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Bristlefrost bounced back into camp, shaking her pelt. A light rain had fallen on border patrol, but the sun had soon peeked out from behind a cloud, stopping it. The sunshine sat warm on her pelt, the scents of newleaf filling the air. "Do that before you get in camp," Poppyfrost scolded from her spot near the warrior's den, although her tone was light. "I don't think you'll be needed for the rest of the day, so you can go get something to eat."
"Thanks." She headed towards the fresh-kill pile, picking up a vole and scanning the camp for somewhere to sit. The Clan had changed so much in the past few moons - the leader, deputy, new litters, and Thornclaw had given up his pride and finally moved into the elder's den the night before.
Blossomfall sat alone by the apprentice's den, picking at a mouse in the sunlight. None of her kits were in camp, and Thornclaw was likely in the elder's den, judging by the noise coming out of it.
Slowly, Bristlefrost padded over, carrying her vole. "Can I sit here?"
The tortoiseshell looked up, purring. "Of course." She brushed a friendly tail over her back as she sat. "How are you?"
"I'm fine." She took a bite and sat back. "You just looked a bit lonely over here." They were on friendly terms, she thought - the older warrior had taught her tips and tricks for hunting and tricky battle moves, and praised her when she'd used them successfully.
She huffed. "I suppose so. Bumblestripe and my kits are out, and Thornclaw's picking out a nest."
"Are you...upset that he became an elder?" Bristlefrost hedged, not wanting to be rude. "I mean - "
"No. I - it's something else. Bristlefrost, can you keep a secret?"
She blinked. "I - yes?"
"I saw the way you padded after Stemleaf moons ago, how you wanted - love. So let me give you a warning, about that and every cat who says they love you.
"I only ever saw us as friends." Blossomfall's mew was soft; the she-cat stared at her paws, shifting them in the hard-packed dirt of the clearing. "But it was obvious he wanted something...more. His littermates had had kits already, but there he was, a senior warrior without even a mate, and he - he seemed so lonely. So I said nothing when he slipped into my nest and started asking for us to be on the same patrols, or when he told me how much he loved me and shared his prey with me every time we were in camp at the same time. And even if I had - who would've believed me? A seasoned warrior versus one of the youngest ones?"
Bristlefrost blinked. She'd heard talk of it, nursery gossip - how Thornclaw hadn't taken a mate, even as a senior warrior, devoting his life to his Clan, until Blossomfall had come along. Graystripe and Millie had been talking about it once as she and Thriftear went through their pelts for ticks -
"I'm glad to see him happy," Graystripe purred. "And Blossomfall, too."
Millie had shifted a bit. "Isn't he a bit old for her, though?"
Graystripe had waved it off. "It's fine. He's a good cat; he wouldn't have forced her into anything. And StarClan knows she can stand up for herself!" But she hadn't, Bristlefrost realized with a strike of horror. For whatever reason - fear, not wanting to break his heart, loneliness - she hadn't. She'd let him take advantage of her while she was weak. No, she hadn't let him - he'd taken what he wanted, it was as simple as that. A senior warrior, and a cat who was barely out of the apprentice's den. Who would've believed her if she had spoken out? What would it have done, except make every cat think she was crazy, because he would never do that, don't be so dramatic! Even Graystripe had thought that Thornclaw was a good cat, that he wouldn't force his daughter into anything.
"I thought that was what love was, that it was normal. When Leafpool told me I was expecting kits, I realized I had to let him be in their lives, and to act as if I was happy. Everyone knew, or they assumed, that he was the father, and what would it look like if I didn't let them play with him? They'd get closer to him, just to spite me. And then, as they grew - what would it look like if their parents didn't share prey? Or sit near each other at Clan meetings, or didn't act as if they loved each other?" She looked up at Bristlefrost, eyes heavy. "I was in too deep. And after the Great Battle, after so many cats had died, I thought to myself - who would want a cat who trained in the Dark Forest? Who would want a traitor to the Clans? Nobody. Except, of course, another trainee. I wanted love so badly I let myself ignore all the warning signs."
The warrior went on after a moment of silence.
"When the Sisters came, and you were just an apprentice - I was wary of them, yes, but I didn't support driving them off their territory, especially while their leader was pregnant. I remembered when I was expecting, and I could barely drag myself to the fresh-kill pile. How could I support that?"
"Thornclaw did," Bristlefrost whispered.
"Yes." Blossomfall scratched at the dirt. "He did."
Another moment of silence passed; Blossomfall gazed across camp, where kits were tumbling out of the nursery, squealing. "For so long, I thought that was what love was. You don't really want to do something...but he does, so you have to go. He's older, more experienced; he can do it better than you ever could, so just get out of the way. It took so long for me to realize. Lionblaze washing behind Cinderheart's ears because she can't get to them - that's love. Cloudtail keeping Brightheart away from puddles on bad days - that's love. Berrynose giving Poppyfrost the chest of a squirrel, even though he prefers it - that's love. Not whatever we had.
"If he claws you, if he cuffs you over the ears when you disagree, if he calls you a mouse-brain and gives you the silent treatment for days until you come crawling back to him, begging for him to talk to you again - that's not love, Bristlefrost. That's something else. Don't make the same mistakes I did. Don't be so desperate for love you ignore the way it hurts and leaves you broken deep inside. Love isn't supposed to hurt. Do you hear me?"
Her green eyes pierced right into Bristlefrost. "Y-yes," she stammered.
"Good." Blossomfall swept her tail around her paws. "There's more out there than love, you know. Don't be desperate for it - the right cat will come along, and when they do, you'll feel it." She relaxed, muscles releasing their tension. "I'm going to tell you a secret. I found that cat." Her eyes glowed. "And I'm carrying his kits. Now that he's an elder, I - I feel like I can do anything."
"Congratulations," Bristlefrost breathed, stunned.
"Love will come, Bristlefrost." Blossomfall brushed her back with her tail. "But it's not everything. Don't forget that."