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Peter woke up to his second favorite ringtone sounding in his bedroom and a grin formed on his face sleepily as he groped for his phone and took a few tries to answer it.
“Did you just wake up?” HIs mentor demanded on the other end of the line. Peter yawned in response and snuggled down into his blankets.
“ “S summer,” Peter mumbled into the phone as he pulled the blankets back over his head. “What time?”
“Kid, it’s almost ten,” Tony was rolling his eyes Peter would bet as he could faintly hear the squeak of Tony rocking in his chair. “Tell my why you can’t be here before four again?”
“Ned and I have a lunch date,” Peter felt his face heating up even though nobody was even in the house with him. Everyone knew long ago he was dating his best friend, but he still blushed when he admitted to a date or any activities behind bedroom doors. “I can come after that.”
“Oh how our priorities changed,” Tony mocked dramatically. “Long gone are the days where you would drop anything and everything to be at your mentor’s side. Now, you have a boyfriend that has you around his finger. Forgot all about the man that raised you-”
“Mr. Stark, you hardly raised me,” Peter said with a laugh, sitting up and accepting that it was time to face the day.
“I got you through high school, close enough,” Tony huffed and Peter heard the clanging of metal as Tony must have dropped some tool or another.
“You’re approaching manic mode,” Peter reminded him quietly. “Why don’t you sleep for a few hours before I keep you up until sometime tomorrow morning.”
“Eh, perhaps,” Tony said noncommittal on the other end of the line. “So, are you and Ned getting serious? Doesn’t this month make it a year?”
Peter floundered for words as Tony turned earnest on him. He didn’t talk much about his relationship with his best friend. He always felt like he was waiting for the other shoe to drop. What were the chances he would find a love story? He didn’t have that kind of luck. He had the Parker luck, which basically meant that if there was a disaster that could happen, it would.
“Shit, maybe it’s our anniversary,” Peter mused aloud causing Tony to laugh loudly on the other end.
“Did you forget something like that?” He asked, still chuckling. Peter frowned and tried to think back to exactly what day last June had Ned kissed him. It wasn’t troubling remembering their first kiss by that waterfall with the gorgeous view all around them and the trees making a picturesque scene. He just couldn’t remember the exact date now.
“Well Ned invited me to his parent’s house today to make me something special,” Peter again was thinking aloud. “He sounded like this was important.”
“You spend too much time around me if you’re forgetting anniversaries.” Tony told him as his laughter died down. “You just need to create a FRIDAY to help you out with these sorts of things.”
“That should have been your graduation present.” Peter teased him, climbing out of bed and feeling a nugget of guilt tugged at him. “Much more useful than a car.”
“That’s a custom made Audi!” Tony spluttered out, this time causing Peter to laugh aloud. He stared fondly at Ned’s picture on his desk as he passed it.
“You reckon I should go buy a card?” Peter asked as he flicked through the mail absently. “Y’know, in case I did actually forget?”
“Better safe than sorry,” Tony told him and Peter could see him with that casual shrug. “Cards don’t go bad, and it has to be coming up sometime soon if it isn’t today.’
“Well I better let you go so I can get ready early,” Peter said regretfully. He was subconsciously counting down the days he had left with Tony around before he left for MIT in the fall with Ned by his side. Tony had written them both excellent letters of recommendation and with their stellar grades over the last four years they had both gotten in together. Ned had spun him around and kissed him soundly when they opened their acceptance letters together. It was a dream and Peter was still not fully convinced it was all going to happen so smoothly.
He was in a great mood by the time he pulled into Ned’s familiar driveway. He had a card tucked into a side pocket in his car in case he really had been enough of a dunce to forget their anniversary. He felt like he looked good for a change and that he had the most amazing boyfriend in the world if the smell of barbeque was anything to go on. Peter didn’t know when Ned had learned to use the grill, but he was more than okay with being a guinea pig.
“Hey,” Peter greeted Ned on the back porch, kissing his cheek gently.
“Hey yourself,” Ned replied with an easy grin. “You look...well you look great.”
“Thanks,” Peter felt his face heat up and he let out a quiet laugh. “When did your dad make you learn to barbeque?”
