked the supplies he’d gathered - coloring books and crayons included. He’d taken the liberty of buying an extra set to keep at his place, and though Buck would never admit it - not even to Maddie - he also has his own coloring book complete with pages featuring first responders. Buck would also deny that the firefighters were colored to resemble his teammates and the cops looked suspiciously like Athena, with Maddie and Christopher added in whenever possible.
Satisfied he hadn’t forgotten anything, Buck checked the time on his phone - was he counting down the seconds until Eddie and Chris got there? Maybe. Would he stop? Nope.
[Eds]: ETA 10 minutes. Btw Chris is very excited :)
The text was already two seconds old, but it felt more like a month old as he began to pace - a habit he’d tried and failed (miserably) to break. Buck stopped suddenly to glance at the hand-made card displayed proudly on his refrigerator. That night at his (subsequently failed) “welcome back” party, Buck had nearly melted onto the patio as Chris handed him the card. The love, adoration and innocent sincerity he’d seen in that kid’s eyes gripping his heart and only confirming his boundless love for his best friend’s kid.
[Me]: Aight sounds good. Tell Chris I’m super excited too!
He resumed his pacing as he casually thumbed from his messaging app to check the weather, even though he’d checked last night and right after he’d woken up. Today was looking like a tastefully warm and sunny day, followed by a few clouds in the evening with a low of 80 degrees. Buck narrowed his eyes, catching the '10% chance of rain' warning in the bottom left corner. Should he bring an umbrella just in case? Ten percent was pretty low, maybe just a poncho?
A knock interrupted his mini-crisis over the weather, replacing concern with overt happiness that spread from his chest to his toes.
Two quick strides to the door and he was opening it, smile brightening at the sight of Eddie and Christopher - the latter flashing his perfect 8-yr old smile and already moving in for a hug.
“Morning Buck!” Chris practically cheered. Buck crouched to return the hug and flashed a bright smile of his own. “Good morning to you too buddy.”
Eddie hadn’t said anything yet, but he shifted into an almost affronted position with one hand on his hip. “What am I? Chopped liver?” He huffed playfully. Chris giggled and said something about liver being gross - which only made it harder for Eddie to maintain his mock frown.
Buck chuckled as he stood, head tilting slightly as he met Eddie’s gaze. “Lucky for you I like chopped liver,” he answered smoothly.
Nice one bonehead.
While he internally berated himself for being both cheesy and saying stupid (if not true in more than one capacity) shit like that, Eddie’s face shifted to something more...flustered? Buck swore his best friend’s cheeks seemed a tad more flushed than necessary, and his eyes held a certain shimmer he couldn’t identify.
But damn if Eddie didn’t look good with whatever that look was on his face.
Another beat passed before Eddie was able to respond, right hand shifting the backpack on his shoulder as he stepped forward, Buck taking his own step backward to allow the other man through the door. Buck definitely didn’t savor the light scent of cologne that lingered after Eddie had passed him, and his pulse definitely didn’t hike up a notch as his friend’s figure became almost perfectly highlighted by the sunlight beaming through his huge windows.
The soft tapping of crutches snapped Buck out of his stupor, effectively shifting the look of pure awe on his face to one of amusement. Chris had already made his way to the couch and was watching a cartoon - Wonderpets or something like that. Buck’s gaze turned soft as he watched him, looking away only after Eddie commented on his supplies spread all over the island counter.
“Interesting spread - you going somewhere?” Eddie couldn’t help sounding a bit hopeful at the idea - Buck had yet to leave the apartment with Chris since the tsunami, and Eddie understood his friends’ hesitation. If the roles had been reversed he might’ve done something similar.
“Well actually I was uh, thinking maybe me and Chris could take a little field trip today.” Buck tried not to make it sound like a question for permission, but the look he gave Eddie pretty much did that for him anyway. Eddie’s eyebrows rose, his lips curling up at the corners. “What did you have in mind?”
Buck released an internal sigh of relief - Eddie didn’t seem bothered by the idea of him taking Chris out, which made sense of course because it wasn’t Eddie who had been keeping them indoors over the past week. He couldn’t help the fear that constantly crept into his heart whenever he thought of being outside with Chris - still couldn’t shake the nightmares that left him gasping for air, drenched in sweat with Christopher’s name on his lips. Talking to Maddie helped, and texting Eddie to check on Christopher usually helped temporarily settle his nerves. This trip still had Buck worried, even if it was a good suggestion from the kid’s father himself - which reassured Buck whenever he started to doubt the idea.
