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"Padfoot?" The young lycanthrope entered the common room timidly. It was uncharacteristically empty for the end of the year except for his dark-haired crush. For Remus, it was now or never; he'd likely never get another perfect opportunity to confess to him again.
"What's up, Moony?" Sirius smiled at him warmly, causing Remus's chest to tighten.
"I, I, uh, have." He took a deep, shaky breath. "I have something to say."
"What is it?" Sirius sat up straight on the old couch, his eyes furrowed.
The tawny-haired boy sat down nervously. "This is hard," he started. "You're my best friend, and I can't imagine where I'd be without you. You've enriched my life in ways I never knew possible."
"What are you trying to say, Moony?" Sirius's voice cracked nervously.
He paused, but drew another breath and blurted out, "I fancy you." Of course, this wasn't entirely truthful, but he didn't need to admit that.
"Oh Remus." Sirius was eerily solemn as he drew him into a tight hug. Remus was conflicted; optimistically, this meant he returned his affections, while pessimistically, this was an indication of guilt. The disinherited noiret pulled away.
Sirius looked into his eyes deeply and then burst into a fit of laughter. "Oh, Moony!" He grabbed Remus's arm in faux-desperation. "I'm so in love with you! I have been since the moment I laid eyes on you! Kiss me, Moony!" In between bursts of giggles, Sirius made kissing faces at the other's face, prompting disappointment resignation to be etched on Remus's face. A pit formed in Remus's stomach as his lungs collapsed as if he'd been kicked in the stomach. His mouth went dry, and he bit his lip. He blinked away tears from his eyes as he felt his world spinning and slowly but surely destroying itself before his blurry eyes. He knew instantly he had made a painful (albeit necessary) err, one that could potentially destroy this friendship and ultimately the Marauders as they know it.
Because when it came down to it, it was Remus's fault for falling in love with Sirius Black in the first place.
Said lycanthrope stood up. "Have a nice summer."
He even ignored the confused "What do you mean, Moony? Wait! What did you have to say?"
That was that. When he got back to the dormitory, he gathered his things to get on the train before Peter, James, or even Lily (who never understood the appeal of aligning himself with such ne'er-do-wells) saw him break down into an unrecognizable ball of turbulent emotion. He had placed a photograph of him and Sirius in his trunk when he collapsed into his bed and wretched helplessly. He sobbed so hard he felt bile rise to his throat. He was practically wailing, almost begging for Sirius to not mean it, to rush in and change his mind.
He never came.
Eventually, Remus had to get down to the train, so he collected the rest of his belongings into his trunk and left for their compartment on the train. He sat in his usual spot, which was unfortunately next to the one Sirius Black, and passed out. Luckily for him, he wasn't awaken until they arrived, and by James. He would have instantly burst into tears had he been awaken by the reminder of his unrequited feelings.
When he went home, he was catatonic. He only left his room to eat once a day and a full moon. At some point, he had a tough conversation with his mother, where he confessed to being rejected by his best mate. (He may have suggested it to be some random bloke in his class, but that was neither here nor there.)
It was then that his dearest mother suggested a makeover.
Thus, after one week of self-pity, Remus began eating regularly again, running in the morning, and meditating with his mother. His father was just happy to see his son taking care of himself. He even asked if Remus would help him with yardwork, which was physically strenuous due to the Ministry's strict rules against underage magic.
It took an additional two weeks for him to genuinely smile. And another after that to laugh.
By August, Remus was more toned than he ever remembered himself, and he even seemed… More attractive. His shoulders were broader, he was half a foot taller, and his legs-- Merlin, his legs were seemingly sculpted by a muggle Greek God his mother had taught him about as a child. His chest, though, was defined, and he could trace lines between his abdomens.
At the very end of summer, his mother cut his hair to better frame his face: just long enough to graze his eyebrows and parted on the left. Then, she bought him a new wardrobe for the school year. He traded ill-fitting sweaters for form-fitting cardigans and baggy pants that showed off the result of his daily runs. His robes were even impossibly complementary to his figure, and according to his mother, he was "lush".
