Work Text:
To Seigi, it felt like days passed by in a blur. Perhaps this overlapping and intermingling of time measurements and space was a plain side-effect of being admitted to a hospital.
Since he didn’t have much contact to other patients he wasn’t quite certain whether it was simply his own feeling or whether it happened to everybody.
He had read an online article once that, according to psychological studies, there were certain places on this planet where people felt like time was warped. Airports, coffee shops, forests, busy shopping streets, malls, cinemas, theaters...That time, he’d just skimmed over the article. Maybe ‘hospitals’ had been in there, too.
Some people in the comments had claimed that these places all had a kind of mysterious air to them. Seigi wouldn’t necessarily call a hospital ‘mysterious’, then again, when he turned his head to the side, he became very well aware of how strange, how unusual this peculiar situation was.
It had started about a week ago. Seigi had been trying to get out of bed, to make a quick trip to the bathroom.
He must have blacked out on his way there, because he remembered nothing, safe for waking up in his bed. His head had been hurting terribly and all he had wanted was to...drink something.
As soon as he had turned to glance at the water on his bedside table, somebody had handed him the cup.
He didn’t recognize the man. But he remembered having thought that he was the most beautiful being he had ever seen.
He was obviously a foreigner. His blond, almost golden hair seemed to be illuminated by the soft sunlight weaving in through the curtains, creating a halo-like effect. Sparkling, blue eyes had an ocean hue to them.
Even now, a week later, the man who had introduced himself as Richard Ranashinha De V u lpian was still sitting in his hospital room. Seigi had found that his go-to facial expression was a relaxed half-smile and a calm look in his eyes.
It wasn’t just Richard’s beauty, but also the fact that he came and went however he pleased that had convinced Seigi of one single thing: The beautiful man sitting at his bedside was an angel.
These two proofs weren’t the only ones Seigi had.
Usually, the two would hold light conversations. Richard seemed to have a broad and elaborate knowledge on gemstones and jewelry in general.
Had Seigi tried asking him why? He couldn’t recall.
“Richard,” he tried out his voice. It sounded rough, his throat felt terribly raw. Probably a lasting effect of the intubation tube he had to have every night, since his brain seemingly forgot to do its job once he fell asleep.
Richard stopped his talk mid-sentence. There was a soft crease forming on his forehead, while he moved to store away the little box he had been holding.
“Yes? Would you like to drink something? Are you tired?” His voice sounded concerned.
Not for the first time this week, Seigi found himself wondering what made Richard sound so worried. They didn’t know each other.
Why would an angel, a celestial being, care about Seigi so much? Could it be that...Richard was his guardian angel?
Now, this was just plain stupid, wasn’t it? How could Seigi, after 27 years of his life, still believe in something as childish as guardian angels?
Seigi pushed himself up into a sitting position. Richard rushed to his side, trying to provide support.
“It’s...It’s just, I wanted to ask you something.”
Sighing, Richard sat back down onto his chair. “Of course.”
“Why do you know so much about stones? Do all angels have such a broad knowledge?”
There was a pause. Was Richard embarrassed? Surely this wasn’t the first time somebody had recognized him as an angel. With such otherworldly looks and such a graceful composure, it was a matter of course that people would realize his being a celestial creature.
Carefully, Richard shook his head. “Seigi, I promise you, I am
not
an angel. I am not quite sure I would be fit for such an occupation,” he said. “If you would like to know the truth, I run a business concerning jewelry, here in Tokyo.”
Seigi nodded. “I still think you’re an angel, though.” He grinned at Richard, hoping he’d manage to convey his conviction.
Richard, however, didn’t answer. He just reached for the box he had sat aside a minute ago and opened it up again.
“Have you heard of Alexandrites?” he asked.
Seigi shook his head. “It’s a stone, I guess?”
“One of the rarest in this world, actually,” Richard answered. He retrieved a small, blue-greenish gemstone, holding it between his thumb and index finger. “They are a variety of Chrysoberyl that changes its color. This mineral was first found in 1830 and was named after the Russian Emperor Alexander II.
Because of its rarity, nowadays the dealing with fake Alexandrites has become quite common in Alexandria, Egypt. I guess you could consider it a famous tourist trap.”
Seigi was staring at Richard. In case he started drooling, then he’d just pray for a quick end.
“How come anyone knows that much about anything?”
Richard’s facial expression turned into something that could only be described as Are you really serious, I just told you I run a jewelry-shop, what the hell, Seigi . And it was probably supposed to mean exactly that .
“Okay, okay, got it,” Seigi backpedaled, before Richard had the chance to voice his thoughts. “Actually, can you pass me the bottle? My throat feels itchy.”
