Work Text:
The talk:
Its not that Craig doesnt have feelings it's just that he doesnt dwell on them. He is content with his simple, boring, practical life. All he wants is to spend time with his guinea pig Stripe, hang out with his friends (especially Tweek) and stay as far away from Stan Marsh and those guys as possible.
Simple, boring, predictable those are the things Craig lives for. How he ended up here in this not so predictable and not so boring moment he isnt sure none of this makes sense and yet it makes total sense. The girls in his high school started drawing pictures of him and Tweek and now they are a thing because they maybe kind of, okay actually do like eachother, alot, so here he is not so boring or predictable standing at Token's front door trying to psych himself up to ring the damn fucking door bell. Somehow he has to make his other friends not out right reject him (and Tweek) for maybe okay not maybe but actually being gay. Jesus he is rambling his thoughts nothing but one giant run on sentence, but Its not his fault, no one can blame him for finding this so hard to even think about let alone talk to three other guys about.
Craig sighs and brings a single finger up to the door bell and presses it. A merry, happy chime fills the air making his stomach twist and turn more then usual.
Damn he really is going to have to do something about this constant stomach thing. He starts to absentmindedly jump from one foot to the other as he waits for Token to open the door and lead him to his doom.
"Good grief Tucker get a hold of yourself", he says quietly and yet the fact he has spoken out loud shows just how messed up he is over all this.
From somewhere inside the house the sound of running can be heard as Token, or whoever he sent to fetch Craig makes their way to the door.
His stomach seems to twist worse a sharp pain just below his ribcage and he bends down slightly trying to will it away. He can taste bile in his mouth now as the twisty painful feeling seems to somehow morph.
Am I dying? He wonders for a split second just before the door slowly creaks open revealing three young teenaged boys staring at him.
For a moment, a split second he wants to turn around and run from the other boys. He shakes his head willing that abnormal notion away. Craig Tucker is not a coward. Nervous energy fills him as he looks back at his friends a carefully constructed look of Indifference worn like a mask sits on his face.
He frowns takes a deep breath and glares but in reality he is staring up at the other three with wide panic filled eyes.
"Move," he commands, and no his voice did not just crack, as he takes a step towards the door. As long as their friend group has existed Craig has been their leader, so even though things are weird they move instantly allowing Craig to brush past them and into the warmth of the house.
With every step he takes he feels more and more like himself. He feels more in control he can do this! He can sit down in front of three of his best friends and tell them that he is in a actual relationship with his (and their) other best friend. No problem. He will just make it nice and boring predictable even.. after all two best friends falling in love- Holy shit .. slow down there.. hes way to young to feel anything like that, right? right? Suddenly that uneasy nervous energy is back seeping into his bones its causing him to shuffle forward more then walk. His mouth is dry, and his heart feels as if it's going burst out of his chest, like the Alien in those cool Alien films his parents dont know he watches. He wonders absentmindedly if one of those suckers has some how wedged themselves into his body just chilling there beneath his ribs waiting for the perfect moment to burst out. It would explain everything, the stomach pains, the nausea, the strange feeling currently leading his thoughts astray.
If this is how Tweek feels on a daily basis he's going have to do something, after all what kind of boyfriend would he be if he didnt protect his Tweek from...
As Craig's thoughts turn to the missing member of their gang, he feels his face heat up and his heart kicks further into over drive.
Craig takes another breath, "boring and predictable, boring and predictable, boring and predictable", he says these two words over and over again under his breath. It works for a moment he is able to push everything aside and walk normally (or as normal as one can in these circumstances) into the Blacks den and toward 'his' chair, a dark green recliner that sits in the middle of the room.
The other three boys stand in a semi circle near the still open front door watching as Craig slowly makes his way to the den. One by one they look at eachother unsure of what they should do. They have always followed Craig willingly he is their leader after all. This is something none of them have ever considered Craig being in a secret relationship with another boy and Tweek of all people. Its not that they dislike Tweek but he really is only part of their group because of Craig which If the two have secretly been together all this time kind makes sense. Still the thought of their leader being gay is so foreign to them that even with all the evidence planted all around the town they still can't fully believe it. They would know if Craig and Tweek were actually gay right? Yet a week ago their two friends had shown up at school hand and hand. Neither one of them talking, neither one of them giving into the confused stares. Tweek had all but disappeared from their little group and Craig has practically been a ghost. Part of the group but not a part of it, it's as if he is haunting them, his presence refusing to move on and yet unwilling to participate
.
