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every day (i love you)

Summary:

But when she was late she couldn't make a stop to get her regular morning coffee and muffins. Yes, muffins. She could never decide on just one flavor. She could never resist a pastry with chocolate in it, but some days she wanted a banana walnut or a blueberry too, and of course she couldn't miss out on the seasonal pumpkin; she'd occasionally splurge on the apple cinnamon—with "Real apples, Ben!" She wasn't shy about eating more than one either. It endeared Ben and made him love her all the more.

Notes:

I was discussing an idea with shiiera and she coined "SOFT BOI BEN SOLO WHO IS TALL AND GENTLE AND UNDERSTANDING" so... SURPRISE Shiiera, this one is for you.

Edit: I DIDN'T REALIZE MY FRIEND WAS REFERENCING ADAM... oops.

Will further edit and fix grammar errors later.

Work Text:

MONDAY

Rey was late to work.

Again.

She was always late every other Monday, blaming it on the lull of the weekend, staying up late or going out for drinks with Finn and Poe or forgetting to set an alarm and sleeping in. She was never more than five minutes off, enough time early in the morning that he didn't hold it against her. Nothing utterly important happened in that time. Rey was a studious employee otherwise, always putting one-hundred and ten percent into the job. She wasn’t lazy or deceitful about it. She could never be. But when she was late she couldn't make a stop to get her regular morning coffee and muffins. Yes, muffins. She could never decide on just one flavor. She could never resist a pastry with chocolate in it, but some days she wanted a banana walnut or a blueberry too, and of course she couldn't miss out on the seasonal pumpkin; she'd occasionally splurge on the apple cinnamon—with "Real apples, Ben!" She wasn't shy about eating more than one either. It endeared Ben and made him love her all the more.

But when Rey went without breakfast she ended up agitated and tense. Ben knew it came from her upbringing; a bad foster home with a family that rarely took care of her, let alone fed her proper meals which set back her health and nutrition, leaving her with a hormonal imbalance. Once she got away from that life and started making her own money, food was always at the top of her budget.

She treasured food, and of course, breakfast is the most important meal of the day. She didn't like going without it. Granola bars from the breakroom did nothing for. 

So on Monday morning Ben left a surprise on Rey's desk. A breakfast sandwich with another her favorite food items, turkey bacon, one of each of her favorite muffins and a coffee drink, plus a gift card to the coffee shop. $100 may have been overkill, but she deserved it, and now she could buy out all of the apple cinnamon muffins if she wanted to.

He left a note:

Enjoy. You're going to need it.

— Ben.

He observed her as she rushed in, stopping hard at her desk and going wide eyed at the present on her desk. She looked around, observing the other people working around her wondering which one of them did it. She would look at the others and back to the breakfast and back again. Then she found the note. Her face crinkled when reading and he smiled at how cute she looked. She looked in Ben's direction through the window of his office and he promptly looked away. It pained him to do so, but he did it, choosing to focus working on his computer, hoping she'll accept the gift and not confront him about it. Rey likes a good breakfast but she also has her pride and he's certain there's a battle fighting within her on what to do.

He waits and waits and when the chatter and the noise of the office continues around him without his office door bursting open he knows the breakfast won out.

She sneaks in a text message to him later.

Thank you. THANK YOU!!!

With a kissing heart emoji.

 

TUESDAY

The next day Ben himself is late for work and is late by more than five minutes. It's not an issue, he's the boss and he can come and go as he pleases. Not that he uses that to abuse power. It's normal and to be expected. His employees know he is always in-and-out of the office to meet with clients.

Maz Kanata, Ben's first stop of the morning could care less if he's late or not. 

"Young Solo I've been around long enough to know when hooligans are trying to sweet talk me," Maz chided him with her finger pointed at his chest. "I open at nine and not a second before!"

