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Chapter Text

The ceremony was scarily empty, not even Dean showed for the funeral of Michelle Baker. He couldn’t of course, Eggsy was reminded painfully. Because he was locked up after being charged with the brutal murder of Michelle Baker.  A handful of her old friends came. Friends from before Dean, before the woman was isolated by the man.

Jamal and Ryan sat either side of him, a barrier. Without them, it was Eggsy against the world.

After the vicar left the crematorium fell silent, the few friends walked out. Nodding their head in respect but no words were spoken. Too much time had passed, and they could barely make sense of what happened to their old friend and the bubbly five year old in tow. Out the door they went, along with Eggsy’s composure. His head fell into his hands as he sobbed.

“It’s alright mate, she’s alright now,” said Ryan. But it wasn’t, this was the funeral of a woman Eggsy vowed he would save, but life was a clock and he was one second too late.

• Six Months Later –

Eggsy had almost begun to heal, surrounded by friends in a safe environment, he had almost begun to heal before all that was shattered.

“Bruv’, please calm down,” Jamal pleaded from the bedroom doorway, Ryan peaking over his shoulder.

 Eggsy was rushing around the two boys shared flat, a backpack in hand. He was stuffing clothes into the bag, a hysterical air surrounding him.

“He’s gonna come in here and cut me into bits! He’s gonna kill me, he’s gonna kill me!” Eggsy cried tightening his grip on the bag. He ran in to the kitchen and grasped the wooden knife block. Wrenching a knife from it and wrapped a tea towel around the blade before shoving it too into the bag.

As Eggsy fled for the door but Ryan clothes lined him and held his shoulders firm, “call us when you get wherever the fuck you’re going.” Eggsy gave the pair a grim smile, and then he was gone.

Jamal looked at Ryan in the silence of the flat, “how the fuck did he get out?”

-

Eggsy ran, parkouring over the concrete walls he ran. One instinct coursed through his body, run. Somehow Dean Baker was out, somehow, he was on the streets, friends in high places, Eggsy thought bitterly.

He didn’t stop running for a long time.

Chapter Text

Something wet and forceful fell against Eggsy’s forehead. It slid down the bridge of his nose, wet and sticky. It was not the first time someone had spat at him. Eggsy knew his worth now. He knew that he was just scum, forcing the government to spend more money when it was desperately needed in other cases. He wiped to spit off, before he stood and swung his backpack over his shoulder.

It was raining. It always was in England. Eggsy wished he could run away to a sunny country, where he could live in his flat and watch football. No one would bother him and more importantly, where no one wanted to kill him. Where no one wanted to hurt him.

It was getting dark. The honest people were going back home to their flats or their families. Meanwhile the sleazy businessmen would come out looking for cheap thrills in scared women and desperate men. Like Eggsy, who put themselves through hell just to get enough cash to put a pitiful meal down their throats. Every inch of his skin crawled as he put himself through the process each night, the feeling of submitting to someone.  His stomach churned relentlessly, the idea of being that intimate with someone sickened him.

Eggsy slunk up to a corner and nodded to the girl who was already there. She stood in a fancy bra and daisy dukes. Her skin twitched with the cold. A grey sedan pulled along the curb and the window rolled down. The sleazebag looked her up and down before nodding his head at the seat next to him. 

The girl swallowed sharply. Eggsy watched her, she was new and far too young. It was fair game on the streets, every whore for them self. Eggsy never liked that rule. He stepped forward and through an arm around the girls’ shoulders.

“Sorry bruv, just picked her up. Smith Street’s got a few lookers tonight though,” the man frowned in disgust but pulled away from the curve. Once he was out of site, Eggsy shook off his jumper and put it around her arms.

“You shouldn’t be out here luv,” the girl, upon closer inspection looked much younger than Eggsy realised. She looked up at him with wide eyes then dropped her gaze.

“I need the rent, my boyfriend got laid off last week,” the girl whispered as tears began to roll down her eyes.

“If he cared about you, he wouldn’t let you go out here,” Eggsy sighed. “Where do your parents live eh?”

The girl cried harder and leaned into Eggsy’s shoulder, “they’ll kill me. I ran out on them three months ago.”

“No, no they won’t. They love you, they would rather you admit you need help than get hurt. C’mon, let’s get you home.” Eggsy hailed a passing taxi and helped the girl climb in. Going to the front window he spoke to the driver quietly handing him a bundle note.

“I don’t know where she’s going but look after her. Please, I hope this covers the fee. I’ll be around here if not.” The older man smiled and told Eggsy he was a good man.

(Eggsy didn’t believe it but he just smiled).

The cab drove away into the night, Eggsy only had to wait a few minutes before smart looking car pulled to the curb. With an easy smiled Eggsy clambered in.

-

“He’s picked someone up but is still on course for the hotel,” Merlin reported.

“ETA?”

“Patience Galahad, ten minutes tops,” responded Merlin as he took a sip from his coffee. He was acting as a handler for Harry. A simple mission to take out some Kingpin just about the pay grade of state police.

“Any idea who his friend is?” Harry asked over the coms, he was waiting on the roof opposite the hotel. Once the target was in the room it would be a simple shot.

Merlin was quiet as he attempted to find the identity, “young man. Most likely this evening’s entertainment.” He could hear Harry’s distaste before he said anything.

“The police could do a lot better with patrolling this sort of thing, young men and women selling their bodies for a bit of cash.”

“You’re a judgmental sod. Eye’s up Galahad, the target has just pulled up. Entering hotel now,” Merlin tracked the pair’s movements through the security cameras. “Going up, just about to enter the room. Take your time with the shot.” Merlin heard Harry scoff.

“I am not one of your trainees, Merlin honestly-”

“Hold your fire, we’ve got facial recognition.”

“Who is it, one of ours?” Harry put the gun down and watched the pair. Waiting for his glasses to try and pick up the face.

“Galahad, it’s Gary Unwin. It’s Lee’s son.”

-

Eggsy’s client kept a firm hand on his waist all the way up to the floor. His breath was already heavy with liquor as he mumbled filthy promises into Eggsy’s ear. It pained him to keep a smile on his face. The man was fucked in the head the way he was talking. Once they were in the room, the door locked with a ‘do not disturb’ sign on the handle, he physically through Eggsy onto the bed. Eggsy missed smacking his head on the headboard by an inch. The man leered above him, and for the first time Eggsy wished he risked it with Dean.

“You’re a pretty boy. Let’s change that.”

-

“I’m going in.”

“Galahad do not go in there. Make the shot and leave,” Merlin growled over the line.

“Merlin,” Harry’s voice went very still. “Do not tell me you haven’t tried to find this boy throughout the years.” Merlin didn’t have an answer to that, Harry was right.

“Merlin, you and I both know I have to do this,” Harry told him quietly. Merlin was quiet again, keeping an eye on the camera’s and Harry’s glasses.

“Galahad just remember; If we had been able to find him easily, we would have done so. Things have gone wrong.”

-

The geezer was taking extreme pleasure in knowing that Eggsy was way out of his depth. He sliced open Eggsy shirt and then traced the blade over his eyebrow. Blood dripped past the corner of his eye, a wounded tear. He didn’t see the bloke making a beeline for his lip with the knife.

Eggsy cried out and the man laughed. Just as he was looking for a slice on Eggsy’s abdomen the glass shattered everywhere. The man jumped and his hand slipped slashing wildly at Eggsy’s side. He cried out again and rolled away. As he twisted, he saw a man standing just in front of a window. He carried a small gun and instantly shot a bullet through the head of Eggsy’s client who was staring dumbfounded at the intruder.

“What the fuck are you on?” Eggsy shouted trying to stand and back away. The intruder immediately holstered the gun.

“Hello Eggsy. We met a long time ago and I think it’s best if you come with me,” said Harry. His eyes were drawn to the faded pink ring with an ornate K in the centre.

“What then you’ll shoot me? Who the fuck are you?” Eggsy cried with gasp as blood oozed from the cut.