Clyde is the first to break the silence his face scrunched up between hurt and confusion as he looks back and forth between Token and Jimmy.
"Why didnt they tell us?"
Its a question all three have asked to varying degrees in the past few weeks. Ever since Wendy had shown those pictures to the entire school and had for all intents and purposes outed their two friends.
"M-m-maybe they were unsure how we would t-t-take it?" Jimmy flashes a uneasy smile at Clyde. " m-m-maybe they were scared?"
Token shakes his head the thought of Craig being scared of anything is as foreign to him as the thought that Craig may actually be gay.
Clyde is too busy staring in the direction Craig went to notice either his friends reactions.He sighs unhappily "I cant believe he never told me," Craig is Clyde's 'Bestest' friend they tell everything to eachother or at least Clyde thought they told eachother everything but Craig has been holding out on him big time.
Token clears his throat as he shuts the door and turns in the direction that Craig has gone. He doesnt say anything. He doent see any reason to after all the only one who can answer their questions is sitting waiting in the other room.
It was taking the other three boys way to long to join him in the den. He can feel it, the hazardous energy from earlier creeping back in trying to snake it's way back into his brain. He reaches into the pockets of his blue hoodie and pulls out his cellphone he puts a single ear bud into his ear (in case the others call to him from the hallway) and then opens up spotify he hits play on whatever playlist he was listening to last.
He has just finished watching the second lion king movie with his sister and as a result had added a disney villians playlist to his spotify. It shouldnt really be a suprise then when the song ' one of us' comes on but still he jumps at the songs accusations.
" ....Born in grief, raised in hate, helpless to defy his fate, let him run, let him live, but do not forget what we can not forgive", this particular song playing at this moment as he awaits his friends verdict is like some kind of awful omen. A promise of his upcoming fate the truth as plain as the guilt written across his face.
And he is not one of us, He has never been one of us. He is not part of us, not our kind. Someone once lied to us now were not so blind. For we knew he would do what hes done. And we know that he'll never be one of us. Hes is not one us!
And then his friends walk in and Craig knows it's all over his little happy group of five has now become a group of two.
He is the master of disguises though so he will sit there the perfect example of Indifference as the others kick him out of his own group. At least he still has Tweek and if being with him meant losing all their other friends then so be it. Craig's eyes widen at the implications of that thought. Well fuck. He is in deeper then he thought.
The three young teens walk into the room. Token stops by the entrance arms folded across his chest. Token lifts his eyes to his friend to their so called leader for a brief moment. Craig's usual look of indifference is plastered on his face but there are cracks in his mask. His eyes keep darting around the room unwilling to settle on anyone or anything. His hands shake as he pulls a ear bud from his left ear.
It seems to take Jimmy a extremely long time to lay his crutches onto the floor. His left leg has been bothering him more then usual in the last few weeks, it's as if his body is protesting the changes in his friends as much as his mind is. Once Jimmy is finally able to lay his crutches down and contort his body in a way to lower himself comfortably onto the couch he sits back and tucks his arms behind his neck. A total relaxed casual expression finds its way onto his face as he looks over at Craig before his eyes fall back onto his other friends. He keeps shooting looks at the other two eyebrows raised before his eyes flicker back to Craig. " so a gay guy walks into a bar..."
Craig groans "dont".
Clyde sits next to Jimmy on the couch looking down at the floor. He is openly crying now wiping his eyes with the sleeve of his red sweater. " why didn't you tell us? Why didn't you tell me!."
Craig looks over at Clyde another crack forming behind his mask, his green eyes wide panic radiating. "I.. I.. its...just the thing is ...um..." he looks away from Clyde from all of them. He cant stand the judgement in their eyes the three of them are acting like he has done something wrong. Its nothing he hasnt thought himself over the past two years ( especially the last two weeks) but the more he has grown to accept himself, accept being with Tweek, the more he realizes there is abosouletly nothing wrong with it.
"You what?" Jimmy asks. There is no hint of anger or repulsion in his voice just curiosity.
