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Optimus knew just what he was giving up when he opened the Matrix to Unicron's core. The concentrated light of Primus, added to by the Sparks of the Thirteen minus one, and by every Prime who held it, would take everything he had given it to hold against the Unmaker. He would live, but he would forget who he was. He did not know how far back it would go, to the day he received the Matrix, the day of the Council meeting, or earlier, possibly even to his activation day. But Jack had the Key, and his team was resourceful. They would restore the Matrix, and thus himself. He just wondered if he would know what happened between now and then.
He closed his optics as the last of the Matrix's light disappeared, and didn't even feel himself hit the ground.
He woke up to a harsh white light over him. He blinked, his body feeling oddly heavy, yet light at the same time. He looked around and recognized where he was as a hospital room, but he didn't have any personal feelings attached to that thought. That felt off to him. He sat up, long strands of black hair falling in his face, and he grabbed some, looking at it with some curiosity, then at his hand. It felt… alien, like he wasn’t used to it.
He looked down at his body, observing it. His skin was white with a deep tan, his frame muscular, though he thinks he lost some definition on his arms. His hands were large and square, with long but blunt fingers. He was wearing a pale blue hospital gown, and he had an intravenous line on his left arm.
There was something on his face, and he reached up to feel a tubing under his nose and when he breathed in by it, and even that felt odd, he could feel and smell the dryness of oxygen.
The door opened and a nurse came in. She was wearing a standard set of green scrubs, but he had the sudden thought she'd also look good in yellow. Her hair was black and pulled back into a ponytail, and her eyes were the loveliest shade of blue, which met his as she looked up from a clipboard.
“Oh, you’re awake!” She smiled. “We were starting to call wonder if we should call you Sleeping Beauty or Snow White.”
“Hello.” His voice was hoarse and his throat dry. “Where am I?”
“Jasper Memorial Hospital,” the nurse said, hanging the clipboard on a hook at the end of his bed before walking to the bedside table and pouring a glass of water. She handed it to him, not letting go until she was certain he had a steady hold on it. “A coworker and I were leaving to go home when you landed on the ground in front of us unconscious. We brought you back here, and you’ve been in a coma for about two weeks.”
He drank the water, and cleared his throat. “Thank you.” His voice sounded better, though he felt that slightly alien feeling again. “For bringing me here, and the water.”
“Of course,” she said. “I’m June Darby, by the way.”
He smiled. “I’m…” He frowned. He had a name, didn’t he. He was certain he did, but searching for it was like trying to find a specific datafile with a generic keyword.
“Sir?” June asked, and he looked at her. “Do you remember your name?”
Orion… Pax…
The words came to him as if out of a fog, and while they seemed to fit, they also didn’t feel quite right, like making do with a spare tire when one blows out.
“I think it was Orion Pax, but… it feels like it is missing something.”
“Hmm,” June hummed and picked up the clipboard to make a note. “Do you remember your age? Where you live?”
He thought, but no answer came forth, not even an ill fitting one. He shook his head. “No, I’m sorry.”
“It’s alright,” June said, finishing writing it down. “I’ll inform the doctor you’re awake, and he’ll likely come to ask a few questions. Before I go though, do you want to ask me anything?”
He didn’t have a question in mind at first, then he felt a slight ache in his abdomen. “Perhaps something to eat?” He felt a little embarrassed by the question, and his cheeks heated up.
June smiled, her eyes sparkling. “Of course. We might have some oatmeal left from breakfast, or I’ll bring you some soup for lunch.” She left, and Orion already found himself missing her… and feeling oddly as if he should know her somehow.
He brushed it off as her having been his nurse while he was sleeping, and waited patiently as the doctor came in, asked him some more questions, and explained more of how June had found him, and that the authorities had not been able to locate a match to his description, prints, or DNA in their systems. Another search would begin for “Orion Paxton”, which still did not feel like a correct fit of a name, but would suffice for now. An MRI was scheduled for later that day, the IV and nasal canalle were removed, and June soon returned with a tray holding a bowl of chicken noodle soup. The alien feeling returned as Orion ate, then again when he went to the bathroom after June assisted him in walking to it. It felt like he was doing something brand new, but which he had seen or heard of others doing before.
