Chapter Text
Chapter 1
Nice Eyes
Black and blue surrounded the sky together with dots of white falling from it. Houses and plains are consumed by the whiteness of snow, and everyone started wearing cloaks, jackets and the like as soon as the temperature went down. Lanterns are lit and decorations with shades of red and green are put. The little children went out and made snowmen with a big smile on their faces, some adults even joining them in the fun. Teenagers brought their skating shoes to a frozen pond and built fortresses to protect themselves from incoming snow balls. Every household is busy preparing their best meals, some even knocking on their neighbors’ doors to share what they’ve cooked. Winter has arrived, and everyone is more than ready to enjoy the cold.
Looking up from her book, Elsa seems contented, staring at her window coated with frost. With a smile on her face, she wiped the frost off of it and peered outside. Her deep blue eyes glowed with yellow as it caught the light of a nearby car, squinting at its brightness. As the light disappeared, her gaze went to the kids wearing knitted gloves and beanies building what seems to be a snow castle. She giggled when the older child raised her fists in the air with the younger one dropping on the ground, remembering Anna and herself doing the same thing when they were younger. The thought of her sister made her slightly frown. She missed Anna so much, but she’s busy with their father’s company, being the CEO and all. She invited her and her fiancé Kristoff over her place to celebrate Christmas together, but with the amount of work on Anna’s shoulders, she declined, apologizing and promising to celebrate with her next year. Elsa understood her as she was once in that position. Having anxiety from feeling left out in her school days and depression from the loss of their parents, she decided to give Anna the position when she turned 21, knowing too well that she can handle it better. She is still under medication, trying her best to remain calm despite the insecurities swirling in her mind.
“Elsa, hey.”
Elsa snapped back from her trance of thoughts and looked to her father figure, Destin. The tall dark man stood there with his arms folded, leaning beside the frame of the kitchen entrance. She blinked, not knowing what to say. He approached her, placing his hand on her shoulder with a worried look.
“Is there something bothering you?” Destin asked, his voice deep and caring. Elsa let out a sigh, implying to the man that there is something going on with her mind again.
“Is it about Anna?” Elsa looked away then slowly nodded, tears starting to form in her eyes. Destin knew about Anna’s situation in the company when she called him a few nights earlier, and obviously, it made the older sister feel alone and sad.
“Shh, I’m here. You will be celebrating Christmas with me,” he comforted her, preventing Elsa from getting more anxious, “You won’t be alone, okay? Now, dear, breathe in, hold, and then out. Don’t let it control you.”
Elsa bit her lip and stared to him, inhaling deeply and holding it for a while before exhaling. She repeated until she calmed down, closing her eyes to rest her mind. A few seconds and she opened it, seeing the man smiling at her with much love that her heart warmed a bit. She returned the smile, but not as warm as his. The man rubbed his thumb on Elsa’s shoulder before removing his hand then patted her head.
“I am your guardian, it’s my job to check on you. Don’t be sad now, okay?”
Elsa breathed deeply once again; this time more relaxed. She gave him the sweetest smile, showing her thanks for always being there for her. Destin pinched the bridge of his nose and folded his arms, the smile never leaving his face. Something vibrated in his pocket, and checking on it, he saw a message and read it. His expression changed into something more serious, but the hint of happiness is still there. He put his phone back in the pocket and faced a confused Elsa.
“I gotta go, dear. HQ stuff. I will be back tomorrow morning. Take care, okay? Text me if you need me,” he told her in the fastest way possible. The matter is probably urgent which explains why he sped off after giving her a quick hug and took the keys to their car. He hanged his uniform on his shoulders and went out, but stopped at the exit. He looked back and waved at her to which the woman returned. Her eyes lingered on the door as it closed, leaving her alone with nothing but her book, scarf and the lit fireplace. After a few moments, she shifted her gaze on the book she was reading, finding for the last word she read, but she already lost focus, so she decided to put the bookmark on the page and close it, sighing as she wonders how hard it is for Destin to balance his responsibilities to her and the police headquarters. He didn’t have to volunteer as Elsa’s caretaker when she was diagnosed as he has his own job as a lieutenant, but he did anyway, and she is very grateful. He even stayed with her when Anna left for their company, knowing that Elsa won’t be able to cope with it on her own. Destin helped her with managing her attacks, although at times her control would slip out of her hand. She smiled, appreciating the things the older man has done to her.
