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It was the second year of university when Lee Taeyong met Kim Jongin.
It’s the second year of university when Taeyong couldn’t take the struggle anymore and he took his friend, Kim Doyoung suggestion to get a sugar daddy, seriously. Taeyong had to juggle a pack schedule of classes and tutors with his part time job as a barista at a café near his rented apartment. On top of that he had to struggle with his very own financial crisis. Tuition fee, house rent and being an art major absolutely requires him to spend quite amount of money on projects.
When he told everything to Doyoung, the latter obviously joked about Taeyong should find a sugar daddy so he could help his best friend to get out of the mess that is his life. Never in his life would he think Taeyong would seriously considering his idea until one day his art major best friend came to him and told him that he already found someone that could be his sugar daddy.
“Are you for real, Lee Taeyong?!” was the only response that he managed to let out after taking approximately around five minutes to process the news. At least, there’s a response.
*******
“I don’t understand, why would you decline his offer to get you a new and much bigger apartment? Not that you will pay for it anyway. It’s on him,” Doyoung asks before he munches on his sandwich.
Taeyong takes a sip on his cola before looking straight at Doyoung. “That’s the problem. It’s on him. What will happen if we decide to part ways in the future? I know well I can’t afford to pay for it,” he shrugs. “Plus, I do a lot of things for him. I don’t want to be seems like taking too much advantage on him.”
“That’s the whole point of your relationship, Taeyong. You guys are taking advantage of each other,” Doyoung arches his eyebrows, spewing a cold hard truth.
Cold blood is running through Taeyong’s body. He knows what Doyoung says is true but still, he’s a human with heart. Knowing he’s in a relationship that’s just based on taking advantage of each other doesn’t seem too ideal to him. He has always dream of a perfect, happy and healthy relationship but all he can do is dreaming. Life definitely has other plans for him. “Well, the keyword is, not taking too much advantage on him.”
Doyoung just shrugs. “Well, you do you. Anyway, I’m curious though.”
“About what?”
“Do you call him daddy?”
Taeyong quickly chokes on his own meal. One thing he does not appreciate about Doyoung is the way he can be so blunt anywhere and anytime he wants. “Doyoung!” he wipes his lips that’s wet from his cola. “God can you not—ugh no. He’s not like that. What happens in bedroom is another story.”
Doyoung just wiggles his eyebrows. They’ve known each other since the first week of their first year in the university and immediately clicks to each other. They barely had any secrets to keep from each other. The trust they had for each other is high. He’s about to tease the hell out of his best friend when the latter’s phone is vibrating on the cafeteria’s table. “Yong, your phone.”
Taeyong immediately unlock his phone after he sees the notification that pops up on his screen.
From: Jonginnie hyung
Taeyongie, have you finish your class?
Taeyong bites his lower lips before rapidly tapping his screen to reply.
To: Jonginnie hyung
Just finished the last class. Now I’m eating with Doyoung at the campus cafeteria. Why?
“Is it him?” Doyoung asks, trying to peek on his best friend’s phone.
Taeyong just nods before reading the reply from Jongin.
From: Jonginnie hyung
Great. I just finished a meeting with a client and I don’t feel like going back to the office. Can I pick you up and go somewhere? I’ll pick you at your campus.
To: Jonginnie hyung
Okay, hyung! I’ll wait for you ^^
“You’re looking so happy like someone in love,” Doyoung says while shooting Taeyong a poker face look. “What’s up?”
“He’s picking me up,” Taeyong said while shoving his sketch book into his Gucci backpack, one of many presents he gets from Jongin. “I don’t know, something about wanting to go somewhere. And I think he’ll be on his way anytime soon.”
“The campus would love to see your handsome and rich boyfriend on our campus again, Taeyongie.”
*******
“Are you sure you’re really okay with cooking dinner for us?” Jongin says while walking into the kitchen, towards Taeyong’s direction. He’s folding the sleeve of his shirt towards his elbow before stopping right behind the younger man.
Taeyong just chuckles. “This is not the first time I cook for you, hyung. Plus, you said you just want some homemade cooking and apparently I am one of the few people you know that actually knows how to cook.”
“Wrong,” Jongin scoffs. “You’re the only person I know that can actually cook. And you’re really good at it.” His arms suddenly snakes around Taeyong’s slim waist, pulling the latter closer to him. He presses his face at the crook of Taeyong’s neck and inhales the smell of the smaller man.
“Hyung—“
“I miss you,” Jongin cuts off whatever that’s about to come out from Taeyong. He then plants a quick kiss at the side of Taeyong’s neck. “It’s really been a while since we meet is it? Hate it when life got between us.”
Taeyong can feel Jongin is actually pouting based on how the plump lips is pressing against the skin of his neck. He starts to squirm when the elder is humming against his skin and it is actually tickling him. “Hyung, stop!” he cackles, immediately putting down the knife in his hand, halting his cooking activity. He tries to let Jongin’s hold around his waist to get loose. “Hyung, really, if you continue to do this I’ll just stop cooking.”
