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Keith was a baby when his mother left him.
He didn't remember it, but he did remember being five-years-old and having kids tease him on the playground about how his mom didn't want him.
He cried under the big tree at the back of the playground where no one could see him and wished he could scream loud enough for his mom to hear him and come back, prove to those kids that his mother did want him.
Years later, he did find his mother, and she loves him. She told him why she left. He understood.
But still… that fear was bone-deep and hard to shake.
He was swiftly reminded of this when he and Lance have their first fight after they started dating.
It was over something silly, like whose turn it is to put up the dishes or where they're going to eat that night. Something small, but somehow turned into something… bigger.
"I can't deal with you right now!" Lance yelled. He was shoving on his shoes and digging his keys out of the bowl.
"Where are you going?" Keith demanded.
"Out!"
"Fine!"
"Fine!"
The door slammed shut behind Lance, and Keith stewed for all of five minutes before the anxiety started creeping in.
What if this breaks us? What if he hates me now? What if he leaves me?
What if he never comes back?
When Lance came back 20 minutes, Keith was shaking on the living room floor.
"Babe?" Lance called. Keith barely heard him over the thrumming in his ears.
He was vaguely aware of Lance sliding into his vision and resting his hands on his shoulders.
"Keith," Lance said over and over again. "I'm here, I'm here."
Keith came back to awareness slowly, and he looked up at Lance's blue, blue eyes. "I was scared you'd leave me," he finally said.
Lance shook his head. "I'm sorry," he said. "I shouldn't have left in a huff. I'm not leaving you, Keith. Okay? I promise. I'm here. Even if we fight, I'm coming back to you."
Keith just nodded and leaned into Lance. The demons were still yelling, but they were easy to beat off with Lance's arms around him.
-oOo-
Before his dad died, he was the best at taking care of a sick Keith.
His dad would set him up on the couch in the living room and turn on his favorite movies. He'd bring him medicine in between cups of Jello and Sprite and alphabet soup with no carrots. He'd bring more blankets when he was cold and cold compresses when he was hot. He'd sing him songs and tell stories, and Keith usually drifted off to fitful sleep from his dad's rumbling voice.
That all changed after his dad died.
Instead of having someone comfort him, Keith would sleep or push through until he felt better. As he got older, he learned which cold medicines worked and how to cook chicken noodle soup quickly before he got woozy from standing up.
By the time Lance stormed into his life, Keith had figured out how to muddle through being sick on his own.
He tried to explain that to Lance, but his boyfriend did not get the message apparently.
An hour after Keith had called Lance to cancel their date for the night because he'd suddenly started exhibiting flu-like symptoms, someone was pounding on the door.
"Ugh," Keith groaned.
He slowly made his way to the front door, ready to curse whoever was behind it. Instead, he opened the door to reveal his stupid, wonderful boyfriend.
"Lance?" Keith asked, confused. Maybe he was hallucinating. "Am I dying?"
But his perfect, stupid, wonderful boyfriend just laughed. "I don't think so, but I'm not the one with the flu. You gonna let me in?" Lance asked.
Keith stepped aside, and his boyfriend shuffled through the door with bags that Keith was just now noticing.
"Why are you here?" Keith asked as he wrapped his arms around himself. He'd left his blanket to answer the door, and Christ, he was cold.
"To take care are you, silly," Lance replied as he breezed past him into the kitchen.
"But, I'm sick," Keith tried to explain again.
"I know," Lance said as he started unloading the bags. There was Jello and Sprite and Keith's favorite crackers and soup from the deli down the street and Keith's favorite ginger tea and honey and cough drops and ten types of cold medicine and after the third box of flu medicine, Keith stopped staring and looked back at your boyfriend.
"But," Keith said. "You're gonna get sick."
Lance just shrugged. "I got my flu shot this year, so I should be good," he replied as he started putting everything up.
Keith just stood there and watched him, completely confused.
When Lance was finally done putting everything up and Keith was still standing there confused, his boyfriend crossed the space to stand in front of him.
"Keith?" Lance asked. "What's wrong, babe?"
"I just," Keith said, swallowing around his sore throat. "I wasn't expecting you to come take care of me. It's been a long time since someone did that."
"Oh," Lance replied, stepping into Keith's space and pulling him close to hold him. "Honey, I'll always be here to take care of you."
And Keith was tired and achy and burning up with a fever and congested, but for a second, he really believed Lance.
-oOo-
So after his mom leaving him and his dad dying, Keith didn’t bother getting close to anyone. He spent most of high school walking through the halls like a ghost.
That is, until Shiro showed up.
But before Shiro, Keith didn’t really consider anyone a friend of his.