Without losing a moment, Richard obeyed. Rather than just handing Seigi the water bottle, he held it up to his mouth, so that all Seigi had to do was swallow.
He was grateful, he really was. Because while Richard screwed the lid back on, Seigi risked a look at his pale hands.
They were shaking terribly, no matter what he tried to keep them from doing so.
Whenever a doctor came in to inform Seigi about his health, they had a pretty gloom look on their face. Neither the doctors nor Hiromi, his mother, ever actually said anything about how things were going.
It had been about half a year now since the shocking diagnosis. The illness had come like a shadow, it had silently crawled up on Seigi, embracing him and not planning on ever letting go.
The prognosis was difficult, they had said. The minimum was half a year – the maximum about two years.
Six months had passed and Seigi considered the fact that he still walked this Earth nothing more than one thing: a cruel joke. By now, he’d cut all ties and had made his peace with dying.
So why wouldn’t God just take him? Why couldn’t he just...let go and pass on? This suffering was doing no one any good.
And why would no one tell him what was actually going on? The breakdown he’d had just a week ago was proof enough that he wouldn’t get better soon – that he never would.
He risked a look at Richard. If he was his guardian angel, surely he could ask him, no?
So he did. “Richard?”
“Yes?”
“Do you know anything about my...about my health?”
It looked like he’d punched him. Richard visibly flinched, a look of raw pain on his face.
Why would an angel care so much? Or was it different for guardian angels?
“You don’t remember?” The question was uttered so quietly that Seigi wasn’t sure he’d heard it right. “The doctor I talked to this morning said they were waiting for some test results. I don’t think they already acquired them, but, nevertheless, he didn’t sound too optimistic.”
Seigi nodded. He’d thought so. It was pretty obvious, after all.
He felt tired, all of a sudden.
“I think...I think I will try to get some sleep.”
Richard nodded. His kind smile had returned. “Of course. Sleep well. I will be here, once you wake.”
The next day Seigi awoke to the faint sound of rain outside his window. His eyelids felt so incredibly heavy when he tried to lift them. His throat felt like parchment.
Numbly, he fumbled for the button above his head, planning to call for a nurse to pull out his intubation tube, when he paused. He saw something move out of the corner of his eye.
Only that, when he turned to get a proper look, he saw that it was a man. A beautiful, lean man, about the same height as Seigi, with wavy blond hair, stood facing the window.
In his shock, Seigi completely forgot what he had been about to do. But it didn’t matter. Just a few seconds later, the blond man turned around. His blue eyes were kind, gazing down onto him.
When he spotted the button in Seigi’s hand, he came over. His steps were precise and graceful.
“You’re awake,” he said, his voice calm, “Would you like me to call for a nurse?”
Seigi nodded. Thankfully, the tube inside his throat kept him from answering. Because what could he have answered? He had no idea why this beautiful foreigner was standing in his hospital room.
What was he doing here? Did he...know him? But how? Where could they possibly have met?
Just considering the fact that he could have ever met a human being as beautiful as him made his head hurt.
The man had stepped out of the room for just a moment, calling for a nearby nurse.
The nurse came in shortly afterwards. While she set to work to rid Seigi of his breathing device, the blond man had retreated to the back of the room.
Somehow, the nurse didn’t seem to notice. Or at least they didn’t exchange any words.
Even when Seigi turned his head and obviously stared at the foreigner, the nurse didn’t comment on it.
“Would you like some breakfast?” she asked instead, shooting a quick look at the IV Seigi was connected to.
Still too tired, or too weak, to speak, Seigi shook his head. With that, the nurse smiled at him and left the room.
It took a mere second for the foreigner to turn back around. This time, his face was almost devoid of expression. It was a scary look, but it felt familiar to Seigi.
Seigi opened his mouth, trying to speak. No words would leave his mouth. Was he too shocked to speak?
The man approached Seigi’s bed, carefully sitting down on the mattress. He placed his hands on either side of Seigi’s lying frame, leaning in until they were face-to-face.
Seigi’s breath hitched. If either of them leaned in just a bit more, they would...they would kiss. Why was he thinking this? What was he thinking of?
“You do not remember me, do you?” The man’s breath tickled Seigi’s cheek. His voice had such a relaxing ring to it. “Do you have any recollection of who I am?”
Seigi started. So, did this mean they did know each other? He was supposed to remember the blond man, wasn’t he?
Frustrated, he shook his head. If only his throat wouldn’t ache as much.
“My name is Richard,” the man supplied, “Richard Ranashinha De Vulpian.”
What an unusual name. Richard was obviously English. But the other two...Seigi had never even come close to hearing a name similar to this one.