Elsa thought of what she can do while Destin is not around. She thought of going to the balcony and marvel on the snow, so she went upstairs, the scarf her mother gave her being the only garment that could keep her from freezing. She didn’t bother turning on the heater as she is used to the cold and stood there, facing the neighborhood. She placed her elbows on the railings and leaned forward, giving her a better look of the place. It’s the usual peaceful, only except it felt more alive because of the spirit of Christmas coming near. She breathed through her nose and inhaled the fresh air, something she enjoyed doing ever since she moved in. She peered at the moon, amazed by how round it is. People are most probably so happy here.
It’s her first time to celebrate Christmas in Northuldra residence – she moved in a few months ago after she gave up her job as CEO and transferred it to her sister. It was her own decision to live there, away from their residence in Arendelle, to clear her mind and give her space to continue her medications without distractions. Anna sometimes visits, asking her sister for advice about the company and other stuff only sisters can talk about. She would rant for hours about Kristoff giving their dog Sven a stupid voice and pretends that he can hear in his mind what the animal was saying, to which the older woman would laugh at, amused with her sister’s annoyance. Sometimes Anna would bring him with her for family game night – playing charades and other games – together with Olaf, their youngest sibling. Olaf, despite being 12 years old, always wins at charades because he’s just too good at acting. In contrary, Elsa never won charades as she is really bad at it, even with Anna helping her. It’s not a big deal for her – she already accepted that she sucked at that game. At least she can beat everyone at Scrabble and chess.
“Gah!” A loud crash from the ground together with the sound of something breaking strikes Elsa’s ear, retracting her arms in surprise from the railing and turning her body to where it came from. Wide-eyed, she saw a dark-haired woman about her age sitting on the rough floor, elbows supporting her body and legs splayed with a pained expression on her face. She can’t seem to stand up, probably slipping from black snow. The woman grunted loud enough for Elsa to hear, drooping her head backwards.
“Ugh, damn it.”
Elsa, being the shy girl that she is, hesitated on going down and help her, but her anxiety whispered to her mind. She doesn’t need help. You’ll only make her feel worse. She tried pushing the voice at the back of her head, but then noticed the woman finally standing up and rubbed her hands and clothes covered by dirt. Elsa watched as she looked around and approached a bicycle that she hasn’t noticed first hand. The woman stopped on her tracks and widened her eyes at something that was in front of their house. She turned her head frantically, panicking, and finally found Elsa on the balcony which made Elsa panic too. The woman opened her mouth, then closed, then opened again, thinking of something to say. After a few attempts, she finally spoke.
“Uhm, I’m sorry for uh… breaking your plant pot!” she said in a volume audible for Elsa. The blonde stood there, out of words, staring at the girl’s features. Scared, the woman took her bicycle and rode off the streets, yelling that she’ll replace it tomorrow before completely disappearing in the dark of the night. She stared at where the woman went off, shocked. Her mouth was slightly open, and her mind is swirling with thoughts once again. You scared her. You are the worst. Elsa closed her eyes tightly, bringing her hands to her ears to block the voices from whispering to her, but it only gets louder the harder she tries. She shook her head and went back inside, her hands colder and her lips quivering. She went straight to her room and gripped the edge of her mother’s scarf for comfort, and it somehow worked. She let out silent tears, feeling useless and insecure for not helping the woman earlier and not responding to her when she spoke. Despite Destin giving her instructions to text him when something bad happens, she didn’t mind to even open her phone and look for his number. She cried and cried until her consciousness slipped away from her.
~*~*~*~
It was already late when Elsa woke up from a heavy sleep – heavier than her chest when she cried out of anxiety last night. She sat up, the scarf sliding off her shoulders, and rubbed her eyes, still feeling the tiredness of it. She checked her phone for any messages only to find one from Destin, saying that he had to stay in the headquarters for another day.
From: Destin Mattias
Sorry for leaving again without telling you. HQ needs me because they’re stupid to work on their own. Cooked breakfast before I left and cleaned the mess outside. Make sure to drink meds before doing anything. Love you.
P.S. I know you cried last night. We’ll talk about it when I get home.
