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Severus Tobias Snape had never been big on holidays. That, actually, was a lie. He had been until his mother tried to show him her traditions, tell him her stories, and his father had set fire to them. Well, threw them in the fireplace more like it but it felt as if he had just whipped out a lighter and set fire to it right in front of his family.
Christmas was the first holiday to take place after Lily’s death, as if it needed more tainting. And yet the strains of time decided it did. Yet here he was a day before Christmas cleaning his home Rose was insisting she wanted to spend Christmas with him. He and her mother had strongly tried to convince her otherwise, he had even offered to visit Draco and Hermione’s on Christmas.
The child would have none of that. If she didn't seem so keen on pushing the buttons of those who were around her, he might be proud of her. Truly, he was proud of her. Proud that she knew what she wanted and was going to do anything to get it. Proud that she was unwilling to take no for an answer. Proud that her spirit had yet to be crushed by those around her. Proud of her kind heart, that her answer to his question of why was “you shouldn't spend Christmas alone daddy, and I want time with just you. I never get time with just you.”
But he was also proud that she was a Slytherin as surely, he had been because, only a Slytherin would know exactly when to go for the final push to get him to give in and say yes. Watch out Hogwarts, in five years Rose Eileen Snape was coming for you. This generation of Slytherins was going to show the world they were more than henchmen under the dark lord’s boot.
That was why he was dusting, putting spells on not so um child ”safe” books in his collection, mopping the floors, and even putting up a Christmas tree with magic. If these actions didn't show Hermione that he did in fact truly love Rose well then nothing would.
He cracked his hands, popped his neck, rubbed his aching knees and leaned back in his armchair. The house still wasn't good enough. It still wasn't clean enough. It still looked too much like it had during his own childhood.
For once in a very long time, Severus wished he lived somewhere else. But, he didn't make all that much, his shop some months barely broke even. And while sometimes he did well, he admitted to himself a childhood of poverty mean he wasn't that great at holding onto money.
Rare potion ingredients, rare books, the finest made blankets on his bed, good food, things for Rose. He struggled with keeping money in his hand and buying sometimes, well, useless things. He wasn't proud of these indulgences, but after having so little growing up did not he deserve them? Shouldn't he make sure Rose had all that she needed as well?
Because of those choices, Rose was going to be spending her first Christmas with him at Spinner’s end. Next year he would save and maybe take out a mortgage to have a nicer place for his daughter to spend the night at. He hoped.
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That evening Severus heard a soft knock at the door, he stood up bones popping as he did so. Life hadn't been kind to him, but at least he could still walk, well most days. He opened the door and was faced with Hermione whose hand was on Rose’s shoulder, Draco stood behind them.
Rose’s black curls were clean and softer than usual. She wore a bright yellow coat, a pair of jeans and a blue sweater. A green backpack was swung over one shoulder. She said nothing, but hugged him aroun his waist.
He looked at Hermione and mouthed ”what happened?”
Draco was the one who spoke instead, ”well, one of the kids at her school invited everyone but her and Scorpius to a party yesterday. Said he didn't want the death eaters at his party.”
Hermione said, “he’s just a brat and that's exactly what I told her.”
Severus laid his hand on Rose’s head and said, ”he may be, but I doubt his parents would say that they didn't agree with him.”
He knelt in front of Rose then, her eyes were downcast. He placed a hand under her chin, their skin is exactly the same color, pale as milk his mother use to call it. ”Rose, people are going to say things like that, but remember you can always turn their hair green and just claim it was an accident.”
Hermione said, ”you did not just suggest her to do something she shouldn't now did you?”
He laughed and said, ”Rose go put your things inside, I will be in, in a minute”.
Hermione said, ”did you?” her eyebrows raising.
Severus crossed his arms over his chest,” it's not like I suggested she drop a branch on the boy’s head. Just turning just his hair green. No worse than what you did to Draco in school.”
She said to him, ”but she doesn't even have a wand! How would she even do something like that?”
Draco turned to her, ”Has that ever stopped Rose before?”
She shook her head and muttered about Princes and their ease of wandless magic, which gave an easy of controlling it before they got them.
Severus waved and shut the door behind him, now it was time to face the fact he was alone with his daughter, and could no longer use having to go somewhere, or one of her other parents to move things along when he was uncomfortable or she was. He sighed and went to go make dinner for the girl surely she was hungry? Hermione had mentioned earlier Rose didn't want to eat dinner that night insisting she wanted to eat with him.
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They had both finished their dinners and the dishes we're now soaking in the sink. Severus grabbed a book and sat down in his armchair to read, just as he always did.
He was reading the first paragraph when she piped in ”can’t we do something?”
He sighed “I am doing something, Rose, you can grab a book and do the same, or play with your toys or something.”
She stomped her foot and rolled her eyes. This holiday was surely going well, he thought. Maybe this was a bad idea. He was a rather horrid teacher, a rather horrid child if his lack of friends had anything to say on the subject, and now he was showing that he was a rather horrid parent. His concerns were unfounded when she gave up and tried to pull a book from the shelf. And it did not budge.
”What’s wrong with this book?” she said.
”Nothing,” said Severus. ”Your just not allowed to read that one.”
Rose asked, ”why not?”
He responded, ”because I said so.”
She sticks her tongue out at him and said, ”why do you have books you don't read?”
Severus said, “I read them, just your not allowed to read them.”
Rose asked again, “why not?”
