Work Text:
Scene Ω
Septimus and Thomasina are still waltzing when the music from the Broadwood piano stops suddenly. They come to a slower, more measured halt in turn. She rests her cheek on his shoulder; his hands are frozen in place on her as appropriate for the dance. Thomasina, well pleased with herself, is relaxed.
THOMASINA
You are twitching, Septimus. Do you have a neuroses?
SEPTIMUS
No, this is induced.
THOMASINA
By our waltz?
SEPTIMUS
No, by the music. It was out of tune.
THOMASINA
Was it the instrument or its players?
There is the discordant sound of many piano keys being pressed at once and at random. Septimus clears his throat.
SEPTIMUS
It seems your mother has swooned.
THOMASINA
The swooning came beforehand, now probably she swoops.
SEPTIMUS
Ah.
THOMASINA
In carnal embrace with a long Polish sausage.
SEPTIMUS
Good God, my lady!
THOMASINA
Oh, I am not thirteen any more, Septimus!
Distantly, a clock strikes twelve.
THOMASINA
In fact, I am now seventeen. Mama was married at seventeen.
SEPTIMUS
It is fortunate that you are not your mother, then.
THOMASINA
That is true. I do not like Polish sausages.
SEPTIMUS
(Pause) It is bad form for a pupil to try to be cleverer than her tutor.
THOMASINA
Because it upsets the social order?
SEPTIMUS
Because she might actually succeed at it even less half a lifetime's experience.
Septimus touches Thomasina's cheek briefly, then kisses it. He steps back and retrieves her candlestick.
SEPTIMUS
I have made good on our compact and given you your waltz. Now bed.
THOMASINA
Only if you are in it.
SEPTIMUS
You shall perish from lack of sleep, then.
THOMASINA
That is precisely how one wishes to perish under those circumstances, I am led to believe.
SEPTIMUS
By whom!
THOMASINA
By you, of course! Do you know, in all the years that you have been my tutor, you've only given me alphas?
SEPTIMUS
Alpha minuses, my lady. You keep answering more than the questions ask.
THOMASINA
Surpluses should be rewarded in pluses.
SEPTIMUS
Never.
THOMASINA
My point is that, under your tutelage, I have learned many other things surplus to natural philosophy.
SEPTIMUS
Such as?
THOMASINA
To beware the gaze upon gazebos.
SEPTIMUS
It should be the ha-ha you fear: a short drop and a sudden shock.
THOMASINA
(Undeterred) And to always take a book when visiting Mama in her sitting room in the evenings.
SEPTIMUS
Enough.
THOMASINA
I don't mind!
SEPTIMUS
What you should mind is your own business, my lady.
Thomasina smiles at Septimus.
THOMASINA
(Cheerfully) That is exactly what I am doing.
They are interrupted by the creaking of floorboards. They both freeze in place; Septimus blows out the candles. They hear, outside:
LADY CROOM
You must show me that fingering again, my dear Count...
Then footsteps fading away, then silence. Septimus and Thomasina stand in the room in darkness together.
THOMASINA
Septimus?
SEPTIMUS
Yes, my lady? (Pause) My lady!
Thomasina, on her bare feet, has walked silently to Septimus and embraced him.
THOMASINA
Mama says I will be debuted tomorrow, as if I haven't existed until now.
SEPTIMUS
Congratulations.
THOMASINA
I prefer condolences.
SEPTIMUS
Why?
THOMASINA
What if I am to be married off to someone like my father? Or Mr. Chater, botanist of the imaginary? Someone who doesn't understand anything? I must publish or I will perish, Septimus!
SEPTIMUS
My lady, I have no doubt that you will find a way.
THOMASINA
Only if I'm allowed. A girl can do whatever she likes, including being smart; a woman can only be a wife.
SEPTIMUS
I cannot help you.
THOMASINA
Do you love me, Septimus?
SEPTIMUS
I do not. Aren't you in love with Byron?
THOMASINA
Oh no, I only intended to marry him.
SEPTIMUS
Intended?
THOMASINA
Mama says she will not allow it. Answer the question.
SEPTIMUS
I cannot answer why you might be in love with Byron; I have only ever been in debt with him.
THOMASINA
Do you love me?
SEPTIMUS
No.
THOMASINA
I think you do!
SEPTIMUS
Someone once told me that she would not want everything turned to love lest she become the sort of noodle who fixates upon the carnal embrace of book-burners.
THOMASINA
You are correct.
She steps back and lights her candle. Thomasina holds up the candlestick between them, illuminating both their faces.
THOMASINA
It is much more important to be understood than simply to be loved.
She leans up and kisses him.
THOMASINA
Fortunately, I think you just capable enough for both. Good night, Septimus! You have given me a wonderful idea.
She leaves. Septimus is left in darkness.
Daytime. It is morning, and the sun has risen to illuminate the garden-front room of the house. Septimus is fast asleep at the table, face down on Thomasina's essay and snoring slightly. He is clearly still in yesterday's clothes.
Dogs are barking outside. Septimus jerks awake when the door to the room slams open to admit LADY CROOM.
LADY CROOM
Where is she? Is she here?
SEPTIMUS
My lady–
Septimus rises hastily to stand. Lady Croom pauses to look at him.
