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i put this heavy heart in you (it's not your fault)

Summary:

TABLED INDEFINITELY

Marinette finds a nervous kitty on her balcony. She soon discovers that he has something big to tell Ladybug—something that would reveal his identity.

Chapter 1: the kitty and the klutz

Summary:

Marinette had never known Chat Noir to be so serious. He had made up his mind. He was going to tell Ladybug who he was. And what he knew.

Chapter Text

“Ouch!” Marinette sucked on her finger. It was the fourth time she’d pricked it that night as she pinned the pattern for her latest design. She sat back in her chair, groaning deeply.

“What’s the matter, Marinette?” Tikki flitted over from a plate of cookies at the end of Marinette’s desk. “You seem awfully distracted tonight.”

Marinette dropped her head. “It’s just too much, Tikki,” she sighed. “The schoolwork, the bakery, being Ladybug, being the Guardian. It’s only been a few months, but it’s already too much...” She turned back to her sketchbook, which was opened to the tea-length sky-blue dress she’d been trying to pin together. “I’ve wanted to make this dress for ages, and now that I finally have some time, I can’t even concentrate.”

Tikki’s brow knit together. “I know it’s hard, Marinette, but you really are doing an amazing job balancing everything in your life right now!”

Marinette managed a smile, but it soon faded with another heavy sigh. “It doesn’t feel like it,” she admitted dejectedly, pulling her knees up to her chest and resting her cheek against them. “I’m just so… tired. And—and overwhelmed. And the worst of it is, I can’t talk about it with anyone. Not about everything, anyway.”

“You have me,” Tikki chirped.

“I know I do, Tikki,” Marinette said, rubbing the little kwami’s cheek. “And it is wonderful to have you, but…” she trailed off, dropping her hand. 

What was she supposed to say? That she needed a person to talk to, not a tiny, magical, immortal god of creation? As if Tikki didn’t count? Tikki was always there for Marinette, that was true, but she didn’t always understand how Marinette felt or what she was going through. After all, Tikki wasn’t human, and she hadn’t had a holder before Marinette in a while—centuries had passed since Tikki had seen the world outside her Miraculous, and things had changed a lot in that time.  

Marinette glanced up. Tikki’s eyes were round and shining.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” Marinette said. “I didn’t mean to…I just meant that—”

Tikki shook her head. “No, it’s okay. I know you need human companionship, and I know it’s hard to keep secrets from your friends.” She flew up to Marinette cheek and rubbed against it in a tiny hug. “But no matter what, you still have me, okay?”

Marinette’s mouth curved into a small smile. She cradled Tikki against her cheek. 

“I know. Thank you.”

A loud crash from above startled Marinette to her feet.

“What was that?” she breathed.

“An akuma?” Tikki said, hovering at Marinette’s eye level.

“Maybe…” Marinette considered for a moment. “But I won’t know for sure unless I check. Hide, Tikki!”

Tikki flew away to her usual hiding spot as Marinette scampered up the ladder to her loft. Carefully, she lifted her skylight and peeked out onto the balcony.

It took a minute for her eyes to adjust to the darkness, since the fairy lights weren’t plugged in, but soon enough, she saw the culprit of the crashing sound. A black-clad figure was hunched over something in front of him, facing away from the skylight. His familiar messy blond hair shined dully in the hazy moonlight.

“Chat Noir?” Marinette asked as she lifted herself through the skylight.

Chat Noir spun around so quickly that he almost looked like he was breakdancing. “Marinette!” he said with a pained smile, tail swishing nervously behind him. “I…”

His tail collided with something, which scraped and clanked against the ground. Marinette peeked around him curiously, but Chat Noir shifted to block her view.

“What are you doing out here?” he said with a nervous laugh.

Marinette’s brow knit together, the corner of her mouth quirked upward. She didn’t answer him but instead pushed him aside. Despite his magically enhanced strength, he didn’t resist.

