Work Text:
BAZ
Something strange has happened to Simon.
I mean something was off with him when we left for our homes last summer but I just assumed it was because he'd got a baby step brother waiting at home for him. I mean sure, he has a great relationship with his mother and her partner, Ethan, but anyone would be nervous about having a new sibling. Especially if you've been the only child for some fifteen years.
But it's downright alarming now. I was hoping that he'd be more cheerful, more into himself after he came back here but it seems like whatever that was bothering him has not loosened it's grip on him. He didn't greet me when we met today, not like he usually does. That 'hi' had sounded like it'd been punched out of him and he left our room as soon as he dumped his things in there.
I'm feeling slightly angry at him because that's not a nice way to treat your friend, but I'm also concerned. I think I need to get down to figuring out what's bothering him. I need to help Simon. He's one of my closest friends and it hurts me to see him worried and off colour. I want his blue eyes to sparkle like they always do and his face to be flushed with happiness.
I want to help my friend.
Apparently, Simon Salisbury is an expert when it comes to avoiding people.
The entire day, he disappeared off to somewhere with Bunce and Wellbelove and I tried not to feel too hurt or angry. Maybe nothing is wrong with him. Maybe he just doesn't want me to be around him anymore. It's fine if he wants that, I have other friends too. I'm not going to bother about a person who doesn't give a fuck about me.
Still, it hurts. It hurts so much, I could barely concentrate on anything at all today. At least he could tell me what wrong I did to get ignored by him and lose our friendship. I just want to know. I want to know where I went wrong.
And I am going to ask him about it. Pester him till he tells me. He will have to come back to our room sometime and then, I'll just ask him.
As I'm neatly putting away the last of my things, I hear the door creak open. I don't turn my head to look at Simon but I know it's him. I know the way he walks, the way his breaths come, the way he laughs. I'd be able to recognize him from anywhere, he's imprinted in my mind.
Simon shuffles upto his bed and face plants into it, fully dressed. He's exhausted, I can see that. Part of me wants to reach out to him and ask him what's wrong but another stubborn part wants to wait and then pounce at him like a rabid dog at the right moment and get the reason why he's been acting so oddly.
I move silently to my own bed and sit down at the edge of it. The room is really not that huge, so our beds are quite close to each other and I'd be able to touch Simon from here without even getting up. I lift one of my legs and poke him on his calves. He grunts in response.
“What's up with you?” I ask, still repeatedly poking his leg. “Why've you been acting so weird lately?”
“Nothing.” Simon says into his bed, his voice sounding muffled.
“That's bullshit and you and I both know that. So, tell me what's wrong and why you've been avoiding me like the plague?”
“'M not avoiding you.”
“I'm not a fucking idiot, Salisbury.” I snarl at him now and stop poking him. “Something's clearly up with you. Is it... Is it your brother?” I ask the last part softly, in a manner that's almost too kind for my taste.
He lifts his head this time and stares at me with surprise. “No. Why would he be bothering me? He's perfectly fine.”
“Then why are you avoiding me?”
“I'm not avoiding you.”
“You are. Something happened, I don't know what. Look, Simon, if you don't want me as your friend then at least tell me why. Tell me why you're ignoring me.”
“I'm not ignoring you, Baz. Nothing's happened and you are my friend, Jesus Christ.” He snaps back at me, looking annoyed now.
“So you're telling me I've been imagining this whole thing?”
“Seems like it!”
“Fine. You're not bound to tell me anything, but you should at least have the decency to admit that you've been treating me like shit for sometime now. You weren't talking to me before summer, you didn't talk to me the entire day today or yesterday or the day before that. When I was approaching you yesterday, you ran away in the opposite direction with Bunce. I'm not a fucking idiot.”
He remains quiet for a moment before he says, slowly, not meeting my eyes. “Look, I'm sorry but... But it's too much now. Being around you is too much.”
Being around me is too much for him.
