Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

(Its my first fanfiction, aaaand I know that no one is gonna read it. But anyways here I go)

~flashback~

" why are you so weak! You are not my shadow anymore! Hell I can't even understand that how did you became a regular in the team when you are so weak and useless, and the only damn thing you do is hold the team back and get in our way! No one cares about you,No one ever will. They all want u to disappear forever anyway "(-aomine )

~another flashback~

"Kurokochi! I..I......I am sorry but I don't want to see your face....your presence...it disgusts me....please leave".(-kise)

~fashback~ (somewhere in a library)

" Kuroko, you know that we are getting stronger day by day! Right?...all I wanted to say is that you should leave now,not like I care or anything but this place is not for you nanadayo". (-midorima)

~flashback~

"You no longer cease to impress me tetsuya! This place is not for weak pheasants like you! U should leave, you are just holding the team back! Do u actually think that u are of any use in this team? You were just a toy for us and we don't play with broken toys". (-akashi)

~flasback~(somewhere on his way home)
"Neee.......oh kuro-chin! Why do u play basketball? I mean that u are so weak that I could crush u right here! I don't like weaklings,I want to crush them". (-murasakibara)

~end of flashbacks

Kuroko P.O.V

'....how can they be so mean! I know that I have never had these feelings or emotions but it hurts...... I..It hurts where it can't be healed'.

I still remember how they ditched me like that. They never turned around to see that if I was okay. Never did they called me to ask how I was doing.

"were we not friends?was all that for show? ....were my feelings really a toy for them? Why me? Y do I have to face so many betrayals?....Why do I have to lose soo much while I see others smiling and laughing" I whispered as I was walking toward the school with my headphone on and hearing to music so I could get my attention off from all the cheered up people around me.

No ones P.O.V

as kuroko was walking to school, he heard someone yelling his name, he turned around to see that it was Kagami calling him and asking him that if they could walk together to school. Kuroko shrugged off the mixture of his negative and sad though and passed a weak smile towards kagami which got unnoticed as usual and started walking with him.

When they reached to school,they saw seirin waiting for them. Kuroko quickly removed his headphones and kept it in his backpack. Kuroko noticed that the seirin was talking about something but immediately stopped when they saw kagami and kuroko coming.

.

little did kuroko knew that what they were talking about! And how was is going to affect his terrible life

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Chapter Text

Third person p.o.v

Seirin had walked to school together.

In the end of the classes,when the time came to practice basketball, everyone changed their clothing and stepped in the court in their team jerseys...except kuroko.

Kuroko was still in the locker room. He was standing there alone,deep in his thoughs, flashbacks of the time when he was miserably rejected by GoM started flashing in him mind mind

"Do they even remember who I am, do they even know how much I had to suffer because of the words that had been spoken by them....." Tears were formed at the corner of his eyes as he remembered the early times when he had suicidal thoughts all the time and just wanted to disappear.

Even after all this time, Kuroko's thoughts hadn't changed much. But the only thing that was stopping him from trying to attempt a suicide was seirin. Even though he didn't showed it but the truth was that he really cared about seirin, he adored the friendship between him and his recent light and he always looked forward to everyday practice matches with his team.

________________________________________________

In the court~

The seirin was standing in the court, waiting for their couch who wasn't there yet. Couch Rico had gone to pay a short visit to the principle office to get the new training regiment for the basketball team approved but she was taking time and hadn't come back 

In the meanwhile, seirin was gossiping , their faces had looks of pure disgust. Anger clearly showing on their faces as they whispered into each other's ears.

________________________________________________

Kuroko snapped out of the dreadful flashbacks. His heart was beating faster and his face and arms were sweaty. He waited till his heart started beating at normal speed. He stared at his pale hands and have himself a sly smile as he thought to himself. ' kuroko, hold yourself together, seirin has always greeted u like a true family, you won't ever need to see the events repeat themselves that happened in the past, have some faith in humanity'

Kuroko left the locker room with slow and steady steps. No one realized kuroko is here when he entered. Kuroko saw that everyone had started doing the warm-up. He gave himself a silent smile while looking at them from distance.

kuroko was about to speak but he stopped after what he heard

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Seirin was doing warm-up.

