Work Text:
“I need to quit my job,” is the first thing Eddie says when he gets home.
It’s a mood that Richie feels about every day, but one that Eddie rarely expresses. Which is dumb because out of the two of them Richie has the cool job, but Eddie’s really into numbers and shit and being like a risk analysis truly sounds like the lamest thing in the world, but Eddie’s eyes always light up when he talks about whatever thing he analyized that day, so Richie figures that if it makes him happy that it must be worth it.
Usually he only gets like this when - “Bad client?”
Eddie shakes his head, barely doing more than toe off his shoes before claiming possession of their couch.
Which is good because Richie is currently laying on the floor trying to get past his writer’s block.
It was a recommendation from Bill.
Richie’s pretty sure it was all bullshit.
“Worse client?”
“Not a client,” Eddie mumbles from the couch. “Coworker.”
“I’ll fight them,” Richie replies.
Though he makes no move to get off of the floor and do something about it.
Honestly, he’s not sure that he can get off of the floor.
“It’s not even,” Eddie groans. “It’s dumb. I’m being dumb.”
“If you want to run away to Kansas and become goat headers, baby, all you have to do is say the word.”
“I might,” Eddie replies.
“That bad?”
Eddie’s sigh is long suffering, but when Richie shifts his position to look at where Eddie - still in his work suit, getting it wrinkled now from where he is curled up on his side on their couch - he can see that there is the faintest red hint on Eddie’s cheeks.
Embarrassment .
“On a scale of Karen the homophobe from Fox News to the Slug Incident , how bad is it?”
And there it is, that blush again.
Cute, cute, cute.
“I may have been complaining about your music taste,” Eddie says.
“I have excellent-”
“ Apple Music is not a valid take.”
“I’m wounded!”
“One of my coworkers apparently is a ‘fan’ of yours. Since he was very quick to point out that obviously you used Apple Music as you mention it in your stand up all the time .”
*
richie tozier ✓ @trashmouth eddies coworker expose your trashhead stan twitter account PLE A S E
richie tozier ✓ @trashmouth i promise there is apple-solutely no downside to this and only plus sides
Edward Kaspbrak ✓ @EKaspbrak Todd from payroll, please do whatever the opposite of that is. Please.
richie tozier ✓ @trashmouth Oh SO UR NAME IS TODD 👀
*
“Apple-solutely,” Eddie says, after reading Richie’s tweet and letting out a grown.
“I make fun of you out of love,” Richie says, pressing a kiss against his check. “Even if your jokes are like Kindergarten teacher level at best.”
Richie had moved to the couch, only after Eddie helped him up off of the floor, because he needed comforting hugs . Something that Richie was a master at, if he did say so himself.
Technically Richie’s supposed to be browsing for something to order in for dinner since Eddie was in no mood to cook, and Richie may or may not have thrown out his back from the whole lying on the floor for hours to try and find inspiration.
(This, once again, is Bill’s fault.)
But really he was just staring down at Uber Eats with mild disinterest, while Eddie nixed every option Richie had selected so far.
“This feels more insulting coming from you,” Eddie tells him.
“I mean, I am an Emmy award winning comedian,” Richie replies. “The competition in this household is stiff. Haha, stiff .”
“Oh god, I married a twelve year old.”
“Excuse you, twelve year old me had way worse jokes.”
“You’re not wrong there,” Eddie agrees.
Of course, it goes without saying that a lot of those worst jokes his twelve year old self would have been proud of had in part been a very poor and misguided attempt at flirting with the man that was currently sharing a couch with him.
Twelve year him would be immensely jealous of forty-two year old him.
“For what it’s worth, Eds, I think you’d make an excellent kindergarten teacher, you know, if you end up having to quit your job and we have to move to Kansas,” Riche tells him. “I’ll be the goat herder and you can teach the local children how to count to twenty.”
“You wouldn’t survive a week not living in a big city.”
“Need I remind you that we’re from Maine .”
“I liked it better when I had selective amnesia and forgot all about that.”
“Yeah, but then you would have never remembered me , consider,” Richie replies.
Around the same time that he makes the executive decision that they’re getting pizza delivered for dinner.
With extra pineapple.
“And we’re sure that’s a good thing, right?”
*
LOSERS CLUB
RICHIE: hEY FELLOW LOSERS
RICHIE: EDDIE JUST CALLED ME THE ONLY GOOD THING TO EVER COME FROM MAINE SO THE REST OF YOU CAN ALL SUCK IT
BEV: richie we already all agreed before that compliments dont count if its really just a sex thing
RICHIE: it wasnt :((( a sex thing :(((( we do more than just have sex :((( sometimes we hold hands :(((( and make extra long eye contact in the grocery store :((((
MIKE: Eddie, you shouldn’t talk about yourself that way. You’re also a good thing that came from Maine.
BEN: Important Question, since I was born in New Hampshire, does that technically make me not from Maine? And therefore, still a good thing?
BEV: baby youre the best thing thats ever happened to me so whatever eddie says doesnt matter
BEV: but also eddie you better say something nice about ben or i will come to your house and eat all of your green apples
RICHIE: not the GREEN apples, oH No what ever shall we do
BILL: You know, Eddie, it’s not too late to change your mind, you can give that title to someone else instead.
BILL: Like me. Or Mike.
