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Eugene Roe hears someone cough and he rushes towards the sound.
"Heffron! Hey, Heffron, you okay?"
"Gene, what's with the Heffron bullshit huh? You know my name, why don't you use it?" Heffron throws his gloves away and reaches for something in his trousers.
"Uh, it's Edward right?"
"Edward, are you serious? Only the goddamn nuns call me Edward!"
He stares at Heffron for a few seconds, then asks him if he has any morphine, as if he doesn't know the answer to that question. He's asked Heffron already, and Heffron reminds him. He pretends he doesn't remember, but the lie burns in his mouth, even as he wonders why he does that, seeking Heffron so damn much.
That night, alone in his foxhole, he says aloud a prayer: "Lord, grant that I shall never seek so much to be consoled as to console, to be understood as to understand, to be loved as to love with all my heart. With all my heart," knowing, all the while, that he does not deserve to love or to be loved when his feelings for a certain young man are a sin.
When he brings Sisk, whose leg is badly injured, to the aid station in the town, he meets a nurse named Renée, who has a French accent and who is beautiful, so beautiful. He speaks with her and she offers him a smile. Oh, how he wishes he could love her.
The men are listening to a chapelain when he gets back. Skip Muck, ever the sarcastic one, jokes, "That's it guys, nothing to worry about. If we're gonna die now, we're gonna die in a state of grace. Isn't that right, Babe?"
Eugene wants to turn to Heffron, wants to ask Muck what he is implying, what does it mean, but Spina goes to him and tells him about the reconnaissance patrol the battalion wants to be done. Eugene hurries to tell Spina that he will go, but when Sergeant Martin sees him, he tells him to "stay back and keep your ass out of trouble". Eugene is forced to watch them as they leave, Heffron in tow, scared and worried, and wishing he wasn't.
He sits against a tree and stares in the direction the patrol went in, hears gunfire and his heart clenches in his chest even as he remains frozen on the spot. He sees a figure coming back towards him and asks, "What's happening sir?" in a tone hopefully devoid of worry.
"We're pulling back. We made contact. I gotta get to the CP," the Lieutenant answers and keeps going, leaving Eugene to worry even more.
They are getting back, but still the gunfires resonate in the forest. He sees a man going down and is almost grateful for it, hurries to go to him and to forget to think.
Behind him, he hears Heffron and Sergeant Martin talking about Julian, the kid Heffron's sharing his foxhole with. "He's still alive!"
"We don't know that."
"We gotta get him sir," Heffron yells back. "We gotta go back, get Julian out of there!"
But it is too dangerous and Captain Nixon orders them to fall back, and they all move, Eugene and another soldier carrying the wounded one, the other men running with their rifles in their hands.
The men sit in a circle, Eugene slightly out of it, staring at the floor covered in snow. Eugene watches Heffron with worried eyes, as the man coughs and clenches his jaw. Heffron must have sensed his gaze because he turns his head slightly towards him and glances back. They stare at each other during long seconds, until Eugene glances down at his bag and takes out the chocolate bar Nurse Renée gave him, coming to a decision.
It's later, after dark has set, when Eugene crosses the forest in between many foxholes to get to the one Heffron is in. But Heffron is not there. Eugene sees a figure not far and calls out.
"Heffron?" Turns out it's not him but Toye, who had lost his boots and got his feet frozen.
"You seen Heffron?"
"No, why?"
"He ain't in his hole."
He leaves Toye after giving him some advice about his feet and goes to his own foxhole. There, he finds Heffron, leaning against Spina.
"Gotcha," he smiles, but Heffron is staring blankly in front of him.
"Heffron," he says and holds out the chocolate bar to him, even as Spina watches it with wide eyes and an opened mouth. Heffron doesn't react, so Eugene cuts a bite from it and gives it to him, "Edward," he says and Heffron moves his head an inch.
"Eat it," and Heffron does. "Good."
After a few seconds, Heffron talks. "I promised him if he got hit, I'd get his stuff and bring it to his mom, you know?" His voice breaks on the last word. Neither Spina nor Eugene mention it. "Now the fucking Krauts'll strip him."
"Hey, no, it's okay," Eugene whispers.
"It's not! It's not okay," Heffron almost shouts. "I should have got to him."
Eugene cuddles close to him. Wants to hold his hand or succeed in comforting him, but that won't work. After that they stay silent, Heffron falling asleep between them as Spina and Eugene talk a bit. And they fall asleep too, under the same blanket to keep warm.
Eugene wakes up soon after. Nightmares aren't that uncommon now. He dreamt of the people he's failed to rescue, of blood and guts on his hands, and worst of all, of Heffron's face on their bodies, as he dies again and again and Eugene fails to save him.
He fails to save another man that day.
And that night, he brings a blanket to a Lieutenant, a Sergeant, and Heffron. Tells them to wrap up, even as he moves from foxholes to foxholes to warn soldiers. No one tells him to wrap up.
It's Christmas. Heffron brings him food. Eugene can't help but wonder if he's worrying for him.
He is in his hole when Captain Winters cries out for a medic as a Sergeant is shot. He doesn't move, doesn't know why. Spina and Heffron comes to him.
"Gene!"
"Come on Doc! Is he hurt?" Spina asks and Heffron's answer falls flat to his ears because Heffron is touching him. His hand are on his body, not touching skin but still touching him.
He's getting out of his transe slowly, "Gene come on get up, the Captain's yelling."
"Okay," Eugene says even as he tries to curl in on himself.
"Okay get up, not okay lie down! Come on, move!"
Eugene rushes towards the cries and leaves Heffron behind him, still in a daze.
He brings the soldier to the aid station, only to find the town being bombed and the Church — where the aid station was — crushed. He stares at it and moves towards it. He finds Renée's headscarf in the ruins, and clutches at it before leaving.
When he gets back to the forest, he goes to Heffron's foxhole.
"Everything okay?" Heffron ignores him. "Babe?"
"Yeah," Heffron answers, but Eugene sees his hand. He takes it and turns it around to see the wound better. Tries not to think about who it belongs to.
"Hey, how'd you do that?"
"You did that."
Heffron is looking at him and Eugene stares back, incredulous.
"I'll fix it up," he says, glancing at Heffron, but the man is looking away now.
He pulls out Renée's headscarf instead of a bandage. He starts putting it back in his pocket but changes his mind. Renée is dead. Heffron isn't.
He shreds the headscarf in two when Heffron talks.
"Hey, Gene, you called me 'Babe'," Heffron says with a smile.
Eugene looks from Heffron to his hand. "I did?" Heffron nods. "When?"
"Just now," he loses his smile.
Eugene looks at him, then down at his mouth, and in his eyes. He repeats the motion.
"Babe," he says with a touch of wonder. He smiles. "I guess I did."
They both smile, Heffron chuckles.
"Babe," Heffron imitates him and smiles.
"Heffron, watch the goddamn line."
Heffron chuckles again, but turns his head.
Eugene wraps the bandage on his hand, marvels at the fact that he is holding Heffron's hand, then chastises himself for it.
When he's done, he doesn't drop Heffron's hand right away. He lingers, his fingers almost caressing his wrist and palm. Heffron turns his head towards him and again Eugene's eyes fall to Heffron's lips. When he glances up, he sees Heffron doing the same. His breath catch. He swallows with difficulty, then think "to hell with it" and kisses him.
Heffron kisses back, their hands intertwined. It's the best feeling in the goddamn world.