The MRI revealed nothing. As far as could be seen, there was no damage to his brain that could result in such extensive memory loss. Further testing revealed that said loss was only to personal information. Orion could list the presidents of the United States, the basic times table, and the plots of several Shakespeare plays, but could not say his home town, parents' names, or even his age. After some struggle, like with his name, he could state his birthday was December 10th, and the hospital guessed his age to be around twenty five. The authorities could find no Orion Paxtons that matched him, so they issued him new identification, and they and the hospital staff even raised him a couple hundred dollars to prepare for him leaving the hospital.
Through the whole process, June proved a comfort and a friend. When on shift and not busy, she would visit his room and they would discuss his tests, or the books he was reading when not being poked and prodded. Even on her day off, which came about halfway through his stay, she visited for a couple of hours, and even brought a Yellow Pages, with the numbers of apartments for rent circled for him to investigate
“So you’re being discharged tomorrow,” she said as they sat together while he ate his dinner. He had expressed concern that she was using her break time to join him, but she assured him it was alright, so he didn’t press her on it. “Do you have a place to stay yet.”
He shook his head. “I’ve called a few places, but with no guarantee of payment, none want to accept.”
“I see.” She pressed her lips together, a sign he’d learned meant she was debating if she should say something. He simply waited for her to decided to speak, and was surprised when she did. “Well, I have an extra room at my place. You’d be welcome to stay with me.”
“You would do that?” he asked. “Welcome a man you don’t know into your home?”
“Well, you don’t know who you are either, so we can learn together,” she said with a smile. “And besides, it doesn’t feel right to just let you wander into the street. In the least, you can stay while you get your feet under you, and pay me back in chores and half rent.”
He considered it a moment, then extended his hand to her. “Alright, I accept. Thank you, June.” He smiled, and her eyes lit up as she took it.
“You’re welcome, Orion.” She didn’t let go of his hand for the rest of the visit.
She didn’t let go of his hand four years later either, as she screamed and pushed to bring their child into the world.
While Orion had quickly gotten his feet under him, finding a job as a library clerk, earning a GED and entering night school to earn a degree, he and June never separated. At first, they simply found each other very agreeable roommates, then became more after a friendly dinner turned romantic. He’d proposed two years later, over another dinner, and she’d accepted. Their wedding had been small, June’s family and a few friends on both sides, but the two didn’t need more. They bought a house, and soon after June announced she was pregnant. It was quickly becoming a joke that all important things in their relationship happened over dinner, cause they had barely started eating when June’s water broke and they hurried to the hospital.
Not that those years had been entirely carefree for them. A month after leaving the hospital, Orion had begun having dreams, of living a life through the eyes of a robot named Orion Pax, on a distant planet called Cybertron. They started slow, once every couple of weeks, and were disjointed, almost inconsequential events: working in a great digital library, having drinks with friends, speaking with a purple robot who had a metal beard of all things. But then they became more frequent, sometimes twice or thrice a week, and the subject matter more serious: a caste system with great inequality, a proud and orative gladiator who pushed for change, and a friendship between himself and the mech. He’d told June about these dreams, and she recommended he write them down. “They’d make a good book, if nothing else,” she’d told him, though her smile didn’t light her eyes like they usually would. But the writing did help, and most of his mornings before work were spent at their computer, typing out everything he could remember of them, and printing the pages to store in binders.
The night June told him she was pregnant, he’d actually woken in the middle of the night from the dream, of a Council meeting where he and Megatron had gone to explain their stance, only for them all to be blindsided, first by Megatron’s demand that he be made Prime or he would bring a violent revolution, then by the Council deciding that Orion’s own rebuttal, that there was a way to bring the change peacefully while still being fair, was enough to make him the next Prime instead, and bestowing on him the name Optimus Prime. That was when he’d woken up. Orion Paxton was his legal name, but it fit illy, like an old shirt that was just a bit too tight. Optimus Prime was his true name. These dreams were memories.
Another scream and crushing squeeze from June brought him back to the present. He’d not told her of his revelation, though he had a feeling she suspected something. But neither wanted undue stress while waiting for the baby, so they acted like it wasn’t something they needed to worry about. Soon, though, it’d be over, and they’d be holding their child in their arms.
“One more, June,” the doctor said, looking up at the couple. “Would you like to catch them?”
Orion looked to June, who nodded, and he moved from her side to between her legs, and with one more push, their son was in his hands.