Marinette gasped. Lying on the ground next to a knocked-over table was her tea set—now broken into a million ceramic shards.

Marinette gaped at the destruction. Her night was already not going as she wanted to, and now she had another mess to deal with. She turned back to Chat Noir with raised eyebrows

At first, he said nothing—just looked away like a pet guilty of digging in the trash. Finally, he let out a breath.

“I’m sorry.I honestly didn’t mean to do it. It was just dark and I didn’t see it.” 

“What about your night vision?” Marinette asked as she folded her arms. 

His face turned down, false ears flattening against his hair. “I know. I know. I should’ve seen it. I guess I was just…distracted tonight.”

Marinette stared at him, blinking. In all the time she’d known Chat Noir, she’d never seen him look so…downtrodden and ashamed. He was usually so smug and confident.

“I was trying to fix it when you came up and startled me,” Chat Noir went on. “I’m sorry…I can replace it, though! Just give me a little time.” His eyes were round and pleading. “I can bring you a new tea set tomorrow night and—”

“Hey,” Marinette said soothingly, placing a hand on his shoulder. “It’s fine. Really, it’s not a big deal.” And it wasn’t. At least, not nearly big enough for him to feel so bad about.

Chat Noir glanced at her hand gently squeezing his shoulder, then up at her. “Really?”

“Really,” she replied with a soft smile.

“You’re not...upset?”

Marinette considered him for a minute, then crouched low so she was at his eye level.

“No, I’m not,” she said earnestly. “Not about this, anyway.”

Chat Noir raised his eyebrows, tilting his head like a curious kitten. “Something else bothering you?” 

Marinette dropped her hand from his shoulder and pulled it close. The air suddenly felt chilly, and the wind burned her raw-poked fingertips. She rubbed them against her thumb to soothe them. 

Something was bothering her. So many somethings, really. But she couldn’t tell Chat Noir about any of them besides a few mundane civilian things, or else he’d discover her identity. She swallowed.

“You know, I could ask you that same question. What are you doing here anyway?” Knocking over tea sets and acting like it’s the end of the world? she didn’t say. Not that it mattered. It was just another bad thing on an already-bad day. But Chat Noir was obviously going through his own rough patch. He didn’t need to hear about her problems too.

“Does a knight need a reason to come see his princess?” Chat Noir put on his best, brightest smile.

But Marinette had seen his real smile too many times to count, and this was not it. She straightened back up and, frowning.

He avoided her gaze for just a few seconds before giving in with a sigh. “Okay, fine. It’s just…home stuff. Civilian stuff. I don’t know why I even came here. It’s not like I can tell you about it. I was just…I just didn’t want to be alone, even if I can’t talk about it.” He walked over to the railing and leaned onto it, looking out onto the Seine. 

Marinette’s frown deepened. What from his civilian life could’ve driven him to come to her tonight? Maybe it was something he’d told her about before. She remembered him mentioning his father a few times to her—well, to Ladybug, at least—when he was particularly low during patrols. But as Marinette, she wasn’t supposed to know that.

She walked over to the railing and leaned on it beside him. “I know what you mean.”

Chat Noir turned to her. “You too, huh?”

Marinette nodded. “Yup.”

“I guess misery loves company.” A sad little smile quirked at Chat Noir’s lips. 

Marinette rolled her eyes. “That’s not what that saying means.”

“What does it mean, then?” Chat Noir asked, a smirk spreading across his face.

“It means that when you’re miserable, you wanna bring everyone down with you.” 

Chat Noir nodded thoughtfully. “Like Hawkmoth.” 

Marinette looked at him “What do you mean? How do you know he’s miserable?”

Chat Noir shrugged. “You’ve gotta be a pretty miserable person to terrorize others the way he does. Prey on people’s negativity like that. Something awful must’ve happened to him. People aren’t just…like that. He might’ve even been a happy person, before whatever happened…happened.”

