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The first time Lance noticed it, he was talking about sharks.
As a kid, he'd been fascinated with sharks and how many teeth they had and how fast they could move. When he swam in the ocean, he'd picture himself as a shark, cutting through the waves. He could talk for hours about them.
That all changed when he was seven.
"Lance, for the love of God," Marco said as Lance sat in the car next to him on another family trip. "Please shut up about sharks."
Lance's eyes had immediately welled up with tears as his mamá chastised Marco from the front seat. She tried to encourage him to keep talking, but the damage had been done.
Lance still read the books, but he stopped talking about them. He didn't want to be annoying, after all.
At least, until his sweet boyfriend had decided to take them to an aquarium for their first month anniversary.
While he described the sandpaper feel of sharks' skin, Keith held Lance's hand, rubbing his thumb along Lance's knuckles. Lance was mid-gesture when he met Keith's gaze.
Keith, who was looking at Lance with soft eyes and a small smile on his face.
"Sorry," Lance said, his heart falling.
Keith's eyebrows furrowed. "What for?" Keith asked, confused.
Lance reached to hold the back of his neck. "I just know I can talk too much."
Keith's eyebrows unfurrowed and his smile grew. "Not to me. I like hearing you talk," Keith replied, squeezing Lance's hand again.
Lance smiled at him. "Okay, well, did you know sharks don't have bones?" he continued.
That soft smile stayed on Keith's face the whole time they walked through the aquarium.
-oOo-
The next time Lance noticed it, it was finals week.
Whenever he’s dated someone, he’s always loved to surprise them with gifts and snacks and just little happys, especially when they’re stressed.
Nyma had put a damper on that during his freshman year. She’d been stressed about a midterm, and he’d decided to bring her coffee. A little pick-me-up to get through the last of her studying.
When he’d sat down next to her at her favorite study table, she’d jerked away quickly.
“What are you doing here?” she’d asked and not excitedly.
Despite the flush he felt creeping on his face, he’d smiled. “I thought you might need a coffee,” he’d replied.
“I need to focus,” she’d replied, looking back at her materials. “Not you distracting me.”
“I’m not going to,” Lance said. “I just brought you coffee.”
“I don’t need it,” she argued.
Lance’s heart fell. He’d stood up. He’d walked away, defeated.
However, Keith… Keith was different. He was going to meet Keith for a study session when he’d decided to get some coffee and a sandwich for both of them.
As he sat down, he slid the coffee and sandwich over to Keith before sitting down to open his books, trying to keep it simple.
Keith didn’t let it slide. He reached across the table and grabbed Lance’s hand. Lance looked up and met his gaze.
And there it was again. Soft eyes. Small smile.
“What?” Lance asked.
“Thanks for bringing me coffee. And food,” Keith said.
“It’s nothing,” Lance replied, brushing it off. “Go back to your studying. I don’t want to distract you.”
Keith shook his head. “You’re never a distraction,” his boyfriend said. “You brought me something to eat and caffeine. You’re my savior.”
Lance smiled. Keith’s grin grew.
They went back to studying, both content.
-oOo-
It’s the middle of the night when Lance sees the look again.
He’s always had really vivid nightmares. When he was a kid, he’d run to his parents’ room in the middle of the night and crawl into his mamá’s arms. That changed as he grew older.
When he started dating and spending the night with his partners, he’d sometimes wake them up, begging for cuddles until his heart quit slamming into his ribs. Other times, he’d nudge them, and they’d grunt at him.
“I’m sleepin, Lance,” they’d say. “You’re being dramatic. Go back to sleep.”
He’d roll over, wrap his arms around himself, and stare out the window until the sun rose and he could get up for the day after a restless night of sleep.
With Keith, it’s different. One night, he’s shaken awake from a scary nightmare involving Nadia and her not being strapped into a carseat.
He heard crying, and as he came to, he realized that it’s him who was sobbing. He was shaking because Keith was trying to pull him out of this dream.
“Sweetheart?” Keith said. “Wake up, Lance, it’s just a dream.”
Lance reached for Keith, who immediately wrapped his arms around Lance, pulling him close. Lance sobbed into his shirt while Keith made reassuring noises and ran his fingers lovingly through Lance’s hair.
“It’s okay,” Keith murmured over and over again. And slowly, Lance started to believe him.
Once he calmed down, he pulled back to wipe his eyes with the sleeve of his shirt. Keith rolled backwards and clicked on their light.
“No, no,” Lance protested. “Don’t stay up for me. I’m just being dramatic.”
Keith frowned. “What makes you think that? You had a nightmare, Lance. That’s not being dramatic.”
And Lance suddenly thought of all those times people told him that he was being too dramatic or too loud or too excited or too much, and for the first time, he thought that maybe that didn’t apply to Keith.
“Okay,” he said.
Keith smiled, and his eyes grew soft instead of confused. “Okay,” he replied. He pulled Lance closer, and whispered sweet nothings into Lance’s ear until he fell asleep in the safety of Keith’s arms.
-oOo-
They’ve been dating for more than a year when Lance finally let it slip.
He’d seen that small smile and soft eyes from Keith so many times over the past year. When Lance was talking to a little girl at the park, asking her about her shoes and her favorite princess. When Lance was describing something he’d learned in a class, excited and unable to calm down. When Lance brought Keith small gifts and happys and cups of coffee, needing to care for his boyfriend.