The next several minutes were a blur, as the cord was cut, the placenta passed, and the baby cleaned up. But it wasn’t long before Orion was back at June’s side, their son cradled in her arms. He had a full head of wispy black hair, and while he was too red to distinctly tell his skin tone, he seemed to have Orion’s nose.
“He’s perfect,” Orion said, tracing his cheek with a finger.
“We still need to pick a name,” June reminded him.
Jackson…
The name came instinctively, as if there was no other choice. As if he’d already known it. “Jackson. Jack for short.”
June smiled. “Jackson. I love it. Hello, Jackson Orion Paxton.”
That was the first time he ever had a memory while awake, and the first out of order. A young man, looking up at him, holding a silver and blue key that looked nothing like a key. A young man with black hair, June’s chin, and his nose and eyes.
When they left the hospital and got Jack settled in his crib, Orion explained his dreams to June, how sure he was they were memories, and how he had no idea what they meant. June listened, and in turn revealed her own secret: Orion did not just fall in front of her the night she found him, but a bright blue light had appeared that seemed to expel him. Her co-worker had seen the same thing, and had cautioned June that a relationship with him would only end in heartbreak, but June hadn’t listened.
She started to cry, and Orion cradled her face in his hands, kissing her tears away. “I promise you June, I will stay as long as I can, and no matter what, I will come back to both of you.”
“But how can you be sure of that?” She asked him, a plea in her eyes.
He could not help quoting one of their favorite movies. “This is true love, June. Do you think this happens every day?”
June snorted, and wiped her eyes dry. “I forbid you from getting press ganged by pirates, Orion.”
He took her hand in his, squeezing it tight. “Optimus.”
She squeezed back. “Optimus.”
“Dad, Dad!” Jack called as he ran into the office, a letter in his hands. “We got a letter from the publisher!”
Optimus turned in his chair and caught Jack under the arms as he charged him. It had been five years since his son, his little star, had been born. After some consideration, he decided to take June’s half joking advice and turn his memories into a book. He of course made some changes, for as they progressed, he got the ever present feeling his memories would eventually lead him to Earth, which recently had been confirmed. So the Cybertronians became the cyborg Seybrens, and the factions became the Volitioners verses the Ascenticons, with the Council’s distinct allies marking themselves the Election. His counterpart was Prima Bren, lost Heir of the old Crown, and Megatron’s was Mikel Meridius, a gladiator turned warlord. Others had similar name changes, and twice he changed a mech to a woman (Ratchet might kill him, but he had to explain Swoop somehow), but once he was certain the changes would work, he started the tale. In between work, school, and taking care of his family, it had been slow work, but he had completed a polished draft and sent it off to a few different publishers while working on the second of the series.
“Really? Well, let’s get your mom and your sister, so we can open it together,” he said.
“We’re already here, Orion,” June said, their daughter Rose Alina in her arms. Two years younger than Jack, she was the spitting image of her mother, except she had Optimus’s ears and eyes. Currently, she was clinging to her mother’s side, giggling as June wiped jam and cracker crumbs off her cheeks.
Optimus smiled and set Jack on his lap, and took the letter when Jack handed it to him. June took a seat on the other chair next to his. “Well, let’s see what they have to say.” He opened the letter, and quickly read through, keeping his face impassive.
“What’s it say, Dad?” Jack asked, leg shaking slightly from excitement.
“They say that they reviewed the book, and there are a few edits they suggest…” He purposefully paused, then smiled. “But they would love to pick it up and publish it and the rest of the series for me.”
“YAY!” Jack cheered, and Rose joined in, clapping her hands. “You’re gonna be an author! You’re gonna be famous!” Jack threw his arms around Optimus’s neck, and he chuckled.
“I don’t know about that, but the book sale should at least help with the bills.” He certainly had never heard of “The War for Seybren: Fall of Election” being a popular book in his memories. He had most of them now, of the War, and the exodus that followed, to when his team first arrived on Earth. The only part he was missing was the part where he had met Jack, and whatever events led to him giving him that key that he now knew was to the Vector Sigma archive. Only an extreme danger would have convinced him to give it to his son, he knew, but he could think of nothing that would be so dire.
“You’ll be Harry Potter,” Rose said.