Maz owns a bookshop in town with a vast and eclectic selection. She stocked up not just new releases, but everything else that could be imagined from classics to mythology to history to collegiate textbooks to guides that teach how to knit and gardening for beginners. No one went home without a book when they left Maz's. On the off chance Maz didn't have it on her shelves she orders, even the most obscure hard to find titles. He stopped questioning a long time ago how she does it--she's just Maz.

Rey had linked him to an article; 100 Books Everyone Should Read

Followed by a sad face emoji.

She always felt like she wasn't cultured enough, feeling like she was behind the curve.

Ben made her feel better by telling her he hadn't read much of those titles himself and then she followed up by saying it's probably impossible to get a hold of that many books anyway 

Ben never forgot, waiting for a reason to help her get started.

So he went to Maz. The old woman didn't even give him a chance to explain and started putting in an order with some titles she thought appropriate.

To Kill a Mockingbird, The Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter, The Book Thief, Hamlet, and The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes. All bagged in a green safe reusable bag with Maz's logo on it.

Before he left Maz told him one last thing. "No need to be secretive about it. Just give them to your girl. Everyone likes books."

He was still hesitant. He took a moment to look at Rey before going in. She was writing, head bent over her desk, with curly tendrils shadowing her face that fell from her loose ponytail. 

Beautiful.

Then she smiled and Ben is filled with a longing to feel her in his arms, pressed up against him with her smile against his neck. He's tall and massive compared to her short and petite body. He'd probably have to lift her up. 

Ben relished in the thought.

Then he steps around the corner and approached her desk.

"Good morning, Rey," He greeted.

She greeted him back before looking up and when she did of course the first thing she noticed is the bag.

"A gift for a client?"

"No. It's for you."

He handed over the bag. She took it from him, looking like she couldn't believe what was happening. She perused the contents inside and the more she discovered the more mirthful she became.

"Ben…"

"One hundred books, remember? This is just the start. I can get you more." And he would until she hit that magic number.

Rey shot out of her chair and ran around her desk. Before he knew what was happening she jumped in his arms to hug him.

Ben supposed some dreams do come true.

 

WEDNESDAY

Rey and Ben are locked up in his office discussing reports and clients and Rey is ever dutifully jotting down important information on a notebook in a black binder. They have company-wide tablets, but try and let Rey let that stop Rey from doing wants.

Truthfully Ben keeps pulling out more files to extend their time together.

His father would jokingly call him a sap. His mother would say to ignore his father and to go after what he feels is right. Then Han would groan and say "Kid as long as you don't make us choose between chicken and beef at the wedding I'm there." 

His mother was right. Just being in Rey's presence feels right and if it's all he can get in a day he'll take it.

Rey mentioned being thirsty and without being prompted she got out of the chair and went to raid his personal mini fridge; which he kept stocked with bottles of her favorite tea drink.

Just for her.

Maybe Han was right.

Sap.

Rey was taking a sip of the tea when she noticed a shopping sitting on the end table in the corner of the room. 

She looked at Ben curiously.

"Ben Solo shops at Bed Bath & Beyond? This I got to see."

Ben didn't try stopping her curiosity. When she was turned away from he sat back in his chair to get comfortable and smiled at knowing what she would find inside.

He liked that she felt comfortable enough to move around freely with him, not feeling the need to cower, making herself at home amongst his personal space.

Maybe one day…

No.

He shook himself from the thought.

"Oh my god is this one of those sound machine alarm clock things?"

"It has a radio and you can change the colors too."

While nowadays most people relied on an app to play relaxing sounds to help them into a slumber and the alarm clock on their phone to wake them up, Rey did not, finding the easiest enjoyment in gadgets and products that were now taken for granted.

"I always look at these on Amazon but they're always an off brand. The reviews say DON'T BUY or that they stopped working after a couple of months."

"I saw it and thought of you." The colors changing is what set him over; it was so Rey.

Rey clutched the box to her chest and held it in her arms. Her elation had had his head spinning in the best of ways.

Again he is hit with that feeling of wanting to hold her close. 

