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It should be such a small thing. Just another day. Not a big deal.
A few weeks back, though, this would have been unfathomable. As it is, there are still days that Dan can’t quite believe he ended up here, in this situation.
A situation that currently includes him sitting on a stool in Phil’s kitchen, scrolling through his social media accounts while Phil, PJ and Angie hover around Phil’s computer talking about something related to Caves and Gardens.
He’s trying not to listen. Really. He wants to play the game without any preconceived expectations. But Phil has already bounced some thoughts off of him, so going in completely spoiler free is out of the question anyway. So if a stray word or two registers in his brain, he’s not going to complain. But it doesn’t sound like they’re talking about the finer points of the main storyline. Actually, for the most part it sounds like administrative stuff which isn’t quite as interesting now that the veil of secrecy has been lifted.
He can hear PJ saying something about “one or two more.” Dan shakes his head and goes back to tumblr. He reblogs a few posts and answers some asks. He’s still working his way through what his fandom experience needs to look like now. It’s different - being secretly in the know, but watching as his friends speculate about Seagull, Triangle Noses and Irregular Symbol; listening to Morgan fangirl about the DMs she received about playtesting, knowing he’d been sitting there when Angie typed them out. Sometimes it’s just one step past surreal.
“...falldelight, maybe.” PJ is speaking softly, but Morgan’s user name piques Dan’s interest once again and he inadvertantly turns his head towards the group.
“Or what about Dan?” Angie asks Phil.
Phil turns his head to look at Dan before Dan can catch himself and turn away, so he lifts his eyebrows in silent question.
Phil coughs, the discomfort evident in the sudden change to his body language. “Uh…”
Dan feels his face start to burn as all three sets of eyes turn to stare at him. “I wasn’t listening. I just heard my name,” he catches his lower lip between his teeth, still aware that he always feels like he’s trying to prove his trustworthiness to PJ.
“They want to know if you want to be another play tester,” Phil answers the unspoken question. But Dan can see on his face, the question he’s truly asking of Dan is something completely different.
“We have four people now. The three contest winners that you saw and someone else who’s been helping us out on occasion. But we were thinking maybe one or two more would be good. If you’re interested, that is. Phil said you’re a big fan of the game,” Angie added.
Dan swallowed and nodded. “Yeah, definitely. A fan, I mean,” he added hastily, realizing that it could sound like he was interested in play testing. Which he was, of course. Excited beyond belief. Except that he was already doing that. He was the ‘someone else’ who’d been helping them. They just didn’t know it. Or, at least, Angie and PJ didn’t know it.
“I’m, um,” Dan glanced to Phil for reassurance.
The shrug in return was imperceptible if you weren’t looking for it. Phil was supporting his decision, whatever it was. The decision was Dan’s to make.
“Phil already asked me to play test.”
“What?” PJ looked at Phil now, some unspoken words quickly passing between them. Dan thought he even looked a bit upset.
“No, not like… not like that.” Dan quickly intervened.
“Not like what?” PJ turned back to face Dan.
“I mean, he asked me weeks ago. You know, before he knew I was me. Before I knew who he was.”
Dan watched as confusion first, then dawning passed across the faces of both Angie and PJ.
“You’re Chrome?” Angie asked, the disbelief evident in her tone.
Dan shrugged, a half smile forming on his lips.
“You knew about this?” PJ asked Phil, eyes wide and incredulous. Dan wasn’t sure which was worse - PJ thinking Phil had done something without their consent, or this.
But Phil was calm and confident, and didn’t waver under PJ’s stare. “It wasn’t my place to tell you, Peej. This was his story to tell. Not mine.”
It settled the nerves that were fluttering about in Dan’s stomach.
PJ squinted his eyes at Phil, but nodded curtly as though he understood. When he looked back at Dan, though, there was still something simmering behind his eyes that Dan hadn’t expected. It almost looked like hurt, maybe confusion, and definitely a little bit of anger. When PJ finally spoke, though, his voice was neutral, hardly giving away exactly what was going through his head. “So all this time you were Chrome?”
Dan just nodded, unsure of how to respond.
“And you still want us to believe you didn’t know who he was?”
PJ wasn’t shouting, but the accusation stung just the same.
“Don’t do that, PJ.” Phil’s tone was stern but calm as he turned to address PJ directly. “He didn’t know who I was. You know he didn’t know.”