Jongin immediately stops humming and starts to loosen his hold around Taeyong’s neck. He won’t put his stomach on the line tonight. He really misses Taeyong’s cooking. “Fine, but we need to cuddle after dinner.”
The younger puts his knife on the kitchen counter again before turning around to face Jongin. “Did I ever say no to you?”
“That one time you refuse to let me stay the night in your apartment.”
Taeyong rolls his eyes. “That’s because I need to do the final touch on my assignment because the due is on the next day. And I know if you stay the night, it’ll be no help. You will be the biggest distraction and I’ll end up not finishing my assignment.”
A smirk cracks across Jongin’s handsome face. He knows what kind of distraction Taeyong means. “Still need to hear you to say yes though,” he replies, slowly bringing his face closer to Taeyong’s.
Taeyong looks at Jongin in the eyes. “You know I’ll agree on whatever you ask me to. That’s why I’m here,” he says, indirectly putting the nature of their relationship clear on both of them. He draws a soft smile and slowly putting his hands on Jongin’s chest when there’s silence between them. He knows it’s not the good kind of silence because Jongin is shooting him a piercing glare. “Now, you should go and wash yourself and get ready for dinner while I cook,” he slowly pushes the elder, putting a bigger distance between the two of them. “I don’t want you to burn your own kitchen, even if you got more than enough money to fix it.”
He takes one last intense look on Taeyong before leaving the latter alone in the kitchen.
Jongin makes sure that he’ll pick up Taeyong from his campus if the latter doesn’t have class until late evening or none of his assignments requires him to stay late at the campus. Or when he didn’t have a dinner with his clients or his pile of works doesn’t beg him to stay up in his working room until late at night. He’ll make sure they will spend as much time together as they can because Taeyong has already tell him that it’s past midterm, which means Taeyong will only get busier than before and his schedule doesn’t help to make it better either.
Today is one of those days where they both can take a breather, away from a pile of works and assignments. Jongin, being the sometimes clingy person he is, insists Taeyong to just get some rest at his place. It’s cooler, bigger and much more comfortable, says him. Taeyong is so close to smack his head with his expensive backpack for being a little cocky, even if he knows Jongin states nothing but a fact.
“Hey baby,” Jongin is calling for Taeyong, who is sitting quietly on the couch, enjoying whatever show on the television. Jongin just chuckles when the younger man just hums without bothering to even turn and take a look at him. “Hey baby,” he calls again, this time he’s hugging Taeyong from the back, with a box in his hand.
Taeyong looks at Jongin and the box in his hand back and forth. Confusion is obvious on his face. “What is this?”
“For you,” Jongin replies before putting the box on Taeyong’s lap. He then move around to take a sit on the empty space beside the latter. “Come on, open it,” he says with a wide smile drawn across his face. The cold persona that he usually shows outside is nowhere to be found.
Taeyong slowly opens the box before he’s presented by the sight of a pair of new snickers in it. Just looking from the box, he knows it’s expensive. It’s the newly released sneaker from Gucci. “Hyung—“
“Do you like it?”
“Why?”
Jongin shrugs. “Just feel like I want to buy you something,” he takes a quick look at Taeyong and chuckles when the younger scrunches his nose. He turns to get a better view of the latter and moves himself closer. He then runs his fingers through the younger’s soft lock and smiles fondly. “Take it as a present for you. I know you’ve finally submits what you called one of the toughest assignments for this semester on last week. I still remember our phone call the night you finally finish it.”
Taeyong feels like his voice is stuck in his throat. It’s not because of the fact that he gets a new and expensive sneakers as a present, but to the fact that Jongin really remembers their conversation that happened almost two weeks ago. The elder really remembers their short conversation in the midst of him being busy managing his own business too. “Hyung—“ he clears his throat. “Thank you.”
A soft, wide smiles is drawn across Jongin’s face. He pulls Taeyong’s closer to him before kissing the latter’s forehead. He lets them stay like that for a while, enjoying the moment. He smiles against Taeyong’s forehead before putting a distance between them again. “I know you did well and I’m so proud of you, baby.”
It’s time like this that Taeyong wishes he’d meet Jongin in whole other circumstance. Not when Jongin not intentionally witnessing him getting scolded by his manager at the café he’s doing his part time job. Which eventually leads to a casual meeting, both of them talking and here they are. Here he is, having Jongin as his sugar daddy and nothing more. The elder knows about his struggle and financial situation and he genuinely wants to help. There’s not much age gap between them which is the reason why Jongin is insisting Taeyong to just call him hyung.
“10 years is not too much of an age gap right? So you can just call me hyung. I don't wanna seem to be too old though,” was what Jongin said when they sealed the deal.
It’s time like this when Taeyong wishes they are more than two people who needs each other just for the benefits.
*******
“Yong—“ Doyoung takes a last peek on his best friend’s phone before turning around to look at the owner, who is busy watching television. “Are you really going to ignore him like this?
The said owner just hums in response. He takes another gummy bear jelly into his mouth. “Just let him be.”