“My name is Harry Hart; I gave you that medallion. And I’d appreciate it if we could have this talk somewhere else.” 

It was right there that Eggsy made a split-second decision. One that was based on survival and the fact that his blood was coating his hands. But also, because he had nothing else to lose, his life was falling apart. He was giving away his body each night, lost contact with friends and he failed to protect his own mum. Whatever this guy had planned, Eggsy had seen it all already. Each fragment of pain he experienced; he had felt it all. He was done trying.

“Yeah, okay. Sure, yeah. I think I need help.”

Eggsy turned to face Harry Hart fully, hands grasping at the leaking gash across his stomach and hip. Without warning, Eggsy’s eyes rolled into the back of his head and pitched forward onto the carpet, blood spilling out around him at a rate that was too fast.

For the first time in Harry’ career at Kingsman, he froze.   

Chapter Text

Harry Hart never froze. It was something he had been commended on in his training. No matter how shocking the situation was, no matter how bone shaking, Harry didn’t freeze. He didn’t freeze when he was told to shoot his dog, didn’t freeze when Lee died. He didn’t freeze when Michelle Unwin exploded on him. Harry didn’t even freeze when he put two and two together, coming up with the fact Eggsy was selling his body.

Harry Hart didn’t freeze.  But he did.  He couldn’t tear his eye’s away from the growing pool of blood on the carpet. Not until Merlin was yelling in his ear.

“Galahad! Get out now! There’s a manhole twenty meters to the left of the building, get Eggsy out of there and MedVAC will meet you.” Harry swallowed and bundled Eggsy up as best he could before make it out onto the fire escape.

“Merlin, he’s bleeding.” Harry was on autopilot. All he could see was Lee Unwin, bloodied and dead. Harry reminded himself sternly. This wasn’t Lee, this was his son who was completely different. He was barley scraping six foot, he was far more muscular. Most importantly, he wasn’t going to die.

Once on the road Merlin directed him to the man whole, Harry kicked it off lowered down below the road to wait for medical.

-

Harry and Eggsy’s arrival in HQ were expected, but as they wheeled Eggsy away Harry suddenly felt lost. The complicated journey from Kingsman ambulance to the air strip were the helicopter met them left Harry aimless. Merlin whisked him away to his office as soon as they arrived.

“Are you okay?” Merlin asked sitting down at his desk as they arrived.

“What have I done?” He sighed sitting down in the chair across. “When Lee died, I vowed to myself that Eggsy would be protected, and there he was selling himself for what? Why?”

Merlin looked back to the computer screen before tilting it to face Harry, “you’ll have to ask him that. But there is something I need to tell you. You were away in the Philippines when it happened.” That mission had left Harry badly injured and in a brief coma.\

“That was almost a year ago!”

“I didn’t want to tell you as you recovered and there was never the right time. Part of me hoped we would never have to deal with it, and I didn’t want you trying to get involved.” The Scotsman turned the screen towards Harry.

A news article from the Sun emblazoned with the Damning title;

47-Year-old woman killed by husband

Victims body left in bathroom for four days before her son was able to call police.

The 19-year-old was allegedly locked in his room for four days after witnessing the murder last Tuesday. Police have already made an arrest.

Harry didn’t bother to read any further, he skimmed the coroner’s report briefly before sighing and dropping his head into his hands.

“I promised to protect them, both of them.”

Merlin turned the screen back, “I’m sorry Harry. Dean Baker kept them under lock and key. Eggsy dropped out of high school at seventeen.  I’m still not entirely sure how Eggsy ended up where he is. Eggsy disappeared shortly after this. No one heard from him, no online transactions. It’s not your fault Galahad.”

Harry rubbed his eyes; other the past few months lines had begun to arise on his forehead beckoning his approach to middle age. He feared after tonight he’d look properly ancient.

“I can’t believe you didn’t tell me. I can’t believe we didn’t know.”

Merlin’s desk phone rang, and he picked it up instantly.

“Sir, Unwin is awake and uncooperative. It’s your call,” a nurse reported briskly.

“Galahad and I will come down.”

-

When Eggsy felt the cuff on his wrist, he screamed. He was back stuck in his bedroom locked to his bed.

His phone was painfully out of reach, lighting up every few hours with messages. His temple was sticky with blood. His clothes were caked with blood that wasn’t his.

Michelle,Michelle,Michelle.

Eggsy thrashed at his wrist, clawing at the cuff. He couldn’t get free, he was trapped.

Trapped, trapped, trapped, trapped.

 People were pulling on, him talking to him. Someone was trying to get at his wrist, someone had a hand on his chest pushing him back.  When Eggsy felt the prick of a needle at his hand his survival instincts went into overdrive. The only thing he could see was black.

-

As the elevator released Harry and Merlin into Medical, they heard the screaming. 

Harry didn’t freeze, not this time. But his heart went cold at the sound. As the pair approached the noise, they saw more med staff flooding to the room. One was led out with a nose streaming with blood.

As Harry stepped in, he was greeted with a disaster. Three nurses were trying to restrain Eggsy who was desperately clawing at his restraint. Whilst another was trying to get a needle in his arm. It occurred to Harry that Eggsy was not in the slightest, aware at what he was doing.  But the fear in his eyes, something Harry hoped he would never see again at such extremity told him everything.

“Everyone stop” Harry commanded and the staff turn to face him. As soon as the forceful hands leave Eggsy, he stills, but not quite. His left hand is still gripping his right wrist tightly. To the point Harry is sure it will leave bruises. There’s still a blank fear in his eyes, and he twitches at any movement anyone near him makes. 

Harry is extremely careful of his tone as he speaks again, “who put the restraint on him?” All eyes fall to the Doctor holding the injection, Harry knew he was head of the department. A sour man with an appalling bed side manner. He breathed deeply before walking as neutrally as possible to Eggsy’s side. Reaching into the pocket of his trousers, which he hasn’t changed out of yet from the mission and pulls a knife.

He felt Eggsy’s unrelenting gaze watch as he sliced the band that attached the cuff to the bed rail.  As soon as it was severed Eggsy drew his jean covered legs to his bare chest. Harry glanced at Eggsy’s side; the white bandage was tainted with blood.

“Everyone, get out,” Harry ordered. Merlin turned to leave but he was called back, leaving just the three of them. Harry seats himself in one of the chairs, Merlin follows suit.

“Eggsy, are you with us?” Eggsy stayed still and blank eyed. Harry tried again, “Eggsy, you know me, not very well though. My name is Harry Hart, this is Merlin. He’s our eyes and ears.”

Eggsy turns to Harry. It’s for the first time Harry gets a good look at him. His cheek bones are gaunt, frighteningly so.  He is also very pale, but that may be due to his ordeal. Eggsy’ is a naturally muscular build, but obviously underfed.

He’s still not with them yet, so Harry keeps trying as Merlin watches them quietly.

Harry turns to Merlin, “give me your tie.”

Dutifully but cynically Merlin pulls the tie from around his neck and slowly moves towards Harry, dropping the rolled-up article of clothing in the mans outreached hand. Harry rests his elbows on his knees holding out the tie. Eggsy doesn’t react, so quietly and slowly. Harry reaches for Eggsy’s hand, it’s cold and rigid. Harry bundles the ties into Eggsy’s hand and closes his fingers around it.

“Do you feel that, the tie? That’s Merlin’s tie, my name is Harry Hart. We are at my work which is in the English countryside. We are sixty miles from London. Standing next to me is Merlin, he’s my friend.”  There a moment of clarity in Eggsy’s eyes, Harry sees the fog clearing.

“ ‘arry,” Eggsy whispers. His fist becomes tight around the tie. Harry can see him fighting the darkness that held him captive.  “Harry.”

“Harry,” Harry responded. “Just Harry and Merlin and Eggsy. Harry, Merlin and Eggsy.”

 The glint in Eggsy’s eyes was getting stronger, like the warmth was returning.

“Harry, Merlin n’ Eggsy,” Eggsy repeated. “’arry, Merlin and Eggsy.”