“I’ve been home way too much these last six weeks,” Ned rolled his eyes at the mention of his father. “He’s been on me about acting more like a man.”
Peter frowned at the terminology and paused pouring glasses of lemonade for them both. “Did you tell him that his view of masculinity needs checking?”
Ned hummed quietly but didn’t reply. Peter’s frown grew, making his way to his boyfriend’s side and placing a gentle hand on his lower back, relieved somehow when Ned leaned into the touch. Only a moment later Ned deliberately moved away from his hand and Peter knew something wasn’t right. HIs mouth watering hunger disappeared as soon as it came and instead a sick feeling settled in his stomach.
“Ned,” Peter said slowly as he noticed Ned fidgeting with the spatula in his hand. “Today isn’t our anniversary, is it?”
Ned glanced at him in shock, but wouldn’t meet his eyes. “Ah, no it isn’t for another week.”
WInd whipped at them and it was refreshing to the heat blazing down on their heads. Peter was feeling vaguely sick and he had a feeling that Ned hadn’t asked him here for any good reason. His spider sense wasn’t going off,however, and that was how he had become accustomed to knowing when bad things were going to happen. He wasn’t sure if this feeling was his chronic anxiety or a real warning of things to come.
Both boys were silent as Ned served them barbeque chicken with grilled corn on the cob and potato salad. They decided to eat on the newly refurbished deck and patio furniture his parents had just bought this past spring. Peter merely picked at his food and watched his boyfriend do the same from across the table. This was insane, they were never this quiet. Peter just didn’t know what to say and everything felt heavy on his tongue or just useless.
“We need to talk Peter,” Ned said softly after it became obvious neither one of them had much of an appetite. Peter’s gaze snapped up from where he had been staring at his plate to stare at Ned with his heart pounding. This couldn’t be real, not for them. That line in every goddamn movie he’d ever watched on Tony’s too large TV meant disaster.
“What’s wrong?” Peter made himself ask. He honestly did care even if it was going to lead to the end of the two of them. Ned didn’t exactly look happy right now either. This was hurting him, but he had a feeling it was about to hurt him more.
“I don’t think we should date going into MIT,” Ned;’s voice was strangled and he wouldn’t even look in Peter’s direction. “I don’t want to date you going into our first year of college.”
Peter felt like he had been stabbed, and he knew all too well what that felt like, except this time there wasn’t any blood gushing when he brought a fist to rest on his stomach. “Why wouldn’t you…? Ned, what does college have to do with us dating?”
“I’ve never let anyone in,” Ned said and his voice sounded like he had rehearsed this a few dozen times. “You’ve been my only friend since we were twelve. I’ve never let anyone else into my life. Then you kissed me and it feels like my world is even smaller now. College is a whole new world and maybe I want to let more people into mine.”
“I never stopped you from making friends,” Peter protested, though immediately he was rushing through his memories to see if he had, indeed, impeded his friend bonding with other students over the years. “I don’t care if you have a million friends Ned. I just… I just want to be your boyfriend.”
“This is the time for us to shape the rest of our lives,” Ned said with a bit more passion to his voice. “Not all of us have guarantees from the CEO of Stark Industries the way you do. Being in an open relationship with a guy isn’t going to do either of us-”
“You’re letting your dad break us up?” Peter interrupted, knowing without a doubt that Mr. Leeds was behind this. He wasn’t very open to the idea of his son dating a man and he was a savvy man in the business world. “You know he’s full of shit, right? Nobody who wouldn’t hire you because of your sexual orientation is someone you want to work for anyways! Tony would be just as happy to hire you as he is to hire me. Besides, we both know I might not even do engineering anyways.”
“I don’t want a hand out job from someone I don’t even know,” Ned sounded more and more like he meant what he was saying and it was shattering his heart slowly but surely. “Peter, I don’t want to be the same guy I’ve been for the last four years. The nerd following his best friend around all the time. I want to be someone different there. I want to be someone I actually like.”
“I…” Peter felt his throat closing, but he didn’t want to cry here when Ned didn’t even look teary. “I thought you liked being with me. I thought you were happy being my guy in the chair.”