It was too late to back out now, so he shoved the fear and anxiety into a box and kicked it deep into his subconscious.
“The zoo. Turns out they’ve got animal feedings and a petting zoo.” Buck couldn’t help the excited smile on his face as he lowered his voice, “I also heard they have penguins.”
Eddie was silent for a beat before a giant grin bloomed on his face, eyes crinkling in the way that left Buck weak in the knees. “Something inland huh? Good choice.” The other man cocked an eyebrow, “where’d you come up with that?” His smile was now a smirk, arms crossed over his chest as Buck rolled his eyes and got closer. “A friend,” he answered simply - as if he totally didn’t want to pull Eddie close in a more-than-friends kind of way.
Eddie shook his head before setting Chris’s backpack on the counter. It still looked brand new, no signs of a certain ketchup stain, no NASA pin over the bottom pocket - even the color was off. It was a lighter navy blue than the old one, lost to the waves at the pier like the bodies Buck had been too late to save. The images flashed briefly across his mind, faces hidden by water, arms limp and outstretched - reaching for help that never came.
Not now please not now.
He took a deep breath, focusing on the voices from the tv and Christopher’s laughter, latching onto the presence of two of the most important people in his life. He had to look okay, had to look in control so that Eddie still felt he could trust Chris with him.
So much for kicking his anxiety to the curb.
A warm weight rested on his shoulder, pulling Buck back to reality. Dark eyes met his, concern pulling at Eddie’s brow as he watched him. It was just like that day after the tsunami, when Eddie brought Chris over to hang out with his Buck - as if the events of the previous day had never happened. Buck stifled a gasp when he registered Eddie’s thumb resting where his neck and collarbone met.
“Buck?”
A shaky exhale. “Sorry.” He paused again, letting Eddie’s grip ground him. “I’m okay - just - just thinking too much.” He let out a shaky laugh, but Eddie still had that look on his face.
“Hey, there’s nothing to apologize for, okay? It’s trauma and it hits us all differently.” There was a flash of sadness in his eyes, gone in an instant, but long enough Buck caught it. “I don’t care how many times I have to say it, but I trust you.” There was resolve in his voice, eyes glittering with a ferocity that held Buck’s gaze, daring him to object. “I trust you with my son’s life. More so than anyone else in this world - more so than his own blood.”
Buck’s chest felt tight at the admission, the words echoing in his mind long after they’d already been spoken. He still felt like he’d failed them both during the tsunami - he’d lost Chris for god knows how many hours, was unable to bring him back to Eddie even though that had been his one fucking job . The look on his best friends’ face when he'd broken the news that Chris was gone...he’d never forget it. He prayed to whatever deities were out there that he never had to see Eddie look that utterly devastated again.
“I trust you with my life too, and so does everyone else at the 118.”
His eyes twitched and he had to blink a few times to stave off the tears that threatened to rise at the mention of his team. His family . He missed them, and he silently smacked himself for not visiting as much, for not accepting their help or invitations to lunches and dinners.
He was an idiot.
There was a gentle squeeze on his shoulder, and suddenly Buck’s hand was reaching to rest on Eddie’s shoulder. “Thank you,” he whispered after a minute. Eddie nodded. “Anytime.”
He let Eddie pull him into a quick but firm hug, the fear and anxiety melting away, leaving his mind quiet and peaceful. Chris sang along to the tv in the background, Buck’s carefully crafted plans moving to the forefront of his mind once again. They both lingered after the hug, taking in the moment.
Eddie’s phone dinged, and reality slid back into place.
“Okay so I made a list last night and I’m pretty sure I got everything…” Buck approached the island and gestured to the supplies. “It’s pretty sunny out and I know Chris tends to get burnt easily so I got sunscreen and extra water. I still have some of those gummy snacks, but I wasn’t sure if that’d be too much sugar - so I packed granola bars instead.”
Buck continued to give Eddie a breakdown of his plans, occasionally asking if he missed something or if Eddie could think of anything else.