Then there was the golden moment, where Eggsy looked, properly looked at Harry. And Harry knew he was all there.

-

It was a little while before the proper talking began to start. All the while Merlin had pulled up a chair and sat quietly and watched Harry interact with Eggsy so calmly and gently. How he verged on the safe side of conversation until they knew the extent of Eggsy’s emotional trauma.

“Eggsy, how do you feel about getting someone to look at those stitches?” Harry asked, Eggsy blinked and looked down at his side. The bandage was heavily soaked at this stage.

“I’d rather do it myself, y’know?” Harry looked conflicted. He had expected Eggsy to outright refuse but had not expected him to feel more than sure in his ability to stitch the wound again. And whilst Harry unfortunately presumed Eggsy possessed the knowledge, he wasn’t comfortable with the idea.

This is when Merlin spoke up, “would you mind if I did them? Just me, you and Harry that all it has to be.”

Eggsy bit his cheek harshly, to the point Harry and Merlin could see the cheek being pulled inwards. “Just you yeah? Just you and Harry?”

“Just me and Harry,” Merlin agreed. 

Eggsy nodded.

-

Eggsy sat in Merlin’s chair next to Harry. He gripped the bed sheets tightly with one hand, and the other on his knee.  Merlin crouched by his side, when he placed a hand on Eggsy’s waist he flinched horrible before breathing out a shaky “sorry.”

“It’s alright lad, just so you know. I’m not authorised to administer any pain killers, nor do I think you’re allowed to have any more at this stage,” Merlin explains, looking up at the young man.

“That’s alright, I like to know what’s happening anyway, even if it hurts,” behind Eggsy’s back Merlin and Harry shared a look.

“Alright then, I’ll let you know what I’m doing alright?” Eggsy nodded and breathed in deeply. “I’m going to start peeling off the bandage.” Merlin pulled it back, it came off easily as it was so sodden. As he went, he kept up a chatter made up of equal parts reassuring and explaining and small talk between Harry and Eggsy.

The whole process took twenty minutes, and by that time Eggsy was visibly exhausted. It was decided that when Merlin went to go clean-up, he would get some food from the dining hall and bring it back to the room.

Harry sat quietly, watching Eggsy as he dozed. On a mental front, he was far from out of the woods. His senses were jacked up, every noise that was deemed to suspicious was met with a subconscious flinch. It broke Harry’s heart.

Every time Lee spoke of this boy, it was with happiness.  Eggsy was a happy kid.

‘Eggsy started school’ or ‘Eggsy thinks he’s in a gang with some boy on the estate’. Admittedly that warranted a few odd looks, until Lee explained that their sole mission was to make sure all the snails, they found on the footpaths were deposited in the gardens.

Lee was the only agent with a young child, never mind that he was one of the few agents to even have a child. His Eggsy stories were the literal light of the dreary real-world problems that they each faced every day.

Eggsy wouldn’t know it, but there were many still in Harry’s department that for a few years waited on Lee’s stories of Eggsy. They listened to him grow up, until Lee died.  Harry could only imagine the looks on their faces if they were introduced to ‘Lee’s boy.’

Briefly, Harry entertained the idea that Eggsy could be a prospective agent for Kingsman before reality came knocking in Harry’s mind. Eggsy had a long recovery ahead of him, a long and hard one. The truth was that unless Eggsy proved that he was truly okay in a vast number of situations, he was not destined for field work. But there was another option.

 Harry knew what he had to do. He was going to help this young man who had evidently faced hells unbeknownst to many. But Harry knew, Eggsy would be okay. He would be okay. Because there was an air about Eggsy. He was a fighter, stronger than any of them realised. Eggsy Unwin will be okay.

Chapter Text

When Eggsy woke the next morning, he found that it was completely on his own terms. He wasn’t been evicted from a bed, no one was kicking him from their shop front. It was delightful to blink awake to the sunshine glowing through the blinds.

Eggsy’s peace was broken when he laid eyes upon a young woman sitting in a chair reading the paper. Eggsy shot up into sitting position, throwing one leg onto the floor, ready to run.

“Who are you?” The woman looked up and folded her paper away, she was dressed in a well-tailored tweed coat with long tan bots up to her knees. She looked like the girls Eggsy went to school with who would post pictures of themselves at the fancy horse competitions.

“My names Roxanne, but call me Roxy. Harry asked me to sit with you when you woke up,” Roxy explained her accent clipped but not unkind. Eggsy nodded, unable to keep eye contact with Roxy. He stood up feeling unsafe on the bed near the stranger, however he was glad it was not any of the doctors. “Your shirt was ruined with blood, there’s a fresh one on the table there as well as some shoes” Roxy indicated to the bedside table, Eggsy picked up the cotton shirt and pulled it over his head. The shoes were canvas boat shoes that fitted pretty well, Eggsy didn’t want to know how they knew his shoe size.

The night before was running through his head, but his survival dispositioned mind was focused on what lay ahead, not behind.

“If you’re ready then, I imagine you would be interested in breakfast. Everyone should be out of the dining hall by now.” When Eggsy showed no indication of refusing she stood and held the door open for him.

-

The pair rode the elevator up and when they got off, Eggsy found himself to be extremely self-conscious. He was in jeans covered in dried blood, everyone else he saw were in fancy suits and looked like they had a purpose.

Worthlessworthlessworthless

“What the hell is this place? Eggsy whispered to Roxy who marched expertly through the maze of halls. Roxy glanced at him as they arrived at a pair of dark oak doors, she pushed them open into the massive dining room that seemed too expensive for food to even be kept in here.

“This is Kingsman,” Roxy begins as she leads Eggsy to the buffet. “Harry apologises that he can’t be the one to explain but something came up. We are a spy organisation working at the highest levels of discretion. Our founders lost a lot of heirs in the first world war. With unclaimed fortunes they founded Kingsman, to protect the new age from threats the government can’t even begin to comprehend.  It’s something your father was a part of, he trained alongside my uncle. There’s a placement open in our shopfront; Harry wants it extended to you.” As Roxy finishes her spiel, she has filled a plate with an assortment of breakfast foods. She smiles at Eggsy’s confusion, passes him the plate and takes him to a table nearby.

“My dad was a soldier, not a spy,” Eggsy corrected biting into toast.

“He died on a mission Eggsy,” said Roxy softly. “He saved my uncle for which I am eternally grateful. Harry wants to propose you as the shop front worker, you would work as a normal tailor, well sort of. But also, a Kingsman gate keeper.  You would be required for all of the training that we went to, bar some aspects.” Eggsy was finding this incredibly over whelming. He dropped his toast onto the plate, feeling nauseous and uncomfortable with the amount of food on his plate.

How could he look after others when he couldn’t look after anyone else, not even himself? But did he have a say, who was he to refuse something Harry wanted him to do? “If Harry want me to, I’ll do it.”

Roxy stared at him; she noticed the change in Eggsy’s voice. “Eggsy, if it’s not something you’re comfortable with, you don’t have to do it. Just because Harry helped you, doesn’t mean you are forced to do something for him.”

Eggsy bit his lip, “oh-I mean yeah.  If Harry thinks I’d be a good candidate, I’ll go along.” Roxy had an unsure look in her eyes, but Eggsy couldn’t decipher it.

“Well, if you’re sure then I’m to get you registered as a Kingsman trainee. You’ll report Merlin as your supervisor when required. If you’re ready, we can get registered right now?” Roxy glanced at Eggsy’s still full plate.

“Uh yeah, let’s go.”

-

Roxy wouldn’t tell him much about training. She helped him settle into the dormitories for low level agents and trainees.  The day fell away into night before Eggsy realised, he had not seen hide or hair of Harry. 

He sat back upon the bed. The other, trainees had all fallen asleep around him, there were only a handful. They were applying for different positions in the agency, he had made casual conversation and they seemed nice. Roxy had told him about the candidates from her unit and Eggsy was immensely grateful he didn’t have to deal with them.