“We both know that’s nothing more than a title you used when we were idiot kids. You have Stark backing you up more than you ever have me. I can’t do anything for you when you’re fighting some alien freak thing.” Ned sighed and ran both hands through his hair.
“This isn’t you,” Peter insisted with his voice cracking horribly. “This doesn’t sound at all like you. Ned, I’ve been your best friend for eight years. You told me you l-loved me and I know you meant it. Even if you can’t be my guy in the chair as much anymore, it doesn’t mean I don’t need you. I have you with me out there always, even if all you can do is wait for me to come home. You give me strength and hope and a reason to fight and come home.”
“My dad may have talked to me about business and job interviews,” Ned admitted. Peter had some hope that they could somehow make it through this conversation in one piece. “He made sense in some ways. Then my mom talked to me about what college could mean for me. To become someone new in a city where nobody knows either of us. I’ve been working hard to lose some weight and I can be a totally different Ned Leeds who maybe isn’t embarrassed to be seen by every human being alive. She made that sound kind of nice and I can’t reinvent myself if I’m still in some relationship with the only guy I’ve ever talked to.”
“Are you saying I’m convenient?” Peter asked as another knife stabbed him much closer to his heart. “That you’re with me because nobody better ever came along? Ned, your weight has never held you back. There isn’t anything wrong with how you look, and I’ve told you that a million times. You’re beautiful and sexy and so many other things just the way you look now. Your mom is always putting you on crazy diets that aren’t healthy.”
“I said yes to being with you before I knew any other options,” Ned told him and while it was brutally honest it hurt like hell. “I’ve been happy with you, but there’s literally thousands of other people we could meet there. I want to have a clean slate.”
“Ned, we’re Leia and Han,” Peter pleaded with him softly. “I’ve never felt happier than I have being with you. Why are you so sure there’s somebody better? What isn’t enough about me?”
“This isn’t about you the way everything has been for the last four years,” Ned snapped and Peter realized that maybe his parents had influenced him, but part of this was truly coming from his best friend. Ned felt this way about himself and about their relationship. This was what Ned wanted now, and it wasn’t being with him any longer.
“I need to go,” Peter said, standing quickly and holding onto the last shred of dignity he had. “I guess let me know if you even want to be my friend on campus. If I’ll cramp your new lifestyle too much I guess you can do everything on your own.”
“I never said I didn’t want to be your friend,” Ned said wearily. How did he honestly expect Peter to react?
“No, instead you said that being gay isn’t going to fit your new lifestyle and that basically you’ve been stuck with me for the last six years,” Peter snapped at him to keep himself from sobbing. “I honestly don’t know what you expected from me. Despite common belief, I’m not some expendable piece of shit.”
Peter stormed to his car, slamming the Leeds’s back gate behind him as hard as he could. He didn’t want to cry yet, or at all if he could help it. Ned was buying into the bull shit the entire world spouted, instead of sticking to what Peter had thought both of them believed. He drove mindlessly and before he knew it he was almost at the Compound without realizing it. He had shown up two hours earlier than he had planned to. Peter sat in his car, trying to breathe and not let the hurt consume him. He had told Ned he loved him, and god he had felt it every second since then. He loved cuddling in Ned’s arms more than anyone else’s in the world. He loved Ned playing with his hair or his fingers when they held hands. He loved being a nerd with the person he loved most in the world. He loved every piece of Ned and he loved himself when he was with him.
Now it looked like he would have to live without him.
Peter felt like couldn’t breathe with the weight on his chest and his stomach twisting like this. He just wanted to stay in this car instead of facing the world alone. Ned was his only friend since middle school, but unlike Ned he had never felt like he missed out on anything. MJ was their friend that Ned had forgotten during his stupid speech, but it wasn’t the same with her.
It wasn’t the same with anyone else.
He turned his car off and closed his eyes, only seeing Ned’s face before Peter had left. He hadn’t looked nearly as torn apart as Peter felt right now, but his face did look horrified that Peter was leaving and had actually snapped at him. He had no idea when he would see Ned again or how he would survive going to MIT without his best friend. He scrambled out of the car and only wanted Tony. That man always made everything okay again and maybe he could make Peter not feel so awful about losing his first love. He knew that he was safe in Tony’s arms and that at least he wasn’t cramping Tony’s style...at least not yet.