“And you are Nakata Seigi. It is all right if you do not recall having met me. Just know that I have met you and I cherish your company.” He pulled back and Seigi almost regretted losing the man’s proximity. “That is all.”
Seigi felt dumbfounded. He nodded, gazing longingly at the bottle of water on his bedside table. Would his hands listen to him?
The man, Richard, noticed. “A drink?” Before Seigi could reply, Richard had grabbed the bottle, unscrewed it and held it up to Seigi’s lips.
This felt like such an intimate thing to do. It probably wasn’t. Seigi was probably just imagining things but...Didn’t just family do something like this? Or perhaps...lovers?
Oh God, where were his thoughts headed off to today?
The cold water helped sooth the ache in his throat. So much so that he downed half of it before motioning that it was enough.
“How are you feeling?” Richard asked while getting rid of the water bottle. “The doctor said you ought to be….Well, it hasn’t exactly gotten better.”
Seigi had something completely different on his mind. He didn’t want to talk about his health, he wanted to talk about something entirely different. “Are you...an angel?” he croaked. His voice could barely be heard, much less were his words intelligible.
The man surprised him when he burst into a laughing fit. How unfair. Even his laugh was beautiful.
Wiping away some tears which had leaked, he shook his head. “
Seigi, I’ve never quite realized how amusing you are.”
Never quite realized?
Just how well did they know each other?
“What?” His voice really sounded terrible.
“I am not an angel, Seigi. Although I appreciate the compliment.”
Seigi wanted to answer. There was something he
had
to say. But he was overpowered by a vicious coughing fit. His chest ached. His throat burned.
He pressed his hands to his mouth, helplessly trying to stifle the coughs spilling from his lips.
Richard’s amused face changed in an instant. With an almost entirely white face, he rushed over to Seigi, his fingers finding the red overhead button.
But Seigi stopped him by putting his hand over his wrist. He shook his head weakly.
“Seigi, you...” Richard’s voice broke. Was he crying? “You need help,” he whispered.
Seigi c ontinued shaking his head. He didn’t need help. Hell, he didn’t want help. If this was the end then so be it. There were worse ways to go than in the arms of a handsome foreigner.
But of course this wasn’t the end. Not yet, anyway.
Seigi didn’t know why, but it felt like somebody up there just wanted him to suffer.
“I’m fine,” he sputtered in-between heavy breaths. “I’ll manage.”
Richard handed him the bottle, brought it to his lips, but Seigi wavered. “It’s okay, don’t worry.”
Richard looked at a loss. His blue eyes had clouded over, the crease on his forehead had deepened.
“Why do you worry so much?” Seigi asked. He just needed this answer. He didn’t know why. He just did.
Without an answer, Richard fell back down onto the chair standing next to the hospital bed. All of a sudden, he looked so incredibly tired.
“I don’t suppose you remember what I once told you about aquamarines?” he asked. His gaze didn’t quite meet Seigi’s.
Seigi shook his head. It felt like the room had started spinning.
“They were common protectors of sailors traveling the world’s oceans. It’s color is associated with the sky, as well as with the sea. Therefore, it is said that it protects those making their way across water, keeps them safe from terrible sea monsters.” Richard held a small box in his lap. It was a small square, covered in black velvet. Seigi wondered what was inside it. “Of course, nowadays this might have lost a bit of its meaning. But aquamarines are also said to provide their wearers with tranquility and peacefulness. It can help soothe anxiety and give you a calmer look at whatever life is throwing your way.”
Seigi hesitated. “Death, you mean?”
Richard offered a sad smile. “I suppose.”
Feeling tiredness creeping up on him, Seigi pulled his blanket higher. “Are you going to be here once I wake up?” he asked, letting his eyes slip closed.
He felt a cool hand touch his forehead, brushing away some loose strands of hair. “Of course. I’ll be by your side for as long as you need me, Seigi.”
There was one last thing wandering across Seigi’s mind before he fell asleep: Whoever sent him this beautiful, kind angel, he would be happy enough to give his life to them.
It only got worse from there on out.
About three weeks later, Seigi awoke due to a second coughing fit, only that this time, he spit blood. There was blood all over his blanket, dripping down his cheeks. The nurses were barely fast enough to free him from the intubation tube. He had almost been certain he would just choke to death right then and there.
All this had happened at two in the morning. Seigi had been too tired to go to the toilet, his body wouldn’t listen to him.
It had been Richard who’d found him, sitting on top of a drenched mattress. It had been Richard who had looked at him without an ounce of pity, but with a calm and rested expression on his face.
He had gone to call a nurse and while the nurses cleaned Seigi up and while the doctor went over Seigi’s medication, the beautiful blond man had retreated to the back of the room.