Eggsy found himself dozing off, when water started lapping at his legs. His eyes shot open in panic. The entire dorm was flooded with water, other agents were waking up and thrashing. Eggsy’s voice was stuck in his throat, his eyes darted around. The others were going for the shower nozzles.

Outoutoutoutoutoutoutoutout

Eggsy couldn’t catch his breath and soon there wouldn’t be any air left.

Outoutoutoutoutoutoutoutout

The water was at his neck, Eggsy blinked and it was over his head. Eggsy swam to the door, desperate for an escape. He pulled on the handle, but it was locked.

Lockedlockedlockedlockedlocked

Think Eggsy think.

 Eggsy turned around and saw the mirror and he had one last idea before his vision gave out.

-

Harry watched through Merlin’s glasses as the man stood behind the fake glass.

“Merlin, why do I feel like this is going to go wrong,” Harry spoke down the line.

“Stop fretting Harry, he’s smart and they’ll figure it out.”

-

The 20-meter swim to the glass just about killed Eggsy, he’s sure of it. His vision fading and his Kingsman issued sweatpants felt like 15 pound weights. Eggsy’s fingers gripped on the small ledge above the mirror. It took longer than Eggsy would like to see the first cracks.

-

“Merlin-”

“Wait, he’s almost there.”

-

When Eggsy’s fist goes through the glass he could have cried. The rush of the water sends him hurtling into the room, the impact with the polished concrete winds him.  The other trainees are forced to follow suit. Eggsy slumps against the wall as Merlin begins talking.

“Well done on completing your first test. Good job on noticing that that was a two-way mirror Eggsy. For those who don’t know, if you can get a tube down the bend of a toilet you have an unlimited air supply. However, your teamwork was shocking. One or two of you were very close to not passing,” Merlin gave Eggsy a very pointed as he left the roof. The trainees began to pick themselves together and change. Eggsy sought out a new pair of pyjamas, he vaguely remembers a girl helping him change his sheets for dry ones. He hopeed he smiled a thanks for her, but he’s cold and tired and he’s coughing up water every ten minutes. He hopes he remembers her face so he can say thank you.

-

“Harry it’s training, we’ve run this multiple times. It all turned out okay.”

“I vowed to protect him, not drown him.”

Chapter Text

It was a bad brain day. That’s what Eggsy called it, when his thoughts were too loud. Or worse they were to quiet and he thought about the bad thoughts.

Regardless, it was a bad brain day. He sat with Roxy and breakfast and a girl from I.T called Amelia.  As everyone began to leave the room, that’s when Eggsy began walking.

Keep walking, keep your head down.

Eggsy could walk. Not just walk but keep walking. He learnt to keep walking past Dean and his friends, when they spread themselves like an infectious disease across their flat.

All he had to do was just keep walking. And so, he did.

If he looked like he had a purpose the cops would leave them be. Eggsy needed purpose, he kept walking.

The smooth tile fell away to brick. Eggsy didn’t notice, he kept his head to himself.

Just keep walking.

-

Merlin dismissed his recruits, and immediately went to Harry’s office. Opened the door to see Harry at his desk writing.

“Where the hell is your candidate?” Merlin demanded causing a small frown to fall upon Harry’s features.

“What do you mean?”

Merlin sighed frustrated, “I mean, where the hell is he? Because he hasn’t reported to me when he was meant to. Roxy hasn’t seen him since breakfast.” Harry’s frown deepened.

“What’s the last visual we have on him?”  Merlin flipped his tablet around to show footage of Eggsy walking out the main entrance and down a footpath. There was something different in the way he walked. Harry couldn’t figure out what. “I don’t think he’s okay.”

-

It took Harry and Merlin quite some time to find Eggsy. He was walking across one of the fields out the back of Kingsman, quite some way away from the headquarters. Harry began his approach to Eggsy, who had not noticed their presence at all. He had just kept walking.

“Eggsy,” Harry called. Eggsy turned around slowly, his gaze was blank and exhausted. It took longer than Harry liked for Eggsy to recognise Harry.  He walked towards him and stopped a few meters away from Eggsy.

“Eggsy, are you alright?” He asked quietly. Eggsy kept looking through Harry but gave a slight nod. “What have you been doing?”

Eggsy swallowed and frowned, what had he been doing? “I was coming back from, from breakfast with… with someone.”

“Eggsy you’re eight miles away from Kingsman headquarters. You’ve been walking for two hours,” Harry told him kindly, but bluntly. Eggsy looked bewildered.

“Oh.”

“Yes, Merlin was quite affronted that you didn’t show up to your meeting. Let’s get you back to Kingsman, does that sound alright?” Harry asked, he stepped closer to Eggsy and slowly put a steady hand on Eggsy’s elbow. Eggsy bit the inside of his cheek harshly and nodded. They turned back to Merlin who was standing next to the Land Rover.  When Harry opened a door for Eggsy Merlin shot him a questioning glance, is he alright?

Harry shook his head seriously.

-

This is why Eggsy didn’t like bad brain days, because when they were really bad, other people got involved. And that’s when it turned to shit. It was worse now; he was being judged and tested. He couldn’t cock up, he couldn’t. Fuck, he couldn’t just walk for eight fucking miles and not realise it.

The four-wheel drive bounced across the countryside; with each bounce a knot of fear was strung inside Eggsy. Were they going to throw him out? Of course, they would, you fucked up.

Eggsy would go back to being homeless, he’d go back to whoring himself out. Dean was going to kill him. Dean was going to find him and kill him. He’d tie him to a bedframe and leave him there to rot. Just like mum.

Mum,mum,mum,mum,mum,mum.

Eggsy.

Eggsy!

“Eggsy, breathe, in and out breathe,” Harry had a hand on his knee.  They were back at HQ, Eggsy was halfway out of the car. Eggsy had an iron grip on the door handle.

“Eggsy, c’mon breathe. Just breathe all the way out, and all the way in,” Harry was almost pleading. Eggsy opened his mouth and felt a rush of air blow outwards.

“That’s good, and a big one in,” Eggsy stared at Harry but felt himself breathe in and breathe out with shaky breathes.

“I’m sorry,” Eggsy croaked.  To Eggsy disgust he felt tears building up in his eyes. He forcefully wiped them away, his finger scraping at his eye until Harry took his hands between his own.

“Come on Eggsy, don’t hurt yourself. You’re going to be alright, there is no need to apologise.” Eggsy cried harder.

He didn’t want to die; he didn’t want to die.

Harry just kept doing soothing circles on the backs of Eggsy’s hand. His sobs began to control themselves to the point he was only sniffling.

“Eggsy, what happened this morning?” Harry asked quietly.

Eggsy hiccupped and whispered “I had to keep walking. No one asks questions if you just keep walking. And then I realised I got to go now, I gotta go back.”

If possible, Harry’s eyes softened further, “why my dear boy, would you need to go?” Eggsy’s eyes darted around the Kingsman underground car park. Like he was looking for something or someone who would rip him away from Harry. From safety.

“Because I fucked up.”

-

It was around 11 o’clock in the evening, many, many hours later, that Harry sought Merlin out. Harry had settled Eggsy down after the ordeal and had spent the rest of the day with Roxy.

But the young man’s words weighed heavily on Harry’s mind and it kept him seconded guessing whether putting him through training was the right thing.  He entered Merlin’s office and sat down a chair.

“Penny for your thoughts Galahad?” The man asked from where he was fixated on his computer.

“Are we doing the right thing? This training, this job?” Merlin turned and looked at Harry with an expression he couldn’t place.

“We’ll figure out soon enough, the psych evaluations are next in the training.” Harry bore a pressed expression.

“Why do I feel like that is going to go horribly wrong on all accounts?”

Chapter Text

The evaluation room reminded Eggsy of the inside of a police station. Grey walls, one table, two chairs and a two-way mirror. Sometimes Eggsy, when he had been arrested, would wave at the mirror in case there was anyone on the other side. He didn’t do that this time, just took his seat across from Merlin. The man had a relaxed expression as he opened Eggsy file. He clicked the pen and looked up.