“Oh wouldn’t that be something,” June said, leaning over and kissing Optimus’s cheek. “Congratulations, love.”
Optimus turned to her and took her free hand in his. “I couldn’t have done it without you, my sun.” He leaned over to kiss June, ignoring the giggly disgust of the kids. He truly couldn’t have. As he regained his memories, there would be nights he’d wake in tears from the devastation of the war, the loss of dear friends and allies, the almost pointlessness of it all. June held him through all of it, not pushing him to talk unless he wanted to, but always encouraging him to write it down, so the fight, the people, would not be forgotten. So he did, and they weren’t.
When he parted from her, he looked into her sparkling eyes. “I love you.” A million words were in those three.
“I love you.” A million words back.
“Do you love us, Daddy?” Rose asked, and Optimus looked down at her.
“But of course, my starlight.” He bent down and pressed a sloppy kiss to her cheek, making her giggle. “I love you.” He kissed Jack’s cheek, holding him even as he squirmed. “And I love your brother too.”
“And we love you, Dad,” Jack said, tightening his grip around Optimus’s neck. “And we’ll always love you.”
“And I you.” Even when I don’t remember you, I will love you, he promised. He pulled back and looked at his family. “You know, I feel like this news deserves a celebration. How about we eat out tonight? I hear the IHOP in Bixby just opened.”
“IHOP!” the kids cheered, and wiggled to be let down so they could clean up and go.
Optimus and June laughed, and stood up to follow them. Before they did, though, June pulled Optimus close.
“How much time?”
It was August 16, 2000. His team arrived early on June 3, 2001. “Nine months, two weeks, three days, and six hours.” He looked down at her stomach, and she smacked his arm.
“We’ve been using protection for a reason, Optimus.” She only used that name in private, so not even the kids heard it. She ducked her head against his chest. “I just- It’s too soon. How can we make it so long without you?”
“You will. You’re strong.” His cupped her face and kissed her lips. “And I don’t care what it will cost, nothing will keep me from you once I remember my sun.”
“I know. And when you remember, I am not letting go.” She kissed him back, and it was a good thing the kids ran in and gave an exaggerated “Ewww!”, else he might have forgotten everything but her. But he was reminded of the other two parts of his heart, his stars, and he drew them both into his arms. What he would have given to have stayed in that moment forever.
But moments don’t last forever. Time moved on, and counted down. Optimus lived each day to its fullest, spending as much time with his family as he could, especially Rose, though he knew she would only barely remember him.
The last of his memories came back, and he now knew just what brought his family into his life. He wrote them out, as he always did, but he did not place the pages with the others. He hid them, for however much it hurt, and knowing how much hurt he was leaving his family, he had to. He could not imagine June living in fear, knowing the dangers they would face.
He lived every day to the fullest, and made arrangements, for a living will and stipulations for if he suddenly disappeared. He knew some people would be suspicious, and wonder what it was about, but he would not leave everything for June to struggle with when he left. The War of Seybren was released in time for Christmas, and a large chunk of the sales was tucked away into college funds for Jack and Rose. Another part went to his presents for his family that year, a set of necklaces. Jack and Rose’s were shaped like eight-pointed stars with the words “Always my guiding star” and “Always my starlight” respectively. June’s was a sun, with the words “Always my sun." He had one made for himself as well, a sun with two stars touching it, with the words “Remember the sun and stars” on the back. The rest of the money went towards bill payments, to get ahead on some that could potentially fall behind when his income disappeared.
The hardest part was having to tell June that she and the kids would have to change to using her maiden name, for when he met them in his memories, they were the Darbys, not the Paxtons. That was the only time in ten years that she slapped him and stormed away. He let her, and forgave her immediately when she came back and apologized before they went to bed. He wished he didn’t have to hurt her, or any of them, in this way.
But, finally, the day came. He and June both took off work, and took the children out for the whole day. A pancake breakfast, a morning of laughter and joy at a fair, a far too unhealthy lunch followed by a movie, running around in a park, dinner at their favorite restaurant, and then a midnight picnic on a hill under the stars. Optimus was pointing out different constellations to Jack and Rose, and telling how he had “made up” a constellation in his book by reversing Scorpio, when Rose spotted something.
“Daddy, look!” she said, pointing, and they all looked up to see a bright meteor started to streak across the sky.