Despite his misgivings Craig finds himself looking at his maybe still friend, some how he is able to maintain eye contact with Jimmy when he finally admits it." I like Tweek...." His eyes shift slightly and he is shaking, and if the others didnt know him so well they wouldnt have noticed his mask break completely. " I have for a long time," A deep breath and finally he lowers his eyes not sure how Jimmy, how all them, will take the next part. " I think I might actually lo." Clyde's sharp gasp stops Craig from finishing what he was about to admit. He removes his hat dropping it onto his lap and runs his hands through his dark hair. His face, his whole body actually feels warm. Talking about his feelings for Tweek especially when he hasnt even admitted to Tweek how deep they are doesnt feel right. He doesn't want to be sharing these intimate thoughts with anyone, let alone with his ex friends who are probably judging him, judging Tweek, judging them.
"And how does Tweek feel?" Jimmy is leaning forward his entire focus on Craig.
" the same," Craig's voice had gone soft and there is a look in his eyes none of them have ever seen before, except Jimmy realizes the few times in the past he had caught Craig staring at Tweek.
He wants to ask Craig more questions, wants to see If his assumptions are true. Just how long is a long time? And did Craig just almost admit that he actually is in love with the other? Jimmy opens his mouth to find these answers but that is when all hell breaks out. Token, Token of all people starts yelling at Craig.
-
Anger, disbelief, betrayl these are the emotions rapidly growing inside of Token as he moves his gaze off of the floor and back onto Craig.
"SO IT'S TRUE THEN!!" His raised voice echoes through the room causing Craig to curl down on himself. Clyde is openly crying yet again and the causal look on Jimmy's face has been replaced with unease. Token didn't mean to yell he didnt mean for his words to come our so harshly. He usually is the voice of reason in the group, the' parent', the calming presence to Clyde and Tweeks emotional outbursts. The ying to Craig's indifference, the only one who can bring Jimmy back to reality when his joking gets to be too much. He usually is not prone to anger outbursts but the sin of his friends behavior is beyond disturbing.
He takes a step towards Craig and points at him with a shaking hand. " how long have you and Tweek been sneaking around behind our backs."
He knows he is being ridiculous it's not like any of the other boys are romantically involved (or wanted to be- well maybe Clyde?) with either one of them he doesnt even care that they are gay (though he does feel uneasy about the concept.) He just feels betrayed. He was supposed to be their co leader and the fact Craig and to a lesser extent Tweek had hid this from him from them leaves Token enraged.
The room has gone quieter then Token thought possible with his accusations. Finally Craig looks up at him. His face is pale, and he is trembling much like his spazzy lover (oh god had it gotten that far?)
Finally Craig speaks his usual monotone voice filled with emotion. " I dont know.. it just..." he takes a deep breath and absentmindedly scratches at his left elbow. "It just kind of happened. But yeah we are..." he looks away from the others, " together, " a slight brush of color appear across Craigs cheek bones. "Tweek is my boyfriend."
" AND when were you going tell us this?," its Clyde this time. He wipes at his eyes again (this time with the opposite sleeve) and glares at Craig.
"I am telling you now, " Craig shoots back at Clyde. " You want to hate me fine, whatever ," his voice breaks, "but Tweek doesnt deseve to be fucking treated like this. I am the one that fucked this all up."
He's worried about Tweek? Token shakes his head in disbelief. Shouldnt he be concerned with how this thing is effecting his friends? Like hell he is going spare either one of them from his righteous anger, " you two are the ones who lied to us for weeks, months, years. Just how long has this been going on?." He looks at the other two seeing the same emotions he is feeling running across their faces.
" I fail to see how this is any of your fucking business." Craig's Indifference is back . He cant even begin to understand why Token feels so entitled like Craig owes him or something..its not like the others can fully understand what he has been through. How his entire view of himself of the picture he had always painted in his head has been destroyed. How his wants and desires suddenly were no longer taboo to him. How everything made sense and doesn't make sense .How his fathers words more then anything forced him to accept who he was and just who he wanted to be with. They couldnt possibly understand what it felt like to have his every hope and desire wrapped up in a trembling blond, who just happened to be another guy.
So what right did any of them have to sit there and judge him? What right did they have to demand answers. They couldnt possibly understand.
Token sees red, " Friends tell eachother stuff like this!" He starts walking towards Craig, "I... we.." he stops and looks over at the other two sitting on the couch watching the drama unfold." You didn't even tell us you were gay," the anger drains from him, " thats big man, that's really big and you hid that from us."