“Good morning Eggsy, how are you?”

Eggsy swallowed, was this a part of the evaluation? “Yeah, ‘right.”

“Okay Eggsy, let’s start with word association. I say a word and you tell me the first thought that comes into your head, alright?” Eggsy Nodded.

“Friends?”

“Loyalty.” That was easy for Eggsy, never grassing was what made even the more violent groups trust him.

“Umbrella?”

“Weapon.” Eggsy grinned slightly remembering when Harry had shown him his Kingsman umbrella.

“Merlin?”

“BBC show.” That got a slight grin from Merlin, but his face was lax as he delivered the next word.

“Dean Baker,” Eggsy stayed quiet. “Dean Baker?”

“The devil,” Eggsy answered quietly not meeting Merlin’s eye.  Merlin wrote again, and spent a few moments shuffling through papers.

Merlin folded his hands and looked up at Eggsy before speaking again, “at what age would you say you began your solid memories began?”

Eggsy frowned, not out of confusion but out of thought. When did those memories start? He remembers meeting Jamal on the estate and Ryan in school. But those were substantial memories. His day to day memories where a lot less important.

“Ah, seven or eight?”  Merlin scribbled for a few seconds. Then he proceeded to ask the generic questions, how was school life, was it easy to make friends. Then Merlin hit him with one he wasn’t expecting.

“Can you pinpoint the moment you ‘grew up’?” Eggsy’s eyes widened significantly. 

How do you answer that?

What was the moment he grew up, when his dad died, when Dean entree their lives like a dirty bomb?

Eggsy was stuck in thought longer than he thought because Merlin prompted him gently.

“When, well me mum remarried, I guess. But it was alright then innit? He wasn’t smacking her around yet.”

“Could you tell me more about what you mean when you say he wasn’t smacking her around?” Merlin prompted with slightest narrowing of his eyes. Eggsy clammed up, instantly regretting what he said. Eggsy had to answered so he channelled his anxiety into a defence.

“He fucking hit her, didn’t he? Shoved her ‘round like a rag doll,” Eggsy snapped. Merlin took down a note, he was sending something. He knew that Eggsy’s stepfather had killed his wife, but he wanted to hear it from the horse’s mouth. So, he kept pushing.

“Did you ever try to leave and take her with you, did you feel trapped?” Eggsy looked murderous.

“’course I tried to get her to leave. Don’t want some prick smacking me mum round do I?” Eggsy growled. 

He reminded himself that Merlin is just doing his job. He’s not looking to pick a fight with Eggsy.

Unfortunately, Eggsy has a hero complex that did react well when his sole mission on life was to protect his mum.

And you failed.

Merlin looked up again, “did you ever try to stop him, get between him and your mum?” Eggsy he ground his teeth, he had always put himself between Michelle and Dean.

“What sort of fucking question is that? You think I’d let him hit her like it was all fine and fucking dandy? Half the time he started shit with ‘er just to have an excuse to throw me around. Bit more satisfying when they fight back ain’t it?” Eggsy raised his voice, his accent coming out strongly as his emotions rose.

Somewhere in his head Eggsy told himself he was being tested to see how he reacted when pushed. 

Pretty fucking badly by the looks of it.

Eggsy maintained eye contact with Merlin. He wasn’t a coward.

“From what you’ve said, it sounds like you spent a long time in an abusive household. It affected your mother, but how did affect you, your relationships, your hobbies? Your gymnastics coach had you pegged for Olympic material, but you gave up.” Eggsy stiffened at the indirect jab, he glowered at Merlin.

“You get new hobbies with people like Dean around. Gymnastics a girl’s thing innit? And you don’t do girls things, or your head gets kicked in. My friends all lived on the estate; they know what it’s like. Relationships weren’t on my radar with mum and all, needed to look out for her,” he ground out, Merlin’s gaze was level. “My job was to protect her, doesn’t matter what I want.”

And you failed.

“So why didn’t you just take her and leave?”

Eggsy blew a gasket. He leaned forward, gripping the table, seething. Merlin wanted an answer, he was going to get one.

“Where the fuck would we go? No one will take me on because I’m a wash out, mum ain’t got no qualification either. The only thing that dick head could do was keep a roof over her head! Mum felt like she fucking owed him, and he exploited her like a monkey in a circus. And I couldn’t leave coz he would kill her! Oh, wait a minute he did that anyways! Didn’t matter whether I was there or not! Because she’s still dead and I fucking failed!” Eggsy was yelling but he didn’t care. He started crying but he didn’t care. He dropped his head into his hands, twisting his fingers into his hair.

Eggsy breathed heavily trying to compose himself. “Sorry ‘bout that Merlin,” he rasped quietly. He drew his head up and willed his eyes to dry.

Merlin was quiet for quite a few moments, he watched Eggsy trying to claw himself back into shape. He was trying to rebuild the walls that Merlin had just knocked down.

“Eggsy, I know Roxy talked to you about joining Kingsman. But I want you to know that if this training, this job. If it’s hurting you more than helping you, you have no obligation to be here. You and Harry crossed paths on a fluke, but you do not owe him. You do not owe any of us. If you felt coerced into this, you can stop. And Kingsman will help you restart your life, that medal was proof that we want to help you. If you want to leave-”

“Merlin,” Eggsy croaked, his eyes still red. “I don’t want to quit, this has been one of the best things to happen to me in a long, long time. It has kept me off the streets, where… where I did what I had to do. This place has kept me safe, away from Dean. And yeah, I got some issues, but if you guys want me. I want to stay; I have a purpose to get out of bed in the morning.” Eggsy looked close to crying again.  Because he wanted to stay, he was unsure at first. But he felt safe.

Something he hadn’t felt in a long time and now that he had it. Safety was never guaranteed to moment Dean walked into their lives. It filled Eggsy with warmth and made him walk a little straighter, a little taller. Now that Eggsy had it, he never wanted to let it go.

Safe.

Chapter Text

The rest of Eggsy’s training goes smoothly. He was leading up into the final week of training before his testing and he’s feeling confident.  He hasn’t had any more bad brain days, but Merlin has made it obvious that there are resources available to him if he wishes.  But Eggsy isn’t crash hot on pulling the plug on his bathtub of emotions.

-

Eggsy ends up making friends with the girl who helped him change his sheets the first night in the dormitory. She has a lisp and a kind smile; her name is Anne and is in a batch of recruits for a position in the tech department.

They eat lunch together most days. Eggsy won’t admit it, but it fills him with confidence in his ability to make friends that weren’t what parents called ‘the wrong crowd’.

-

When Harry showed Eggsy the armoury, it was one of the first times he saw the young man’s curiosity and playfulness shine through.

“So, what do these do, electrocute ya?” Eggsy asked picking up a ‘lighter’.

“Don’t be ridiculous. It’s a hand grenade.”

“Shut up,” the glee was obvious on the younger man’s face. It delighted Harry to see Eggsy acting so carefree. After seeing so much of Eggsy in his casual clothes (which had been retrieved from his flat unbeknownst to the Jamal and Ryan), Harry had noticed that when Eggsy was feeling confident and secure he wore his slightly obnoxious winged shoes. The first time Harry saw them he did the most ungentlemanly snort.

And as they were in the armoury, Harry really couldn’t help but notice Eggsy’s winged sneakers were being worn for the fourth time that week.

-

One-night Merlin asked Eggsy to join him as he acted as a handler for Roxy.

“Not that you’ll be asked to handle, but it would boost your chances of promotion should the position open and you wish to take it.”

It was a honey pot mission and something twisted in Eggsy gut.

Rox shouldn’t have to do that.

Merlin observed Eggsy’s discomfort and thought back to Eggsy’s time on the streets. Whenever it was brought up Eggsy appeared to be very nonchalant about what he did as a sex worker. However, when it came down to someone else, like Roxy, he detested the idea that they had to do this.