He didn’t have anyone who offered to study for classes with him or anyone to go out with on Friday nights or anyone to send him random texts that showed that they were thinking of him.
When Shiro finally showed up, he was very direct in how he dealt with Keith, which Keith needed. He appreciated it. Shiro gave him direction and purpose.
Lance… Lance gave him friendship and so much more.
His boyfriend had a million different ways of showing he cared about Keith.
Like a text message of a cute cat that said, “Saw this precious baby, and knew you would coo over him if you were here. His name is Rex. :)”
Like showing up at the secret table on the fourth floor of the library where Keith liked to hide and study with his favorite sandwich and candy bar. He’d deliver them with a brush of his fingers through Keith’s hair and a sweet kiss on his forehead.
Like dragging him out for a surprise date on Friday night that ended up being everything Keith loved: dinner at his favorite Italian place, a trip downtown for the local art walk where they walked through the local galleries and held hands and sipped wine, and a final stop at his favorite local bookstore/coffee shop so he could pick up a new book and get gelato before going home for the night.
So, Keith thought he was used to the kind things that Lance would do to show he was thinking about him and cared about him and missed him.
But, he was second thinking that decision now.
Lance had been out of visiting his family, and Keith was at his job working as a student secretary in the art department when a man walked in with a bouquet of red tulips and blue forget-me-nots.
“I have a delivery for a Keith Kogane?” the man said to Keith.
“Me?” he asked, confused.
“If you’re Keith Kogane, then yes,” the man replied.
In a daze, Keith signed for the flowers.
“Oooh,” Allura, his fellow student secretary, said from her desk. “Someone has an admirer.”
“I don’t know who would send me flowers,” Keith replied as he carefully ran a finger down a delicate tulip petal.
“I do,” she sing-songed in reply.
Keith ignored her. He had an idea too, but he’d found the card and wanted to confirm his suspicions.
Hi, sweetheart!
Just sending you a little something to let you know that I’m thinking of you, and I miss you. I love you, babe. Can’t wait to see you when I get home.
Love,
Lance
Keith’s hands shook as he carefully tucked the card back into its little envelope. He held it close to the chest as he looked at the flowers in awe.
Before Lance, he’d never been someone’s place to return to, someone’s home.
He found he liked it.
-oOo-
No matter how hard he tried to hold on, Keith was swiftly reminded of how fragile his newfound family could be on a rainy day.
Keith had already lost Shiro once, not long after he'd let him crawl into his guarded heart. A year after Keith met Shiro, Shiro was deployed to fight over in the Middle East.
He'd tried to act like he wasn't terrified of losing Shiro, but nothing prepared him for Shiro going missing in action. Those weeks waiting for news about Shiro were the longest of Keith's life. They finally found him, but he came back haunted and missing an arm.
But he'd stupidly thought Shiro would be safe after that.
The Universe found a way to prove him wrong. He was waiting for Lance to come home after a long day when his phone rang, the caller ID showing Adam's name.
"Hey," Keith said when he answered as he flipped through Netflix, looking for something to watch.
"Keith."
Something in the way Adam said his name made his heart stop.
When Keith didn't immediately respond, Adam continued, "Shiro… he, he was in a wreck.”
Keith swallowed before asking. "Is he okay?"
"He's in surgery right now. Someone plowed into him while he was stopped at the light by our house," Adam said. "He was almost home." His voice cracked on the last word.
"I'll be there soon, okay?" he said, refusing to believe he'd lose Shiro again. "Text me where you are, okay?"
"Alright," Adam said before disconnecting the call.
In a haze, he collected his keys, wallet, and phone and ran out the door.
---
When Keith got to the hospital, he made a beeline for the emergency room. Once he got there, he saw Adam immediately, slumped in one of the hard plastic chairs.
“Have they said anything to you?” he asked in lieu of a greeting.
Adam looked up tiredly, but he sat back. “Not yet,” he responded. “Have a seat, Keith.”
Keith sat next to him, but his knee bounced and he kept pulling his jacket tighter around himself and did everything but sit still.
After about five minutes of this, Adam sighed loudly.
“Keith, I can’t handle your anxiety and mine right now,” his brother’s husband said as kindly as possible. “Can you sit still for a second?”
He finally stopped moving for a second. “I’m so scared, Adam,” he admitted, feeling again like the teen who was waiting for news on the closest thing he had to family after they’d gone missing.
Adam looked closely at him before pulling his close, wrapping his arm around Keith’s shoulders.
“Shiro’s tough,” Adam said. “We gotta believe in him.”
Keith just nodded, his throat too choked to say anything else.
The two sat for a moment in silence, Adam’s arm wrapped around Keith, before Adam’s phone pinged. Adam took one look at the phone before he let out a sigh of relief.
“Finally,” he whispered.