He wasted no time in going to the lab and letting himself in. He didn’t see Tony immediately but the upbeat rock music told him Tony was still in a great mood. Tony wanted to spend time in the lab tinkering and delving deep into codes and other things his mind couldn’t even think about processing right now. Peter just wanted to curl up with Tony on a couch and cry until this ache didn’t hurt so much. He took a few more deep breaths, not willing to break down the second Tony so much as looked at him.
“KId, you’re…. Well, you’re early!” Tony cried as he came around a corner and Peter whirled to face him. He had grease up to his elbows and a grin on his face. “FRI, tone down the music, will you dear?”
“FRIDAY being snarky with you again?” Peter couldn’t help a small smile at his mentor’s overly polite tone with his AI. Tony may have created her, but she still held all the reigns around his house.
“Well, I was kind of rude to her last night,” Tony admitted with a glance to the ceiling.
“An understatement, sir,” The AI chimed up as the music lowered to background noise.
“Well, your hair looks orderly so I’m taking a guess it wasn’t your anniversary?” Tony smirked at him as he glanced around for a rag to wipe his hands on. Dum-E came over holding a towel up helpfully and Peter swallowed thickly a few times once again as the burning behind his eyes grew. He had lost his virginity only a month ago to someone who now wanted out. That would be his Parker luck there. Every single person in his life left him in some way or another. Tony was the only person who had never tried to bow out of his life.
“Are you working on something important?” Peter asked. He wouldn’t dare break down and beg Tony for a movie day if their lab day had anything to do with Tony’s job or something else important. He could suck it up until Tony was done, even if he felt like his heart was missing altogether.
“KId, what’s going on?” Tony had picked up on how closed off he was and how he was literally curling in on himself the longer he stood there. “Why are you here two hours early? I’m not complaining by any means, but I don’t think this is a happy coincidence.”
Normally Peter had no problem opening up to Tony about his life anymore. After the world nearly ending and them fighting together to get their lives back they didn’t have any secrets. The Snap wasn’t something they could ever forget and it felt like Peter’s entire life was defined by it. Nothing was the same after that day, and there was no going back no matter how much he wanted to.
A hand came to rest on the back of his neck and Peter looked up into Tony’s large brown eyes, sincere and caring as always. HIs hands were warm compared to his cold skin. Peter knew the minute he was in Tony’s arms the battle with his tears would be utterly lost.
“Can we have a movie day?” Peter begged him softly, hands coming up to wrap around Tony’s arm and resting his head on it. “Please? You can pick.”
“Are you not feeling well?” Tony asked, now pressing his other hand to Peter’s forehead. “Is that why your date ended early?”
Tony was stabbing him with every reference to Ned and the man didn’t even know it. “I don’t want to talk about that.” Peter was proud of himself for not crying yet. He wasn’t sure why he was holding back. Crying after your best friend and first love told you that they wanted a break from you was normal. Nobody would think he was weird for once when he broke down sobbing. Tony would cry if Pepper suddenly said he wasn’t good enough any longer. Right?
Tony would drink himself to death, but that wasn’t actually Peter’s style.
Peter got out blankets and as many pillows as he could find while Tony went to go make popcorn. He wanted as many comfort items as he could find right now while his mind and heart processed what had happened this morning. He sat down on the couch and brought his knees up to his chest. He wrapped an arm around them as he tried to think of a movie that wouldn’t make him feel worse. Star Wars was out of the question for once since that was how he had met Ned all those years ago. Every movie he knew he had watched with Ned at some point, or it had played in the background while they made out on a bed or couch. Peter pulled a blanket toward him and tried to make it replace his boyfriend’s arms.
The elevator opened and Steve and Bucky came through the living room. They had obviously just gone for a run since they were both sweaty and wearing jogging clothes. They were talking quietly together and touching at every chance they could. After the Snap they hadn’t wasted any time getting together and they were so disgustingly happy. Bucky adored Steve and it was obvious to everyone around them. Peter had stupidly hoped he would end up like them with Ned. Their relationship was something Peter admired and longed for.