The more he thought about it, the more Merlin believes that it is down to Eggsy’s hero complex. He wants to save people even if it’s at his own expense.

As Roxy sidled up to the mark Eggsy found himself more and more uncomfortable. He had put himself into far more grotesque situations, but this was Roxy.

And Eggsy didn’t like that. It didn’t sit well with him that Roxy was doing this, and he couldn’t figure out why.

Merlin however, who was watching Eggsy like a hawk pieced it together very quickly. Eggsy had a hero complex (which had been added to his file after the psychological evaluations deemed it a major factor of his personality). If he could put himself in someone else’s shoes who were in a difficult and get the job done, he wanted to. Eggsy couldn’t stand by and watch others struggle when he felt like he could do something.

As Roxy finished up the mission a few hours later, Eggsy sat in Merlin’s office quietly for a few minutes.  

“I don’t think I’m cut out for handing, yeah?” Eggsy spoke quietly, staring off at the wall.

Merlin spun around on his chair and nodded thoughtfully, “it’s not easy, not everyone is up to sitting behind a computer dealing with that feeling of being helpless to that situation.”

-

One day when he had nothing to do, he slipped away from headquarters. Eggsy wasn’t entirely sure he was allowed to leave without telling anybody, but he wanted the fresh air. Kingsman owned expansive grounds and not all of it has been cleared.  There were many acres of forests which Eggsy found himself wandering through. He veered off the bridle paths (who had horses at Kingsman?) and found old trails overgrown.

Eggsy felt clean that day, he was covered in mud, but he felt clear and weightless. His violent seas had calmed as he tumbled through the countryside.

Roxy’s disapproving look at his mud clad clothes couldn’t dampen him mood.

-

The morning of Eggsy’s final tests were not peaceful. At five am he was up and fretting, first seeking out Merlin who told him to piss off until breakfast. Harry was a little less abrasive but encouraged him to meditate or take a walk.

He hung around Roxy in her room until she left for the gym, she invited him to join him and ‘burn off your unreasonable amounts of excess energy’ but he declined.

He ate breakfast with Anne, Amelia, and Roxy. He threw up five minutes later.

“Rox what if I cock this up? I need this, it’s the best thing to happen to me for ages what if I lose it?” He whined to Roxy as they walked to the testing rooms. She stopped and turned to him and scolded him sharply.

“Gary Unwin, you are not going to cock this up. You are an intelligent young man and will be a brilliant Kingsman agent, you know the theory Eggs. Get through this exam and you won’t look back, promise.”

-

Eggsy rushed out of the examination room in a blind panic, Roxy stood from her seat to greet him.

“Fucking hell Roxy, fuck, shit, fuck.”

“Eggsy breathe,” said Roxy. “You only think you did badly because it’s you, Guinevere will be in there reviewing your exam and in ten minutes she’ll tell you, you passed.” Eggsy went white as a sheet and fled for the nearest bathroom for the second time.

-

 Guinevere invited Eggsy into her office, she sat down at her desk and presented a glasses case.

“Welcome to Kingsman, Excalibur.” 

Eggsy Unwin is a Kingsman agent.

Chapter Text

Two months have passed since Eggsy was formally inducted as a Kingsman agent.  The first month had been incredibly stressful, but now Roxy was decided taking him out for a celebratory drink at Eggsy’s old stomping grounds, The Black Prince.

He had messaged Jamal, asking if he and Ryan could sit outside to keep an eye out for Dean with the promise, they’d catch up later. All they knew is that an old friend caught wind of Eggsy’s situation and wanted to help him out by giving him a job.

Roxy had just met Eggsy at the Saville Road tailor shop and were headed for the pub. Eggsy reckoned they look ridiculous in their suits at the Prince, but he certainly had a sense of pride about how smart he looked. Neither carried weapons, which might be unusual for them but they their suits protected them. Eggsy just wanted a night out with some mates.  Some higher power took Eggsy words to Merlin seriously, “my job was to protect her, doesn’t matter what I want,” because some goons decided to try and stop them.

At least Eggsy thought they were just petty idiots who saw their suits and fancied themselves an easy opponent.

“Looking sharp Muggsy,” the grating voice emerged from under a street lamp.

Fuck no.

One of the men pulled their hood down to reveal Dean’s face.

“Thought you could be something special, eh? Leave me in the dust, you screwed me over Muggsy.” Eggsy felt his stomach drop at the words. “Get yourself a bird, bet she runs off every night to fuck other men. You won’t get anything from him love, he’s a dud. No body’s gonna miss you.”

Roxy looked horrified at Deans words and opened her mouth to argue but Eggsy beat her to it, talking to her seriously, “go home. Just get outta here, they don’t have shit with you, it’s with me.”

“Eggsy I can’t handle myself quite well thank you,” she bit back furiously.

“Roxy, I swear too fucking god, just go home and let me deal with this,” Eggsy pleaded but his voice rose skewing his intentions to protect her.

Roxy glared at him darkly, “I’m not leaving Eggsy, just tell me what’s going on.”

He turned to her and grabbed her shoulders, “everything’s fine. I’ll see you tomorrow, please just let me deal with these guys.” She eyed the imposing men around them. Everything was not alright, but she guessed this must be something Eggsy needed to deal with. She trusted him that much. With a smile she backed out of the group and turned back towards the tailor shop.

Eggsy turned to Dean and his mates, “you fucking leave her alright. You ain’t got shit with her.”

“You’re right Muggsy,” Dean agreed, he stepped forward and a knuckle duster adorned hand to scratch his jaw, the metal glinted in the light from a streetlamp. “But I got shit with you.”

 -

The next morning Harry found his early morning routine without the presence of Eggsy. To get too HQ he went through the Saville Road shop Eggsy was stationed at, he would bring two coffees and drink them with Eggsy before he went to the train below ground.

However, when he got to the shop, only one other agent was there. With a questioning glance, the other agent shook their head.

“He’s meant to be here by now, no idea where he is.”

Harry left the store immediately, “Merlin?”

Merlin instantly responded, “what can I do for you Galahad?”

“I need you to track Excalibur’s glasses.”

-

Harry wasn’t worried, he wasn’t.

He just wanted to know if Eggsy was okay if he had another episode and went wandering the streets on London unaware of himself.

But as far as Merlin’s computers were concerned, Eggsy, or at least his glasses were in his flat. So that’s where he headed first. He knocked twice and twice again. Eggsy answered the seconded time. He suspiciously pulled the door as far as the chain went and peered through. When he saw Harry, his gaze darkened.

“Piss off,” he growled.

“Eggsy please, what is the matter? You should be at work right now, so should I for that fact, but I came to find you because I was worried,” Harry asked sincerely.

“I couldn’t,” Eggsy mumbled weakly.

Harry tried to be a patient man; he was a patient man. But something there was something that set him off, whether it be fear or something else he wasn’t ready to confront.

“Why ever not? Are you hungover or high?!” Harry accused; however, he instantly regretted the words. Eggsy ripped the chain off the door and through it open. He got a good look at Eggsy. He stood in grey sweatpants; dark bruises rippled across his body. There were obvious handprints on his neck and shockingly red welts across his cheek. To top it all off he was sporting a black eye.  

“I didn’t think it looked to fucking good to show up to work in a tailor shop looking like some dickhead who got his head kicked in.” Harry stared flabbergasted.

“May, may I come?”

Eggsy scoffed, “be my fucking guest.” He stalked back into the flat. Harry followed him into the kitchen after shutting the door. Eggsy leaned against the bench, pressing an ice block to his chest.

“What happened Eggsy,” Harry asks softly.

Eggsy, still wounded from Harry’s words rolled his eyes, “got my head kicked in didn’t I?”

“By whom?” Eggsy looked away, an ashamed look creeping on his face. Harry stepped closer reaching a hand to his upper arm. “Eggsy?”

