Archive of Our Own

"He looks like the sort of person that would tell you, unashamedly, that he carries around a crystal and a tuft of his dog's hair to help with flatulence."

Snickering, Bakugou leaned his elbows to his knees, hand waving vaguely in the man's direction.  "Probably weaves his own sandals."

"Bathes monthly, whether he needs it or not," Iida deadpanned, taking a dainty sip of his frozen daiquiri.  "Changed his name from Goro to Andersen-Parish."

"The woman he's talking to looks like she's questioning every decision she's ever made."

"I dunno…  Maybe that suspicious squint is actually her best attempt at a wink."

Bakugou poked gently at Iida's knee.  "She probably needs a knight in shining armor to save her.  Go do your thing, you noble gentleman, you."

With a light laugh, Iida shook his head, stretching back into his chair, dropping his hand to Bakugou's armrest.  "I'm good, thanks."

"Better than good," Bakugou murmured under his breath, grinning widely when Iida's cheeks pinked over a shy smile.  Rearranging himself in his seat, Bakugou settled his hand on Iida's and looked back at the deck. "Okay, what about that one?"

Iida followed Bakugou's gaze and a low laugh rumbled in his chest.  "The guy in the suitcoat?"

"Right?  Where's your briefcase, bro?  Maybe he's on his way to seal the deal on a corporate merger."

"Ooooh…  He does look staggeringly important, doesn't he?  Maybe he's one of those people that eats others alive at work all day, then goes home and calls his mother so she can tell him how special he is."

"Oh shit," Bakugou guffawed, shaking his head.  "You've got a mean streak, don't you?"

"Was that mean?  Sometimes folks are mama's boys.  Nothing wrong with it."

"You'd be a lot more convincing if you weren't fucking laughing," Bakugou pointed out, smile a mile wide, and tilted his beer to his lips.  "I bet he-"

"Bakugou Katsuki!" a voice chirped from right beside him, startling a loud 'geh!' from his chest, the bottle bouncing off his teeth with a sound that had all of them cringing.  "Oh shit, are you okay?"

Gingerly probing with his tongue, Bakugou glared at the woman leaning down trying to get a better look.  Iida looked flabbergasted, eyes flicking back and forth between Bakugou's mouth and the lady's concerned expression.

"Open your mouth, let me see," she insisted, and Iida's eyebrows flew to his hairline when she grabbed Bakugou's jaw and forced his mouth open.  "Looks like you've still got all your fangs," she giggled, straightening and holding her hand out to Iida. "Ashido Mina; I go to the same school as this d-bag."

"Iida Tenya," Iida breathed, head tilting, still confused.  "It's a pleasure to meet you."

Ashido nodded excitedly, her smile instant and blinding, and Iida found himself blinking in surprise, darting a glance to Bakugou.  "The pleasure is all mine!" she gushed, plopping down on the end of Bakugou's lounger. "I've been dying to introduce myself for a couple days, now!"

Iida might have been a little disoriented, but he was not ABOUT to be impolite, and the smile he offered her was genuine, interestedly leaning forward.  "Katsuki, you didn't mention you had a friend on the cruise!"

"She's not my friend."

"Oh, I doubt he'd consider me a friend," Ashido cheerfully admitted, her voice drowning out Bakugou's sullen declaration.  "We've had some classes together over the years, but he's a prickly one. Tough to get to know. Well, for some of us, anyhow."  The meaningful look she shot Iida wasn't missed by either of them, and Bakugou visibly bristled at her appraising glance.

"How'd you know my name?"  Bakugou was obviously less than thrilled with the additional company, a suspicious scowl on his face.

Happily giggling, she eventually settled her chin in her fingers, eyebrows waggling.  "How could I forget? You were one of the guys that got extra credit our second year for posing nude in drawing class."

Bakugou ignored Iida's surprised laugh, rolling his eyes and taking a quick sip from his beer.  "Oh, yeah, I remember that. What that has to do with remembering my name, I don't understand."

"Best lookin' guy of the bunch," Ashido shrugged.  "You caught our attention, I guess. You broke a lot of hearts when you came out."

"Sorry not sorry?"

"I would hope not," she quickly agreed.  "Honestly, you did me a favor; if I had to listen to Jirou mooning about your fucking lip piercings one more time, I don't know that she would have survived the semester."

