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He buttons his favourite, oldest shirt and listens for the quiet, steady press of Gilbert’s clattering footsteps outside their room to go silent as he bounds downstairs, off to his party. Beside him, Feliciano idly strokes a hand through his hair. The footsteps give way to the night sounds and their bed creaks as he carefully lifts Feliciano up. He laughs against his neck and curls in further.
‘I can walk, you know.’ He wriggles up and kisses the side of his neck. ‘And we’re going to be late for the New Years party downtown.’
‘Shh,’ Ludwig murmurs, but there’s no real rebuke in his voice. ‘I just want to tell you something.’
He eases them up and slips outside the room, careful of the stairs and the loose floorboard in the drawing room, carefully picks up his coat, and carries him out into the dewy, waiting night. The moon is full and Feliciano is a heavy, warm weight against his chest, swaying slightly with his stride. His heart is pounding and he can’t quite catch his breath.
He lays them both down in the backyard where the sweet grass waves in the breeze. Feliciano stretches out, the flowers bobbing their heads around him. He looks ethereal, and Ludwig props himself up on one elbow and lets himself smile, feeling all the day’s tension soak out of him. He loves him more than he can ever say.
‘You look nice when you smile,’ Feliciano whispers. He reaches up and combs his hair into a curling mess. ‘Even better than usual,’ he adds with a little laugh that Ludwig thinks will be his downfall, and presses a kiss against his temple. Ludwig melts, leaning into his touch.
‘You’re not too bad yourself.’
‘I know,’ Feliciano says shamelessly, his beautiful smile widening. ‘You can’t resist me.’
‘I know.’ Ludwig rolls over and shrugs out of the jacket he grabbed, tucking the box inside into his pocket, hidden by the grass. Every time he touches the velvet surface, his pulse races. It’s a warm night, and he’s lit up all over inside. He takes out a bottle of wine, the good kind, the kind Feliciano said he was missing, and his eyes light up like fireworks.
‘Where’d you get this?’ he asks, so delighted and entrancing that Ludwig can only stare for a moment.
‘Gilbert gave it to me.’
‘I’ll tell him thank you tonight.’ He eagerly accepts the glass Ludwig pours him even if it is a bit clumsily since he’s more used to drinking beer straight from the bottle. He leans up to tip the glass and the moon illuminates the pale curve of his neck and the movement of his throat. Ludwig knows he’s a hopeless fool for all of this but it doesn’t stop him from wanting to kiss the spot where his pulse flutters, nothing has ever stopped him from wanting to worship every part of him. Feliciano sees him watching and his lips curve up into that damned beautiful little smile. He sets down the glass and rolls over until they’re face-to-face and close enough that Ludwig can count the faint freckles that fall across the bridge of his nose like constellations.
‘And I’ll say thank you to you now,’ Feliciano murmurs, and leans in. He tastes like the wine and sun and spice and it makes Ludwig a little bit dizzy. Feliciano pulls back too soon and he makes a tiny, embarrassing, wanting sound of loss. Feliciano just smiles and pours him a glass.
The moon is overhead soon, and Feliciano is on his third glass if Ludwig was paying attention to anything except how the light silvers him into something angelic and his eyelashes are so long that they leave feathery shadows on his cheeks. Feliciano gazes up at him, half-draped across his lap, propped against his chest.
‘Did you know,’ he says, and lifts a hand that sways with drink, pointing up to the bright cluster of stars above them. ‘Heroes are placed in the stars. There’s Orion, and his dogs. And Hercules. My...my grandfather told me all about them.’ His eyelids are sliding half-closed, his breath misting slightly in the air. ‘A long time ago.’
‘Why is it always love stories that become legends?’ Ludwig asks, feeling lax and loose and unable to stop saying what he thinks. The world is so right with Feliciano.
‘I think it’s beautiful.’ Feliciano’s head drifts down towards his glass. ‘Want to be like that.’
‘The legends are always tragedies.’ He strokes his hair. Feliciano sits up.
‘Not always,’ he protests, but they’re warm and everything feels so safe here that he lays his head on his shoulder instead. Ludwig traces a finger over the chain of his necklace. ‘I...just want to be with you.’
‘I want that, too,’ he says. His mouth is cottony-dry and the wine isn’t helping.
He can do this. He’s been waiting, and planning, and he’s sure he’s done everything the right way. And he loves him, has for years and years, so in some way the combination of starlight and hope and wine and love has to make things work out for him tonight.
Feliciano finishes the glass and turns to him, lips stained red. He licks them and Ludwig follows the motion, heart beating almost painfully. He looks back up, golden eyes soft with light.
‘You’re beautiful,’ Ludwig tells him. Feliciano smiles and guides him forward, smiling into his mouth and he’s drunk all over again off wine and moonlight. For the space of a heartbeat, all that exists is them.