Every time, he felt his heart skip a beat. In other times of his life, he’d been told that he was too loud, too excited, too much. Lance couldn’t help it. He just loved really hard and sometimes too much, but he didn’t know any other way to be. It was how he was. Giving someone less than a hundred and ten percent was an insult to Lance’s character.
You’ve got a big heart, mijo, his mamá used to say. I just hope you find someone who loves your heart as much as you love everything else.
And Keith… Keith did.
They were currently packed into a corner booth at a club where they’d been drinking and dancing the night away. The whole night, Keith had followed Lance, whether it was to the dance floor or to the bar or to a dark corner where Lance could kiss Keith until he couldn’t breathe.
Like he was doing right now.
“Mmmhm,” Lance sighed into the kiss.
Keith broke away for a second, pressing kisses down the side of Lance’s neck. Lance arched into the kiss, letting Keith’s warm hands climb up his back to pull him further into Keith’s lap.
Lance weaved his hands into his boyfriend’s hair. “Keith, baby, come back and kiss me,” he almost whined.
“Sorry, I just needed to catch my breath,” Keith said as he looked up to meet Lance’s eyes. That small smile and soft eyed look was back, which felt particularly intimate despite the fact that Lance had just had his tongue wrapped up in Keith’s mouth.
“We can stop,” Lance said. “I know I can be too much sometimes.”
It wasn’t until he watched the sultry smile fall off Keith’s face that he realized that he’d said something he’d never meant to say.
“Too much?” Keith asked, the soft looking falling to confusion. “Who told you that?”
Lance shook his head. “No one,” he replied. “It’s nothing, Keith. Let’s just go dance.” He stood up quickly and grabbed Keith’s hand, pulling him across the floor before Keith could say anything else.
When he finally turned to meet Keith’s eyes, the confusion still rested on his face, but Keith shook his head once, refocused on Lance. He pulled Lance closer to him, resting his hands on Lance’s hips. Lance laced his fingers behind Keith’s neck and pulled them into dance after dance until he wasn’t thinking too hard anymore.
---
The next morning, Lance rolled over and searched for Keith in their bed. When he didn’t feel Keith’s warm body next to him, he sat up, confused.
He rubbed his eyes and finally smelled bacon cooking.
“Keith is making breakfast, yes,” he whispered as he rolled out of bed. After a quick stop in the bathroom, he made his way to the kitchen.
There, in front of the stove, stood his boyfriend. He was decked out in just his boxers, and Lance could see hickies and bite marks scattered down his neck, to his shoulders. Lance winced. He may have had a little too much fun last night.
He crossed the kitchen and wrapped his arms around Keith’s waist, tucking his nose into Keith’s neck.
“Mornin’,” he whispered.
“Morning, dear,” Keith replied before he looked away from the stove for a second to kiss Lance on the crown of his head.
“Sorry about all the marks,” Lance said. “I got too carried away.”
Keith just sighed. “It’s okay, Lance,” Keith answered. “Do you want to fix us some coffee?”
Lance nodded once, pressed a careful kiss along his boyfriend’s jaw, and headed to the coffee maker.
He poured two cups of coffee and fixed them both how they liked: Lance's with two creams and two sugars while Keith's had just one sugar.
Once he was done, he moved to the table just as Keith was bringing over two plates piled high with eggs and toast and bacon.
Keith slid his plate over to him before sitting next to Lance and taking his hand.
"This looks so good, babe," Lance said as he dug in. "And you made my eggs over easy!"
That small smile and soft eyed look was there again. "I know what you like," Keith replied. He still hadn't touched his food. "Lance, is this okay?"
Lance stopped eating. "What?" he asked, confused.
"Is it okay that I made you breakfast?" Keith asked.
He nodded. "Yeah, of course."
"What about when I pick you up from class and take you home?" Keith continued.
Again, Lance nodded.
"Is it okay when I talk about car engines for hours on end?"
"Yeah, baby, what are you getting at?" Lance finally asked.
"So you never think I'm too much?" As Keith spoke, he squeezed Lance's hand.
Oh.
Suddenly, he thought of how he told Keith last night that he was too much. In fact, he thought of every instance over the last year when he'd said stuff like that about himself.
He felt his cheeks warm with embarrassment.
"Keith," Lance says, eyes downcast at his eggs instead of meeting his boyfriend's eyes. "It's no big deal."
His boyfriend reached across the table and grabbed his hand. He squeezed it once, twice. "It is, sweetheart," Keith argued. "You let stuff like that slip all the time, and I don't want you to feel like I don't love every aspect of you. Because I do."
Wait.
What.
Had… had Keith just said love?
Lance finally met Keith's eyes, and there it was. Sure and steady.
"You love me?" Lance asked.
Keith nodded. "I do," he replied, sure.
“But Keith, I love too hard. Feel too much. I’m too much," Lance argued.
Keith smiled at him before leaning up and kissing him hard. He broke away again.
“Not to me,” he said. “You’re not too much. You’re just enough. You're perfect, Lance.”
And suddenly, Lance felt himself fall harder and faster than he ever had before. Finally, here was someone who not only knew his flaws, but loved them. Someone who took his bleeding heart and held it close like it was some precious. It was like he'd suddenly been set free, allowed to love as hard as he could.
Keith loved him.
Lance pushed his chair back and crossed over to Keith's side as fast as he could. He sat down in Keith's lap, bearing down on him for a fast and hard kiss.
"I love you," he said as he broke away for a quick second. "I love you so much."
Keith pulled him back down for another kiss and another and another and another until Lance couldn't tell where Keith ended and he started.
And for once, he felt like he was just right.