RICHIE: uh NO dont do that
BEV: mike is a potentially valid answer
MIKE: :)
EDDIE: Please give me 3-5 business days to reassess given this new and enlightening information.
*
He can’t sleep.
Partly because the two Advil he had taken after dinner had not kicked in yet, but also partly because Eddie is restless in bed next to him. Shifting every few minutes, and Richie knows, with the certainty that comes from being in a long term relationship that soon Eddie will make some excuse to get out of bed, and hide out on the couch with the New York Times crossword puzzle app to calm himself down.
“What’s on your mind,” Richie says, when he feels Eddie shift again.
Certain that this time will be the one where he leaves.
“Todd from payroll.”
“I’m starting to feel like I should be jealous,” Richie teases. “And I mean, that’s saying something because his name is Todd , can you imagine moaning that out and-”
“I’d rather not.”
“Then what-”
“Am I bad husband?”
Those four words still any joke that Richie had been going to make. Any teasing comment dying at once, by the tangible doubt in Eddie’s voice. Richie feels Eddie tense the second he shifts away, even if it is only to turn on their bedside light.
Eddie’s mostly a blur, because Richie’s not sure where his glasses even are at this point, but at least now he is an illuminated blur.
“Of course not. If any of us is bad at it, it’s probably me, I’m shit at just about everything so-”
“You’re not,” Eddie insists.
“Then neither are you.”
Eddie hums, a sort of noncommittal noise, and fidgets with his wedding ring.
“I just… You know, you always introduce me to your coworkers whenever we see them out and about but..
“Eds, baby, you work in an office, whereas I like got high with James Franco once and then we saw him and had shots in an airport, it’s different ,” Richie insists.
Richie knows that Eddie is always careful to talk about his home life at work. It’s a delicate conversation, one that he tiptoes around, and knows that he works hard enough and is a very valuable employee such that there’s never an issue when he asks for a little extra time off to visit Richie on his tour, but…
Richie’s also very aware that Eddie doesn’t really talk about what he does at work.
Whereas Richie probably says my husband every ten minutes during one of his shows.
It’s different.
And they’ve both had their own long and difficult coming out journey and if Eddie is more comfortable calling him his Partner in front of his coworkers.
It had been a bit easier then they were living in LA, people there always a bit more open about these things, but since moving to New York, there really just hadn’t been an opportunity for Richie to meet any of Eddie’s coworkers. It’s not like they really mingled outside of work.
Eddie had even pointedly skipped out on the office Christmas party so that they could go to a concert with Ben and Beverly instead.
(There had been some boy band that Ben was really into performing, and really if they were going to complain about anyone’s music tastes it should be Ben’s but…)
“I don’t want to meet your coworkers, anyways, they’re probably boring,” Richie tells him, before wrapping his arms around the blur that he knows is his husband.
Science has long since proved that hugs fix everything.
And the way Eddie sort of melts against him only proves that to be true.
“Unless… You want me to meet them. Then, I’ll like meet the shit out of them.”
“What does that even mean?”
“I’ll fucking do it, Eds, don’t think I won’t.”
*
richie tozier ✓ @trashmouth and they say modern romance is dead wOW
richie tozier ✓ @trashmouth yet HERE I AM KIDS
bev marsh ✓ @MARSH @trashmouth what are you up to
richie tozier ✓ @trashmouth @MARSH romancE
bev marsh ✓ @MARSH @EKaspbrak you might want to come collect your man before it is too late
Edward Kaspbrak ✓ @EKaspbrak @MARSH It’s already too late
Ben Hanscom ✓ @ArchHanscom @EKaspbrak @MARSH F
*
Technically he asked permission.
Sort of.
Double checked that it was okay to happen eventually , at some point in the future. Sure, Eddie has probably assumed that he had meant in a few weeks not a day later but well...
At least, Richie has the excuse of his still constant and never ending writer’s block.
It had only taken mild flattery and an excellent rendition of the voice that he used for his most iconic role as the evil pig in the Angry Birds movie for the receptionist to let him past and up to where Eddie’s office is approximately ten minutes before his lunch break.
Instead of waiting in the lobby like he usually would when they were sneaking out for a lunch break.
The fact that he gets lost twice and has to ask directions to where Eddie’s office is located is only a minor setback.
“You’re lucky I love you,” Eddie tells him, after taking in Richie’s choice is outfit - only the best Hawaiian shirts allowed for hot lunch dates at the only Chili’s in New York that Richie hasn’t been banned from - which makes him stick out like a sore thumb in an office full of black suits.
But Eddie is smiling, looking so fucking happy that it makes it all worth it.
That smile always has a way of making Richie feel like - “The luckiest man in the world.”
“Give me about ten minutes to finish up this report, and then I’m all yours.”
“Pretty sure putting a ring on that means you’re always all mine,” Richie points out. “But you know… I suppose if I must wait.”
Which earns him a teasing eyeroll and a gesture to make himself out home in one of the two overstuffed chairs that are normally given to Eddie’s clients. Which Richie does by finding the most absurd way to sit across two chairs at once.
Truly one of his biggest accomplishments.
“Oh hey, Eddie, baby, before we leave, do you think we could swing by your payroll department?”
*
Todd @todd837402 locals, you’ll never fucking believe what happened at my work today holy fuck