Kuroko gave himself a silent smile as he walked up to captain hyuuga so he could also play a part in the regular warm-ups and the heart warming team spirit ....but eventually ,he came to doubt his steps- his footsteps came to a halt as soon as kagami's words caught his ears. - coach Rico was surely taking her sweet time.

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3rd P.O.V :

Kagami was stretching his legs but stopped between the warm-ups and asked -"Hyuuga senpai ....may I ask your opinion on kuroko."

"...about kuroko..? Umm..well..he is nice."

Kagami was serious, he was determined. He couldn't let it slide with that type of answer. He was persistent

"It's okay. Why don't you say it clearly..."
(~ i know what you might say.....he is weak~)

"what are you saying Kagami" Izuki questioned -trying to figure out kagami's true intentions.

Hyuuga looked lost in his little world, calmly collecting all his thought until he finally spoke-

".....how to begin? ...well... to be extremely blunt like kuroko is.... this......
this might offend you as well,as you are his best friend and his former light.....
but i think that kuroko is...weak.
I dont intent to be harsh but he lacks too much stamina,height, and power.
He might be a... pro-passer in our 'team',
But can not provide us with many score points. He can not be a worthy opponent to anyone...
even if he passes with all his might because in the end its us... its ALWAYS us who make the score. .......,...........,.
This was related to the match.. But if it's his personality that you are asking my opinion on then it only gets worse......
I wouldn't be afraid to say that
I AM low-key afraid of him....
His little acts of disappearance.... His emotionless personality.......
he is too quiet On dangerous level...........
The occasionally mini heart attacks..
I can't say they are small at all If  someone just saying 'hi' burns the living crap out of you.....
well!! ...that's that,
enough to answer your question....
.
.
But i am curious of why did you ask .
And why did you ask ME on that case, is there a special reason..??"

There was a long pause, no one expecting this to be said -just stood there shocked
Kuroko stood at the side -too shocked to react, his heart beating faster. The words he heard - without a shadow of doubt were from his teammates.

Kagami had his own train of thoughts. But he had to answer the captains -and after hearing the reply -he knew he could now reply with what was going in his mind.

"Eeeh it's...a change of mind. The more i stay with GOM ,the more i see the difference in the talents.
.... I had a match with kise and Aomine yesterday .
Had a blast. Both are annoying but when they get to play action is legit the awesome fu*kery."

those were the words that came out.
Out of not probably the mouth...but heart too.

This......

It was......

It....

...

It was okay.

It.......was ok .....

Kuroko understood...

It wasn't a change of thought.

It was a change of mind...
a change of heart.

It was the same situation with everyone Kuroko met. He remembered the first interaction with kise...with everyone.

They all came to respect him only after seeing what he could actually do on the court...
.
Friendship- only after he proved his worth.
.

That was a long time ago
......
they all were new to life.
Still learning everything...
Roles,
Priorities
... Basketball

Now - they were perfect.
And the only thing that had helped Kuroko get some respect once was now the reason he was getting looked down on.

By the GOM
By seirein

~The lack
-of a normal basketball style.
-Lack of Skills.

Kuroko would have asked for a justification. A reasoning.
But too bad his body was on automatic mode. His legs automatically started moving towards the gym doors.

This court had an expiry date.
An expiry date just for him. And it was sad that day had to be today. Any more use of it could turn out to be poisonous and spread in the wounds that were already salted.

When everything was on verge of falling apart was when Rico finally entered the court.

"WHY Haven't you all already started practicing!!!?? and Kuroko tell me why aren't you warming up!" She screamed as soon as she entered.

~silence.

his feet never stopped moving. Slowly progressing towards the entrance -his escape.

Gasps were heard. Realization slowly sinking that the subject had become a victim. The victim had been shot.

"Hey Kuroko. We can explain - For now , you don't look so good. How about you sit this one match down-" Kagami stated.

