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Seventeen times.
She’s seen him die seventeen times since they’d gotten their miraculous’ two years ago.
She had hoped in the beginning that it was going to be a rare thing, having to watch him die. She’d never forget the feeling of his heart stopping against her shaking hands while he covered her body from falling debris or of the sight of the life leaving his eyes as quickly as the blood flowed from his body.
It was ingrained in her mind forever.
Over the years he’d tried to not take as many hits for her, he understood how badly it had started affecting her, but there were always moments that neither of them could avoid. No matter how many promises he made, sometimes they’re just not fast enough.
She can’t blame him for that, she knows he already feels guilty enough already.
She can blame Hawkmoth though, and she does. She blames him for everything, every night she’s woken up screaming and every bruise and scrape, every ounce of blood he’s split onto the grounds of Paris she blames that monster for. Everytime she has to fight alone she thinks it can’t be possible to hate someone more than she hates Hawkmoth, but as she kneels here, the cold, hard ground digging into her legs while she supports the weight of her partner against her chest, she realizes that’s not true.
Because the hatred she held for Hawkmoth was nothing compared to the hatred she felt towards the unmasked man lying dead on the ground in front of her.
Chat’s body trembled against her and her glare darkened as she subconsciously held him closer to her. The butterfly miraculous was clutched painfully between her fingers.
She could hear voices getting closer, people wandering carefully out of their homes and safe houses, as the noise and destruction had faded minutes ago, but she couldn’t bring herself to move. She had no idea where her lucky charm was and she was too scared to move to look for it, she didn’t want to worsen his injuries.
Even though, logically, she knew once she found her lucky charm she’d be able to fix it she couldn’t bring herself to chance him not making it that long.
His miraculous beeped again, the only steady sound other than the beating of her heart.
The light was bright and it hurt her eyes enough that she closed them, and then it faded and she could feel the warmth of blood trickling down her arm.
“Spots!” Ladybug felt something tug on her pig tail and she glanced over at the small, black kwami that was hovering next to her face.
“P-Plagg…”
“Where’s your charm?”
She didn’t answer, looking out at the wreaked city block in front of her.
“Out there.” Her voice was soft and shaky.
Chat shivered and then flinched with a pained groan.
She barely comprehended Plagg leaving, her attention had returned to the boy in her arms.
The one without a mask.
She’d known for over an hour, since Hawkmoth revealed who he was in an attempt to suade her partner’s loyalty, but seeing him without the mask and it confirming that...that he really was Adrien…
It made her heart hurt.
His eyes flickered open briefly, but it was like he was seeing through her.
“C-Chaton?” Ladybug whispered, bringing up her free arm and gently brushing a few strands of damp hair off his forehead.
His breathing was off and she could see blood dripping out of the corner of his mouth.
“Chat?” Her voice cracked, tears blurring her vision.
The voices were getting close, and loud, and she thought she could hear the sound of cameras clicking, but it was all background noise, she was hyper focused on the soft, shaking sound of his breathing.
He coughed a little, grimacing at the taste of blood.
“M-mlady?” His fingers twitched towards her arm, but he couldn’t move them enough to touch her. She could see the panic rising on his face and grabbed his hand gently.
“I’m here, I’m here, kitty.” Ladybug said quickly.
He didn’t answer for a second, his breathing was wet and slow.
“I-is everyone okay?” It took him a few seconds to get all the words out.
“Wha-, yeah, yeah everyone’s okay, don’t worry about them.” She leaned down and pressed her lips against his knuckles. “J-just...just focus on yourself...”
He let out a humorless chuckle, but it was cut off as his chest burned from the movement. His grip on her hand tightened as he cried out, tears spilling down his temples and across the bridge of his nose.
Ladybug looked up, her eyes flickering around helplessly. The roads around them were destroyed, there was no way to get an ambulance in here, and there was no way she could move him. While she tried to avoid thinking about it, she’d heard his spine snap when Hawkmoth knocked him off the Eiffel Tower and slammed him into the ground with his cane.
