Work Text:
Nick.. Well, Nick loved Jay Gatsby, easy enough said. And he thought that Jay loved him too, he would've sworn it. Nick knew that Jay had originally only befriended him to get closer to his cousin, Daisy, but as the time passed he started to think that maybe Jay was starting to have a change of heart.. It wasn't hard to believe it when Jay would pull him out of the midst of his parties and drag him into the closest empty room and lock the door for a heated session of kissing and all else more. Or when Jay would kiss him under the stars on the beachfront after a day of swimming. Or when he would invite him out to private speakeasies with a clientele made up entirely of homosexual men.. Or- or a million other instances when Nick had thought for sure that Jay had loved him.
Apparently, however, that was not the case.
***
Jay had invited Nick out to brunch that day, and that wasn't much of an uncommon occurrence. He often took Nick out for meals at hidden restaurants that Nick had never heard of, but nearly all of them were to Nick's liking. This one wasn't any different. It was a small cafè with a patio that housed outside seating. Despite the sunny and pleasant weather outside, however, Jay favoured them sitting inside, and so they did. The inside of the restaurant was fairly empty, and quiet. Through the open windows Nick could see most of the patrons there were seated outside and enjoying the weather. He didn't mind sitting inside of course, he rather liked the quieter atmosphere.
All the while they were being seated until they ordered their food, Nick could sense that Jay was nervous though. He kept pushing his hair back, a rather physical habit he had which always made it easy to tell when there was something the matter with him; and he would continuously pick things up from the table, salt shakers, silverware, his drink, and not do a thing with them but set them down again after a few seconds.
Jay's nervous habits were enough to drive Nick crazy, being around nervous people always made him nervous as well. As soon as their waitress left, Nick leaned across the table and stopped Jay from picking up his fork for the third time by putting his hand over his. "Jay-" He started slowly, "What's the matter? You're fidgeting around and it's making me nervous."
Jay's eyes quickly traveled from Nick's hands to his face and he sighed, pulling his hand out from under Nick's. "Nothing's the matter, Old Sport," he pushed back his hair again, it was a fine mess now but he didn't seem to notice. "I've just got some news is all and I'm not certain of how to say it is all."
Nick drew his hand away and placed it in his lap, "Well what is it? It's not something bad is it?" He asked with a hint of worry in his voice.
"Oh no, or well- not exactly I mean," Instead of fiddling around with things on the table now, Jay took to moving his hands around, not really gesturing to anything. "It's about Daisy."
Nick felt like he had just eaten something very sour and the taste was still lingering in his mouth and that there were butterflies flying aggressively in his stomach all at once. "Oh?" He tried to not sound interested but he was torn between feeling anxious and excited. There were two options for what Jay could say next… That he had finally given up on pursuing Daisy or that she had finally picked Jay out of her love triangle with him and Tom and that she was going to be his girl. "What's that?" And Nick desperately hoped that whatever Jay was about was the first option, because- well what more could it be? All the time they spent together.. All those dangerous kisses in the back of rooms when no one was looking and all those times they had left Jay's own parties early to be in the bedroom instead.. Well Nick was certain that with all of that that he mattered more to Jay than his cousin did. He had to.
A small smile spread across Jay's lips and he took a deep breath, "I've finally convinced her to leave Tom.." He said quickly, "You know he was never a good man for her, I know you went to school with him and all but he's not good for anyone really."
Suddenly Nick forgot how to breathe, it felt like he was punched in the stomach and all of the air had been knocked straight out of him, his soul too. He blinked, and under the table he pinched himself- a childish action but he just wanted to see if he was dreaming, which he sadly wasn't. "So…" He finally managed to say after a near continuous minute of silence while he repeatedly pinched his leg, his force growing stronger each time; he knew he probably bruised himself but he didn't care. "So Daisy is.. She's really leaving Tom? For you?" Nick asked slowly, finding it rather hard to form his words. "Is she going to live with you? Her baby and all?"
