Chapter Text
The road is pretty quiet as Bill drives in the dead of night, a frustrated Stanley next to him. Richie and Alexei were in the back trying to explain where and how to open the gate.
"What's he sa-saying?" Bill glanced over his shoulder quickly before putting his eyes back on the road.
"He's showing me the location of the key to turn off the machine," Richie replies bluntly as Bill takes tiny glances back and forth Alexei continues to show off the map to Richie.
"Sorry, Keys, two keys."
"T-two-man rule."
"Two-man rule?" Stanley pops in after not talking for almost the whole ride.
"Yeah, two m-men, two keys, like a nu-nuclear lunch-"
"But, uh, to retrieve the keys, there is a vault," Richie cuts in, translating Alexei's Russian directions.
"And to open the vault, you need to enter Planck's constant."
"Pl-planck's what?" Bill scrunches up his face.
"Planck's constant, it's a very famous number."
"Alright, so we get the keys, and then we turn the machine off," Stanley states out loud.
"That's what he says." Richie shrugs and leans back into the car seat.
"Alright, well that shouldn't be too hard, we can do this."
"Stanley, d-did you hear the p-part where he said the p-place was like an i-impenetrable fortress?" Bill glanced over to the boy seated next to him.
"Yeah, but there has to be a way in."
"Yeah, there is, our m-military."
"Who are coming." Stanley rolled his eyes, voice raising a little.
"Well, we d-don't know t-that anymore because y-you yelled at t-them like it w-was a parent t-teacher conference, and t-then you hung up o-on them, so we don't k-know what the hell is g-going on!" Bill turned to face Stanley. "Because now we're- wait, wait, w-what are we do? Oh! Wait, t-that's right! We're on our w-way to rescue are fr-friends from the big, bad Fourth of J-July celebration!" Bill raised his voice.
"You know what? If you can't handle this, then just turn around and drop me off first!"
"What are you g-gonna do!?" Bill faced Stanley again. "You gonna walk back to Derry!?"
"I will do anything if it gets me away from you!" Stanley spits.
"CHILDREN, CHILDREN, CHILDREN!" Richie yelled, firmly grabbing the attention of the bickering males.
"This interminable bickering was amusing at first, but it's getting very stale and we've still got a looooonnnng drive ahead of us," Richie shifts his gaze between both boys.
"So, why don't you two cut the horseshit and get to the part where you admit your sexual feelings for one another-"
"WHOA-"
"YOU ARE WAY OFF BASE BUDDY!" Stanley practically screams.
"OH! SPARE ME! SPARE ME! SPARE ME!" Richie overpowers both of them.
"Yes, yes, he's a brute. I know. Probably reminds you of a bad relationship, and gosh, you'd really like a nice man to settle down with, but, admit it! You're reaaalllll curious to know what he's like in the sack." Richie spits in Stanley's face, the boy still processing the information before Richie switches over to Bill.
"And you, HAH! Well, you're just a big manbaby who'd rather act tough than show his true feelings, because the last time you opened up your heart, you got hurt! Owie." Richie started to shift gazes between both of the boys again.
"And now, rather the admit these feelings, you're dancing around one another with this mind-numbing and frankly boorish mating ritual. So, please, for my sake, either quit your bickering, or pullover, tear off those clothes, AND GET IT OVER WITH ALREADY!" Richie shouts. Stanley and Bill don't even dare spare a glance at each other, both of there mouths wide open with shock.
Richie leans back against the car seat again with a deep sigh. "What was that?" Alexei askes in Russian. "I told them they should have sex," Richie replied, fixing his glasses. "They haven't had sex?" Alexei advances the conversation. Richie looked at him and replied with a simple, "No." Alexei held Richie's gaze before breaking into giggles, slowly followed by Richie.
Stanley mutters something under this breath as the two erupt in giggles.