“You guys are fighting?”
Taeyong just shakes his head.
Doyoung is not sure whether he wants to pull his own hair out of frustration or his friend’s. Taeyong’s phone has been vibrating for the nth times since an hour ago. He puts in on silence but never bother to actually turn it off is he wants to ignore the man whose his name keeps appearing on the screen so bad. “Then why are you actually ignoring him?”
“Is it that important to you?” Taeyong asks.
“Yes—“ Doyoung puts his palm up before Taeyong can cut him off because he knows the latter will. “Your phone has been vibrating nonstop for an hour, Yongie. And remember, I can see through you. You are not yourself these days. You have been thinking a lot and no—don’t give me your bunch of assignments crap because I know it’s not,” he takes a look at his best friend who is already puffing his cheeks. “I know it has something to do with this Jongin guy.”
Taeyong’s fingers just fiddles with each other. Suddenly anything that is not Doyoung and his intense stare is more interesting for him to look at. He lets silence surrounds them before breaking it with a heavy sigh. “I don’t know, Doyoung. It just—“ the sigh comes again and he finally looks at his best friend. “Sometimes, something just get into my head.”
Doyoung scoots closer to the couch where Taeyong is currently seating on. “Want to tell me about it?”
Taeyong bites his lower lips. He trusts Doyoung, probably more than he trusts anyone else. He wants to tell his best friend about this but he’s embarrass. He doesn’t want Doyoung to judge him, or maybe he’s not ready for his best friend to tell him the cold hard truth. At the same time, he knows he needs to talk to someone about what is actually that have been bugging him. “Well, it just—“ he’s being cut off by the sound of his own apartment’s door bell.
“You’re inviting someone?”
“No.”
“Food delivery?”
“I just cook both of us dinner, Doyoung,” Taeyong replies, deadpans.
“Then go and see who your guest is,” Doyoung says before he pulls Taeyong up from the couch and push him towards the door.
Taeyong just rolls his eyes and slowly walks towards the door. He really doesn’t invite anyone other than Doyoung to spend time in his apartment tonight. He slowly opens the door only to be surprise by the present of his guest. “H—hyung?”
“Thank God you’re here,” Jongin closes his eyes in relieve. He immediately pushes through the door and pulls Taeyong into his embrace. “I’m so worried, Yongie. You didn’t pick up my call, you didn’t—“
“Yong, are you safe an—oh, oh sorry,” Doyoung just blinks rapidly at the sight of the front door. “Hi,” he smiles awkwardly. This is really the first time he meets Jongin this close.
Taeyong chuckles slowly and frees himself from Jongin’s embrace. He turns around to see his best friend, who is still plastering that awkward smile on his face. “Doyoung, this is Jongin hyung. And hyung, this is my best friend, Doyoung.”
“Hi,” Doyoung says again but his smile is less awkward now. “Uh, Taeyongie I guess I need to head out now? I got a morning class tomorrow so I don’t want to sleep late and all,” he takes a quick glance at Jongin, who is looking at him, before take a look at Taeyong again. “Uh, see you tomorrow I guess?”
“Okay,” Taeyong just nods. “See you tomorrow, Doyoungie.”
Jongin just silently looks at Doyoung before bowing back to him when the younger walks past by to get out of the apartment. After Doyoung left, he puts his attention back on Taeyong. “Sorry, I don’t know you have your friend over.”
Taeyong just puts a small smile on his face. “It’s fine—and you don’t have to worry. He knows—about us. About our actual relationship,” he says in a small voice but still can be heard by the other guy in the house. “Did you have your dinner already?”
Jongin just shakes his head.
“I cook for diner just now and still have some leftovers. Do you want me to reheat it for you?”
“Is it okay for you?”
Taeyong just chuckles. “Nobody is going to eat it other than me,” he says before walking into his kitchen and taking out the leftovers from his dinner with Doyoung just now.
It takes him few minutes to prepare everything for Jongin’s dinner. Now they’re on the dining table with Taeyong just watching Jongin eats his dinner in silence. The elder insists for Taeyong to accompany him on the table. “Is it okay?” Taeyong asks, trying to breaks the silence between them.
Jongin just nods. “Delicious, as always.” He wipes his lips with a tissue before looking at the other guy in front of him. “Why are you ignoring me?”
Taeyong looks up and widens his eyes in surprise. It caught him off guard before he can finally process what Jongin means by ignoring him. “Oh, that—my phone is in silent mode. Sorry.”
“I’m not just talking about just now, Taeyong,” Jongin says, he sounds serious and he’s looking at the younger intently. “I know you’ve been ignoring me. You barely reply to my text and even you do, it just a short one. You avoid to see me, by saying you’re busy with your college stuff. I understand, I get it, your course is tough, you’re always busy, I know. I’ve been knowing you for a year now. But I also know when you’re not yourself.”
Suddenly, Taeyong’s mind recalls his conversation with Doyoung just now before Jongin decides to show up at his apartment. His best friend has been saying he’s not like himself lately and now, it’s Jongin. His fingers fiddling with each other again, something he does out of nervousness. “I’m not—“
“Don’t try to lie, Taeyong.”