Jay's smile grew nervous, "Yes, yes her and Pammy will be coming to live with me in the next week."
" In the next week?" Nick gasped, he suddenly stood up from the table, his chair scooting loudly behind him. The few people that were inside the restaurant turned to look at them. His face felt flush and his heart felt like it was going to jump out of his chest and clobber Jay, but he forced it to stay inside his body. Nick wasn't as good as keeping his emotions inside himself, however. "But what about- I.. I thought.." He sputtered, looking away from Jay and around the restaurant for something to appear, for something to show Jay that he was wrong. That this wasn't the right choice. That they were so much better together than he was with Daisy. "What about us?" He dropped his voice, putting his hands on the table and leaning his face close to Jay's.
The smile slid off Jay's lips and he didn't even try to move out of Nick's face or stand up to calm him down, "We were… I regret what I did," he said after a pause with a sigh, "I shouldn't of pulled you into this- I shouldn't of done what I did with you while I was still interested in Daisy, Old Sport." He shook his head, looking sad. "I've already turned back time once and I got her back, I don't think I'll be able to turn it back again for you, as much as I want to. Can you forgive me?"
"Forgive you?" Asked Nick softly, stepping back from the table. His heart had suddenly turned into an unpracticed contortionist, twisting and turning itself in painful ways that it didn't know how to get out of. He didn't want to judge Jay- his father had taught him to never judge others but.. Nick couldn't help it, for how he was judging Jay now. What type of person could just toy with another's heart and only use them for sexual desires and then toss them away like a used tissue- seeing that's all they were good for. "I don't- I can't-" He shook his head.
Quite suddenly their waitress came from the outside patio where she had been serving other customers, "Is there something wrong, boys?" She asked gingerly, looking concerned.
Nick looked from her to Jay and shook his head. "I've got to go-" He said simply. "I've got to go, I can't be here."
"Old Sp-" Jay suddenly stood up so fast that his chair toppled down behind him, "I mean, Nick-! " He reached out but he was too slow to action. Nick was already grabbing his hat from the rack at the door of the restaurant and opening the door to leave. He hurried around the table and caught the door behind Nick before it could shut but Nick had already left and started down the sidewalk.
"Don't- don't follow me, Gatsby." Nick said in a strained voice as he heard Jay behind him. His whole body ached, he felt like a piece of China that had been shattered to the tiniest bits and pieces and scattered everywhere and entirely beyond repair. "I don't want to talk, just leave me alone." He didn't raise his voice, he didn't want to.
"Nick, please-" Jay reached out and grabbed Nick's hand from behind. "I know what I did was horrible but please don't be like-"
"Don't be like what?!" Nick shouted, spinning around to face Jay, ripping his hand from his grasp. All along the street people had stopped to stare. He opened his mouth and then noticed all the people around them, "Haven't you done enough, Gatsby?" He shook his head sadly. "Didn't you have enough?" He asked quietly. Nick felt his eyes start to burn with tears. "You had enough- more than enough.. Why did you need me?" He asked so quietly that only Jay could hear them. He took a deep breath and turned around, "Say 'hi' to Daisy for me." He said bitterly before continuing down the street, not having a clue in the world where he was going, but also not caring. Nick just wanted to be as far away from Jay as possible.
Nick's mind was buzzing after that and his thoughts were such a scattered mess that he couldn't even think properly, let alone take in his situation and where he was. He had to have been walking down the street for at least half an hour, just lost in his own mind when he suddenly realized that he didn't know where he was, or what he was going to do, or how he was going get home.
After he asked the first person he saw where the nearest bus stop was, Nick had to walk another ten minutes to it. He was planning on going home to West Egg, but then he felt sick just thinking about how close he would be to Gatsby. Instead he asked the bus driver to take him to Long Island, where Jordan Baker's home was. He paid his fair and sat in the middle most portion of the bus. He put his head to the window and thought bitterly about Gatsby the whole ride to Jordan's.