While Bakugou wasn't exactly brimming with enthusiasm, the flattery seemed to ease the scowl on his face into something more neutral, and Ashido pressed her advantage while she could.  "So, did you guys know each other before the cruise?"

Iida turned an amused glance to Bakugou, and when Bakugou made no move to reply, Iida shook his head.  "No," he replied, grabbing his drink from the side table and scootching down the chair to be closer. "We met the first night, at that mixer event they made us all attend."

"No kidding?  Wow… You guys seem to have hit it off pretty well, then."

"It's all an act," Iida immediately replied, nodding reassuringly.  "Can't stand each other."

"He's obviously an asshole," Bakugou grunted.  "Total dick."

"Obviously," she snickered, leaning back on her hands, and eyed Iida's cocktail.  "That's uh… That's an awfully pretty drink you've got there."

A warm chuckle left Iida's throat, and he turned the fluted glass in his hand.  "Isn't it? Honestly, I'm not much of a drinker, but I realized I'd never even tried one of the 'frou-frou' sort of drinks you always see people drinking in cruise ship commercials, so it seemed like the thing to do."

"So what do you think?"

"I think it's dangerous.  It tastes like candy," Iida proclaimed solemnly, and Ashido nodded as though she knew exactly what he meant.

"Don't get too sloppy on me, Four-eyes," Bakugou snorted, lightly shoving Iida's thigh.  "You're too fucking massive to carry."

"I have no intention of it."

"Uh-huh.  I doubt you 'intended' to at karaoke, either."  Turning a somewhat smug smile to Ashido, Bakugou squinted, lifting his chin in the air.  "So what do you want?"

Ashido's lips stretched into a tolerant smile.  "You're just a peach, aren't you." Her eyes sparkled mischievously, and she slid closer to Bakugou in the chair.  "I wanted to see what you two were doing later."

"Why?"

"Be-CAUSE," she sing-songed, bringing her hands together.  "There's a costume party tonight, and I think you guys should enter!"

"The fuck?" Bakugou sneered, planting his foot on Ashido's hip and pushing.  "Get the hell out of here."

Patting his leg like his behavior wasn't unusual in the slightest, she lifted herself from his chair and flopped down on Iida's instead.  "What? It'll be fun! I'm gonna do it!"  

"Good for you," Bakugou muttered, voice dripping with sarcasm.

Turning an imploring look to Iida, Ashido clasped her fingers in front of her like she was praying.  "Don't you think it sounds fun, Iida?"

Iida's lips were pursed in thought, and he eventually turned to Bakugou with an eyebrow raised.  "Could be a good time."

"You son of a BITCH," Bakugou growled, directing a downright spiky glare at Iida.  "Don't you DARE."

Iida ignored his outburst, smiling at Ashido and taking another sip from his drink.  "I'm not sure I understand, though… I certainly didn't pack a costume."

"Of course not," she snickered.  "I guess the bar has like… this huge collection of ridiculous shit they've amassed from the various shows and stuff that have been performed here, and folks can just dig through and find an outfit.  Then everyone parades out, and the audience determines the winner by applause."

"Oh god," Iida guffawed, letting himself fall back in his chair and settling a hand to Bakugou's shoulder.  "That actually sounds like a blast."

"You're fucking insane," Bakugou snapped, shoving Iida's hand away and heaving a sigh when Iida continued to laugh.  "Like they'd have anything to fit your stupid gargantuan body anyway, freak."

"Ba-ku-GOOOU," Ashido trilled, jabbing a finger into his leg.  "Look at this guy! Tighter the better, right? He's fucking STACKED!  God knows I wouldn't mind seeing him in something so tiny it accidentally ripped off of him while onstage."

Iida's mouth fell open, cheeks instantly fire-engine red, but he gamely assisted Ashido as best he could.  "I… I would have never guessed someone that can pose nude for a group of their classmates would be so cowardly."

"Oh FUCK YOU."

"Is that a promise or a threat?" Iida tittered, and then he and Ashido were hysterically laughing, Bakugou unable to decide which of them he hated more.