Eddie couldn’t help the adoring look on his face when he half-listened to him - his best friend who had taken the time to go against his anxiety and guilt in order to plan a trip to the zoo with his son. To write down each event and when it started, even downloaded a map of the zoo and circled the penguin exhibit because he knew they were Chris’s favorite.
Evan Buckley would be the death of him.
“You did good Buck - good call on the sunscreen. I have two juice packs in his bag - he’ll probably want one with lunch.” Buck nodded and they arranged everything into the backpack, enjoying the simple sounds of the tv in the background.
“Would you like to do the honors?” Eddie asked with a playful smile, zipping the bag closed before turning toward his son. Buck smirked in response, approaching the couch and crouching in front of Chris to grab his attention as Eddie muted the TV behind him. “Hey superman, I’ve got a surprise for you,” Buck grinned.
Christopher’s eyes widened a little as he became fixated onto Buck, one hand playing with a crease on his jeans. “Yeah?”
Buck nodded. “Yep! We’re going…” He paused for dramatic effect. Christopher looked ready to burst with excitement. “To the zoo!”
Christopher’s eyes lit up like stars as the biggest smile Buck had ever seen spread across his face. Buck could only mirror his smile as his insides slowly melted at the image of pure childish joy in front of him.
“Do they have penguins?!” Chris nearly shouted, eyes darting from Buck to Eddie. Both men glanced at each other, sharing knowing looks. “We’ll have to find out, won’t we?” Apparently that was a good enough answer, and Buck stifled a laugh as Chris cheered, his body moving on its own as he slid his hands under Chris’ armpits and lifted him up into the air.
Childish giggles filled the apartment as Buck spun Chris around, sunlight catching the both of them in such a picturesque angle that Eddie’s breath caught in his throat. He wanted time to stop so he could paint the scene in front of him, so he could mount it on his living room wall, look at it everyday, and be overwhelmed by the sense of home the image exuded.
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“Alright kiddo - dads’ gotta go to work.” Eddie gave his son one last hug, planting a kiss on the crown of his head before standing. “Love you.”
“Love you dad.”
Buck was tempted - oh so very tempted - to tease about whether he deserved a goodbye kiss too, but he didn’t want to make things awkward so he bit his lip instead and pretended to check his Instagram. Not that he’d been posting much lately, considering all the crazy traumatic shit that seemed to keep happening. What’s a guy gotta do to catch a break?
“Hey,” and Buck looked up to meet those beautiful eyes again, nearly getting lost in them before warmth bloomed from his left shoulder (again) - the hand resting comfortably as if it belonged there. Buck forced himself to not simply stare at the hand while his pulse quickened, flashing back to last week, and every detail of that moment - how the light accented Eddie’s best features, his cologne hanging lightly in the air between them - and his strong hand grounding Buck, the “There’s nobody in this world I trust with my son more than you” speech that Buck played in his head at least once a day.
Fuck.
“Thanks again for this.” Eddie’s eyes held so much sincerity, so much trust - and yeah, maybe Buck should stop feeling guilty about the tsunami, but he could barely form a coherent thought right now. As it was, he could only blink and meet Eddie’s gaze. “It means so much to Christopher.”
A smile broke out on Buck’s face at the mention of the best kid in the world. It also granted him a brief reprieve from losing himself in Eddie’s gorgeous eyes. “It’s no problem man, you know I’d do anything for that kid.” The statement only brightened Eddie’s smile and Buck’s cheeks felt warmer than usual.
His friend squeezed his shoulder once before releasing it, finally breaking eye contact to grab his keys off the counter. Buck forced himself to move, following his friend to the door while willing his face to cool down. Get a grip dude.
“Tell everyone I said hi - oh and do you mind telling Cap to call me when he can? I uh-” Buck rubbed the back of his neck, eyes shifting to the floor. “I just need to...to talk to him,” he finished lamely. He glanced up to a knowing look from Eddie, who nodded as he opened the door. “Sure thing Buck.”
There was a brief moment - so quick it was barely there - that Buck saw a flash of something...else in Eddie’s eyes. He shook off the thought - must have been a trick of the light. “See ya later Eddie.”
“You too Buck."