This moment would be framed in his mind for a very long time.

Rey tried to get a receipt out him, asking how much it cost, wanting to pay him for it and he dodged her at every end. Then she tried getting him to agree to half. He still said no.

"This must have been expensive!"

But it was worth it.

Rey dropped the subject (though he suspected it wouldn’t be for long) and changed it around, wanting to know what Ben was doing in a store where she quoted it as being the last place she'd ever expect him to be. Imagining his hulking figure moving around store filled with valuable items was enough to make him laugh.

His mother dragged him to the store.

He was helping her pick out new bedding. Han wouldn’t go with Leia and his mother was determined to get an opinion out of one of the men in her life. 

Leia questioned him about the purchase he wasn’t being as sneaky about as he thought, but it wasn't easy evading Leia Organa like it was Rey.

Ben decided to change the subject.

"I'm sure you'll get good use out of it. Like, maybe setting an alarm for seven tomorrow night."

"What's happening at seven?" She asked and walked back over to his desk with the box still in her arms.

"At seven I'm picking you up for dinner."

Rey's arms go slack. It doesn't take much to know why she's nervous.

"I don't think I'm allowed to date my boss."

Technically there was no policy against inter office relationships, only that personal matters were to be kept outside of the office and if any issues started affecting the workplace then there would be a problem.

It was now or…

Well, he never wanted to think about never.

He wanted to take a chance.

The room is quiet. It lasts for just a moment and it’s the longest moment he's ever

"Where are we going? What should I wear?"

 

THURSDAY

Ben arrived to Rey’s apartment before seven and waited outside in his car for twenty minutes before going up to her apartment. He knocked on the door at seven on the dot and what he saw when Rey opened the door was much worth the wait. 

She might as well have knocked him out right there.

She wore a sheer, green, high bow neck sleeveless top paired with a long, white, and flowing skirt. The heels she wore upped her height by a couple of more inches. Her hair curled, half pulled back while the rest of her locks sat on her shoulders. He wanted to reach out and run his fingers through her hair and feel the softness.

Rey smiled brightly at him. 

“Do I look okay?”

“More than okay.” His tone was strained and he let out a deep breath.

Rey giggled.

Ben handed her the bouquet of flowers. Leia always told him he could never go wrong with giving a woman flowers. Rey closed her eyes and took on the scent of the fresh buds and Ben’s heart jumped and didn’t stop. He didn’t know how he was going to make it through the night.

Ben took her to the best restaurant in the city, reservation only, with spots that have to be reserved months in advance, but when you’re Ben Solo and can throw around some words and money and you get in sooner rather than later. 

Ben felt like he was on top of the world, getting to take off Rey’s coat, where his hand grazed her shoulders, escort her through the restaurant, where he put his hand at her back to help guide her, and to pull out her chair to sit down, where he got to lean in close and immerse himself in the scent of her perfume. Rey had kept looking around the room, not seeming to find herself comfortable while Ben requested a bottle of wine from the server.

“This place is really nice, Ben.”

It is. But not as nice as you.

“That’s good because I wanted to treat you to somewhere nice.”

Rey smiled, but it didn’t quite reach her eyes. She looked lost and small. She focused on the menu before Ben could make too much of it. 

“Eighteen dollars for chicken?” She asked. “That’s crazy.”

“I suggest not looking at the steak then.”

Ben smiled, hoping to keep things light and to cheer her up. He didn’t think much about the prices. He didn’t want to disregard her feelings, but he would never take Rey somewhere if he couldn’t afford it; he wouldn’t let her down like that.

The restaurant got all their meat organic, free range and fresh every day from local vendors. Ben would tell her the menu options are worth the price but he doesn’t want to push. More than anything he wanted her to enjoy herself, to have whatever she wanted without worrying.