The younger just looks down. “I’m sorry,” he says quietly. “There’s so much in my head—I feel like I need a time alone. It’s not only you, I kinda avoid everyone else too.”
Jongin’s stern feature slowly softens at Taeyong’s confession. “You could’ve just tell me about it.”
“I didn’t even tell Doyoung, how am I going to tell you about it,” Taeyong pouts and that is one of Jongin’s biggest weakness but the latter thinks he doesn’t need to know that. “He’s going rampage if you know about it before he do.”
Jongin reaches across the table just to pinch Taeyong’s cheeks. “I won’t force it out of you, but you know, if you need to talk, I’m here to listen.”
Taeyong just looks at the guy across him and smiles. How can he talk to Jongin about it when the man himself is the one that is occupying his thought?
“Yongie—“
“Hm?”
“Um— my company is going to have its annual dinner next Wednesday and I want you to come with me. Is it okay with you?”
Taeyong widens his eyes in disbelief. “What?”
“You heard me,” Jongin just laughs at Taeyong’s reaction which he thinks is cute. “I want you to come with me to my company’s annual dinner.”
“But, why?”
“Because I want you to,” Jongin shrugs. “About the outfit and all, you don’t have to worry. We’ll pick a day and go buy everything we need together.”
*******
It’s the night of the dinner and Taeyong has never been more nervous than now, not even when his turn comes up for his final project presentation. He never follows Jongin to any of his company events. He is merely a part of Jongin’s private life and nothing else. He’s never been introduced to any of Jongin’s friends, employees or even his secretary. Tonight will be the first time Taeyong witnessing the other part of Jongin’s life.
“You’re nervous?” Jongin asks once he parks his car near the hotel entrance where the dinner will be held.
Taeyong just nods. He can’t even speak as for the moment.
Jongin just chuckles. His hand immediately reach for Taeyong’s and hold them tight. “There’s nothing to worry about. It just a dinner.”
“It’s your company’s dinner. Not that usual dinner between the two of us, hyung,” Taeyong says in small voice. He’s so close to change his mind and leave this place.
“Okay—“ Jongin just chuckles while his thumb is rubbing slowly at the back of Taeyong’s palm. “I’ll try to make you interact with as little human as possible. I know you’re nervous for reasons. This is not your kind of event to attend but I insist for you to be here.” He kisses Taeyong’s hand before letting it go and get out of the car.
The dinner, in Taeyong’s opinion, is good. Although there’s some part he doesn’t really understand, because it’s all related to business but Taeyong is comfortable. The food is good, the people around him and Jongin seems nice. He knows he catches the attention of some people in the hall because he’s coming with their boss but the elder tell him to not mind them and just be him.
“All good?” Jongin asks while pass him a glass of orange juice. He knows Taeyong has a low alcohol tolerance and he’s not going to risk himself having to drag a drunk Taeyong to his car later. He still remembers the first time he let Taeyong drink and it took him almost 30 minutes to get the younger into his car.
Taeyong takes the glass and nods before drinking his juice. “It’s actually nice to be here.”
“I told you, there’s nothing to worry about,” Jongin plays with Taeyong’s hair while the latter is already looking around. They are lounging at the outside of the dining hall, looking at the scenery in front of them. “I told you to not to mind them.” He knows some employees out there is looking at them. He saw this coming the moment he decided to ask Taeyong to come with him. “Anything that’s going on with my life outside of the office is none of their business. It’s mine and it stays like that.”
Taeyong only manages to nod and continue to drink his juice. “It’s nice to see this side of you, hyung.”
“Is there any difference?”
“Did your employees know you whine a lot?”
Jongin immediately covers Taeyong’s mouth with his palm while the latter just cackling behind it. He just smiles softly looking at Taeyong who is laughing behind his palm like a little kid. “Not so loud, they can’t know that.”
Taeyong still cackles when Jongin finally let him go. “But I admit, you are a bit more attractive as a CEO Kim Jongin. I like him.”
“Which one do you like more?”
“The whiny Kim Jongin.”
“Yongie—“ Jongin just growls in frustration while Taeyong continues to laugh at him. It’s nice, Jongin thinks, to talk freely like this with Taeyong in front of the people who see him on daily basis but have absolutely zero clue on what is happening outside of his CEO persona. It feels like he’s bringing whatever he has with the younger man to another level but at the same time he’s not really sure about that too. “Taeyong—“
“Hm?”
“Thank you for—“
“Jonginnie,” someone cuts him off and Jongin has to turn around to look at the owner of the voice.
“Junmyeon hyung?”
The guy named Junmyeon walks closer towards Jongin and Taeyong. He gives a small nods to Taeyong before paying all his attention on Jongin. “Just a head up, there’s—“
“Hi, Jongin,” a voice stop Junmyeon from continuing. What’s with everyone and cutting off a speech?
