Chapter Text
Everyone has something they need. Something which keeps them sane, keeps them thriving, keeps them going on the correct path. For some people it's their pet. For some it's a toy. For some, their family.
But for Dean Winchester it was his best friend, Castiel Novak. They had met when they were only tiny babies, but from that day onward, they were inseparable and as they grew, so did their bond. Every adult who knew them knew one thing, they were more than friends, they were made for each other. But they were only young, so they called what they felt for each other "best friends". It was the biggest understatement in all of history.
***
"Come onnnn Cas, let's go to the park!" Dean called. It was a beautiful sunny day, the best they had all summer, and a mixture of sunny weather and 8 year old energy meant that Dean just couldn't sit still. He already had green sparks jumping from his fingers and he wasn't even trying.
Castiel Novak, Dean's best friend, was the complete opposite of Dean. While Dean was loud, he was quiet. While Dean was Hyper, he was calm. While Dean always liked being the centre of attention, he was quite happy sitting back and watching. While Dean would often accidentally spark with magic, Cas had a much tighter control over his. So tight that only Dean actually knew what colour it was.
With all the differences, no one could quite tell why they worked so well. You would think that their friendship would just end up with Castiel being walked all over and forgotten by Dean, but instead they balanced each other out. Castiel made Dean sit still and quiet every now and then, and Dean helped Castiel be more confident and outgoing.
Overall they really were made for each other.
"Calm down Dean." Castiel replied, ignoring the green sparks which were jumping onto his paper; he knew they couldn't burn unless Dean wanted them to and he would never purposefully burn Cas' work. "I just want to finish my drawing, then we can go."
"But we've been drawing all morning! Can't we go out and enjoy the sun yet!" Dean complained, his voice high with youth.
"Ok, one moment." Castiel relented, just like he always did, before he started packing away his pencils and art supplies.
Castiel loved drawing, Dean didn't like it as much, but he was happy to sit and draw for a morning if it made Cas happy. Obviously, even he had a limit, especially on the hottest day of summer. Personally he preferred sports and whenever he wanted to play, Cas would always play with him, even though he didn't really enjoy it as much.
What were you drawing?" Dean asked.
"Oh, it doesn't matter." Cas said dismissively.
"Yes it does!" Dean said, before grabbing Cas' sketchbook, careful not to crease it at all. He took one look and froze, "Cas? Is this me?" He asked shocked. It was so good! It looked just like him, frown lines from staring too hard at his own drawing and all. Cas had even somehow managed to get his eyes the right colour, Dean could feel the glare he had been sending to his messed up cat from here!
Cas looked up startled, "Yes, it is. I know it's not the best but -"
"Cas this is amazing!" Dean cut him off "it looks just like me!" He held up his own picture with a grimace, "look, I can't even draw a cat correctly and you can draw that!"
Cas blushed, the red tint making his blue eyes look even bluer. "If you like it so much, you can have it."
"Really!" Dean asked, shocked, having to drag himself away from drowning in Cas' blue crystals which people called eyes.
"Yes, but it's not finished yet! You can't have it until it's finished."
Dean nodded, suddenly serious. "I promise I won't take it until it's finished."
Castiel laughed at his friends tone, before standing up "come on, weren't we going to the park?"
Dean's face suddenly brightened as he stood up as well, rushing down the stairs in a flurry of movement and sparks, and grabbing his shoes to pull them on, excited about finally getting out into the sun.
Cas walked down the stairs in a much calmer manner, pulling his shoes on carefully but still smiling widely.
Dean was about to complain, to tell Cas to hurry up, but the smile on Cas' face was enough to shut him up. He could wait a couple of minutes for Cas.
"Who's coming with us?" He asked, already bouncing with the urge to be outside.
"Umm… I think Gabriel said he would come as long as Mum gave him ice cream money for all of us." Cas said, unsure.
Dean hoped it was Gabriel. Cas' older brother was lots of fun and, to make matters even better, he nearly always got them sweets or ice cream while they were out.
