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They keep saying you were sold out by a teammate. You can’t remember which one.
You keep trying and trying to remember, to think, who would sell you out, and you keep thinking of the moment you were arrested. How you looked up and saw…all of them. Far above the police, on the top of the casino, untouchable. Looking down at you. All safe, because you’d taken the fall.
The answer can’t be all of them, though. That’s…they wouldn’t do that. They’re your friends. Some of them (most of them, all of them, but–) are like family.
Just like the friends and family you had before your first arrest. When Sae tells you again that you were sold out, her red eyes boring into you, you think again of them on the rooftop, looking down as you were arrested again, not one of them moving to try to save you.
They must have had a good reason.
You can’t remember it, though.
Their gazes seem so cold in your mind’s eye.
Sae offers you the chance to save yourself at their expense, just like they saved themselves at yours. It’s tempting. It’s really tempting. They abandoned and hurt you. Now you can hurt them back and help yourself.
Igor told you to remember your bonds, though, and you’ve been trying. The weakest bond would be with the one who sold you out, right? Sae asks again for a name, impatient, and you close your eyes, your lips pursing, looking through your memory once more.
All of them looked so distant on that rooftop. No one tried to help you.
But…when you try to decide who is most guilty, who you should name first…you can’t.
You love them all.
If they decided that you should take the fall so they could be safe…then it hurts. Of course it hurts. It’s agony.
But you can’t bring yourself to lash back at them. Maybe they had the right idea, anyway. You were the one without a future.
“You won’t name any of your teammates,” Sae pushes one last time, exasperation spilling from her mouth. She’s going to leave if you don’t give her something. She’s going to leave and those men will come back. They’ll beat you again and this isn’t the Metaverse, you can’t heal yourself, you’re going to die, you don’t know why you’re so sure of that but you are, you’re going to die, give her a name.
Will they die if you name them?
You don’t remember. Every last name is held tight in your throat. Your eyes are stinging but your mouth stays clamped shut as you shake your head.
She sighs. Mentions that it’s only a matter of time before they crack your phone, anyway.
…There was something important about the phone. “Show it, to…”
…You don’t remember, but there’s only one person with the police you’d want to see your phone, right? Sae seems to reach the same conclusion. “To him?” She pauses for a moment, but she takes the phone.
And she leaves. And you’re going to die. And you can’t remember why, but you’re sure enough of how this ends that you start to shake, tears splashing on the table until the cold barrel of a gun presses against your forehead and tilts your face back up so the tears run the long way down your cheeks instead.
Oh. So he’s the one who sold you out.
You think you already knew. But is there a point in piecing back your memory when it’s about to get blown out with the rest of your brain?
Akechi pulls the trigger. The gun fires. You die, you live–it’s all a matter of cognition.
Igor congratulates you for your ‘tremendous plan’. “Though to think that in the end, you relied so heavily on sentiment…”
It wasn’t supposed to be that way. You remember now. It would have been pointless to have given Sae any of your friends’ names, and they didn’t sell you out. Shame for even considering her deal floods you when your friends gather around you the next day, so proud of the part you played in the Phantom Thieves’ greatest scheme, so angry for the bruises covering your body, so ready to take on the man giving Akechi orders.
You love them, and it’s so obvious they love you. So you want to ask them why they looked at you so coldly as you were arrested, but you don’t, because you know the only thing keeping them back was the plan. You wonder if they’d still be celebrating if they only had Shido’s name and not you, if you were in the morgue, but that’s such an ugly thing to say when they put so much thought into the gamble. You smirk along with Yusuke praising how you were surely calm and collected when you were drugged stupid and ready to be murdered. Both Sojiro and Sae look uncomfortable as he talks, but when Sae moves to say something you look right at her and give her a thin smile, a crack in your swollen face to tell her to shut up. She does. She knows keeping quiet benefits her as well. Does she want to tell everyone what a mess you were? She'd look just as bad for being the one who interrogated you in that state. Better to let Yusuke keep his own image of events. You love the picture he paints. The truth would just mar it, and then how would he look at you? Only with disgust.