PJ’s eyes flicked over to Dan, and Dan saw them soften slightly, though the tension in the room was still palpable.
“Phil…” PJ started then stopped, his shoulders slumping ever so slightly.
“It’s not the same situation. Don’t make it the same situation. Please. This means a lot to me,” Phil pleaded gently, moving his hand to rest lightly on PJ’s forearm.
Dan looked back and forth between Phil, PJ and Angie.
Suddenly Angie started to laugh, immediately breaking the tension, and three heads turned in her direction. “Sorry, sorry,” she stuttered. “It’s just… Dan’s like the biggest fan in all of the Fall Whisperer universe and he and Phil somehow managed to find each other.” She shook her head, a smile still playing across her lips as though she was the only one in on the joke. “Phil always said you were the only person who got it. I guess it makes sense that he found you in the real world.”
Dan and Phil shared a knowing smile.
“Well, that doesn’t solve the problem of who else can play test,” PJ noted. He offered Dan a small smile. A peace offering, Dan supposed. He still looked resigned, and maybe a little hurt, but the anger was gone from his tone.
“I mean, I could probably make some suggestions for you. If you wanted that,” Dan offered.
“We were going to ask you to join the team. As a paid employee. Help out around the forums and servers. Things like that. You know the users and they trust and respect you.” Angie offered up a smile of her own followed by a dramatic eye roll causing Dan to bark out a laugh.
“Did Seagull and Chrome ever get around to discussing that job offer before you lot took up with each other?” Angie continued, throwing out a pointed look at Phil who just shrugged sheepishly.
“He won’t do it. He says it would be weird since he’s my... boyfriend an all.”
Angie and PJ just snickered while Dan started blushing profusely. It was the first time either of them had said it to anyone other than each other.
“He said he’d help out, though,” Phil moved on smoothly, giving Dan a quick shoulder bump of reassurance.
“Hey…” PJ jumped in suddenly, causing both Dan and Phil to jump, “you’re friends with falldelight. Like, you actually know her.”
“Not catching feelings, my arse, mate,” Angie scoffed from the other side of the room where she’d wandered off to refill her drink.
“She’s fucking talented, is all,” PJ replied, ignoring Angie’s exaggerated eye rolling.
Dan laughed, “Yeah, she really is. Do you want me to introduce you?”
“Does she know?” Angie asked.
Dan shook his head. “I haven’t told them anything. I would never betray anyone’s trust like that,” he shot a meaningful glance at PJ who had the decency to look a bit contrite. “I mean, Morgan knows about Phil, but not that he’s at all connected to Fall Whisperer.”
Angie nodded, seemingly satisfied.
“Falldelight’s name is Morgan?”
“Oh my God, PJ. Just ask Dan for her number already.” Angie threw a pillow at PJ’s head for emphasis.
“I reckon I’ll just have to ask my date tonight if he minds that.”
“Another date?” Phil asked. “Same guy?”
PJ nodded, a grin erupting across his face for emphasis.
“When is he coming here for the stamp of approval, then?” Angie asked.
“Never. I’m not introducing him to you lot.”
Dan took a deep breath. He loved this. Minor crises with PJ aside, he loved the friendship the three of them had. He loved that he was being included, even if they were wary at times. He understood all of that, and he was willing to accept it. For him. For Phil. For every time he turned his back on himself.
His phone dinged with a message. “Speak of the devil,” Dan said, waving his phone in PJ’s direction.
“I’m so jealous right now. You have no idea.”
“Oh, I think we have some idea,” Phil quipped.
Dan and Angie giggled.
“Well, I’m off to get ready for my ‘not with Morgan slash falldelight’ date tonight. You lot behave.”
“And I’m heading home to give baby a rest here. I’ll catch up with you tomorrow, yeah?” Angie asked Phil who just nodded.
Dan waved bye to Angie and nodded to PJ as he ducked back into his room.
“Are you okay?” Phil asked Dan once they were alone in the lounge.
“Yeah, I think so. I don’t know what I was expecting, but I guess that went well enough.”
“I’m sorry PJ got a little accusative.”
Dan shrugged, “I mean, I get it. He’s protective, you know?”
Phill nodded. “I love you.”
Dan cocked his head to the side and gave Phil the once over. “Oh yeah? You gonna show me just how much?”
Phil just grabbed his hand and yanked him into the bedroom in response.