Eggsy sighed, “my stepfather, or ex-stepfather. I don’t know how it works anymore. He was meant to be locked up, but he got out a while back for some reason, didn’t know where I was until someone grassed me up. Came up to me an’ Roxy last night. Told Roxy to go home and now she’s pissed but I’m glad she’s pissed at me instead o’ hurt.”

Harry looked even more worried, “why would Roxy be upset with you?” Eggsy groaned and wiped a hand down his face.

“Because she wouldn’t go and I was scared, so I told her to go, but it didn’t sound the way I wanted it to. But I couldn’t let her get hurt!” Eggsy’s voice broke. “I couldn’t let Dean hurt anyone else I cared about. Every time he hurt’s someone I’m always too late to save them. And it’s my fault, it’s always my fault!”

Sobs broke through Eggsy’s body, Harry watched how his chest shook brokenly. Eggsy dropped the ice pack and slid to the floor. Harry easily sat down next to him, draping an arm around Eggsy’s shoulders. His skin was freezing against Harry’s warm hand.

“I keep fucking up Harry. I’m always against the clock, I’m always late to saving people I love. And I lose them and it’s my fault,” Eggsy cried, Harry pulled Eggsy’s head to his shoulder. He ran his hand up and down Eggsy’s arm soothingly.

“One second too late.”

-

For quite a sometime, Eggsy was inconsolable on his kitchen floor. But Harry just kept talking quietly and reassuring him. Soon enough Eggsy twisted to wrap his arms around Harry and he returned the embrace.

It was when Harry could feel the goose bumps on Eggsy chilling skin that he suggested they move.

“Come on Eggsy, let’s see the damage,” he rose pulling Eggsy with him. He sat Eggsy down on the couch and went to rummage around for medical supplies. When he returned Eggsy was dozing slightly.

“Tired, are we?”

Eggsy mumbled awake, “couldn’t sleep last night. Scared they were gonna come for me.”

And those few quite, exhausted words, they broke Harry’s heart. 

-

Upon further inspection, Eggsy fared a lot worse.

“Did you fight back?” Harry inquired nonjudgmentally as he cleaned a cut on Eggsy’s neck. Eggsy shrugged.

“Didn’t want them to go and hurt anyone else, they have shit with me. If I just take it, they won’t go after Roxy or me mates. I thought it would be a normal hiding, but they got their hands-on knuckle dusters, all ’em.” Harry choked at the last statement; knuckle dusters were illegal and extremely hard to get.

 “I thought they were going to kill me,” he said after a while.

Harry tightened his grip on Eggsy’s shoulder, “but they didn’t. You’re stronger than they can ever imagine.”

-

He spent the rest of the day watching over Eggsy. The younger man slept on an off, Harry woke him once from dream where he was crying out different names, Harry ran his hand through Eggsy’s hair.

When Eggsy woke properly that evening Harry was cooking dinner for the pair of them. He trudged into the kitchen in search of ice.

Harry looked up from where he was rummaging through a draw, “where do you keep your meat knives Eggsy?”

Eggsy shrugged, “don’t have any. I don’t like them around, not since he put one at my throat, ya know?”

“Oh Eggsy,” he sighed.

Harry took Eggsy in then, he had pulled on an old shirt shirt. The bruises had darkened even with icing. Eggsy’s eyes were red and puffy. He didn’t do anything when Harry pulled him into a fierce embrace. 

“I promise you Eggsy, he will never touch you or anyone you love again,” he felt Eggsy sob into his chest.

“Thank you, Harry, thank you for everything.”

You saved my life.

Chapter Text

It was three days before Eggsy looked fit enough to go back into the shop. If he a had any over position he could have gone in sooner. But as he worked with civilians, Eggsy needed to look presentable. The bruises had cleared from his face but the ones on his chest were still angry and tender.

They all should have known he wouldn’t just walk away from this incident, not with the trauma he had suffered at the hands of Dean. Later Harry would berate himself for being so oblivious. A week after the beating, he dissociated again. It was when he was off the clock, he bypassed his cab on the sidewalk and just kept walking. 

Walking, walking, walking.

It was dark when he walked across a bridge, he realised what had happened.  In a blind panic Eggsy fumbled to connect his glasses to Harry, thankful that the man always wore them.

“Harry,” he cried as he gripped the bridge railing. “Harry.”

“Eggsy?” Harry’s confused voice came through.

“Harry, I fuck- I’m in Stratford.”

“What?” Harry exclaimed, incredulous.

Eggsy sniffed trying to compose himself, “I blanked out; I left the shop an’ I just kept going.”

“Eggsy breathe okay, breathe. I want you stay right where you are, I’m coming to get you.”

-

It should have taken Harry well over half an hour to get to Eggsy, but he get there in 32 minutes. He found Eggsy curled up against the bridge, his breathing erratic as he was fending off an anxiety attack. When he saw Harry, he stood shakily and immediately went to him. Harry drew Eggsy to him in a fierce embrace. He rubbed soothing circles on Eggsy’s back, waiting for his breathing to ease so they could go home.

He bundled Eggsy into the car and drew away from the curve. They had only been driving for five minutes when he spoke up.

“Sorry fo’ draggin’ you out n’ all,” he slurred with exhaustion. “Just scared me you know. One thing doing it in the middle of the day at HQ but ‘m in Stratford.”

“Eggsy, please don’t take this badly,” Eggsy tensed at Harry’s words. “But perhaps you could talk to a psychologist. There’s a few at HQ.”

Talking to a psychologist was never in the cards for Eggsy, but that was before. Before Dean killed his mum, before he was on the streets before he joined Kingsman.

Before Harry asked him to.

-

Two days later Eggsy sought Harry out in his office. He sprawled across Harry’s couch much like a large dog Harry thought.

“Good afternoon, Excalibur. May I ask why I’ve been blessed with your presence?” Harry looked over at Eggsy from where he was typing at a computer. Eggsy was staring at the roof and Harry briefly wondered if he was having another episode

“Doc said I got dissociative disorder. Says it causes disruptions in memory, awareness, and perception. ‘s why I go wanderin’. Thinks I have anxiety or PTSD or summat’, but she wants to meet wi’h me again t’ make sure,” Eggsy spoke quietly. Unfortunately, his accent was a tell. When he was more emotional his chav – Harry hated the derogatory term – accent came through a lot thicker.

 Eggsy continued not expecting a response, “makes sense. Some of the symptoms she said, makes sense coz of the shit I do. Told ‘er about me not having knives. Feels good to like, know why I do shit. I’m not just crazy.”

“Eggsy my boy, you are far from crazy.”

Eggsy scoffed looking a little less lost, “know that now, don’t I?” Harry chuckle, Eggsy noticed how one side of his mouth lopsided he laughed. His head tilted back ever so slightl- stop staring Eggsy.

Eggsy looked away abruptly, missing Harry watching him with equal intensity.

-

Eggsy carried on seeing the psychologist, it was six weeks later and Eggsy came into the shop.

It took him a little while to feel the bounce in his step. His grin a little extra wide. He didn’t fatigue at all that day as he helped agents and civilians a like.

And when it was time to shut up from civilians, he made his way to Kingsman via the train to meet Harry and- oh fuck.

Fuck. Shit, fuck.

Eggsy was falling dangerously, impossibly, lethally in love with Harry Hart. There regular moments of companionship had been warmly welcomed, but Eggsy never considered this to evolve. A few short months ago as he sat rigidly as Merlin stitched his wound, as Harry grounded him from his panic attack…Eggsy didn’t think this would ever happen. He didn’t think it could happen. Love was such a strange concept to him, the ability to love romantically, selflessly, generously, and whole heartedly was foreign. The estates were full of broken homes, broken marriages, and broken lives. His own parents love was slashed, what Dean felt for Michelle wasn’t love. It was preying on a depressed woman with a tidy nest egg.

This was an unexpected twist, but Eggsy wasn’t about to stop the feelings just yet.

Just a little longer.