“Finally what?” Keith asked.
“Keith.”
Keith whipped around to look at who had called his name unbelieving for just a second.
But it was real.
Lance was here.
He was walking towards them quickly, clearly winded. Keith hopped up and rushed to Lance, who opened his arms just in time to catch a flying Keith.
“Oof,” Lance grunted. “Babe, you okay?”
Keith tucked his head into Lance’s neck, wrapped his arms around his neck tight tight tight. “You’re here,” he whispered. “You’re here, you’re here, oh my god.”
He felt the tears he’d been trying to hold back welling up. He was so relieved to see Lance.
“Yeah, honey,” Lance whispered into his ear. “Adam called me and told me what was going on. I wouldn’t leave you alone right now. Especially not when it’s Shiro.”
“Thank you, Lance,” he choked out through the tears.
Lance just held him and rubbed his back while he tried to breathe through his panic.
"I got you, Keith," Lance said over and over again as Keith managed to calm down. "I got you."
Eventually, Keith collected himself, and they sat back down in the chairs next to Adam, Keith’s hand holding on tightly to Lance’s.
Not long after that, a doctor came into the lobby of the emergency room.
“Family of Takashi Shirogane?” the doctor asked.
They shot out of their chairs and sped across the hallway, Lance holding onto Keith’s hand the whole time. “Adam Wylan and Keith Kogane?” the doctor asked when they reached him.
“Yes, that’s us,” Adam said.
“Well, I’m happy to report that Takashi is stable,” the doctor said. “He should be up in an hour or so, and you can see them.”
In that moment, Keith’s whole body melted into Lance’s who kept him stable as the doctor explained Shiro’s injuries.
And despite his worry for Shiro and the millions of other emotions, he had a distinct thought flit into his head.
I think Lance will always be here to catch me.
---
Adam finally shooed them out of the hospital around 2 in the morning after they'd seen Shiro and Keith had squeezed him as hard as he could.
Keith had started towards his car once they reached the parking lot, but Lance grabbed his sleeve.
"You're in no shape to drive," Lance said. "We'll get your car in the morning."
He didn't even put up a fight, just tucked himself into Lance's side and let him lead them to the car. The whole ride home, Lance held his hand, like a steady presence.
You're okay.
I'm with you.
When they finally got into their apartment, Keith kicked his shoes off and made a beeline for the bedroom. He changed into pajamas, and Lance came in with a cup of tea.
"Here," he said as he handed the cup to Keith. "I know this calms your nerves."
Keith took a big whiff. Chamomile with honey.
His favorite.
He sat down on the bed, suddenly exhausted. Lance sat next to him, hip pressed to hip. As he sipped at the tea, he leaned into Lance's side, feeling safe and secure for the first time since Adam had called him.
"You okay?" Lance asked when Keith finished his tea. Lance took the cup from him, placed it in the ground next to their feet.
Keith shrugged. "Better now that I've seen him and I'm with you." Once he finished, a big yawn broke through him. "I'm tired, though."
Lance hummed. "Get into bed then. I'm going to drop the cup in the kitchen and change, and then I'll be on bed."
He nodded, too tired to do anything other than that. He snuggled into their bed, latching onto Lance's pillow and breathing deeply.
Lemon.
Sea salt.
Safety.
Lance.
Lance had come to him when he was falling tonight and didn't even have time to call for him.
If he hadn't loved his blue-eyed sweetheart of a boyfriend before, he most certainly did now. This feeling grew and grew while he heard Lance putter around in the kitchen and the bathroom.
I love him, he thought over and over again.
He'd spent so much of his life in fear of losing people because he had lost people. Time after time.
And then…
Lance crashed into his life.
He made Keith feel safe in a way he had never felt before.
When Lance walked into their bedroom, Keith sat up abruptly.
Lance stopped, slightly taken aback.
"Everything okay?" he asked.
"I love you," Keith replied.
"Oh," Lance said. And then he was crossing their bedroom, crawling into their bed to hold onto Keith's shoulders and pull him closer for a kiss. And then another and then another and the whole time, Keith's heart was a steady beat against his ribs.
I love him.
He's always going to be here.
He won't ever disappear from me.
I love him.
Lance pulled back after a few minutes of heated kissing.
"I love you, too," Lance whispered to Keith.
He rested his head against Lance's forehead. "You've never left me," he finally said. "Even when we fight or I'm sick or something happens and I forget to call you, you never leave."
Lance reached up and ran a hand through Keith's hair. "Of course not, love," he replied. "I'd be lost without you, you know?"
Keith nodded and burrowed further into Lance's chest. "Yeah," he said. "I know, Lance."
And finally, Keith understood that they'd hold onto each other.
That's what would keep them strong.