“Whoa! It’s huge!” Jack said, staring up, and not seeing the pained looks Optimus and June shared.
Just down the hill from them, a bright blue light appeared. It spun like a groundbridge portal, and Optimus knew it was what brought him there.
“Daddy, what’s that?” Rose asked, cuddling closer to him.
He picked her up out of his lap and rose to kneel in front of her. “It’s a portal, my starlight. It’s for me.”
“Why do you have a portal?” Jack asked, sitting up.
Optimus took a deep breath. “You remember my book, Jack? How Prima and the Volitioners were fighting Mikel and the Ascenticons? The book is based on my life, before I met your mother. I was Prima, and I was sent here after a dangerous mission. But now I need to go home.”
“NO!” Rose wrapped her arms around his neck. “We’re home. You need to stay here.”
He held her tight, not hiding the tears that fell from his eyes. “I can’t sweetheart. I have to leave. But I won’t be gone forever.”
“When will you be back?” Jack asked, coming to Optimus. “Tomorrow? Next week? Next year?”
Optimus shook his head. “It will be a long time, Jack.”
“Why can’t we go with you?” Jack’s eyes started to well.
“Because you need to stay here. You see Jack, the mission I was on was not years ago, but years from now. Before I went on that mission, I met you, and Rose, and your mother. But I didn’t know you, and I looked very different from now, so you didn’t recognize me. None of us knew we were a family. When I go back, it will be after the mission, and then I will know you.”
“What mission will that be?”
He thought of how he could let him know, without revealing too much. “When storms rage around the world, when a friend of yours gets sick, and an important key gets given to you for safe keeping, then after that mission, I will come home to you, my guiding star.”
“You promise to come back?” Rose asked.
Optimus peeled her arms from around him, and had her stand next to her brother, his hands on their shoulders. “I promise to you, on my life, my heart, and my spark, that I will come back. And even when I’m gone, or when I don’t know you, I will love you.”
“But how can you love someone you don’t know?” Jack asked.
“Because I will see you, and I will know, right here,” he thumped his chest, over his heart, “that you are mine and I am yours. And you will know it too.” He tapped each of their chests, right over their necklaces.
Jack picked up his necklace, then looked at Optimus and nodded. “I will. I promise.” Then he wrapped his arms around him, and Rose joined the hug.
Optimus held them tight, breathing in their scent, imprinting it in his mind. When they parted, he stood and went to June, pulling her to her feet for a kiss. Her tears trailed heavily down her cheeks when he pulled away.
“We’ll wait for you, no matter how long. And I’ll explain it all, when the time comes.” She squeezed his hands.
“And so will I.” He squeezed back. “You are always my sun.”
“And you always my love.” She let go of his hands and lightly pushed on his shoulders. “Now go, before I try to keep you here.”
He nodded and headed down the hill. Just outside the portal, he turned around, and saw June kneeling with her arms around Jack and Rose. She blew him a kiss. He raised his arm to catch it, then entered the portal.
He saw himself take the Key of Vector Sigma back, heard Megatron’s cry of “No!”, felt himself turn to block the blade, felt his battlemask snapping into place, and heard himself cry “Megatron, begone!” as he knocked Megatron across the cave. Then he realized he did not recognize the cave, for it was not Unicron’s spark. His Autobots gathered around him, and he asked “Ratchet, how did we arrive here?” as he drew his weapons.
“Long story old friend,” Ratchet said. “And you might just have one of your own.”
June must have told them, Optimus realized. His sun, and his stars.
He fended off Megatron as his team went through the groundbridge, ensuring they all made it before he let himself jump through. Then, he ran for the exit, knowing, just beyond the event horizon, his family was waiting.
He came through, and stutter stepped to a stop. There, there they were. June, ten years of age and stress readable on her face, but just as beautiful. Rose, blossomed into a young woman as pretty as her mother. Jack, wearing a space suit and responsibility like a mantle as heavy as the Matrix, and just as worthy of it. All three stared up, hope in their eyes.
“Optimus?” June asked.
Optimus dropped to his knees and scooped them all into his arms. “My sun, my stars. I love you so much.”
“DAD!” Rose and Jack wrapped their arms around his neck as best they could, while June just touched his face, his chins, his lips, wherever she could reach. He felt lubricant fall down his face, but he did not care. He had his family back. He was home.