“You act like I’m not as old as you are, Doll,” Bucky said with a loud laugh as they paused to Steve could grab them water. It was the way Bucky watched Steve walk away that finally triggered Peter’s tears to fall. He had thought he had that, the kind of love to withstand anything. The kind of love filled with teasing and fun.
At his sniffle Bucky turned and saw him on the couch probably looking smaller than ever in a blanket covering him with plenty to spare. He had grown close to Bucky in their time away from Earth. They had clung together for some normalcy amidst the chaos. He was almost as close to the super soldier as he was to Tony, though nobody could honestly come close in that competition.
“Hey babydoll,” Bucky said softly, toeing off his shoes and padding closer to where Peter was. He sat on the coffee table and laid a hand on Peter’s knee. Peter’s heart melted at the nickname Bucky had given him inside that cursed stone. “What’s going on?”
“Ned broke up with me,” Peter finally admitted quietly. He was trying his best not to break down sobbing completely. He wiped at the tears falling down his cheeks, the bitter salty taste making him feel sick.
“He what?” Tony had returned with their usual mountain of popcorn to share and nearly dropped it at Peter’s confession. “Are you fucking serious?”
“Why?” Bucky had to ask the logical question. “Pete, what happened?”
“He’s tired of me,” Peter had to boil it down to one simple point. It was more complicated than that, but that was what his heart was echoing to him from their conversation.
“That’s not possible,” Tony insisted as he sat next to him on the couch. “Ned adores you. I’ve seen it. I interrogated him myself when he asked you out last summer.” Peter felt a warm hand on his back and the sobs rose up like a tidal wave. It was only a moment before arms were around him, holding him close. Peter let himself cry into Tony’s chest, sobbing openly at last and letting out some of the ache in his chest.
“What happened?” Steve asked quietly, probably having walked in very confused to the sudden emotion in the room.
“Ned and Peter broke up,” Bucky said sadly, hand still on his knee, rubbing comforting circles.
“Oh Pete,” Steve said softly in sympathy.
“He d-doesn’t want to d-date at MIT,” Peter got out when the lump in his throat let up for a minute. “He doesn’t want to be stuck with m-me anymore. He wants to meet new people and-” A fresh wave of loud sobs overcame his ability to say anything else. Tony shushed him quietly as he pulled him fully into his lap. Peter couldn’t find the strength to care as he held on tightly.
“We’ll come check on him later,” Bucky said, sensing Peter hardly wanted an audience for this. Peter felt lips brush the top of his head softly before the couple left the room. Peter sat with Tony for a long time until his tears finally let him breathe again. He was exhausted, but at least now he could feel his heart beating again. Seems like Ned didn’t completely take it after all.
“I’m-”
“If you say sorry I will slap you Underoos,” Tony said with a gentle smile, brushing his hair back in a paternal gesture. “I’m so sorry, bud. You being here is the only reason I’m not in a suit to take care of him.”
“You can’t kill him for not loving me,” Peter said softly, resting his head back on Tony’s shoulder with a sigh. “He wants to reinvent himself after four years of hell at Midtown. He might not have been bullied by Flash, but he wasn’t exactly well liked either. People always teased him for his weight or his looks or being gay.” Peter wiped at a few more tears and hated how much he understood what Ned had told him even if it hurt more than anything. “Ned doesn’t have a superhero family to tell him how loved he is. He has a dad focused on success and a mom who never lets up on his appearance.”
“He could move in here,” Tony suggested quietly, both of them knowing it wasn’t ever going to happen. Silence fell between them and Peter shifted to his own seat, sure that Tony’s legs were probably going numb by now. He rubbed a hand through his hair roughly and tried to pick up the pieces of his heart.
“I don’t know whose side MJ will take. She’s friends with Ned more than me since I started being Spiderman more often. I guess they bonded while I was busy being dusted and all.” Peter choked on his breath at mentioning the worst moment in both of their lives.
“I don’t know where you think you’re going,” Tony told him as he gently pulled him back to his side. “You are not playing tough guy for this. I refuse to let you. You can stay right here as long as you want. Your first heartbreak is… well it’s hell kid. You’re too young to go through this shit.”