"Sup losers." Gabriel said with not even a hint of malice in his tone, appearing from the kitchen, golden magic crackling around his fingers as the illusion of a rabbit hopped after him. A wave of his fingers caused the rabbit to collapse into a shower of sparks as he grabbed his shoes. "I have ice cream money and a curfew, lets go."
Dean laughed as he opened the door and they quickly walked to the park; they all just wanted to get there and make the most of the sun, while it was still around.
The park was beautiful, especially in the middle of summer. The sun shone brightly, bathing the bright green grass in light and making it seem even brighter. Sometimes Cas would joke and say that on days like today, the green of the grass was almost beautiful enough to rival Dean's eyes, Dean would always just blush and look away before muttering something about how Cas was one to talk, with his blue eyes which made the sea and the sky look grey. The flowers were in full bloom, making the ever beautiful borders look even more beautiful, and the play park section was full of children, teenagers and adults, either making the most of the equipment or just sitting on benches chatting. Dean waved at a couple of the boys he knew from school who were playing on the swings, but didn't stop to say hi, he was here to play with Cas, not those boys. The sky was bright and cloudless above the park, but on the very horizon there were some dark clouds. They were large, dark and foreboding but did nothing to disrupt the airy joy in the area. It was clearly going to thunderstorm later on, that was all, everyone had plenty of time to enjoy the sun before that happened.
As soon as they found a place to settle, Gabriel turned to the two younger boys, "ice cream first or games first?" He asked, a faux serious look on his face.
"Ice cream!" Dean and Cas yelled at the same time, synchronised as ever.
Gabriel chuckled as he walked to the ice cream truck, returning a few minutes later with 3 flake 99's.
"Here we go." He said. "Ice cream for you." He handed Cas his, "and for you," an ice cream to Dean "and to me!" He said, miming handing himself an ice cream "thank you me."
"Thanks Gabe" Cas said, licking his ice cream
"Thank you Gabriel." Dean said, nibbling his flake.
Dean smiled, content, the grass was warm where he had sat down on it, his best friend was next to him and he had an ice cream. Could life get any better?
Today just couldn't go wrong.
"Come on then." Gabriel said once they had finished their ice creams "what are we playing today."
Cas gave Dean a meaningful look and he laughed "hide and seek!"
Gabriel nodded, not surprised, it was the two friends favourite game. Gabriel had been roped into playing more games of hide and seek this summer than most people played in their entire lives.
"You're counting first! Remember, no magic!" Cas said, pointing at Gabe.
Gabriel sighed but didn't argue, they had been making him promise not to use magic for ages - ever since he magicked up a dog to sniff Cas and Dean out that one time - he quickly put his hands over his eyes and counting "1, 2, 3, 4,....."
Cas and Dean ran quickly, looking for a good enough hiding spot from the older boy. "Quick, in here." Dean said, ducking under a tree canopy, "we'll be able to climb this tree." Dean was good at climbing trees, he'd been climbing them since he was tall enough to grab the lowest branches and he just felt so free when he was up there. He felt so safe, far out of the grounds reach and up where the birds flew.
Cas smiled but shook his head "we can't hide in the same place," he said, like it was obvious and it was Dean who was being silly even suggesting it. "I'll go hide just over here." And with that he turned around, running back the way he came, determination filling his gaze as he tried to find a hiding place.
Dean wanted to argue, he had a bad feeling about this, but it was just hide and seek so he nodded and started up the tree.
"19, 20!" Dean heard, "ready or not here I come!"
That signalled Gabriel coming, Dean ducked low in his tree, making sure Gabe wouldn't be able to see him moving.
"What are you doing?" Dean heard Gabe yell, "get away from him!"
Dean shook his head, that dirty tactic wouldn't work today, he wasn't going to come running only to get caught. To be fair, Gabe had never tried to do it before, but it was an age old tactic. Dean remembered the time the other children at a party had tried to make him lose sleeping lions by saying there was cake. There wasn't actually. The cake wasn't served until later.
"Cas no!" This caught Dean's attention, the bad feeling in his gut had only multiplied and he was starting to think something bad was happening. He quickly jumped down from his tree and ran into the open, deciding that even if he did get caught it would be worth it to make sure Cas was ok.