They ordered a cheese plate for an appetizer. Ben insisted on it when Rey exclaimed she always wanted to try one. They both ordered seafood for their entree; Rey got the shrimp risotto and Ben got the grilled whitefish. Rey also got a salad. She picked at her meal, slowly and seeming to grow more disinterested the closer she got to clearing her plate. She rejected Ben’s offer for desert despite having her eye on the lemon meringue pie that she had seen pass by with another server when they arrived. That surprised Ben the most. She never turned down desert.

It wasn’t like her.

His heart constricted.

He didn’t know what to do.

Ben paid the bill and drove her home. She thanked him and was out of the car before he could even offer to walk her back up.

 

FRIDAY

Ben: Are you okay?

Rey: Tired

Ben: Sleep well, and have sweet dreams.

He had texted Rey when he got home last night. She didn’t reply right away and then she left him on Read after. 

Nothing more.

No emoji’s.

No Rey-esque quip about how her dreams would only be sweet if his were too.

No promise to talk to him later.

Nothing.

He kept checking his phone, willing a new message to popup, turning up the volume all the way on his phone so he wouldn’t miss anything. His finger hovered over the call button on her name in his contacts several times.

A void had formed between them and because of it he spent the whole night surmising over what happened. What he could’ve done differently. He didn’t sleep well, too many thoughts that he couldn’t turn off. 

Then Rey ignored him the next day at work. At least that’s what he thought. He wasn’t sure. She was also busy, spending most of the morning on the phone. The couple of times he approached her to talk she would hold up her finger signaling that she needed a minute or she’d get back to him, but she never had even a few seconds to herself. When she wasn’t on the phone she was with clients. When she wasn’t with clients she was finding reasons to keep busy, updating the ink in the printer, loading the printer with more paper, cleaning out the old snacks from the breakroom, doing tasks that weren’t apart of her job description. She left the building for her lunch break, staying away for the whole hour. When she came back she was powered up, smiling and ready to take on more work. Smiling as if nothing had happened the night before.

Ben had respect for her work ethic, but he wanted to beg her to stop, slow down, and talk to him.

But he won’t.

He doesn’t want to push her away any further.

He’s sure he came on to strong, giving her gifts all week long, dismissing her concerns about price costs of said gifts and the food at the restaurant. He had always been like that. Whenever he cared about something or someone he became almost obsessive, dedicated to them Leia would say. It’s been known to backfire on him before. Relationships from when he was younger have ended because of his dedication.

He can’t do the same to Rey.

If space is what she needs he’ll give it to her. If she needs to focus on work to get her bearings back, he’ll give her more work and clients. He’d rather have her in his life than not. If he can’t have her as he really wants her then he’ll take her being his friend.

If she even still wants that.

He doesn’t know what he’d do if she didn’t.

He gets his assistant to run an errand for him and sends him to the restaurant from last night to get a slice of the pie Rey never got to have. Ben has him deliver it to Rey personally. He doesn’t watch when he does, he doesn’t look for her reaction.

Space. He’s giving her space. He has to repeat it like a mantra.

The desert is just a peace offering.

 

SATURDAY

It’s the weekend. 

Before the date, before Ben had hoped for more with Rey, they would sometimes spend Saturdays together. They’d go shopping, visit museums, try to outwit each other with a morning run, rant about the clients they really didn't like but had to appease for the sake of business, binge watching movies and TV with junk food on Netflix or eating burgers and drinking beer at a bar. Often times Finn and Poe were with them too. It was easier back then. Expectations were low. There was no pressure, only friends out to have a good time.

He should've given Rey the same experience for their date.

As much as he tried to be indignant and let her be, it was a struggle between doing the right thing and confronting her. There is a divide between like there has never been before and he's desperate to get out of it.

Rey was once fresh out of college and on the hunt for jobs. She came with a long resume, impressive recommendations, a tenacious and determined attitude and of course a smile that cut through his resolve. 

At the interview she told him he would hire. That he'd be making a mistake if he didn't.

"How do I know this?"

"Give me a chance to prove it to you."