Taeyong can feel that something is not right with what’s in front of him right now. He can feel the sudden rising of tension between all of them. Jongin looks stiff from back, the Junmyeon guy is looking at Jongin and the new guy back and forth while the latter is smirking at Jongin. Taeyong doesn’t miss a quick glance towards himself too.
“Who’s the cutie at the back, Jongin? Another rebound?”
“Sehun—“
“Not that it’s important to me anyway.”
“What are you doing here?” Jongin asks, obviously trying to hide another feelings in him that’s threatening to explode. “It’s not that I invite you.”
“You didn’t but I just happen to have a dinner at this hotel too,” Sehun let out a small laugh. “Looks like fate doesn’t really want to make us stay away from each other for too long,” he looks at Jongin intently. “Not gonna lie, I kind of miss you though.”
Taeyong tries his best to not to show any reaction at that time. He hears all that clearly and his mind can’t process anything. He looks around and find some employees seem to be shock, like they know who Sehun is in Jongin’s life while he has no clue who all these people are, except for Jongin. He waits for Jongin to react or to at least remember that he’s still there, right behind the elder but the latter keeps him on waiting.
“Let’s talk somewhere else,” and no, it’s not Taeyong that Jongin pulls away. It’s Sehun.
*******
“So, you’re telling me he’s probably choose his ex over you?”
Taeyong just shrugs and take the cookies from the jar that Doyoung holds dearly. “I think so. I mean, he didn’t even send me home and right until now we didn’t even contact each other.” He chews on the cookies before sighing. “There’s no way I’ll contact him first right? I don’t want to be seen like so cheap which is ironic because all this started because I need his money.”
“You don’t have to be so harsh on yourself, Yong.”
“But it’s the truth right? You always told me that sometimes truth hurt. This is one of it,” Taeyong takes the last bite of his cookies.
Doyoung just looks at his best friend. He knows Taeyong is sad, his friend is devastated. He knows exactly why Taeyong is sad. The latter may not tell him the whole truth but he knows. He has seen it all. Doyoung is not oblivious. “If only I didn’t jokingly suggest that you should find a sugar daddy.”
Taeyong shakes his hand. “No, it was me. I’m the stupid one.” His fingers are fiddling with each other. “There shouldn’t be any feelings involve. We’re both in it for fun. We need care. I need money and he—he needs an emotional care I guess? He’s kind of lonely or something. It’s supposed to be for the benefit and that’s it but I’m a fool. I thought this is a fairytale,” he chuckles, feeling pathetic to himself. He almost chokes on tears when Doyoung starts to hold his hand. “Remember when you said you feel like I do so much thinking?”
Doyoung nods.
“I was thinking—what if Jongin hyung and I meet in other circumstance. What if I’m never desperate for money? What if we meet because we want the same last book that we both want in a bookstore? What if we never feel the need to get a benefit from each other? What if we can allow any kind of feelings involve between us?” Taeyong looks at his best friend, sadness is painfully obvious in his round eyes. “Do you get what I mean, Doyoung?”
Doyoung nods again. “You’re in love with him and you wish everything is easier for both of you.”
Taeyong closes his eyes and sigh. He has always appreciates Doyoung and his honesty. “Should’ve known I can only dream of it.”
“But Yong, you said probably. We’ll never know.”
“His secretary, Kim Junmyeon, who is also happen to be his friend—or like, someone he thought like his own brother, he’s told me everything on our way here on that night. He’s so—honest? Like, he literally told me everything he knows and he mentions how Jongin hyung tries to forget Sehun by trying to find a rebound. He literally choose to leave me and thankfully his secretary is considerate enough to send me home. What makes you think I will think otherwise?” he closes his eyes again. “I am literally a rebound, Doyoung. He uses me to forget his ex.”
Doyoung looks at Taeyong with a look that’s hard to explain. “And you think there’s no space for him to actually fall for you?”
“When he only needs me to forget his ex?”
“But Yong—“ Doyoung scoots closer to his best friend. “You’ve been telling me that he treats you really nice. Sometimes you even feel like—he’s treating you like you’re his boyfriend, a lover? You think he’d do that to a rebound?”
Taeyong slowly nods. “It’s all back to square one, Doyoung. He needs a rebound. He needs someone whom he can treat like a lover so he can pretend that he’s moving on from his ex.” Taeyong has never feel his heart aches the way it did when he finishes his sentence.
*******
Jongin takes yet another shot of his drink before looking out to the scenery of the city through his window. He thinks when he finally gets a closure a week ago, he’ll be fine. But here he is, sitting in his house with a heavy heart. Something is definitely missing.
“Don’t you think you should do something about it?” Junmyeon speaks up as soon as he gets into Jongin’s house and spots the younger on his couch, by the huge window. He may be a secretary to Jongin in the office but outside, he’s a brother figure to the younger.
“We already get our closure, hyung.” Jongin pour another drink into his glass.
Junmyeon just shakes his head. If this isn’t Jongin’s house, he’d stop the latter already. “You know I’m not talking about Sehun.” He tries to stay calm when Jongin just let his sentence float in the air without any response. “Jongin ah, I know this is no longer about Sehun. You say you’d be fine now that you get your closure, but this is far from fine.”