Nick didn't even remember the bus stopping a few blocks from Jordan's home (it wouldn't take him any father), he didn't remember walking to her door, probably looking like some undead beast from a horror picture, and he didn't even remember knocking on her door. All he knew was one moment he was on the bus and the next he was on Jordan's doorstep and she was there in her dressing gown even though it was 2 PM and looking at him in bewilderment.
"Nick? What on earth are you doing out here?" Jordan asked, poking her head outside. She looked around and her nose scrunched up, "Did you walk here?"
"No.. Well- sort of." Mumbled Nick, he shrugged softly and opened his mouth to say more but Jordan was already pulling him into her home by his sleeve.
"You look like something the cat dragged in," Jordan kicked the door shut with her bare foot and pulled Nick into the lounge. On the center table there was an open bottle of brandy and a single drinking glass. "What happened to you?" She asked, pushing Nick down on to the sofa before he could sit himself.
Nick was quiet for some time, "It's J- It's Gatsby." He said weakly. "I mean.. I thought he was keen on me." With a sigh he looked up to see Jordan plucking the brandy glass off the table and filling it to the brim before she shoved it in his hands. The liquor sloshed over the sides of the glass and got his shirt wet, but Nick was too upset to care.
Jordan plopped down besides Nick and patted his arm. "I know I've told you before but- that Gatsby was always a mysterious person who built himself on rumors… But as it being that you and I have a very limited group of people to love and I'm not one to tell people what to do- I let it slide." She sighed. "What did he do?"
'Limited people to love' sure seemed right to Nick as he took a sip of brandy. Jordan, just like him, was a homosexual. They found this out about each other in the few months they had spent 'dating'. In that time and since after it, Nick had told Jordan of his relationship with Gatsby and Jordan had told him (in too much detail for his personal comfort) about her dyke experiments with Daisy that had taken place when Tom was out of town.
"He.." Nick raised the glass to his lips and hesitated before taking another drink. "He's gotten back with Daisy, she's leaving Tom for him."
"What?" Jordan asked softly, surprise etching her features. Her hand flew to her heart and she sunk back into the sofa besides Nick. "But Daisy's a coward- She'd never leave Tom!"
"That's what I had hoped too but.. It looks like we were both wrong." Nick held out his glass to Jordan and watched as she drank the rest of the brandy with a quick swig. He wrapped his arm around her shoulders and sighed, "He made it clear that he was.. breaking things off with me. He even tried to apologize."
Jordan grimaced and leaned forward to grab the bottle of brandy off the table in front of them but Nick stopped her. "Men," She hissed, "And women.. Daisy mostly, they're all so stupid." She shook her head and laid it upon Nick's chest. "I just-" She suddenly looked up at Nick, "I'm sorry, Nicky, your thing with Gatsby-" She shook her head and dropped it to his chest once more. "What are you going to do?"
"I don't know.. I don't plan on going back to West Egg, that's for certain. You?"
"Well I can say that my days with Daisy are over… Why don't we take my clubs and trash his house at his next party?" Jordan asked hopefully.
"Jordan-" Nick just managed to suppress a laugh, "We aren't vandalising Gatsby's house."
"Then what do you expect us to do? He ruined our relationships!"
"I… I don't know," Nick said honestly, "I don't want to make him hurt like I do, that's just cruel-"
"And well deserved-" Jordan muttered.
"A-Anyways.. I'm just… Sad." Nick sighed. "I want to be sad for a while, I need to think about this. It's all still a mess in my mind, like when you can hear bits and pieces of a radio programme through static, but you don't know what's going on."
Jordan sighed and pushed herself up and off of Nick, "Since you're my friend, Nick.. I'll let you be sad, and I'll even be sad with you. But I'm going to be drunk and sad, because at least when I'm drunk my sadness feels like a dream." She picked up the bottle of brandy from the table and Nick didn't bother to try and stop her this time. She held it out to him and with a sigh he took the bottle and took a deep drink from it before handing it back to her so she could take her own drink. "Now let's be properly depressed, drunk, homosexuals, Nicky. It's the only thing left for us right now."