They became fast friends as they navigated the world of business together. The more Ben got to know her, the more he became enamored. He fell fast.

Feeling happy when he was with her.

Feeling like a part of him was missing when she was gone.

He couldn't deny the strength of those feelings. 

Now he was on the phone with him mom. He laid out the whole story to her, but Leia didn't need to hear much to know her son was in love.  It was a frequent Solo trait of Leia's boys to feel hard and not know what to do with those feelings. Han and Leia bickered a lot because of it. Ben loved his parents--honestly, but he didn't want to be like them either. Rey certainly deserved better than that too.

"You tried. You really did, Ben. You can't be blamed for that. Sometimes it can be one of the hardest things to put ourselves out there like that.

But did he?

The good parts of their date only lasted through the appetizer and he didn't try to make it better.

"Communication is important," Leia told him. "If Rey won't talk to you, then give her a reason to. Make her comfortable, but don't force it. Maybe something is going on with her."

Rey...

"No more extravagant gifts either."

He wants to protest. Instead he grits his mouth and continues listening to his mother in silence.

"If you really want to give her something, give her something that has meaning, something from the heart. Something she will honor just as much as you do. Do you have that?"

He thinks for a while about it. Leia stays patient on the other end of the line as he does.

Ben's not sure if he should say it.

Or if he has any right to.

He could potentially be crossing a line.

"Mom… How do you feel about a transfer of representatives?"

 

SUNDAY

Rey was at his apartment the next afternoon. She pounded on his door furiously and when he opened up, she pushed past him throwing a bunch of questions his way as she paced back and forth the space of his living room.

Even with her wild pacing she didn’t seem angry. She was shocked, and confused. 

Ben wanted nothing more than to soothe her disbelief.

But if she needed to get out what she was feeling, he’d give her that too. His mother’s advice was all too easy to adhere too. Let her be comfortable. If she’s going through something, let her figure it out.

She held up a file folder in her hand and pointed it at him. Ben knew what was in it. The documents inside held papers for the most important account at his firm. An account up until today he took care of personally.

Now it was Rey’s account. 

“What did you do?!”

“I got a visit from Mitaka earlier,”

"You gave me the new Alderaan account? Your mom’s account?!”

“I don’t understand.”

He repeats what Leia said to him. 

“I wanted to give you something that mattered to me. Something I knew that you would take care of just as I did.”

Rey’s panic lessens and her shoulders slumped. She looked like she was about to cry. 

“Why?” Is all she can ask.

“I had to do something. I thought… I thought things were going to change between us, then I took you that restaurant... I’m sorry, Rey. I never wanted you to be uncomfortable.”

For the first time since the date, Rey smiled. Not the smile she wears at work when talking to clients and coworkers. An honest, genuine, Rey smile. 

Then she dropped the file on his coffee table, grabbed him, and kissed him.

His world tilted on its axis. His head was spinning. A warmth spread through his body. Her lips were soft and Rey had to push up on her feet to reach him, forcing him to put his arms around her back to hold her up.

Time ceased to exist and when she pulled back from him, he held onto her tightly, not wanting to let her go and she touched her forehead with his.

Bliss. This is what true, pure bliss felt like.

“Ben… I’m the one who is sorry. We’ve lived different lives. You grew up with a means I didn’t. Being in that restaurant with you I felt out of place, yes, but I didn’t feel like I was good enough to be in your world. I felt like I would eventually embarrass you.”

She continued on to tell him the reasons why she became distant, choosing to do so first before he could decide to run. At least then it would’ve been a clean break. She couldn’t have bared it if he walked away from her. Having his friendship already meant the world to her. That and she secretly loved when he gave her all of those gifts; for once in her life, it was nice to be taken care of for a change.  

“Rey, if you’ll allow me I’ll take care of you every day for as long as you’ll have me.”

“As will I.”

They kissed again.

“Happy Birthday, Rey. I love you.”

“I know.”