“You think I’ll be able to move on that fast?”
“Jongin, stop trying to run from the truth,” Junmyeon takes a look at Jongin. He let out a heavy sigh when the younger stays silent. “You know who else deserve a closure?”
Silence.
“It’s Taeyong,” Junmyeon breaks the silence between them.
Jongin finally look directly at Junmyeon. It has been awhile since he hears that name, it has been awhile since he does any contact with the said name. “Hyung—“
“He is a nice guy, I can tell,” Junmyeon just chuckles when he finally settles himself on the couch, right beside Jongin. “From what you’ve been telling me, and from what I observe on that night, he’s a nice guy. I understand why you’d be so hung up on him.”
“Hyung, I don’t—“
“Shh—“ Junmyeon put his finger over his own lips as a signal for Jongin to shut up. The latter just rolls his eyes and Junmyeon just lets out a small laugh. “I have known you for so long, Jongin ah. I’ve seen the professional side of you and the ordinary you. I’ve seen you at your happiest and at your worst. I’ve seen you when you get your heart breaks and I’ve also seen you when you’re in love. I know it has been long since someone makes you feel like you’re home.”
Jongin feels like there’s a lump stuck on his throat. He knows he’s never ready for this kind of conversation. He’s not ready for someone to finally get him to see the light. “We did not start like any other couple should and you know that.”
“And what’s with that?” Junmyeon scoffs. He never really intrudes Jongin’s personal life despite knowing what actually happen because he thinks Jongin is old enough to not to mess things up, but when he knows the younger is acting like a fool, he feels like he needs to speak up on it. “Both of you—you guys are in it because you are taking advantage of each other, but does it matter anymore if there’s an actual feelings involve? Especially if it’s mutual.”
“How do I know if it’s a real feeling and not just an acting so he can continue to get my money?”
Junmyeon just smiles. He knows Jongin gets some point. “And how does he knows if it’s a real feeling and you have completely moving on and not just using him so you can pretend your life is better than your ex?”
“Hyung—“ Jongin whines. “Who is actually your brother here?”
Junmyeon just laughs. He’s glad that Jongin still has this side of him despite having too much responsibility on his shoulder. “Does Taeyong know you act like this in private?”
“Which one do you like more?”
“The whiny Kim Jongin.”
Jongin smiles when he recalls the last conversation he had with Taeyong before they stop contacting each other. He misses the younger man. He admits it.
“He does,” Junmyeon answers his own question at the sight of Jongin smiling to himself. “Jonginnie, if he only sees you for your money, he wouldn’t cry when he knows he’s probably just a rebound to you,” he raises his eyebrows to Jongin when the younger looks at him. “You know very well about his intention when you guys agree to do this but he has to always wonder why you’re so eager to help him. You don’t demand for sex all the time, you don’t demand him to move in with you, you didn’t make him your maid or something. If I were him, I’d wonder too.”
“But I hurt him, right? There’s no way he’s opening up to me again. Knowing him, he’d want all this to stop and he’ll go back doing part time job while struggling through the semester,” Jongin rubs his face. His heart aches at the thought of Taeyong has to live like that again. Junmyeon is right, Taeyong is a nice guy. He never demands Jongin to buy him expensive stuff like Jongin thought he’d do when they first agree to do this. He only needs the money for his rent and buying all the stuff he needs for his assignments. That’s also how Jongin learns that being an art student means you will spend on a lot of stuff. All the expensive stuff that Taeyong owns, that’s all just gifts from Jongin. “I’m not good for him.”
Junmyeon just shrugs. “And that’s on him to decide, Jonginnie. You guys need to talk it through. How it’ll end, it’s up to you guys.” He turns to look at the younger guy. “Jonginnie, for a year, I finally see your eyes shines with happiness when you talk about someone. I finally see you smile fondly at the thought of someone. I think your happiness is right in front of you and you should at least try to keep it,” he smiles.
*******
From: Jonginnie Hyung
Yongie
Taeyong’s shriek almost gets Doyoung choke on his lunch. If Taeyong isn’t a best friend, he probably knows how does it feels to have Doyoung’s fist on his face. “What’s wrong with you? Let me eat my lunch in peace.”
Taeyong shoves his phone right in front of Doyoung’s face and the latter shrieks too. “What should I do, Doyoung?”
“It’s been like—almost a month, right?”
“What if—what if he decides to end things?”
“Do you guys have a contract or something? A due date? If he end things before it should then you can sue and you’ll still get his money. If you win the case,” Doyoung says before take a bite of his lunch.
“Doyoung—“
“But he calls you, Yongie!” Doyoung grabs Taeyong’s phone again and look at the recent text that Jongin sends to his best friend. “So probably he’s not ending things.”
Taeyong decides to just ignore the text. What he does not expect is that a few hours later, he will see Jongin in the parking lot of his faculty building. He knows the elder is waiting for him when Jongin walks towards him and get a hold on his wrist before pulling him into his car and say, “You’re coming with me.”