"You two are SO cute," she squeaked out between giggles.  "Oh my GOD. All of us girls have been watching you guys and just fucking screeching everytime you like, hold hands or touch each other.  I think, at this point, we are all more invested in YOUR relationship than the dumbasses we find ourselves chatting with."

"Mind your own damned business," Bakugou grumbled, suddenly wishing he had 5 more beers.

Iida seemed too embarrassed to speak, and Ashido noted his apprehensive grimace, quickly changing the subject.  "Oh, hey! Did you bring your red-headed friend with you?" she asked, tapping a manicured nail on Bakugou's chair.  "The sweet one?"

Genuinely confused, Bakugou tilted his head, his eyebrows scrunching together.  "Eh?"

"Pretty eyes, beefy, friendly and kinda dumb, like a puppy or something."

"Kirishima Eijirou?" Bakugou said without thinking, and before he could stop himself, he was chuckling.  "That's… actually an amazing description of him."

"Yesssss," Ashido hissed, resting her hands over her heart.  "Good LORD, that boy is fine."

"No shit?  Oh god, he is going to cream his fucking pants when I tell him that.  Here, gimme just a second." Bakugou pulled his phone from his pocket, then looked back up.  "But no, he isn't here."

Shrugging, Ashido let out a high, dramatic sigh.  "Too bad for me." Bakugou snorted, dropping his attention to his phone, and Iida leaned forward, quietly asking Ashido more about the contest while Bakugou was distracted.

Bakugou: I just heard something very interesting.

Bakugou: About you.

Kirishima: What the hell?

Bakugou: Ashido Mina said, and I quote, "Good lord, that boy is fine"

Kirishima: HOLY SHIT YOU COULD HAVE TOLD ME TO SIT DOWN OR SOMETHING

Kirishima: Are you messing with me?

Bakugou: She was disappointed to find out you weren't here.

Kirishima: I just made a noise I would 100% deny I made if someone actually heard me

Kirishima: Gotta be the most unmanly screech that has ever left my body

Bakugou: Want me to give her your number?

Kirishima: FUCK YES BRO

Kirishima: Holy shit, this is the best day of my life

Bakugou's eyes shot up from his phone, horrified when he heard Iida murmur a soft "Sounds good; we'll be there".  

"Wait wait WAIT, Four-eyes…  I never agreed to SHIT."

The grin Iida gave him- open, assured, and downright WICKED- made Bakugou's nostrils flare.  "I'll make it worth your while," Iida stated confidently, then turned back to Ashido. "We'll see you at 7, then."

"Fantastic," she giggled, squeezing his hand, and hopped up from the chair.  "See you tonight, guys!" Before Bakugou could muster a single complaint, she was gone, skipping across the deck to a table full of eagerly watching, laughing women.

*

"Holy shit, you actually did it," Ashido breathed, grasping Iida's hand and staring in open disbelief at a surly- but undeniably PRESENT- Bakugou Katsuki, the dim lights of the bar doing nothing to hide his scowl.

Iida simply chuckled, a low, musical thing that had Bakugou rolling his eyes.  "We're glad to be here. So, what are we supposed to do?"

Pointing to a table at the far end of the room, Ashido began to usher Iida that direction, turning back to grab Bakugou when he made no move to follow.  "Sign-ups are over there. I was the first name on the list!"

"Your enthusiasm is infectious," Iida laughed, tucking Bakugou's arm in his own and dragging him several feet before Bakugou shoved him away, muttering 'I know how to walk', and striding to the table without them.

"Wow, Iida," Ashido breathed, hanging back.  "I didn't think you'd actually get him here, but I stand corrected.  What did you do?"

"I'm afraid the details are not appropriate for polite company."  Iida managed to keep a straight face until Ashido burst into surprised laughter, then happily joined in.  "And, I promised him that whatever I wore for the contest would involve the least amount of clothing possible.  Apparently, he intends to 'show me off'. I'll admit it was flattering to hear."

"Good GRIEF, you are so sweet!  I just want to pinch your cheeks, or something."  To Iida's relief, Ashido did no such thing, instead settling her hands to her hips.  "Too sweet for that guy, that's for sure. I mean, yeah, he's easy on the eyes, but holy SHIT."