Seigi had found himself wondering why nobody commented on the man’s being here. After all, visiting hours ended at around eight.
Were it the drugs in his system or mere sense? Perhaps this man really was a celestial being. A guardian angel who came to this Earth to see it through. To watch over Seigi in his remaining days.
Or perhaps this man wasn’t a guardian angel but a god of death. A grim reaper, so to speak.
After the nurses had put him to bed, Seigi had simply lain there, staring at Richard.
Richard’s blue eyes had turned sad. He still stood next to the room’s window, only occasionally glancing at Seigi. He seemed to not know what to say.
Seigi had felt himself reaching out to him. If they touched, no - would they touch? Could a human like Seigi touch something as beautiful, as ethereal as Richard? Would that be considered blasphemy?
The digital clock on his bedside table read July 17. The news anchor declared that the rainy season had officially reached its peak in the Tokyo Metropolitan Area.
However, Seigi didn’t care much for the world outside. Why should he care for looking out of a window when he could spend his remaining hours gazing at the most beautiful being to ever walk this Earth?
Breathing had become increasingly difficult over the course of the past four weeks. His lungs had failed him, he couldn’t breathe on his own anymore, dependent on artificial respiration.
Dark circles had sprouted underneath his eyes. He’d eaten his last meal three days ago, so Seigi supposed his cheeks had hollowed out.
He probably looked like a ghost, an undead being.
Richard didn’t seem to mind. He had spent the last week just sitting next to Seigi. Normally, they’d turn on the TV on the wall and settle on something uncontroversial. A game show or a promotional interview with the voice actors of an anime Seigi liked.
When before Richard would come and go and sometimes leave Seigi’s side for multiple days, now he came in every morning and stayed until Seigi fell asleep at night.
Today, he had come in as early as possible. He had opened the wardrobe next to the small bathroom and, after casting a quick look inside, had closed it and come over to sit beside Seigi’s bed.
Without any greeting, he placed the small, black box on the bedside table. The box Seigi had come to know.
After that, he had turned on the TV. His first comment had been a huffed breath and a whispered, “I can’t believe Japan’s rainy season is so much worse than England.”
And now, here they were.
July 17, four in the afternoon.
They both knew this would be the last time they’d get to be like this. To just sit side-by-side, looking at each other and talking. Or, communicating. They had become quite good at non-verbal communication.
Whenever Richard said something, Seigi would respond with a simple look. And Richard understood him – always.
There was one thing, however, which Seigi tried so hard to bring across. But he wouldn’t manage. He knew that much.
Heaving a heavy sigh, Richard turned off the TV. This engulfed the room in a dreadful silence.
Slowly, the man turned to look at Seigi. His expression was gloom, serious.
“I was never aware how much a parting can hurt you.”
Seigi felt tears flowing down his cheeks. So this was it.
He wasn’t scared of dying. He was not scared of dying. But he would have to leave Richard and he still hadn’t told him.
He couldn’t speak, he wouldn’t be able to tell him. Oh God, he would not be able to say a word, he would not be able to tell Richard how he felt, he couldn’t – he couldn’t….
His breath came quicker. His heart rate increased. He felt dizzy.
No. No. Not yet.
A hand touched his wrist, gentle fingers wiped away his tears. Seigi turned his head to look at Richard, hoping he would understand.
“Let me tell you a story,” Richard said.
Without any strength left, Seigi confined himself to listening.
“Spring came and with it the dazzling cherry blossoms, blooming in various shades of pink and red. Their beauty could blind a mortal man, that much is certain.
A man made his way across this Earth, struggling to find his place, struggling to walk along the path this world had paved for him without losing his footing.
Perhaps he had resigned himself to a lifetime of wandering and searching. Or perhaps he had simply locked his heart, turning a blind eye to the beauty of this world. Maybe his heart had turned utterly unable to take up any kindness or happiness it was shown.
But then that day came along and with it this man’s savior. Because how could he possibly shut his heart to this beautiful, kind, always dazzling young man?”
Seigi’s tears had welled up even more, rivers running down his cheeks. Richard was smiling. But it was a melancholic smile.
“He really stuck to his namesake. Until the very last second, he wouldn’t let this world bring him down.
I don’t think there are enough words in any language I speak to express how entirely grateful I am to him.”
Seigi gulped.
There were so many languages in this world. Even gem stones held their own, special meaning. Nevertheless, Seigi should be left without the ability to express his feelings? Would he die with these words on the tip of his tongue?
He grabbed Richard’s hand, holding onto it for dear life.
If there had ever been anything he had been certain of, then it was that life’s most cruelest joke had been sending him an angel when he had already been doomed.