The ride in Jongin’s car is fill with silence. Jongin’s can’t expect Taeyong to be his friendly self when both of them haven’t talk to each other in almost a month. When they finally arrive at Jongin’s place, Taeyong widens his eyes in confusion. “Hyung?”
“Come in,” is all Jongin says and he still pulls Taeyong with him. He tells himself that for now, he’ll never let the younger guy go.
When they’re in, Jongin just leaves Taeyong to stand awkwardly in the middle of his living room while he takes off his coat and unbutton the first two buttons of his shirt. He turns to look at Taeyong and both of them stand in silence. “We need to talk.”
“Uh?” Taeyong looks at Jongin in confusion. “About what?”
“Us.”
Taeyong’s fingers fiddles with the hem of his shirt. He shouldn’t have believe Doyoung when he said Jongin probably doesn’t want to end things. He should have just prepare for his heartbreak now. “O—okay.”
Jongin almost laughs when he sees Taeyong’s expression. The younger is definitely nervous at this moment. But Jongin has spent so much time mustering his professional persona that he can control his expression. “Where have you been these days?”
Taeyong widens his eyes. “Uh, at my campus and apartment? Sometimes I go out with my friends for lunch or dinner,” he looks at Jongin in confusion. Where does this conversation head to?
Jongin just nods. “Do you still have enough money?”
“Uh—yes. It’s not like I spend a lot.” And Taeyong thinks he should know that.
Nodding is all Jongin did. He looks at Taeyong intently and scan over his appearance. He notices the younger is getting a bit skinny and his hair is a bit longer. He slowly walks towards Taeyong and stop for a bit before he develops the younger into his embrace. He places his face at the crook of his neck and inhales his favourite scent. He’d ask Taeyong what kind of soap he’s using and he’ll gladly but a whole factory if he have to. “Did you even eat?”
“Huh?”
“You’re getting skinnier, I think.”
Taeyong just stands awkwardly, still not returning the hug to Jongin. “I—I eat, just not a lot.” And to think he lost his appetite because of the guy that is currently hugging him, he feels like Jongin has no right to point it out. “Hyung?”
“I miss you,” Jongin mumbles against Taeyong’s shoulder. He hugs him tighter when he feels the other body immediately becomes rigid after his words. “I really miss you, I really do. This is not about I don’t have someone else so I can forget my ex, no. I genuinely miss you.” He releases the hug when Taeyong stays silence and does not even bother to return the hug. “Taeyongie?”
Taeyong looks at anywhere else but Jongin. He sighs. “I don’t know.”
Jongin pulls the younger to sit on the couch. They settle next to each other. “Yongie, I know hurt you and I’m sorry. I am sorry for a lot of things. I did not care about you on that night and I leave you hanging after that. Just tell me what you want to know, I’ll explain everything.”
“Junmyeon hyung has explain everything I think. The other guy that night is your ex, you guys have been an item for a long time before he leaves you without any explanation and you have a hard time getting over him. Oh, and you have been getting on with so many people, as a rebound of course,” Taeyong recalls his conversation with Junmyeon on that night. He shoots Jongin one intense look.
Jongin winces at that. Now he knows he really hurt Taeyong. He can hear the bitterness in his last few words. “Well, I guess I have nothing to explain now.” Silence is surrounding both of them. Jongin’s confidence that he has musters earlier is slowly fading. He take one last look at the younger guy in front of him. “But there’s one thing that Junmyeon hyung didn’t get to explain.”
“What is it?”
“My feelings,” Jongin takes a deep breath before slowly reaching for Taeyong’s hand to hold. “It’s not that I need someone to point out my feelings for me. I know it’s there, I feel it for a while now. It just I don’t know if I’m ready for it,” he sighs. “It’s true, you only realize how precious someone’s existence in your life when they’re gone.”
“Hyung—“
Jongin shakes his head, asking Taeyong to not to interrupt whatever he’s going to say. “That night, I finally talk it out with Sehun. We sort out everything and I finally get the closure that I’ve wanted so much all these years. I thought I can continue with my life after that but my heart is still heavy. I know something, someone is missing. A part of me is not there. I try to sort it out, I have an idea who it is but I just want to make sure. I stay at my office until midnight but the heavy feeling is still there and I finally surrender. I know it’s you,” he takes a deep breath again. “It’s you that is missing that makes me feel so incomplete.”
Taeyong looks right into Jongin’s eyes, trying to find any hints of lies in them. “But you didn’t even bother to reach for me after that night.”
“That’s—definitely my fault. I guess it’s a mix of wanting to clear my mind and feeling afraid.”
“Afraid of what?”
“Of you wanting to end things. Junmyeon hyung told me that he explain everything to you, always doing the most, that man,” Jongin chuckles. “I know I hurt you. I know you cried. Nobody likes to be played like that. All these while, nobody cares if I dump them because they get what they want. My money and their short fame because, you know—being with the Kim Jongin is a big deal.”