"Yeah Kuroko - you look sick
- go recover your energy. I have got some things to discuss with ALL of you at the end" Rico stopped him and  practically dragged Kuroko to a bench not knowing the whole situation

"Kagami! You sub out too.
I want to strengthen the skills and team work of the rest of the players - I am going to let  you in -in the 3rd and 4th over with Kuroko" she was already rushing with her charts of everyone's skill levels and strategies to improve them

"Why coach!!! - don't do that.
my blood is itching to play." the anger was coming on display

"You work best with Kuroko on court. U can use this time to make a new skill combo" the suggestion that was overlooked on mentioning Kuroko's name

"Urgh I don't wanna. I want to dunk that basketball right now!" The restlessness of the red head could not be hidden

"look -Kuroko cant play at the moment. So while u are at it -sit down and come up with a new combo. -everyone already knows all our strategies so we really NEED solid new skills and techniques if we want to win right now! So take help from Kuroko and decide what you can do about this together"
Rico was irritated at this point. So much time had Already been wasted and she didn't had it in her to deal with this childishness

"BUT I DON'T NEED KUROKO TO WIN!!" There it was -word to word -the point that Kuroko was so afraid of, but knew it was coming

~silence~

No one said anything. More like no one couldn't

"WHAT!!!!?? I know he is my shadow but honestly that doesn't mean i have to always relay on him. I am the light. I CAN play AND win without his help." And there it was. 'The reasoning' that Kuroko couldn't ask for before

-everyone stared at Kagami. It might not have been so shocking if it came from someone else. But Kagami was his best friend since start. His only true friend...

"WHAT!!!!?? STOP looking at me like that! I seriously play with GOM without him and still am a worthy opponent to hustle for "

"Kagami you DO know that Kuroko is here right!! He shouldn't be knowing about your interactions with GOM."
It was captains turn to try to salvage what was left

"If the GOM didn't tell him then its not my fault. They call me to hang out and play and i am always up for a good basketball match."

"You all are going to bite each other if you don't stop
PENALTY ROUND. RUN 10 LAPS OF THE SCHOOL. EVERYONE!!"

everyone left hurriedly.

Everyone.

Except Kuroko. Who
Sat there with his head hung low

Honestly...

He knew about GOM talking with Kagami

Enjoying their time -hanging out  -celebrating their returns
.
.
Playing basketball
.....for fun
...together.
.
.
.
Everything Kuroko has hoped for.

But he wasn't with them.
The reunion was not meant for him.
.
A lonely shadow.

The GOM didn't hated him.
But he had crushed them.
.
Crushed them within their ego and power.
He had them crashing and falling hard on ground with the cruel reality.
They were thankful.
But they just couldn't meet their eyes with him.
They still had the bitter taste of a loss.
.
.
So they distanced themselves.
From the one and only.
.
.
-The lonely shadow.
.
Who got nothing but a hard lump to swallow stuck in his throat. For everything he did.

Ah the bittersweet misery

His heart wasn't broken.
.
Shattered things Can't shatter more. But the pieces...
-every shard
Was stabbing him .

♥ emotional  bleeding. ♥

A question to answer.

Is it wise to stay in a place where you have no worth. To leave the hearts that don't understand the value of you because the value of themselves in jungle of power is always going go be of a hunter. And you shall be the prey to their arrogance.

Or.

To not leave in hopes of proving yourself better. To EARN respect.
.
.
.
Does true friendship really need you to PROVE your worth.
.
If u are strong -you are loved Or you amount to Nothing .

--------------------------------------------

The question had to be answered by Kuroko. As Kuroko wasn't the one deciding his fate.

At that moment he stood up
And started moving towards the escape he couldn't have -the court's entrance. Passing away the running basketball team.

And on his toes towards the one place he could always crash in. While the words -that were not long ago said -were now ringing into his ears -slowly consuming every other positive thought that had been in his brain not only an hour ago.

He was betrayed again.
They didn't stay.
At last. Human greed had won again .
And his value had been lost .

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Chapter Text

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.

.
They knew better.
If Seirin didn't,
GoM DID.
.
.
.
GoM... Even after distancing themselves from the poor lonely shadow.
Even after the very bitter taste of cruel reality the phantom left in their throats, etched in their spines.
The cruel reality of loss.
.
.
.
.
GoM knew. They wouldn't have let Seirin do what the team did.
They wouldn't let tetsuya leave. They wouldn't lose such a pure gem twice.
They wouldn't
They couldn't
But they couldn't stop it too....
Cuz they never knew.
.
.
.
And now the boy's feet just wont stop.
He wanted to stop walking.
it was killing his feet.