Iida's eyes swung to Bakugou, who was involved in some sort of heated discussion with the guy manning the sign-up sheet.  "I've always enjoyed a challenge," he offered, so quietly Ashido wasn't entirely sure she heard him correctly. "I suppose I find his posturing endearing, in a way."

"There really is someone for everyone, I guess.  Seems like a lot of work..."

Ashido caught the edge of a small smile in Iida's profile, and when he brought his gaze back to her, shrugging and laughing, she couldn't help joining in.  "Who knows," he snickered. "No accounting for ta-"

"Yo, Four-eyes!" Bakugou hollered across the room, cutting Iida off and pulling a tolerant sigh from his chest.  "We got a problem."

When Iida and Ashido arrived at the table, Bakugou's finger tapped impatiently at the list.  "Only one slot left."

"WHAT?" Ashido shrieked, snatching the paper in disbelief.  "Noooooo…"

"I told him to just add another contestant, but he said he can't because of the prizes."

Iida watched quietly as Bakugou and Ashido's voices slowly rose, arguing with each other and the poor table attendant, his lips pursed in thought.  Adjusting his glasses, it took Iida just a few moments before he rested his hand on Bakugou's shoulder, interrupting his rant. "Write down one of our names; it doesn't matter which, to me.  I have an idea."

Bakugou considered him carefully, eyes squinted, and a low laugh rolled from his chest.  "Whatever, nerd." Scrawling Iida's name messily at the bottom of the sheet, Bakugou raised his eyebrows, dropping his hands to his hips and turning an expectant gaze back to Iida.  "So?"

"Where do we find the costumes and such?"  Iida offered the harried man at the table a smile, and the fellow directed them to a door off to the side, relieved to be ridding himself of the group.

"Let's do this," Iida murmured, and with a quick grab of Bakugou's hand, the two headed back, Ashido giggling at their heels.

*

"Please, Katsuki, I beg of you.  Stop moving around-"

"I'm thirsty."

"For the love of god, could you not have said something before we-"

"Shut up, they're starting!" came a voice from the other side of the room, the man glaring at Ashido's ecstatic giggling, his expression pinched over what appeared to be some sort of fake beard.

"I'm sorry!" Ashido snickered under her breath, stumbling over a chair leg in her effort to get a better look at Iida and Bakugou's ensemble.  "Why is it so dark in here? I can't see anything!"

It was utter chaos in the tiny, offstage room, Ashido the only one there that didn't appear to be terribly uncomfortable in the cramped space.  The others, with varying levels of intensity, continued to complain, and Ashido found herself laughing even harder at Iida and Bakugou's subtle- but incessant- bickering.

"Can people be allergic to wool?" a woman asked stridently, drowning out Bakugou's dramatic claims about dying of dehydration, feverishly scratching her forehead.  "This hat might have been a bad idea."

"Your hair is tickling me," Iida grumbled, accidentally thumping Bakugou across the head when he reached back to see what was going on, cringing and apologizing over Bakugou's immediate growl to 'cut it out'. 

When Ashido snorted, groaning about how 'cute' they were, Bakugou held up his middle finger in her general direction.  "Aren't you first out, Pinky? They're about to call you. Mind your own fucking business or you're gonna miss your cue."  Annoyed, Bakugou let a dramatic sigh rattle from his throat. "I can't help it, nerd. It's my hair. I'm not doing it on purpose."

The MC's voice floated to them through the door, crowd noise going silent, and a hush finally fell behind scenes.  "First up, meet Mina, the sexy alien!"  

Ashido squealed, clapping excitedly, and threw open the door, parading onto the stage with every visible bit of her skin coated in bubblegum pink makeup, curly horns nestled in her hair and sporting some green and purple bodysuit Iida was still having difficulty wrapping his head around.  "She looks like one of those 'magic eye' pictures that used to be so popular," he muttered, contemplative.

"The hell you talking about?" Bakugou whispered, teeth gritting as he tried, in vain, to get comfortable.

"You know…  Where you stare at it and let your eyes go unfocused, and then some three-dimensional object kind of… pops out of the picture?"

Bakugou's sudden laughter had the others backstage hushing and 'shhhsh'ing them, but the folks in the audience seemed to be getting quite a kick out of Ashido's getup, and Bakugou growled an 'oh for fuck's sake', uncrossing and recrossing his arms around Iida's waist, their skin sticky with sweat.  