Insecurity falls across his face. It feels as If the entire concept of their friendship is unraveling.
" I told you when i first fell in love with Nicole. I told you." He doesnt even stop the tears falling down his face. " and you didn't even have the common decency to tell us that you are gay."
It's as if Tokens words have unleashed something in Clyde. He jumps to his feet spins around till he is facing Craig. His eyes harden as he looks down at his so called best friend. Craig looks the same but different at the same time. He wears his usual clothes,blue hoodie over a red racer shirt, black jean's. His mouth sits in a tight frown as usual and yet his eyes, his eyes convey so much. Fear, guilt, annoyance, love?. The whole thing just pisses Clyde off.
" I am supposed to be your best friend, " he stresses the word best as he glares at Craig." How many times have I asked you if there was someone?"
Craig just shakes his head as if he could just be done with the whole thing.
"How many times Craig?and all the time you told me you didnt do love, that you couldnt be bothered with relationships, that relationships just held you back...
and all that time..you ..you..you and Tweek were together!" This truth is probably the biggest accusation of them all.
Clyde continues the bitter taste of his betrayal pouring out with his words, "you lied... you sat there and lied to my face."
" that's because I didn't know," Craig's confession startles them all." He is looking down at his hands. Picking at the cuticle of his left thumb. " I didnt understand what was happening," he shakes his head that was a lie and they all knew it. " I..I didn't want to know.. and then those stupid girls...and then my dad said it was okay..and so." He shrugs.
"Wait you mean this is all because of the pictures." Token asks in disbelief. He is sitting on the couch in between Jimmy and Clyde. The anger for the most part has left him and even though he still feels a bit queasy at the thought of his two friends together he is also very curious.
A puzzled expression melts across Craig's visage, " yes and no," his voice laced with confusion as the ghost of how he always felt echoes through his mind.
" what does that even mean?" Clyde asks.
Craig groans he twists his body in the chair so he is sitting facing the wall. He stares at the wall at the ivory colored paint. He looks at it as if it's the most interesting thing on the planet. " The pictures made us," a frown cause Tweek had said he had always liked him so maybe he had never been confused?
" The pictures made me realize things about myself that have always been there. " He corrects himself. He will later ask Tweek if he was aware of it before the pictures. The thought of the other pining after him makes him feel weird. It both makes him extremely happy and hurts at the same time. It would explain the music Tweek had been listening too when they were skating at Starks pond. His eyes take on a dreamy far away look as he remembers their skating lesson and the kisses that came before.
"Craig, Earth to Craig. Come back down to Earth, Craig" Clyde is standing above him waving his hand in front of Craig's face.
Craig turns from the wall and looks up at Clyde, " sorry I was . remembering something."
" like what, " and Clyde is looking at him with a lopsided smile.
" that's none of your business.. its private.."
" oh my god guys, Jimmy stop the presses, Craig's blushing, " Clyde teases. He reaches out with the index finger of his right hand and pokes Craig in the face.
" fuck off Clyde" Craig's slaps away the others hand.
" But you are, you're actually blushing," Clyde says as he pulls out his cellphone. He flips open his phone and turns on the camera then points the phone at Craig. "Your so adorable when your blush."
" What the fuck are you doing?"
Clyde is busy typing something on his phone now. " I am sending this to Tweek."
Craig's eyes widen, " dont you fucking dare." He is out of the chair now trying to wrestle the phone out of Clyde's hands.
"Best friend privilege means I get to embarrass you in front of your boyfriend."
" I w-hat?" Craig stops fighting Clyde and stares at him shock written across his face.
From the couch laughter, golden, beautiful laughter, and Craig finds himself looking back and forth between Clyde, Token and Jimmy.
" so have you two you know..." Jimmy's voice floats over from the couch. " I bet Tweek is a firecracker in bed" he says 'innocently' making a lude motion with his hands, and winking at Craig." All that twiching."
" what ? No" oh God. Craig shouts mortified.
Then Token is off the couch and handing Jimmy his crutches, Clyde is still bent forward at Craig's side giggling like a girl at Jimmy's lame joke. Then all three of them are around Craig hugging him.
Its in this moment that Craig knows everything will be okay.