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Draco stares at his left forearm while he tries to blink away the tears that threaten to fall. It’s still dark outside and the body next to him snores on, unaware that Draco has woken up from another nightmare. A nightmare of a day, five years ago, that changed the faith of the whole world. It was just a silly Quidditch game, a race to get to the snitch first. It ended up being the one thing that would seal Draco’s faith. Forever stuck on the dark side with no way out. Marked for his great achievement, his greatest failure, an accident that crumbled Draco’s heart and hope.
A small tear escapes Draco’s eye. It slides over his cheek until it falls onto the pillow below his head. Draco pushes the blankets off his naked body and makes his way to the bathroom. He takes a quick shower and pulls on a simple black robe. Rabastan is still fast asleep when Draco makes it back into the bedroom. Sometimes Draco wonders what would happen if he’d ever got the courage to slip some poison into Rabastan’s sleeping potion. Would the Dark Lord just find another willing body to bind Draco and keep him here? Or would Rodolphus kill Draco before anyone else would get a chance to stop him?
Not that it really matters, Draco won’t be around for much longer. His own poison is ready, as soon as his mother passes away, he will take it and welcome the end. And maybe Harry will be there to welcome him to an existence that will be better than the world Draco helped create.
Draco makes his way to his mother's bedroom and sits down on the sofa next to the window. The curtains are closed, but Draco remembers what the gardens outside this room used to look like. He knows the pride his mother took in caring for it. If he would look now it would just show bare land, abandoned to fend for itself and filled with weeds his mother used to pick out with her wand raised over the flower beds. In the days she was still strong and proud. The woman in the bed is nothing like her anymore, broken by a man that doesn’t have any respect for life. The only good thing about it all is that soon the Dark Lord won’t be able to manipulate Draco anymore into doing his bidding. And it’s his own stupid fault.
When the Dark Lord had returned Draco had been scared and frightened. And Harry had been the only person to see through Draco’s facade. Draco still doesn’t know if he should thank or curse Snape for assigning them together on a potions project. Not that it matters anymore since Snape had died years ago. But that project had been the start of the long talks, the smiles and that one quick kiss before the game that destroyed it all. It had been the start of hope blooming in Draco’s heart and then watching it slip from his hand to disappear forever.
Morning comes and goes; nobody comes to get Draco or check on Narcissa. She will die soon because of the mistakes her own son made. But Draco had to try. Too many friends had died here already. And Luna would have made it out if that stupid Wormtail hadn’t been snooping around again. Tears had fallen from Draco’s eyes when the Dark Lord had used Draco’s hands to kill her. And then he had turned on Narcissa, still weak from the curses she withstands the day before. Crucio after Crucio left the Dark Lord’s wand in his anger. But never aimed at Draco, always aimed at the one person still alive that Draco loved.
When diner time comes, Draco stands and makes his way to the dining room. Once he sits down Rabastan places his hand on Draco’s leg. Bella laughs on the other side of the table while she tortures an elf for no reason. The Dark Lord takes his place and his crazy snake curls around the feet of his throne. Dinner starts and Draco tries to eat. One small bite after the other. Just to make sure that nobody will fault him for not taking care of himself.
Until Greyback pulls a young man into the room and everyone falls silent.
His hair is longer than it used to be. His face is beaten and his eyes are empty but Draco recognises him nonetheless. Their eyes lock and Draco wants to scream and cry. He’d had let go and his arm had slipped from Draco’s hand, his body had fallen down to the ground. He was supposed to be dead. They all told Draco he was dead. So how can he stand here now, alive and breathing?
Draco remembers it all like it was yesterday. The snitch had hovered somewhere in between them. They both spotted it at the same time. Draco had sped up his broom to get there first, his hand stretched out, unable to stop when Harry arrived at the same time. Harry’s broom had broken. Draco had reached for him, had slid off his own broom while his hand grabbed onto Harry’s. His other arm grabbing onto his broom in time so they wouldn’t fall. But his fingers started to slip. He couldn’t hold them both up. Harry had seen it and said that he loved Draco and that all will be okay. Then he had let go of Draco’s arm and Draco hadn’t been able to do anything but watch how Harry slipped from his hand and fell. Until this day, Draco still regrets not letting go of his own broom to fall to his death together with Harry.
Their eyes lock and Draco pushes his mind out, against Harry’s shields, which open for him.
‘How’ is all he can think while the tears start to fall.
Draco is aware that the Dark Lord has risen from his throne, that he speaks and that anger radiates from him. But Draco’s focus is on Harry and the pain in his own heart.
‘I’m sorry. For then and for now. Please trust me one more time. The sword they took from me. It will kill the snake. Draco please kill the snake. When the snake and I are dead the others can kill Voldemort.’
Draco looks at Greyback and sees the sword in his other hand. It’s large and golden. Draco shakes his head. ‘Which others?’ he asks Harry.
‘The order has the house surrounded. They plan to attack within five minutes. Kill the snake before they come in and surrender. Live a good life for both of us and remember that I love you.’
‘Fuck you, Harry.’
Draco wants to say more but the connection is broken. Harry has pushed him out while he looks at the Dark Lord. A tear falls from his eye and Draco hates him for doing this to him.
“It’s time we kill you for real,” the Dark Lord says. He raises his wand, utters the Avada Kadava and Draco can do nothing but watch as the beam of green light hits Harry in his chest and Harry falls down. His eyes open and staring into nothing, the last tear he shed slides down his cheek and falls on the ground. Draco screams and falls to the ground. The Dark Lord orders Nagini to eat him. He raises his hand and Accio’s the sword into his hand. Before anyone can stop him, he slices it into Nagini who quivers and falls dead on the floor. And then Draco runs, the sword forgotten. The wards fall and spells light up the hallways while Draco tries to reach his potions lab.