She knew there was no way she was getting him out of here.
“Bug?”
It felt strange, hearing those pet names come from Adrien’s mouth, but the over looming dread of the situation took away the awkwardness.
She’d take the awkward and nervous tension over this any day.
“Y-Yeah?”
“I…” He paused, and she wasn’t sure if the tears were from the pain or not. “I’m sorry…”
“What.” She swallowed painfully against the lump in her throat. “No, no kitty…” She gently stroked his cheek. “None of this is your fault.”
He didn’t respond, but his fingers tightened a little.
She rested her forehead against his, trying to hold back the sobs she could feel wanting to escape as his grip on her hand on looser and looser until the only thing keeping his hand up was her.
She heard someone scream.
Eighteen times.
She’s seen Chat Noir die seventeen times and Adrien Agreste die once since they’d gotten their miraculous’ two years ago.
And she’s seen him come back, uninjuried and grinning, seventeen of those times.
The last time there wasn’t a smile, he appeared standing and shellshocked and if she hadn’t been standing inches away from him, he’d have face planted into the ground where she stood.
A few minutes later, as Hawkmoth, or more commonly known as Gabriel Agreste, was arrested on charges of terrorism and filicide, she felt part of her relax a little.
Not a large part, more of her ached with rage at the man being dragged away, but she tried to ignore the part and focus on the warm body she’s cradling in her arms and the even breathing she could feel against her neck.
She could see Plagg moving underneath his shirt, where he’d hidden himself after he’d brought back her charm and she’d fixed everything. She’d have to thank him for that later.
“Bug?”
Ladybug looked down, twirling a soft strand of his hair between her gloved fingers.
“Hmm?”
He opened and closed his mouth a few times before ultimately glancing away, chewing on his lip as his eyes landed on the car that was pulling away.
Ladybug frowned a little. “This doesn’t change anything.” She said softly and he looked at her, his eyes widening. “You’re still my partner, who I trust, this,” She jerked her head in the direction the car went. “Doesn’t change that.”
“Promise?” Adrien said quietly after a quiet second.
She smiled a little sadly, wrapping her arms tightly around him and pulling him closer.
“Promise.” She kissed his forehead.
He nuzzled into her head a little, his hands were shaking still, but thankfully most people seemed to be giving them space.
Maybe it was because they were more focused on Hawkmoth and him being defeated, or maybe it was because of the loud and bossy blonde who was threatening to get people fired and banned from Paris if they got near them.
Either way, she was thankful, she didn’t think he could deal with questions right now.
She couldn’t deal with them right now.
She closed her eyes and leaned back against the building behind her, but a loud voice demanding to get through the crowd disturbed her mild peace.
Her eyes found Lila rather quickly and they locked gazes. Lila huffed at her when she glared, but turned her attention toward the police guard securing the area.
She didn’t wait to figure out whether or not she’d be able to persuade him into letting her in the area.
In a swift, and simple movement, she stood, cradling Adrien against her with one arm while lassoing out her yo-yo with the other. She gave a small wave to the crowd before flinging herself upward, taking him with her.
Ladybug felt his arms wrap around her neck as they swung and after almost a minute, she realized she was heading home.
She paused for a brief second, unnoticeable to him, but ultimately decided he needed to be somewhere safe.
They both did, so she kept swinging until she landed in the small alley next to the bakery.
His face was tucked into her neck and he peaked out, his nose scrunching a little.
“Where are we?”
“Home.” She said simply, gripping his hand tightly. She could hear a crowd down the street getting closer, most likely reporters or paparazzi.
Ladybug tugged him closer to the door before mumbling a soft “spots off.” and her transformation fell in a soft pink light.
Marinette opened her eyes and smiled softly at him, clutching his hand close to her cheek.
He gaped at her for a second before a soft, loving smile spread across his face.
“We’re home, kitty.”