Feliciano pulls back and cups his face in his hands. Somewhere not so far away in Berlin the party will be starting, but he has a little longer, he only needs a little longer even if he wants the whole night and more. He pulls him into his lap and their bodies slide together perfectly.
‘Do you remember-’ His voice cracks and he half-laughs, drawn into the way they feel together. ‘The first time I kissed you?’
‘Always.’ He brushes his hair back. The war is further away now than it used to be, even in his dreams, but he lets it back in for a breath, remembering their one night tangled up in unspoken words and bedsheets.
‘You’ve gotten better at it,’ Feliciano adds, and by the shine of his eyes he knows he means it to bring him out of the memory. It doesn’t stop Ludwig from nipping the side of his neck in reprimand.
‘I wasn’t that bad.’
‘Of course. I taught you.’ He kisses his nose and Ludwig can’t help but laugh, even though his heart is going so fast, Berlin sparking like a solar corona. He can feel the edges of the box in his pocket. He planned this, he’s been wanting it for so long, and even though the steady plan in his head gives him comfort, he gets distracted by Feliciano.
He’s always gotten distracted by him, always been so infatuated and it’s not a bad thing. And he at least knows what he’s doing this time.
He cups his face with one hand, noticing through his gaze of nerves and anticipation that they’re both shaking.
‘I think I’ve gotten better at a lot of things,’ he says. Feliciano tips his head closer until their foreheads are touching. Ludwig holds him, loving how he feels and the soft rasp of his voice and his brightness and angers and the way they grow around each other. The world is tipping, slow and liquid and wonderful, as he pulls out the little box in his pocket.
Feliciano’s eyes go wide. He can see the constellation light reflected there as he lets go and kneels down.
‘Feliciano Vargas, will you marry me?’
Feliciano’s eyes spill over with a sob and suddenly their mouths are pressed together and Ludwig is on his back in the grass. It’ll leave grass stains but he doesn’t care; he wants it, wants Feliciano’s kisses to leave starlight marks. Their fingers are laced together with the ring between them and they’re both holding on because there is nothing to do but hold on and have each other.
‘Yes,’ he gasps. Ludwig can taste salt, and he’s not sure who it’s from. All he can do is tell him love you love you sweetheart liebling Feliciano. Feliciano kisses him like a beginning. ‘Yes, yes , Ludwig.’
They only break apart to breathe and let Ludwig slide it onto Feliciano’s finger. It gleams gold.
‘Better than last time?’ he asks, smiling up at him through the lump of emotion in his throat. The stars make him a crown and he can feel his tears drying on his cheeks. Feliciano nods again, half-laughing, half crying still.
‘So much better,’ he agrees. When he touches him, the coolness of the ring makes him shiver in delight.
‘I love you,’ Ludwig tells him. ‘Always, sweetheart.’
‘I love you,’ Feliciano breathes, artist’s fingers peeling him down to the shaking core, working off his tight shirt, flattening his palms against his chest. Ludwig groans into him and wonders if he can feel the way his heart is nothing but an erratic star gone supernova for him. He loves him, he loves him so much, more than he’s sure of anything else. ‘I want us to be something so beautiful the gods can’t help but stare. I want to find you up there, again and again, an endless dance for us.’
‘Feliciano,’ he whispers, so dizzy he thinks he’ll shatter. There is too much to say, that he is already beautiful to outshine the sun and moon. He imagines Feliciano shining starlight, and buries his face in his sweet-smelling hair. ‘There are too many tragedies in the stars.’
‘We are not a tragedy, Ludwig,’ he says firmly. Their chests are pressed together and he can feel the way their hearts thrum in tune. ‘We will be different. We fly, and we become the flower after spilled blood, and we are nothing but stardust, but everything I am loves everything you are.’ They kiss, and the world spirals to nothingness and everything, and there is light, and he can feel the stars singing joyous melodies at his fingertips.
They meet Gilbert in the lights of their heart city. He’s got neon paint on his hands and under his eyes, and he grins and ruffles their hair.
‘What kept you?’ he asks in a playful growl. Ludwig is still smiling too much, but Gilbert looks down at their twined hands and sees the gold band on Feliciano’s finger.
When he looks back up, his big brother’s eyes are wide and he’s shining brighter than he’s ever seen. He grabs Feliciano and twirls him in a circle, laughing.
‘He did it?’ he asks, voice cracking with exultant emotion. Feliciano nods, eyes shining again, choking out yes, yes, yes. Gilbert sets him down and roughly pulls Ludwig into an embrace, whispering next to his ear.
‘I’m so proud of you, baby brother.’
Ludwig nods, wordless with his unabashed happiness, heart swelling and lit up in his chest.