He was out just in time to see a man holding a limp Cas. The man's face was covered and he was running in the opposite direction. The dark clouds had somehow come closer in the time Dean had been hiding and they were now right there, blocking the sun and bathing the entire park in a gloomy, grey glow.
"CAS!" he yelled seeing Cas' eyes flutter "Cas no!" His childish green sparks flickered out, but the distance was too long and he was too weak, too young, he couldn’t save Cas. Dean watched as Cas wiggled slightly but he was too weak, the man's grip too strong. Dean felt his heart break even more, the further the man carried Cas away from him. He saw Cas' eyes open just a little, a slit of brilliant blue met Dean's green gaze before slipping back closed.
Dean saw Gabriel sprinting after them, sparking golden with his magic, illusions appearing out of thin air and running with him, but the man ran into the woods and disappeared from view. It would be easy for him to get away from there, no one would be able to tell where he went.
"Dean stay right there, I'll get him back!" Gabriel yelled over his shoulder as he - and his illusions - disappeared beyond the tree line. At almost the exact moment Gabe disappeared from view, the heavens opened and the rain started to fall. In the corner of his mind Dean was shocked by how quickly the clouds had covered the sky, but the majority of his mind was focused on how quickly Cas had gone.
One moment everything was fine, the next everything was going wrong.
Dean stood there. He could feel the tears start to slip down his face and he knew he must be crackling with green energy. He could barely control the sparks on a good day, when he was emotional he had no chance. Stupid him, if he had just gotten Cas to join him up the tree Cas would be fine. If he had chosen any other game, Cas would be fine. If he had believed Gabe and come to investigate faster, then Cas would be fine.
If he hadn't been so desperate to get out into the sun, and they had just stayed inside, drawing, Cas would be fine.
Stupid, stupid him.
Five minutes later, Gabriel appeared from the tree line, with no Cas. He was crying as he grabbed Dean's hand, "we need to get home, tell my parents Cas has been kidnapped, tell the police, they will find him." Gabe muttered between his sobs.
Dean couldn't help but notice that Gabe didn't seem to believe his own words, the uncontrolled, golden sparks surrounding the boy suggesting that he was as close to collapsing as Dean himself was.
*
Dean shot up in bed, gasping in lungs full of oxygen. His room was filled with green power and he knew that if he could be bothered to look, every plant in his room would be in full bloom, no matter whether it was out of season for the plant. It was a dream, it was all a dream.
He clutched a hand to his chest, trying to calm his racing heart and even out his breathing. He was crying, he knew that, but he couldn't find it in himself to care. It was dark, no one could see or hear him, and he had just dreamed about his best friend vanishing.
It was a dream. He was in his bed, in his house, in a completely different state to where his dream was set. It was a dream.
But the ache in his chest wasn't.
The ache which had been present since that day, ten years ago, when Cas disappeared. Since the one thing keeping him sane, left his life.
"Cas," he whispered to the silence of the night "I wish- I wish you were back - no, that's never going to happen," he reminded himself, amending it to, "I wish I didn't need you so damn much," another sigh, "but it's not like that's ever going to happen, everyone knows I need you, I've always needed you."
Dean wasn't religious, hadn't been since he had lost his best friend, but Cas was named after an angel, and he was the only angel Dean would ever even think about praying too.
Dean had been having that dream practically every night since it happened, but it was the only time he saw Cas' face so - despite how crazy he knew it made him seem - he didn't want it to stop.
His family had suggested he went to a therapist and he had, for a bit, but they couldn't help, not really, the only thing that could help was Cas coming back.
Dean sighed, flopping back onto his back. He turned his head, 3:02 his clock said; he wasn't surprised. He woke up around 3am like clockwork, always from the same dream. It would be a nightmare, except for the bit at the start, that made it a dream.
He closed his eyes, if he could get back to sleep then he may be able to get up tomorrow - today - without looking like a zombie.
Yeah right!
Like every other day, he got up in the morning, looking exactly like a zombie.