Additionally, by the end of summer, he barely remembered Sirius's name. That was only slightly exaggerated; he had ignored every single one of his letters. He only responding to James's and Peter's, knowing how painful it would be to be confronted with his unrequited love before he was ready.
While Peter reveled in his own self-made incognizance, James instantly knew something was wrong, but was too polite to ask him in public. Peter’s letters detailed his misadventures with the neighborhood cat (which was definitely not just a cat, thank you very much, as it chased him even in human form). James’s letters were as deep as the stag Animagi could manage, asking if Remus was alright, and if he could help. If he ever needed to talk about it, he would be there.
Eventually, Remus let it slip that he was having a difficult time, but no, it wasn’t a familial issue. It was simply “a matter of the heart”, and that James’s support was sufficient. Thankfully, he never mentioned Sirius, much to his surprise and relief. Though, James was brilliant, and he had probably deduced that the dog Animagi was the reason for Remus’s heartbreak. Or--and this was more likely--Sirius had asked James for advice.
Remus was ready to face Sirius by September, though. More importantly, he was ready to start dating and if everything went well, lose his virginity. That was what he wanted, with blokes and birds whose names were not Sirius O. Black.
Remus J. Lupin didn't care anymore; he felt free.
Well, that's what he told himself, anyway.
___
When he saw Remus at Platform 9 ¾ at King's Cross Station, Sirius's jaw dropped to the floor. The lycanthropic teenager smirked. "Hey Pads. How was your summer?"
"I, well, I uh, bloody hell! You-you-you're fit, Moony!" Sirius opened his mouth to talk again, but quickly shut it and blushed a deep crimson.
Remus chuckled and winked, a faint shade of pink staining his cheeks. "Cheers, mate."
Before Sirius could embarrass himself anymore, James approached them giddily. "Hey, Pads! Who's thi--Moony?!" He blinked in surprise.
"Hey Prongs." James's eyes widened and blinked rapidly. "You sure your prescription is correct there, mate?"
"Moony, you look fit." Said bespectacled boy shook his head. "Good on you. When we last saw you, you were--"
"--our Moony!" Sirius interjected. "My, uh, our Moony was scrawny and plain. This Moony… He’s, he’s fit!"
"As much as I appreciate the compliment." Remus rolled his eyes. "We need to find Peter and catch the train. Unless you plan on finding your own way, of course."
The train ride was full of confused whispers, and girls from third year all the way to seventh year passing by the train, gawking in surprise at Remus. Sure, the Marauders were used to the female attention, but most of it was directed at James and Sirius. The tawny-haired boy was fully prepared for more attention than before, but he wasn’t exactly prepared for almost every puberty-age girl suddenly swooning over him.
“You can practically hear their ovaries screaming,” Sirius commented bitterly.
“Never fucking bothered you when you were the recipient.” Remus shrugged and wrapped his lips around his chocolate bar, being sure to lick its length.
The dog Animagi looked next to him and licked his lips. “Too bad you’re a shirt lifter.”
“I like birds.” He was proud of the indifference he was able to convey. “Though, a shag is a shag.”
His three friends stared at him with slacked jaws. “Who are you and what have you done to our Moony?” Peter squeaked.
“He was replaced with a, what do the Muggles call it?” Sirius furrowed his brows. “Glee gomp? No. Feak gord?”
“Greek God?” Peter offered.
“Yes! That! Cheers, Peter.”
Remus sighed, repressing a smile. “Piss off, you wankers.”
“No!” Sirius furrowed his head into his hands. “It’s just that you’ve never shown much interest in anyone but…”
“People change, Padfoot. Do you lot think this will be the year Lily finally loses her self-respect and agrees to date James?”