Fan-fucking-tastic.
“Fine.” I say, turning around so that he doesn't notice the crack in my voice or the tears that are threatening to fall down. “I'll not bother you anymore.”
“Baz-”
“Shut up.”
I wave my wand and with a click, the lights go off.
SIMON
I shouldn't have said that, because I know I hurt him, maybe ended everything we had and killed every chance of my wish coming true. I wish I could take back my words.
It was true, though. Being around him is too much but not because he annoys me or something. It's because he hurts me without even knowing about it. He doesn't do it on purpose. It's not even his fault, I bought it upon myself because I fell in love with him.
Who falls in love with their roommate, who's also their friend? Who's stupid enough to bring that much pain upon themself? Me, apparently.
It hurts so much because I know Baz doesn't feel the same for me, he never will. I know he'll never date me. It'd be for the best if I quietly distance myself away from him, even if it'd probably crush me and shatter my heart to pieces. I know I'll hurt him too but it'd be better than him knowing that I'm a fucking fool and that I'm in love with him.
God, I hate it that I'm crying now. Everything hurts and now I'm crying too.
I take in a deep shuddering breath, trying to calm myself down without much success, and turn my head slightly to look at his sleeping form, calm and peaceful. I can't quite see his features, but I know he must be looking beautiful as always. I long to hold him in my arms, run my fingers through his hair but I know I can't.
I'm hopelessly in love with him.
And I can't even touch him.
BAZ
Simon's doing an awful job at covering up his weeping.
And I'm really fucking worried now.
I mean yeah, I was hurt by his words but I'm sure something a lot more serious is bothering than him just finding me annoying or something. Crowley, I hate it when he cries, it makes my heart hurt.
With a sigh, I switch on the lights again and Simon yelps in alarm, and he gets off his bed. His face is red, either because of crying or because of getting caught, and tears are clinging to his golden skin. He looks like a deer in front of headlights.
“Simon,” I say softly, tired. I'm sitting cross legged on my bed now, looking up at him pleadingly. “Please tell me what's wrong. I can't- don't like it when you're hurting, it pains me. Tell-”
And before I can complete my sentence, Simon goes off.
“Okay. You know what? Fine. Fine. I'll tell you what's wrong. It's not you. It's me. I'm a fucking idiot because I fell in love with you. I know you will never even like me back, I know you don't want me. It hurts, okay? It hurts. I love you, I keep wishing to tell you but I know you won't be happy. I just- I just can't bear it at times. You get too much. Because I want you and I can't have you and I- I'm trying to- I just want to keep away from you, because I-”
“Simon. No. That's not- that's not true. Stop, please.”
Somewhere, in the middle of his rant, things in my mind started falling together, piece by piece, even as I was listening to him speechlessly. I feel numb, not only because of his revelation but also I'm apparently not as straight as I thought I was.
Maybe I'm not in love with Simon, not yet, but I know I like him. Because I don't think it's normal for someone to get distracted by their friend's hair in the middle of elocution. Or staring into their eyes with adoration. Or thinking about them while wanking. There's nothing no homo about it.
I've got a major crush, to say the least. And I... Never realised.
Crowley, I'm thick.
Simon's panting as he stares at me and dissolves into tears again.
“Simon.” I'm on my feet in an instant and pull him into my arms. “You are so fucking stupid but not because you fell in love with me but because you couldn't ask me out like a normal person does.”
He's trembling, his face is buried in the crook of my neck. He doesn't say anything.
“So I will.” I whisper in his ear before I rest my chin on his head. “You know what, I think we should go on a date. What do you say, Salisbury?”
“I don't want you to take me out because you pity me.” He mumbles and I scoff.
“Shut up. I only pity myself right now because I couldn't figure out before that I like you a lot. I want you to go out with me. Let's do that, yeah? Let's have this.”
He's silent for a long time but when he speaks again, I can almost hear his smile.
“Okay.”