The voices cooing in his head.

The words echoing.

An unending cocaphony.

It was making his legs weak.

He wanted to stop his legs.
The voices.
His breathing.
His heartbeat.
His conscience....

( T  T)

Did someone follow him out of gym.
Was someone calling him.
Too many voices.
Every thing was blurry now.
Good.
Blurry was good.
He wished he would drop unconscious in front of a car or in a ditch forever.
No more sounds no more breathing.
no more hurt...
.
.
.

--------------------------------------------------

" Ayo bakagami "

" Hai-

*the sound of shuffling- evidence of two parties- struggling to achieve something

" Oi bakagami what the hec -

" this is Rico. seirin's coach. Give me Akashi's number"

"Eh ok. Its 093-
EEEEH seriously?? The devil's number.
What ? Do u wanT TO diE!!??"

"aHomine- before i do something you better start talking. We needit fast"

"....I won't-

"-kuroko is missing, i doubt kagami and the other did something. They wont tell but i cant wait for them to spill.
we need to find kuroko he looked extremely pale and out of it. So please hurry"
*almost begging*

"....0931-476-6709"

The call ended. Rico cut it. She had to hurry. She was a fast learner and observer. Always working like a calculator.
Remembering the number was easy. She had to hurry.

She hit kagami on the head while dialing akashi's number.
She might be risking her life but damn 2 years with this team, this was her family.

Everyone was important. Especially kuroko.

He sacrificed his presence.
Every part of fame and even in game audience cheering.
He deserved it.
But he sacrificed it.
For the team
- for his family.

{In audience cheering is big thing. It increases chances of winning but also a type of marketing tactic showing that weak looking boi is more then what seems his capabilities. Especially for new fans and new teams.}

The bell kept ringing and ringing. Her breaths steady. With the hope of the devil picking up...

She side eyed kagami. And the rest of the group who were hiding in the locker room, peeking from time to time. She didn't knew anything that happened. She just entered the gym and so much had happened already.
.
.
.

The call never connected. Akashi's number was out of reach. She tried again n again...
.
.
.
.
.
It seemed like the gods weren't on kuroko's side today.

--------------------------------------------------
Darkness...
Taste of defeat.
Taste of victory.
Taste of relief
Taste of the End
Taste of blood.

Kuroko's body laid lifeless in a ditch. near a park.

Maybe a speedy motor hit him and he flew just to get hit by the big tree and drop in the ditch beneath it....

Maybe that wasn't ENTIRELY the truth.

Maybe he will go unnoticed again.

But

Maybe that was good.
.
.
.

This was
The taste of mercy
...
...
...
.................................................................

( chp 1 already told you this grp was kuroko's everything! His false hope and sense of security. Don't kill me)
.
.
.
.

Akashi had just visited his mothers grave .....

The taste of Loss.

He wasn't absolute.

He wasn't.....

He couldn't always win

He had people he cared for but could never show.

He had people he wanted to save but couldn't.

He had fatigue... From Overworking

He had nightmares

He had fear of losing more people. A bad feeling that wont go away. It was eating him since days..

He was driving back when he saw an accident. He couldn't care less. Even other people didn't notice it. No one reacted.

His car drove on.

Until the feeling stabbed him.
He stopped the car.
Went to look for the victim.
.
.
.
.
He couldn't find anyone.
.
.
.
.
Kuroko??his instincts made him think
.
.
no. That wont be the case.
It shouldn't be
.
.

.
.
.

Ku-TETSUYA?!!

The GOM wouldn't lose another gem. Not kuroko.
Definitely not kuroko.
He had a special place in GoMs hearts.
His heart...
They all had distanced themselves...
But they still valued the kid.

He wouldn't let this happen.

"Aka-zhi kun??Hehehe

Should i quit basketba- ball"

The Boy's eyes fluttered slightly, not opening fully due to pain.
His hoarse voice full of daze.

"....yes"

And the bloodied body in crimson's hands became lifeless once more....

.................................................................
Short cuz my hand hurt but tell me if yall enjoyed.do u want to kill me yet?