-

Eggsy brought it up in his next therapy session. Cecilia, the therapist, was an older woman who had the same humour as Eggsy did with Jamal and Ryan.  She was very stern with Eggsy when he began to talk negatively about himself. To his surprise he had truly begun to enjoy their sessions. There were hard days when he didn’t want to talk and it all ended in tears, but he was growing and learning to manage his self-doubts and fears. He hadn’t dissociated since he wandered over to Stratford, but Cecilia gave him tips on how to detect an episode and what to do. He had a grounding plan and kept sensory items wherever he could.  For example, he had lined the pockets of a few of his pants with a pleasant but rough material.

When Eggsy brought up his infatuation he made sure to cover his tracks as best he could.

“I like someone, and I know I do but I can’t, I shouldn’t and there’s nothing to really do about it I just wanted to talk to someone about it.”

Cecilia eyeballed him for a moment, “have you talked to them about it?”

Eggsy’s eyes widened and scoffed, “god no. I’d rather go through a sewer.” Cecilia smiled, her eyes twinkling.  

“You said you can’t, what do you mean?”

He gnawed at his cheek, “relationships they, they break, cause pain. Someone always gets hurt and right now I’m not hurting. I don’t want to be hurting ever again. I’ve done it too much.”

“You have experienced a lot of pain,” she agreed. “But Eggsy, sometimes we need to take a leap of faith. Sometimes that leap makes us fall, one day you will be secure enough and strong enough to fall and get back up. You are not exempt from love Eggsy, you are allowed to feel it, experience it, explore it. As humans love gives us meaning, romantic or platonic. Hiding from it will only make you fear it further.”

 Eggsy shrugged, turning other the words in his mind.

“In the meantime, what can you do?”

“Socialise with other people?” Eggsy suggested uncertainly.

“Good start, that can be your goal this week. Go out and talk to some people outside of the agency, some old friends or meet someone at the bar.”

Eggsy nodded, he could do that. Yeah, yeah. Meet new people, he could do that. Then his infatuation with Harry would go away.

Maybe.

Chapter Text

Eggsy had well and truly settled into his life as a Kingsman agent. He even had a list of good things hanging on his fridge which he added to most days.

Good things in my life:

-Dean is dead

-I’m a tailor 

-I got a flat 

-I have friends

-I’m not fucking for money 

Shortly after Dean’s attack on Eggsy, Harry had informed him quietly that the man was no longer able to cause trouble and that was a permanent status on the man.

It made Eggsy smile every time he looked at it.  His life had turned around on a pin drop, and he owed it all to Harry. Harry Hart with his kind eyes and his witty humour and-

Stop.  

Stop before you get yourself heart broken.

Eggsy even managed to quash a dissociative episode. He was walking around HQ after he had knocked off and was looking for Roxy.  He became incredibly aware of his heart thudding to loudly in his chest, and when he glanced around, he didn’t know how he got where he was. Eggsy began his deep breathing and began to seek out whoever was closest which happened to be Merlin. He ran his hand against the fabric in his pocket, trying to ground himself.

He made it into Merlin’s office and sat straight down the chair to the side of the man.

“Everything alri-”  He began to ask.

“Merlin ’m going,” Eggsy mumbled. He shook his hands to keep grounding himself, Merlin turned his attention instantly to Eggsy.

“Eggsy,” Merlin held one of Eggsy’s hands between his own. “You feel my hand, yes?” Eggsy nodded softly. Merlin picked up a felt tip pen from his desk and uncapped it and started to draw along Eggsy’s hand and wrist. “Focus on the pen and your skin, where it goes around you hand, under your wrist, over your knuckles.” They went on like that for quite some time.

Every now and then Eggsy would walk around sporting an arm full of drawings.

-

Eggsy for all his progress still had setbacks and was prone to shy away from anyone who was to loud to suddenly. He still hadn’t lived down the time Roxy knocked a book off her shelf and Eggsy scrambled towards the door. He had brushed it off with a laugh but they both knew the truth.

One evening when Harry and Eggsy went out for drinks at one of Harry’s old haunts, a bar brawl started. Harry hadn’t been concerned in the slightest.

“They’re the sons of the two gentlemen who would always argue, good to see the carried on the traditions," Harry commented, amused 

No! Eggsy wanted to cry, not good at all. What if they come over here and start shit, what then? 

Eggsy’s fears partially came true. A glass bottle flew their way, Harry leaned away nonchalantly but Eggsy shied violently. In the process of lying flat against the bench seat , he grabbed Harry’s hand.

Oh.  

When Eggsy surfaced from protecting himself, Harry was still holding his hand, he was still holding Harry’s hand. Harry took a drink from his glass and continued watching the fight.

“Harry?” Eggsy whispered. Harry turned to him with a curious expression on his face. “Your still, I mean I am but you’re not and I’m-” Red covered Eggsy’s neck and his ears began to turn pink.

“Do you want me to let go?” Harry asked simply, Eggsy dropped his head trying to hide his face. “Do you want to let go?”

Eggsy gave the slightest, ever so slightest shake of his head. He put his head in his spare arm on the table.  Harry laughed and released his hand to rub Eggsy’s back, before discretely lacing his hand with Eggsy’s beneath the table.

They spoke long into the night that evening back at Harry’s home. A hushed conversation about feelings and boundaries and all the things Eggsy had never had in a relationship. It turns out Harry had been harbouring a feeling for Eggsy for an extensive amount of time. When he asked what he was comfortable with, from holding hands all the way down to living arrangements, Eggsy was rather afraid that he gaped like a fish.

“It’s whatever you want yeah? Like you wanna fuck me you can,” he mumbled lamely. Harry shifted so he could look at Eggsy directly.

“Eggsy this is about what we both want.  A relationship doesn’t work without the agreement of both people and that means you and me. If you feel unsafe at any time, even if you feel you should be okay, you tell me. You deserve to feel safe in any relationship you have. Do you understand?”

Eggsy nodded weakly and allowed himself to fall into Harry’s shoulder. He then whispered so quietly that only Harry could hear, “I don’t know if sex as just been ruined for me or something, but I don’t really like it. Doesn’t do anything for me, don’t feel nothing just uncomfortable.”

Harry drew a hand to Eggsy’s head, and to his dismay he felt the small flinch from the younger man. Harry just slowly let his hand run through Eggsy’s hair, “that’s quite alright Eggsy. That’s your preference and that’s valid no matter what people tell you.”

As the night drew longer, Eggsy allowed himself to relax against Harry. The other man’s presence was extremely comforting. 

It was ten o’clock when Harry got a flustered call from Merlin.

“Harry, I need you suited and booted within the next two hours for take-off. Get to the HQ for briefing immediately,” Merlin barked over the line before pausing. “Oh, and if he feels so inclined tell Eggsy he can join me as your handler."

-

There was quite a rush to get to the compound, Harry was whisked away to be briefed. But he made the time to brush the back of Eggsy’s neck briefly before vanishing. Eggsy allowed himself to relish in the touch knowing that it meant something more. Eggsy made his way down to Merlin’s office, and waited for the man to come in.

He sat spinning around in a chair waiting for Merlin. When the man finally arrived. Eggsy was beginning to doze off but startled awake when he heard the door turn. Merlin entered with two mugs of tea, he placed one before Eggsy and took his seat. Eggsy felt himself drifting off as Merlin booted up the systems.

Eggsy woke himself again to see Merlin going through CCTV footage, he yawned slightly and pushed his chair closer.

“How’d you know I was with Harry,” he yawned once more.

“I had my suspicions and your glasses proved it,” said Merlin simply.

Eggsy tugged at his tie, “aint that a violation of privacy or summat?” His South London accent thickening with fatigue. Merlin turned to give him a look and he raised his hands in surrender.

“Okay, okay secret agency except for the staff,” he jested.

Merlin smiled, “Harry will be back in a day or so. Nothing major, just following up a time sensitive lead.”

Eggsy nodded, moving to flop on the leather couch with a groan, “where’s he going anyways?”

“Just this hate group church in Kentucky.”

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The sequel to this series is no up! Feel free to check it out and see what going on :)