"They can't hear us anyway," he announced to the room, then lowered his voice.  "I completely forgot about those things. Had no idea what they were called, though."  When contestant number two made his way out, Bakugou waited until the door swung closed, the noise muted once more, before continuing.  "You're not wrong."

"She looks good," Iida added, and then an ornery smile curled his lips.  "She'll probably win."

"OH FUCK THAT, Four-eyes," Bakugou hissed, jabbing his fingers into Iida's hip.  "I'm not doing all this dumb shit just to come in second to some chirpy airhead in an ugly leotard."

"Yes, yes, your sacrifice will be remembered for eternity," Iida murmured, sliding his hands over Bakugou's and gently squeezing.  "You're not having fun?"

"My back hurts."

"We can forfeit, if you'd like."

"JESUS, Tenya, are you in this to win it, or what?" Bakugou snapped, rolling his eyes.  "Besides," he mumbled, "The view's not so bad."

A soft sigh left Iida's chest as contestant three slipped out of the door, leaving them alone backstage.  "That's good," he replied, a bit absent-mindedly, and grimaced downward at his chest. "How can I be cold, right now?  My nipples could cut glass."

Bakugou scoffed, and Iida felt a soft kiss at the base of his tailbone.  "Must be nice. I'm sweating my ass off."

"Technically, you're sweating MY ass off," Iida chuckled, just as they heard the MC call Iida's name.  "Ready?"

"I was born ready, nerd.  Let's do this."

They had done a bit of practice with getting through doors beforehand, but when Iida pasted a grin on his face and headed onstage, he heard Bakugou let out a soft grunt when the door swung shut, clipping Bakugou's hip.  Luckily, the roar of the crowd was loud enough to drown it out, wolf-whistles, hoots of appreciation, and hysterical laughter louder than any sounds Iida or Bakugou could have made.

Ashido was cackling, clapping and smiling so wide her eyes were nearly shut, and Iida took his place beside the other contestants.  He gave himself a moment to consider the angle before standing slightly turned to the audience, providing them with the best view he could of their costume, and felt Bakugou shuffle into place behind him.

It had taken a while, but after digging around in the piles and racks of clothing and fabric, Iida had found what he was looking for.  Dragging out an enormous curtain of zebra-print fleece, Iida had immediately gotten to work, exulting in their 'good luck' that they had such a large piece of fabric available.  Bakugou had stood with arms crossed, an eyebrow raised in grudging respect while he watched Iida fashion a crude pair of pants out of the end, safety pins tucked in between his lips.  "Fuckin' MacGyver," he had muttered, earning himself a proud, mischievous smile from Iida. 

Bakugou was now wearing said pants, and the remainder of the fleece was wrapped completely around the rest of Bakugou (including his head) like a savannah-flavored burrito, his hands grasping the corners so it covered his arms.  They made a surprisingly good centaur, considering they'd only had an hour or so to throw something together, and their hard work ( or Tenya's, at least, Bakugou admitted to himself) was clearly paying off, the audience deafening.

  I kinda wish I could see what's going on.   He could feel Iida laughing, and was having trouble keeping the smile off his own face, despite growing more uncomfortable by the second, arms locked around Iida's hips and his head jammed into Iida's lower back.  Smirking to himself, Bakugou gave his hips a wag, swishing the wig they'd tacked to the seat of his pants back and forth, and chuckled when the women in the audience shrieked and whistled.

Iida, for his part, was playing it up as best he could; standing tall, cheeks flushing hot when he flexed his arms- the way Bakugou had insisted he do- and the crowd squealed their appreciation.  Ashido had been kind enough to paint his face for him, a wide, white stripe beginning at his forehead, between his eyes, and traveling down his face to just above his mouth, and while it looked silly to him in the mirror, the picture she'd taken from a few feet away was startlingly good.

"It really looks like a horse," Bakugou had murmured, giving Ashido a brief, appraising glance, and when Iida popped the black cat-ears they'd found in the wig bin on his head, Bakugou had been a bit disturbed at how... ADORABLE... Iida looked.

