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It’s stupid.
The repeated thought kept playing at each point Yuri’s mind came to a halt. It was not an accusing nor a threatening one; but simply a statement as grey eyes observed everything by nature.
Unknowingly lingering in the room, Yuri stared at the sleeping figure quietly that moved with slow breaths, indicating that Soap was in deep, comfortable sleep on the passable bed; off the wires—but not on duty just yet.
Days ago, where the two of them were in the very same room but with the sun shinning at its brightest, often accompanied with Soap with a smile that could rival it. Where discussions of lack of sleep took place, and no explanation between them needed as it was almost an odd thing to sleep with ease for the two soldiers.
“If you wanna hang out, or just sit by when you can’t sleep, I won’t mind.”
From someone else, Yuri would have taken it as an invitation that contained undertones, however the offer had no ulterior motives, the small smile of Soap’s face as he spoke had disposed Yuri of any possible doubts.
It felt strange to simply enter, not unwelcome but it was not without awkwardness and hesitation. A hand took its time on gripping the thin covers, feeling the cloth texture by the detail, eyes taking the time of stillness to admire a scarred back as it rose up and down again.
Time passed even more as Yuri took very slow advances, as quietly as possible, he slid under the sheets, managing to lay down on the furtherest point of the bed nonetheless. Parts of his body exposed to the air, giving cold to Yuri’s fingers despite the clothes.
Not something he was a stranger to, and not different from when he slept in his own room. But the person in question made Yuri see the differences indeed; the sight of Soap’s back felt...soothing, a small urge perhaps, to brush his inked knuckles against it.
It’s stupid. Yuri thought again as he smiled at how the figure breathes now in a regular rhythm, in contrast to weeks ago. Scars adorned the skin, some hiding under the new white bandages that didn’t need as much changing as before.
The sound of a shuffle interrupted Yuri’s focus, making him realise that he wasn’t quiet enough. A deep rumble sounded softly from the figure that slowly stood up on its elbow, the cover slid off the upper body, showing more of Soap’s back.
The moonlight that managed to sneak in the room had softly given the outline of an injured body rays that highlighted all of John.
John’s hand rose up to scratch his head—causing the dog-tags to clink in a small sound—showcased more of the body full of scars in the process, from ones of battle that varied in depth, to ones of sentience. The sight despite being short was something to mesmerise.
Finally after he had stretched his muscles, he turned around with a slight thud on the bed, facing Yuri as if he already expected him.
Messy mohawk spread in every imaginable direction, tired ice yet luminous eyes, signature scars with a stubble alongside a sleepy loop-sided smile; an unorganised sight Yuri found so endearing.
“I didn’t mean to wake you up.” Yuri whispered apologetically.
“You didn’t, It wasn’t good sleep anyway.”
Yuri merely huffed in amusement at the slightly contradicting answer, it was still honest, but he couldn’t help with the small feeling of guilt. John didn’t seem to be surprised or annoyed with him, simply in a half awake state with a deeper voice than usual and strengthened accent, it was a genuine proposition.
“Why are you on the edge? You’re gonna fall on your ass.” John mumbled at the distance of their faces as he rubbed his eyes. Even with the small bed; Yuri managed to have a relatively far distance between him and John.
Yuri would be a liar if he said he didn’t feel delighted at the remark and the hint to get closer. However, it did not simply remove the feeling of doubt within him, so he decided on merely moving a few shuffles in hopes to satisfy John.
“Yuri—“ John said gruffly, and whatever sentence he wanted to say was cut off as he seemed to have a better idea. Before Yuri could react; arms extended to him and rather pulled him in against a strong, hairy body. Yuri would rather die than admit that the sound he made was his own.
“Jesus you’re cold.” Yuri felt the rumble from the chest before he had heard the voice above him, the body he was held close in was so warm, head squished against a bandaged chest. Even with the complaint, John didn’t budge, maybe even held Yuri closer.
Not a first time being this close, but a first time that Yuri was the one being held, and not just with John.
Slowly coming down from the initial shock at the sudden action, eyes went from surprised to soften, Yuri let his head relax properly on John’s chest; trying to move his arms that were awkwardly put in the middle.
Even with the hardened muscles and rough skin, Yuri found that John felt very soft to feel against, and not just physically. John felt very good to have nearby, he may even say that he grew fond of him a bit.
“Your wound.” Yuri tried to argue as his cheek touched the bandage texture, he didn’t wish to get away, but the injury was not something to be easily ignored.
“It’ll be fine.”
Feeling that John was in no state to argue alongside the drowsy tone, Yuri let himself be indulged tonight. Feeling John’s arms readjusting to have one lightly holding brown hair, and the other holding Yuri’s frame in a stronger grip as both of them got more comfortable. In return, Yuri held John back a little bit tightly.
Legs loosely entwined after a few minutes, the embrace made Yuri feel warmth he doesn’t feel often in usual nights; all his senses were more now. The heartbeat was a steady sound that almost felt like a lullaby, the chin directly on-top of his head that fell back to the deep rhythm of breathing.
Even in sleep, John’s grip on him was strong, but feeling protective this time as he was the one holding, it gave Yuri the excuse to gently press his lips against the injured chest with practiced lightness, this time succeeding in quietness.
Yuri knows these nights he won’t get a proper sleep. But as he closed his eyes and let himself be enamoured with John’s presence, he felt at peace; and that, was something different.
It’s stupid, the thought repeated for the third time.
And Yuri is a little bit stupid.