“I can’t keep you here all night,” Peter protested weakly. He sighed and let himself be held since it felt better than holding himself upright.
“I have pizza!” Pepper’s voice rang out and Peter found it adorable the way Tony’s face would light up with his fiance came home. They were getting married in two weeks from now and Peter was so excited for the two of them to start the life they fully deserved together.
“Pep, you sure did bring pizza,” Tony said as he frowned at all the boxes she carried in. “Plus, you could have called me to carry that up.”
“Well we all have different favorites,” Pepper said with a sigh as she put down her load of boxes plus her purse and briefcase. She kicked off her heels and winced slightly as her feet touched the wood floors. “Plus they had new kinds I wanted to try. Then they had some deal going on and I figured we might have-” She sighed in aggravation when Tony continued to just stare at her like she was crazy. “Nevermind, just take your pizza and enjoy it.”
“I’m going to take a shower,” Peter announced, knowing Tony wanted to dote on his pregnant fiance more than him right now. “I”l be down in awhile.”
“See you soon,” Tony’s eyes met his full of love and concern still. Peter waved at him and went to his own suite to get settled and wash off the day.
The evening went well and Peter could almost forget that he had been broken up with hours ago. Steve and Bucky joined them for pizza and they laughed loud and long at any opportunity. Pepper and Tony sat together on the loveseat happily. Peter hated being surrounded by couples, but he knew how much they sacrificed to begrudge them their happiness.
Then the moment came when the movies and laughter ended and Peter had to go back to his room. The quiet was normally something he loved, but tonight it seemed suffocating. He slowly stepped up to his bed and stared at the wine colored comforter. He remembered seeing Ned’s caramel skin against it so many nights when he had invited him over to the tower. He had had so many good nights on these sheets with a man he thought he would love all his life. Peter had had no problem picturing a life with Ned. He could see them with kids together and buying a house in Queens. This room held so many memories with Ned and they were choking him.
He choked on another round of helpless sobs and he was about to hit the floor when strong arms came around him to hold him up. Bucky’s hair tickled his neck as the older man held him close to his chest.
“Nights are the hardest, babydoll,” Bucky told him sadly as Peter buried his face in Bucky’s chest.
“I”m sorry,” Peter said with a sniffle. “I’m sorry for being a mess again. I just… He was just here with me and now he’s just gone and I don’t know how to live without him.”
“I know,” Bucky rocked him gently as they stood in the middle of his gigantic room.
“His dad told him he’d never get a good job if he was openly with me,” Peter told Bucky some details of their conversation earlier. “His mom is the one that told him he could reinvent himself. He could make new friends or whatever. His mom just wants him to be thin. She puts him on these stupid diets that he’s miserable on.” Peter wiped at his eyes as he stayed happily in Bucky’s arms. “I’m worried about him when he’s the one breaking my heart. He told me he didn’t want to be my tag along anymore. That this wasn’t about me for once. I was cramping his style for college or something. I don’t fucking know.” Peter moaned and tried to rid himself of the images of Ned’s face in his mind saying those awful things.”
“Do you want to sit here or come to my room?” Bucky asked him as it was obvious Peter was getting tired. He sighed and collapsed on his bed, hoping the sheets were washed since he was last here. His heart had that ache again filling him and he just wanted to call Ned.
Bucky climbed in on the other side as he pulled aside the blankets. Peter followed his example and climbed fully under the sheets again. He remembered Ned freaking out over the nice quality of the sheets. They way they laughed at being so amazing over bed linens. Ned had first called him beautiful in this bed with Peter spread out beneath him.
“Now,” Bucky said as soon as they were settled and Peter was lying on Bucky’s chest comfortably. “You know you can get just as good of a job being gay, right? There’s prejudice in the world, of course, but most people will give you a fair chance. College is about trying new things, but Ned has it wrong. He’s going to miss you I promise you.” He pulled Peter closer and kissed the top of his head. “You’re worried because you love him more than he deserves.”
Peter broke down in sobs once again, appreciating immensely that Bucky was just there to hold him even if his weren’t the arms Peter was craving. He cried himself to sleep and hoped the morning was better. He didn’t know how he was going to manage the future, but he knew he had the best family in the world to help him through it.