Now, naked from the waist up, wearing his own black jeans and proudly brandishing his jerry-rigged mop-handle 'spear', Iida made quite the impression on the crowd.  Though the MC went through the motions of 'voting', it was clear from the beginning that the centaur was the audience favorite.  

Feeling a bit guilty, Iida apologized to Ashido, worrying that it had been her idea and they'd crashed her fun, but she wouldn't hear a bit of it, thrilled she'd convinced them to come out and play with her.  All 'four' contestants received the same prize, at any rate, and once everyone was back in their regular clothes, makeup washed off and normalcy returned, Ashido joined Iida and Bakugou at a hightop table in the back of the bar for a beer.

"Congratulations!" she exclaimed, holding up her mug, and Iida cheerfully clinked his bottle against it, both turning to Bakugou and waiting with arms upheld.  "Well?" she chirped, grinning brightly when Bakugou lifted his drink just far enough to bump against Iida's and immediately sat it back down.

"Doesn't seem like much of a 'win' if everyone gets the same shit just for participating."

"It's a cruise activity," Iida murmured, reaching out to rest a hand on Bakugou's knee.  "I'd imagine the idea is just for folks to enjoy themselves."

"At least it's a good restaurant," Ashido pointed out, rolling the gift card in and out of her fingers.  "I haven't been there in a while… Hard to afford on a student's salary," she giggled, shrugging and dropping it in her purse.

"Never heard of it," Bakugou muttered, taking a sip of his drink and sliding his hand to Iida's, entwining their fingers.  "Where is it?"

"Tokyo.  Not far from school, actually."

Iida suddenly leaned forward, eyes wide with surprise.  "You attend school in Tokyo?"

Before either of them could respond, a woman flew up to Ashido's side, grabbing her arm.  "Miii-naaah!" she screeched, nearly yanking Ashido from her chair. "Come dance with meeee…"

It was obvious the woman was well into her cups, swaying a bit on her feet, and Ashido cringed, looking back to Iida and Bakugou.  "I should probably… go keep an eye on things," she suggested, glancing meaningfully at her still-beaming friend. "It was so much fun to get to hang out with you guys for a while!"

"I'm grateful you suggested it," Iida replied warmly, extending his hand, and Ashido snickered before shaking it theatrically.

"Hey Pinky, before you take off," Bakugou snapped, snagging her sleeve.  "I'm supposed to give you Eijirou's number."

"WHAT?  Yes, LORD!" she hollered, and had her phone out of her purse in an instant.  Once she'd typed it in, she threw her arms around Bakugou, ignoring his growled 'get the fuck OFF me', and squeezed as hard as she could.  "Thank you," she whispered, waving a happy goodbye to Iida, and was dragging her friend to the dance floor before Iida could do much more than nod.

"She's a force of nature," Iida breathed, his eyes following her across the room.  "I enjoyed meeting her."

Bakugou shrugged, swirling his finger along the rim of his glass.  "She's alright."

Iida's gaze swung back to Bakugou, silent, studying him for a moment, then leaned closer, pulling a slow breath in.  "May I take you to dinner sometime, Katsuki?"

Eyes flying from his drink to Iida's face, Bakugou's eyebrows raised.  "Like… now?"

"I have every intention of gluing myself to your side for the entirety of this cruise.  But no, that isn't what I meant."

Bakugou turned Iida's words over in his mind a few times, staring quietly, Iida returning his gaze.  "Then what did you mean?"

"I also attend school in Tokyo.  I'm trying to tell you I'd like to continue to see you, even after the cruise."  Iida's eyes widened. "If you'd like that, of course!" he quickly added.

Iida watched as a grin slowly spread across Bakugou's face, smiling at Bakugou's surprised 'no shit', and then Bakugou was leaning over the table, lips pressed to Iida's, chaste and gentle.  "I already told you you're never getting rid of me," Bakugou mumbled into Iida's mouth, smirking when Iida pushed his fingers into Bakugou's hair.

"I suppose you did," Iida breathed, pulling him in for another warm, slow kiss.  "So is that a yes?" he asked when they finally separated, scooting his chair closer, and wrapped Bakugou's fingers in his own.

"You already fucked my brains out, so you owe me the 'wining and dining' bit."

"Sounds good to me," Iida laughed, holding up his bottle, and this time, Bakugou gave it a proper 'cheers'.