With that, the conversation was shifted towards James’s undying love for Lily Evans. It made it easier for Remus to ignore the way Sirius’s eyes lit up whenever their eyes met or how the dog Animagi seemed to inch his fingers closer to Remus’s.
___
In the months that followed, Remus found himself entangled in a variety of romantic and intimate endeavors. He never disclosed his “conquests” and as such, the rest of the Marauders never questioned him or pressed the issue. (It was likely a byproduct of his insistence that he needed the Map in order to catch insolent second years, not to meet some willing recipient of his affections.) He had been involved with a variety of blokes and birds, but he found himself gravitating towards men. Specifically men who were not his best friend or black-haired or named Sirius Black.
He had been successful in his secrecy until a particularly revealing game of Truth or Dare or Drink. The rules were simple: one either chose truth or dare, and if he refused, he would drink a shot of Firewhisky. Remus had a reputation for never backing down, in a vain attempt to be accepted by his friends. He knew they would accept him, but he was hesitant to take that chance.
After James sent an anonymous love letter to their headmaster, Dumbledore, Remus was next. “Moony,” Sirius bit the inside of his lip. “Truth or dare?”
Having already run around the castle starkers in only the Cloak, he picked truth.
Sirius smiled faintly, biting his lip, as if searching for the answers to their Divination homework that was due the next morning. “Moony, have you ever been with another bloke?”
Remus froze. His options were to either confess, potentially opening the door to a myriad of personal questions. If he refused, they would surmise that he had, in fact, been with another bloke. Sighing reluctantly, he nodded his head. “Yes. Peter, truth or dare.”
“What!” Remus was met with a resounding shout.
“You’re bent?” Peter cried.
James’s eyes filled with tears. “Why didn’t you tell m- us?”
“Who is he?” Sirius’s grey eyes seemingly darkened in the candlelight, and his nose flared.
Winking, he took a shot of Firewhisky. “Peter, truth or dare?” It wasn’t Remus’s place to expose Lucius Malfoy. Or Gideon Prewitt. Or Xenophilius Lovegood. Definitely not Xenophilius Lovegood. Remus would rather die than admit that he had had any sort of intimate encounters with him.
___
"Moony."
Remus looked up from his copy of Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them. Before him was James, sweat beading down his face from Quidditch practice. He gleamed under the candlelight by Remus's bed. "What is it, Prongs?"
The corner of his mouth twitched. "It's Padfoot. He's making me nutters."
Remus rolled his eyes, ignoring the thrill in his gut at the mention of Sirius. "Thought that was his charm and all that rot," he quipped.
"Very funny." James rolled his eyes. "It's him, isn't it?"
Remus blinked, hoping to appear innocent. "That's making you nutters?"
"No," he sighed, shaking his head."He's who you confessed to, yeah?"
"Doesn't matter. I'm alright."
"That's bollocks and you know it." Remus stared at him before turning away. Leave it to James, who put on the façade of being too emotionally invested in Lily to notice his friends' strives, to know without being told. James continued, "He isn't alright, either."
"Don’t say that like it’s a new development, Prongs."
"No, it's, it's not that. It's-- what's a cudge?"
Remus furrowed his brows. "A-a, a what?"
"No idea; he's been jumping in my bed when you kick him out of yours and asking for it. Said you used to give it to him."
"He's jumping into your bed now, isn't he, Prongs? Should I tell Lily you have someone else now?"
"Won't be necessary. You'll be giving him whatever a cudge is." James smiled brightly, not faltering under Remus's hard look.
"A cwtch." Remus chortled, shaking his head. "It’s a sort of cuddle. He wants you to comfort him after a nightmare."
"Merlin!" James shouted and burst into laughter. "You two really are practically married." He held his gut and doubled over laughing.
The lycanthrope, on the other hand, was less than amused. "We're really not."
"Sure," James continued to laugh. "But seriously, I'm sick of him jumping into my bed and molesting me in the middle of the night. I’d like to sleep. Please. Give him-- give him whatever he's asking for."'