Severus said, ”because it would make your mother mad.”
Rose sat on the arm of his chair, and said, ”mummy let’s me read whatever books I want to.”
Severus sighed and said, “she would not want you to read that one, now let's go pick out a book you can read”.
She huffed, ”did you read books like that as a kid?”
He thinks about lying to her, but decided against it, ”yes”, he said through clenched teeth. ”I did and I shouldn't have. My mother wasn't a good mother.”
Rose said to him, ”that’s a really mean thing to say about your mum!”
Severus said softly more to himself than her, ”Rose, not all mothers are good mothers. Not all are like yours. My mother, Eileen, your grandmother tried her best, but unlike yours, she struggled with some things I will tell you about when you're older.”
He knew he was speaking to a child, he knew she might not understand what he was he was saying. But, Merlin he hoped she did.
Instead, his daughter asked, ”why can't you tell me now? Wait, Eileen is your mother? Is that where my middle name comes from?”
Then she looked at the Christmas tree taking the twinkling lights, the ornaments which were all brand new, and the bright star that sat on top of the tree. It caused her face to go from the frown she wore to a small smile. What he sometimes would give to be a child again. To see the world as simply right and wrong, good and bad. But, Severus dwelled in the same land of grey as his own mother did.
He said to her, ”Some things are just better left for when your older, Rose, I promise you there will come a day when I will tell you all about your grandmother.
She is who your middle name comes from, your mother wanted you to have a piece of my family just as you have a piece of hers, with your great grandmother’s name. Beyond that you look a lot like your grandmother. Here let me go grab a photo, and then we can look at the presents under the tree before you have to take a bath, and get ready for bed. Wouldn't you like that?”
She nodded, sitting on the couch which he really needed to replace. He leaves her sitting there as he walked up the stairs, he gripped the railing. Severus found the photo he was looking for with ease in his nightstand. He gripped it tightly. This was one of the few nice photos he had of his mother that we're not tainted with Tobias in them.
He would never tell his daughter about that man until she was far into her adulthood, and maybe not even then. His daughter was not going to learn about the man, who hated his son so much for his magic, that he tried to beat it out of him.
He brought the framed photograph toRose, who was right where he left her.
Severus said to her, ”this, Rose,is your grandmother. The one you were named after. Her name was Eileen Ava Snape, but her family name was Prince. You know how Draco is a Malfoy?”
She nodded at him.
He told her, ”well, the Princes were once like them, when my mother was young and before her. You come from a once proud family Rose.”
Severus watched as her small pale fingers traced the image of her grandmother. Rose smiled at him and she whispered softly, “she looks like me! And you! She was pretty.”
He said softly to her, “she does and she was.”
Severus stared longingly at the photo of his mother for a second. Her long black hair was in a bun at the nape of her neck, it was a side profile so it made her rather plain face look striking, her eye that you could see a was a soft black, she had a small smile on her face. He had never known this woman, and sometimes that truly hurt him. Tobias killed this woman’s spirit before he could even talk.
He said, “now it’s time for your bath and bed, we have an early morning tomorrow. Breakfast here and presents, then we are going to back to your mother’s for Christmas dinner.”
She said, “okay? But your coming to mum’s as well right?”
He nodded.
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Rose smiled brightly at him when she saw the room that once had been his bedroom as a child. Some Transfigurations, simple spells, a few new items, and cleaning turned a room that had once been a great shame to him into something that brought joy to her.
It was a room that fit his little girl quite well. Things were blue and purple, the child’s bed. He shouldn’t, he thought for a second. But, he kissed her forehead softly, “good night, Rose, and happy Christmas”.
She hugged his neck tightly, and kissed his cheek. She said, “good night, daddy, and happy Christmas”.
When Severus stepped out of her room he realized a tear had fallen, he sighed softly to himself, he made the right choice to be a part of Rose’s life.
He went to bed, wand under his pillow like always, as he listened to make sure she was okay still. If anyone ever tried to hurt his daughter, his little girl, his Rose, they would have to go through him.
The next morning he woke up to a child’s laughter, surely he thought he must be dreaming or hallucinating. Instead the child laughed again, this time saying, “daddy, wake up! It’s Christmas!”
Severus’s black eyes snapped open, his years as a spy giving him the ability to wake up instantly. Rose was sitting on his bed in her bright blue sleep clothes. Her black curls we're somehow both stiff and greasy.
Her black eyes were bright though, and her smile showed off her slightly crooked teeth.
He thought for a second, this is what love is. Not being with someone the way that he had no desire to, it was this. The love of a parent to their child. He and Andromeda had something, something wonderful, but he wouldn't give this feeling up for more of that. Thankfully the witch understood it quite well. He would always have to share her with the memory she carried of Ted, but he was okay with that. Love didn't always have to be the fire that lit up your soul, and that was okay.
Severus said, ”Happy Christmas Rose, now let’s go have breakfast and open presents.”
Her smile lit up the room, and she said, ”this is my favorite Christmas already, I love you, daddy.”
Rose’s arms wrapped around him, and he couldn't help, but cry.
She asked in her childlike way ”why are you sad, daddy?”
Severus said ”these are happy tears, Rose. This is my favorite Christmas as well.”
He promised himself to give her the childhood he never had. It would not be perfect, it would have sad moments, frustrating ones, struggles and everything else. But, unlike him, when she was a grown woman, he was going to everything he could to make sure she would say, ”actually, I had a happy childhood.”