“Hyung, that’s cocky.”
Jongin just laughs and fondly look at Taeyong. “This is why I like you. You might be in here for my money but you never like me acting like an asshat.”
“Hyung, I don’t get it. Am I supposed to feel okay or what? One time you sound like you’re confessing and next you remind me again why I am here and now I feel everything is not right again.” Taeyong sounds so frustrated. He needs his Gucci backpack right now so he can swing it across Jongin’s head. Who knows it’ll help to knock some sense into Jongin’s head.
Jongin just laughs and Taeyong just wants to smack his head.
“God, I miss you so much,” Jongin pulls Taeyong into his hold again. “Who knows I actually miss someone to nag at me?”
“Hyung, seriously—“
“Taeyongie—“ Jongin loosen his hold and look at Taeyong. “I know I might not be the best for you and I want to work on that. I hurt you, I did you wrong and I want to put everything back in place again. What we have right now, I want to end it.”
Taeyong can feels his face goes pale, he’s loss of word.
“No, baby listen,” Jongin smiles and hold Taeyong’s hand. “I want more. I want a proper relationship for us. No more of all this sugar daddy shit. Do you want to make it right with me? I won’t force you, you can say no if you want to. I’ll give you time if you need one.”
“Are you sure about this? The one that has a hard time to let go of his past is not me, hyung. It’s you.” As much as Taeyong wants to say yes, he still needs to be cautious. It’ll hurt a lot more if he finds out he’s still being used once they decide to go with a proper serious relationship.
“I’ve been over him, baby. I realize that I am just angry because he left me with no explanation. I’m just angry because I love him with all my heart and he’s walking out that easy,” he plays with Taeyong’s fingers. “You really take a good care on me and I’m happy with you. I think that’s all that matters.”
“You know if you hurt me, Doyoung will come and hurt you right?”
Jongin laughs. He hears quite a lot about Doyoung from Taeyong. “I’ll give him all the right, baby.”
“Can we take it slowly?”
“Yongie, we’ve done quite a lot of stuff together so how slow do you want us to be?”
“Hyung, you really want me to say no, right?”
Jongin laughs and he wonders how Taeyong makes everything he does turn out to be so adorable. Jongin still finds the younger adorable when he’s mad and let’s not talk about when he starts to pout. Jongin has to gather all his power to not to do anything inappropriate over a pout. “You’ve become fiery and it’s not even a month since we last saw each other,” he narrows his eyes at Taeyong. “So, I’ll take it as a yes. Hello, my boyfriend,” he says while pinching Taeyong’s cheek.
“Who said yes?”
Jongin moves forward to embrace Taeyong until the latter falls flat on his back. Jongin gets his knees and elbows to support him so that his body is not completely squeezing Taeyong who is under him now. “I know you want to say yes.”
“I did not!”
“Yes or yes?” Jongin starts to tickle the side of Taeyong’s torso and the latter keeps squirming. “I have no time to play around, Taeyongie,” said Jongin who is still busy tickling the younger man.
“Okay, okay! Oh my God! Okay, yes, now learn to take some joke!” Taeyong said while trying to catch some breath. He really needs to learn how to be less ticklish if this is how Jongin will attacks him in the future.
Jongin stops and look at what he thinks of a great scene underneath of him. He starts to slowly placing kisses all over Taeyong’s face while the younger scrunches his nose because Jongin’s fringe is tickling his face. Jongin’s lips finally stops on Taeyong’s and stay there longer. “Thank you,” he whispers between their kiss.
They continue to kiss until Taeyong grips on Jongin’s shoulder, signaling that he needs to catch a breath. “It’s not even ten minutes since I become your boyfriend and you’re already want to kill me?”
Jongin plants a kiss on Taeyong’s forehead before laughing. “I make it pretty much clear that I can’t live without you, did I?” he pecks on Taeyong’s lips. “I have one more thing to ask.”
Taeyong arches his eyebrows.
“Move in with me? This house is too big to live just by myself.”
Taeyong rolls his eyes. “What did I say about being cocky?”
“So, please? So that I won’t miss your cooking and I won’t feel lonely if I come back to an empty home. I’ll get a room ready so you can do all your assignments and keep your equipment there. If you need a whole PC I can buy it for you. You just have to get yourself and all your stuff here,” he says while playing with the strands of Taeyong’s hair.
“You’re just tired of paying my rent, right?”
Now it’s Jongin’s turn to roll his eyes. “You think money is a problem? I literally offer to buy a PC for you if that’s more convenient for you to work on your college stuff here. I just want to be with you, that’s all.”
“Geez, who would have thought the Kim Jongin can be this clingy?”
“Only for Lee Taeyong.”
“Stop it hyung,” Taeyong is embarrass that he playfully hits Jongin’s shoulder.
“So?”
Taeyong looks at Jongin who is still on top of him. He snakes his arms around Jongin’s neck to pull him closer before kissing Jongin on his lips. It doesn’t last long but enough to make the elder smiles in satisfaction. “Okay, I’ll move in with you.”