Elsa groaned at the last sentence. She checked her pillow and understood how Destin found out. The pillow was full of wet patches, the kind that doesn’t look like drool stain. She pressed on her temple and stoop up slowly, massaging it as she walked down to the dining room. A plate of eggs, bacon and bread is placed in the middle of a round wooden table with a glass of water and her pills beside it, a piece of banana on the other side. She smiled at the sweetness of her friend who she treated as a father. She sat down on a chair and began to eat, placing her phone on her right, facing up for any incoming notifications. She finished her meal in a matter of minutes and chugged on the glass of water after putting a tablet in her mouth. It has become her habit to drink her antidepressants in the morning so she won’t have a problem of getting a panic attack later in the afternoon. Wiping her mouth with a napkin, she brought her plate and glass on the sink and washed it, relieved with the water running on her hands. It’s cold, just like the night breeze, a temperature Elsa loves the most. As cold as your heart. She frowned at the voice, focusing on the plate she was holding on the water for a long time before putting it on the dryer.
The pale-skinned blonde went upstairs to the balcony to observe the neighborhood again. The brownish colors of Northuldra emerged clearly under the light of the sun, complementing the whiteness of the snow and the blackness of the streets in between. The once bright roofs turned pale with the ever-increasing ice on top of them, like shaved cream on an edible cone. People wore thick colorful jackets, bonnets and gloves, trying their best to cover all skin and heat themselves. One middle-aged man went out with a bucket of water assumed to be hot from the steam escaping from it and threw it in front of his car. The way the snow melted at the touch of the water satisfied Elsa so much that she stared at it until all snow is gone from it. She looked around to feed her eyes, a dark-haired woman catching her attention. Her light brown fur jacket and hairy bonnet is something peculiar for her. Her boots are as dark as a bark from a tree, and her belt looks like a thick rope wrapped around her waist. Despite the distance, she can still see something shining from her chest, like a pendant, and her slightly tanned face. Her skin color is dark compared to Elsa’s but not as dark as Destin’. A beautiful color, she thought. She admired the woman for her fashion sense which is inspired from nature’s colors and imagined herself wearing the same color of clothes as she approaches her house and-
Look, she is approaching you.
Elsa’s eyes widened when she realized that the woman she was admiring is already in front of her mini-garden, looking directly at her, a plant pot in hand. She furrowed her brows in confusion, not understanding why a stranger would offer such. The woman looked away, gulping nervously, before looking back and talked.
“Uh, hey… I-I’m the girl last night… the one who broke one of your pots…?” the statement sounded more like a question to her. Elsa squinted her eyebrows, and then she remembered. It’s the girl you didn’t help because you’re so scared. She bit her lip to ignore the voice.
“I came back to, uh, replace it because I think you’re mad with me and I’m sorry for, yeah, breaking the pot and a-also for running off. God, this is so embarrassing,” the dark-haired woman rambled, the last sentence coming off like a whisper to herself. Elsa can’t help but to smile a little at the awkward woman, who in turn scratched the back of her neck. She knew it is best to go down to her and take the pot, so she signaled the woman to wait for her and went to her doorstep downstairs, opening multitudes of locks and chains. As she opened the door, the girl stood there, a sheepish smile on her face, her shoulders tense and her eyebrows knitted together. Elsa wanted to smile, but she doesn’t feel the need to do so. Her eyes caught the shining object she saw earlier, and it was indeed a gold hexagonal pendant with strings crossing each other to hold a smaller piece in the middle, something similar to a dream catcher excluding the feathers. She looked up, and she was more surprised to see two brown orbs staring back at her, much more beautiful than the pendant itself. The woman’s eyes glowed a lighter shade with the light of the fireplace striking it, making it seem like balls of fire consuming wood. She stared at them with such amazement, and she can’t seem to remove her intense gaze at her.
Stop staring, fool. The pot is waiting for you.
Elsa blinked and straightened up. She immediately took the pot, stepped back and shut the door before the woman could even say a word. She leaned her back on the door and hugged the pot to her chest, not minding the dirt that might stick on her clothes. You really suck at interacting with people. That’s why no one liked you. She shut her eyes and breathed a little deeper than usual, calming down after exhaling. Curious, she turned the knob and opened her door slightly, peeking through the crack, checking if the girl was still there. She’s gone, much to her relief. She looked at the pot on her hands holding a plant, greener compared to the plants outside. She sighed, going outside completely and placing the pot to where the original once stood. She took the sprinkler just beside another pot and watered all the plants, a thing she enjoyed doing ever since she lived there. When done, she went back inside, her eyes watching the new pot as she remembered the brown of its body to be almost the same with that woman’s eyes.
I wish I had nice eyes like her, she thought to herself, shrugging slightly.