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Sam is so caught up in the moment during the fight and after that he doesn’t think to bring anything other than the journal that talks about the resurrection spell. But the next day, while Eileen is safely asleep in her new room at the bunker, Sam heads back to Rowena’s place. He feels like he should at least bring some of the stuff. He thinks that, maybe, he could learn some of Rowena’s spells. Rowena did leave it all for him.
He brings the journals back to the bunker. He thinks of putting them in the bunker library, but it feels too personal. Besides, he isn’t really sure what Dean would think if he found out that Sam was actually practicing witchcraft. A day of spells and hex bags is different than actually being a witch, and Sam is thinking that maybe he wants the second option.
The magic is a lot easier than Sam thought it would be. Even though he only really practices with smaller spells, he’s surprised he’s so good at it. Rowena told him once that he would be, but he never really let himself believe it, too scared of being supernatural in any way again. The thing is, when he does a spell or even looks at one, it makes him think of her. Makes him think of how sad he is that she’s dead, how bad he feels that he had to drive a blade into her chest.
At the same time, though, it makes him happy. It makes him feel close to her. Doing the spells she left for him is the best way to be close to her. It hurts, but it’s still worth it somehow.
He thinks about trying to use the spell he used on Eileen on Rowena, but he remembers what the other witches said about it only working once. Besides, Rowena’s ghost isn’t here. There’s no way it would work.
After a couple of months, it occurs to him that there might actually be a way to bring her back. Rowena created the spell for Mary that got used on Eileen. Just because the same one won’t work twice doesn’t mean he can’t create another. He doesn’t really know how to create a spell. He finished the one she started, but he had a pretty clear guide to go on. Now, he doesn’t have anything to go on.
Even though Sam knows the unlikeliness of actually pulling it off, he also knows that he has to try. He misses her more than he can explain, and he’s going to give it everything he’s got.
It takes three months of researching and trying to figure it out during every moment of free time he has. It takes working tirelessly and trying to keep himself from getting frustrated or discouraged. But after those three months, he finishes writing the spell.
He tries not to get his hopes up as he does the spell. He tries to tell himself that it’s unlikely it’ll even work, that he shouldn’t hope for too much. He needs to be realistic.
Even though he tries not to get his hopes up, he can’t really help it. And for a moment, after he finishes the spell, he thinks it failed. Nothing happens, and he feels his heart break.
But then, all of the sudden, there’s a tap on his shoulder. Sam turns around to see his best friend standing in front of him. He engulfs her in a hug without a second thought, tears falling down his face as they embrace.
“Told you that you had potential, Samuel.”