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Two days. It had been two days since he’d last seen David. After four months of seeing him every single day, kissing him, touching him... going without even so much as a glimpse felt like an eternity.
For the eight millionth time that day, Patrick picked up his phone, hoping against hope that while he was busy pining for his boyfriend (God, please let him still be my boyfriend) he had missed the sound of his phone chirping with an incoming text from David.
Nothing.
With a sigh, Patrick began to type. He’d started a thousand messages to David, begging for forgiveness, pleading for him to just hear him out. To let him explain. But each and every time, he’d hesitated with his thumb over the send button, remembering that David had asked for time. The least Patrick could do was respect that one simple request.
He deleted his message and set his phone back on the counter. The store was empty. It had been empty all day. Patrick was beginning to get paranoid that the town was avoiding the store - avoiding him - for what he had done to David. He knew it was ridiculous and irrational. But he was not in the mood to be rational today.
His eyes came to rest on the string of party lights still hanging from the ceiling above the makeshift stage they’d set up for the Open Mic night. Had that really only been a week ago? It seemed like another life. A life where he had finally found a glimmer of happiness. And now he’d thrown it all away.
He closed his eyes, trying to hold back tears at the memory of David’s face that night. The timid smile that has blossomed, lit him up from within. David had been luminous that night. Patrick had done that, had made him feel so good, so wanted. David had confessed as much to him later, when they were lying in Patrick’s bed with their limbs tangled together, warm breath all that separated them.
“Thank you, Patrick,” he’d whispered. Patrick remembered the way his voice had trembled with the force of his emotions. “No one has ever... I’ve never... I-I...”
Patrick had kissed him then, knowing that David wasn’t ready to verbalize what he’d heard Patrick say in his song.
“Shhh... I know,” Patrick had murmured into David’s ear. “I know.”
Ping
Patrick’s eyes flew open. His phone.
With a shaking hand, he picked up his phone and turned it over so he could see the screen. It glowed with a black & white picture of David; his favourite picture of David - a candid taken when David was laughing at something he’d said. He’d looked so beautiful in that moment and Patrick hadn’t been able to resist.
He read the message.
David: not coming in today
Patrick sighed. It was after 11. He’d already assumed.
Me: ok
He waited for the little dots to appear. They didn’t.
Me: u ok?
He waited again. After a moment, he saw the dots. Then his phone pinged again.
David: dunno
Me: i miss you
This time the answer came quickly.
David: don’t
It was only four letters, one tiny word. But it sliced through Patrick’s heart like a hot knife through butter. Suddenly all the things he wanted to say, all the messages that had gone unsent seemed to pulse and push their way through this body, down his fingers and into his phone. He typed and typed. And when he was done, he hesitated again.
David had asked for time. This was too much. Patrick deleted it all and felt his heart sink further down into the depths of his chest.
His eyes blurry with tears, he typed out four words.
Me: what can i do?
He waited. Seconds, minutes, a lifetime.
David: all i wanted was your honesty
Me: i know
David: then why
David: ?
Patrick wiped at his eyes with the back of his hand. Why. That was the question. And the answer was too big for a text.
Me: can i call u
Me: ?
David: i can’t
David: not yet
The dots appeared again. Patrick waited. He got lightheaded and realized he’d been holding his breath. He exhaled and waited. He would wait forever if he had to.
David: soon
Soon.
Soon could be in an hour. A day. A year. It was nebulous and vague. But it was hope. At this point, Patrick would take that tiny nugget of hope and hold it close, nurture it until soon turned into now.
Me: ok david
Me: soon
He set his phone to silent and tucked it into his pocket. He’d spent enough time this morning moping around. No wonder people were staying away; there’d been a rain cloud hovering over the store for the last two days. But that little word - soon - blew into Patrick’s soul like a gust of wind, scattering the clouds and stifling the rain.
Business picked up. The store got busy. Patrick had hope.
He was so absorbed in his work that it wasn’t until he was tucked into bed that night and plugging his phone in to charge that he saw the text that had come in sometime during the afternoon rush.
David: i miss u 2