LADY CROOM
Mr. Hodge, you have a sheet of paper stuck to your face.
SEPTIMUS
(Removing it) I was reading by process of osmosis.
LADY CROOM
I use the same technique on my own books; it is much easier than using my eyes. Have you seen Thomasina?
SEPTIMUS
No.
LADY CROOM
We are due to leave for London in an hour and she cannot be found either for breakfast or for Briggs to transform her into something acceptable.
SEPTIMUS
I have not seen her.
LADY CROOM
We have looked everywhere.
SEPTIMUS
Except for where she is.
He is saved from reproach by the sound of barking outside. NOAKES knocks on one of the windows; Septimus unlatches it. Noakes puts his head inside to speak.
NOAKES
The dogs have caught a whiff of something, I think.
LADY CROOM
On the grounds?
NOAKES
They are headed to the hermitage.
All three exit.
Thomasina enters the room, which is now the hermitage. It is dark outside again. A lit candle is on the table. She is still in her nightgown, but has sensible boots on. She stacks a few tall piles of loose paper on the table and then goes about barring the doors and latching all the windows.
THOMASINA
Good English algebra...
She sits down and licks a pen nib, then starts to write. She quickly fills up one sheet and tosses it carelessly to the side. Humming some of the music from last night, she continues writing and then tossing aside sheets of paper.
Eventually, she stops and falls asleep on the table. Some time passes, but then light from outside starts filtering in through the windows. A little while later, the dogs can be heard barking.
NOAKES
(Outside) My lady!
LADY CROOM
(Outside) Thomasina, are you in there?
Thomasina startles awake. A sheet of her work is stuck to her face, but it falls off as she sits up. The candle has not totally burned down and tips over onto the rest of the papers.
THOMASINA
Drat!
She pushes the other papers aside and then quickly beats the small fire out.
LADY CROOM
(Trying the door) Thomasina, what is the meaning of this? Open this door at once, or we will be late going up to London.
THOMASINA
(Not opening it) Can one be late if one never arrives?
LADY CROOM
Mr. Hodge, I blame you.
SEPTIMUS
(Also outside) Me?
LADY CROOM
She is being metaphysical.
SEPTIMUS
No, she is being philosophical. I have not taught her anything that abstract.
LADY CROOM
Thomasina!
THOMASINA
I am otherwise engaged, Mama!
LADY CROOM
You will never be engaged if you carry on like this.
THOMASINA
That is the point!
LADY CROOM
Come out!
THOMASINA
I am on sheet thirty-two now of my algebra and have much more to go. I cannot.
LADY CROOM
How many more?
THOMASINA
Infinities!
LADY CROOM
(To Septimus) You have ruined her.
SEPTIMUS
I have not touched her.
LADY CROOM
It is worse than that, you have educated her. (To Noakes) Mr. Noakes, with me, we shall find someone to break this door down...
The silhouettes of Lady Croom and Noakes can be seen through the windows as they exit. Thomasina goes to sit by the door. Septimus can be seen through the window leaning on the doorframe on the other side.
SEPTIMUS
This hermitage is very squat for an ivory tower.
THOMASINA
But more practical for being a hermit in.
SEPTIMUS
Are you writing out your rabbit equation?
THOMASINA
Yes. I stayed up very late expanding it.
SEPTIMUS
You will run out of paper.
THOMASINA
You will have to bring me more. And drawing paper, too.
SEPTIMUS
For you to draw real rabbits?
THOMASINA
No! I never really used to come outside, but last night when I did – look, do you see how the leaves have all fallen off the trees?
SEPTIMUS
That is common in the fall.
THOMASINA
Look at the branches!
SEPTIMUS
There are indeed branches.
THOMASINA
Even Mr. Chater might see the branches, Septimus! The trunk turns to two, and then the two new branches turn to four, and then again and again. And so God is not a cabinet-maker!
Septimus is silent for a long time.
SEPTIMUS
God is a botanist.
THOMASINA
Amongst other things. Will you bring me more paper when I need it? And breakfast – I am getting hungry. Also a coat, perhaps.
SEPTIMUS
This is worse than elopement.
He sighs, and strips out of his jacket. He knocks on one of the windows. Thomasina opens it and takes the jacket from him. She faces Septimus through the window while pulling it on; it is overlarge on her.
THOMASINA
How so?
SEPTIMUS
I am still within range of your father's guns.
THOMASINA
I have grown up the child of a siege. I know how to protect you from the cull.
Thomasina steps away from the window and goes to the door. She opens it to face Septimus.
THOMASINA
You do not have to love me if you let me have my books.
SEPTIMUS
I have always loved other people's wives.
THOMASINA
(Frowning) Septimus!
SEPTIMUS
Your husband is Nature itself.
He steps past the threshold and kisses her. She throws both her arms around him; Septimus embraces her in return. They kiss a second time before he steps away. Septimus locks the door behind them and re-latches the open window. They can just about hear Lady Croom and her troops coming up the green. Septimus peers out at the approaching figures.
SEPTIMUS
Your father is with them. He will not stand for this, you know.
Septimus turns and holds out a hand before Thomasina can answer.
SEPTIMUS
One more dance, my lady?
Thomasina takes his hand.
They dance.