“James."
Said Animagi stopped laughing immediately, and blinked slowly."He's been through hell. Blimey, he gets nightmares every other night!" He whispered through his teeth.
"So do I, but I don't molest my friends."
"Last I checked, he was still your friend." James pursed his lips together. "If Peter was upset, you'd comfort him, wouldn't you?"
Remus calmly said, "It's always about him and what he needs.”
He felt the painful sensation on his arm before realizing that James had shoved him. "For a quick bloke, you're really slow, Moony."
"What?" He blinked.
"For fuck's sake, his Animagi is a bleeding dog." Before Remus could register what he had just heard, James had already left their dormitory.
___
A layer of snow washed over Hogwarts, and it glistened under the dull moonlight. Remus had just finished a prefect meeting, and was walking back to the Gryffindor Tower with the one Lily Evans. She was prattling on about something, most likely prefect matters.
But Remus wasn't listening; in the moment, he could understand why James was in love with her. Her bright emerald green eyes sparkled under the candlelight, and her cheeks were flushed nearly as red as her hair. She wasn't thin; her hips curved just so as to provide adequate support for his arms. Her breasts--Merlin, James knew what he was talking about. They were round and large enough to fit in his palms (which he desperately wanted to).
When they reached the Common Room, she stopped walking and faced him. Her sparkling eyes glinted as she poured into his own. Remus gasped when she attacked him with her full, luscious lips and melted into her warmth. She slipped her thin yet solid arms around his neck at the same time she slipped her tongue into his mouth. Though, Remus was too surprised at his sudden lust to fight for dominance.
Lily pulled away suddenly, her eyes wide with apparent shock. "Holy fucking shit," she whispered, gasping for air. "I'm in fucking love with James Potter."
Remus blinked back to reality. "What?" He stared at her, gobsmacked.
The redhead turned away. "I'm… But he's not what I want in a bloke. I want someone gentlemanly and, to be frank, cuth."
Sobering, Remus whispered, "James really can be wonderful if he cares about you. He's damn loyal, too, if you hadn't noticed. He's been practically married to you since first year."
She laughed, though it was much less mesmerizing than it would have seemed a minute ago. It wasn't-- "Is he why no one ever asked me to Hogsmeade? Don't answer that, I already know the answer. Damn prat." She continued to speak in a low voice.
"He'd never leave your side. He'd take the Killing Curse for you, you know. You're everything to him. His entire bloody world." Guilt pooled in his stomach for even thinking about Lily as a lover. If he weren't in love with the witch before him, James would never even consider stealing Remus's love interest from him.
"I know." Tears were flowing down her flushed cheeks, so Remus pulled her into an embrace.
"When you and James get married and have a million children--" Lily hit his back playfully-- "I hope they all have your eyes."
"Thank you, Remus." Pulling away from him, she wiped her cheek hastily. "You're honestly the best. You deserve the world."
"You deserve it and then some," he smiled, patting her shoulder awkwardly.
"I have to process this," Lily grabbed his hand and squeezed it. She whispered in his ear, "Best of luck with you and your man." With that, she ran up to the girls' dormitory.
"Lily what do you mean? Hey, wai--and she left."
"You!" Remus snapped his neck and turned around to see James, whose cheeks were flushed and his lips were curled in a snarl. His dark eye twitched violently under his furrowed brows. "You bloody bastard!"
"Prongs--"
"That's Potter to you." He glared at Remus with such venom that the lycanthrope shivered.
"I'm sorry but it's not what you think," Remus stated slowly, raising his arms defensively.
"You kissed her and, and--you fucking kissed her you bloody wanker!"
"James--"
"Don't speak to me ever again."
Remus was expecting it, but it still hurt like hell. James's arms were strong from Quidditch, and once his fist connected with Remus's jaw, the lycanthrope nearly passed out.
When he regained consciousness, James was gone, leaving him alone in the dimly-lit Common Room.
___
James, in fact, went out of his way to completely ignore Remus. He pretended Remus wasn't there at breakfast, and in class, only passed notes to Sirius and Peter. At lunch, he even pretended not to know who the lycanthrope was.
He evidently even got Sirius and Peter in on it, because the rat Animagi approached him one after Potions.
"Remus." He bit his lip. "You, um, you kissed Evans last night" His eyes shifted around as if checking for witnesses. He was rubbing his hands together, a nervous tic he did when he was stressed.
"You lot don't know what happened." Remus shook his head. "Lily kissed me. Then she told me she loved James."
Peter nodded, clearly not believing him. "So you kissed, um kissed her," he repeated.
"Yes but then I convinced her to give James a chance. He didn't hear that part."
"You know James is, is, um, is in love with her," Peter replied, crossing his arms over his chest and frowning.
"Peter," Remus started.
"You're, you're, um, a-a bloody terrible friend." At that, Peter scurried away like the rat he is.
"Wait, Peter!" But it was pointless; Peter was as gone as their friendship.
___
Eventually, Remus realized he would eventually have to talk to Sirius if he had any hopes of getting through to James or Peter. While James was out, presumably harassing Lily, and Peter was off doing whatever it was that Peter did in his spare time, Remus returned to their dormitory to find Sirius lying on his bed, facing the ceiling, listening to illicit Muggle music on a charmed record player. It was George Harrison. If Remus was correct, his cheeks were stained and red from excessive friction.
“Sirius,” Remus called with uncertainty. Said dog Animagi perked up, turned off his record player.
Sirius croaked, “Moony.” He ran out of his bed to embrace the lycanthrope, who hesitantly patted Sirius’s back.
“James is pissed off at me.”
Sirius didn’t move; instead, he gripped Remus tighter. “Did you really kiss Evans, Moony?”
“For fucks sake.” He tried, in vain, to pull away. “She’s head over heels for James.”
“She is?” Sirius pulled away, but gripped Remus’s hand tightly.
Remus sighed. “They’re going to run off into the sunset and have little Prongslets.”
Sirius smiled, but he blinked. The tears spilled down his cheeks, and Remus instinctively wiped them away, causing both of them to blush. The lycanthrope pulled away as Sirius closed the distance between the two once more. “I’m sorry.”
“For what?”
“For being an arse.” Remus’s heartbeat increased. This was it; it was the moment he had wanted to happen half a year earlier.
“You were.”
“I’d like a chance, if you have one to give me.”
He knew he shouldn’t be so easy. He knew he should make Sirius suffer as Remus had. Afterall, this wouldn’t be happening if Sirius had simply dated him from the start. On the other hand, Remus knew how badly the boy in his arms had suffered from his family, and apparently, because of his moment with Lily. This was why he would have made a piss-poor Slytherin, he realized as his lips found their way to Sirius’s.
“Only if you want one.”
___
The next morning, Lily Evans sealed the letter and made her way down to the Owlery. She gave her owl a Treat and instructed her to send it to James Fleamont Potter. Her owl flew away dutifully, and Lily smiled to herself.
The letter had read:
Potter,
The potions essay is due Monday. Make sure it's done Sunday so that I may transcribe it.
Also: the treacle tarts better be worth the trouble to Remus.
Evans
She knew Remus Lupin would forgive her eventually, or as soon as he was done snogging Sirius Black's mouth off. He was like that; patient and caring and loyal. Too damn loyal, in Lily's opinion, to his friends and boyfriend. Lily chuckled to herself; her girl friends were going to gnash their teeth together when they find out that both Remus and Sirius were unavailable, and even worse, they were exclusive to each other.
She also knew she would marry James Potter one day, but she was willing to wait a little longer for him to be ready for her. Well, that wasn't entirely true: she'd wait forever for him, and would love James Fleamont Potter with her last dying breath.