Marinette shivered. She’d never thought of Hawkmoth as a real person like that before—someone who’d been wronged in some way, someone who was happy once, maybe even a good person who would have detested Hawkmoth. And yet…now…

Marinette shook her head. “That doesn’t excuse what he does to people.,”

Chat Noir looked up at the cloud-covered night sky and sighed. “No, it doesn’t. Nothing ever could.”

Marinette’s brow furrowed as she gazed at him. His shoulders were hunched, his eyebrows drawn together under his mask, and his eyes shined in the moonlight as if filled with tears. Something was definitely going on.

“Are you…sure you don’t want to talk about whatever is bothering you?”

Chat Noir shook his head. “I can’t, remember? Even if I want to. It’s civilian stuff. I can’t go around sharing details of my secret identity with just anyone, you know.”

“But you would share it with someone?” Marinette asked tentatively.

Chat Noir sighed, dropping his head. “I think I have to. I have to tell Ladybug about this.”

Marinette blinked. “So…you’re going to reveal your identity to Ladybug?” she asked, just to be clear.

Chat Noir nodded. “I can’t keep this from her.” He looked up again, determinedly. “And I don’t want to.”

“Doesn’t…” Marinette began. She had to choose her words carefully. “Do you know if she’d want to know your identity? Maybe….maybe she doesn’t. Maybe it’s not safe…you know…for you know each other’s identities.”

“I’ve thought about that. I know she doesn’t want us to share our identities, but she doesn’t have to reveal herself to me. I won’t expect that from her. I trust her no matter what. But I can’t keep this from her, and I can’t tell her what I know without revealing myself to her.”

Marinette stared at him. She’d never known Chat Noir to be so serious. He had made up his mind. He was going to tell Ladybug who he was. And what he knew.

“What...what is it that you have to share with her?” Marinette asked, her curiosity getting the better of her. 

Chat Noir turned his head back to look at her, a sad, crooked smile on his lips. “You know I can’t tell you that, Princess.”

“But you can tell Ladybug?”

“I have to tell Ladybug. There’s a difference.”

Marinette turned away, hiding a slight pout. “I understand.”

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Chat Noir asked. He shifted beside her.

“Nothing,” Marinette lied, pushing the huffiness out of her voice, though she wasn’t completely successful. She turned back to Chat Noir, whose eyebrows were raised at her. 

“You said you were going through something yourself, before. What’s bothering you? Maybe I can help.,” His expression shifted to something warm and genuine.

Marinette rolled her eyes but turned away to hide a smile. His shows of sweetness always did seem to do her in.

“Alright, fine,” she said. “It’s just…you know…life, I guess. It’s getting to me, all the responsibilities. I’ve got school and working in the bakery—”

“Being class president,” Chat Noir said, nodding. 

Marinette had even forgotten about that. “Yes!” she said, shaking her hands. “Not to mention…” being the savior of Paris. She stopped herself just in time. 

Chat Noir cocked his head at her. “‘Not to mention’ what?” 

Marinette turned back to Chat Noir with a tense smile.“Oh, just, you know, other things…”

“Like your designing?” Chat Noir asked.

Marinette withheld a sigh of relief. “Yes, yeah, my designing. I barely have any time to myself with everything going on and when I do I just can’t seem to focus.” She dropped her head. She’d already just complained to Tikki about this exact problem—except with the pressures of Ladybug included. Maybe she was just whining. She should be able to handle everything.

She sighed. “I just feel kind of hopeless and stuck lately.”

For a moment, the two of them just stood there, silent, the night breeze cooling their skin as they stared out onto the Paris skyline. 

“Well,” Chat Noir said after a moment, “we can’t have that.”

Marinette turned to him. He was smiling softly but brightly at her. He closed his eyes and shook his head.

“An upset puurincess? That will absolutely not do.” He opened his eyes and winked at her. “How is she supposed to rule her kingdom if she’s unhappy?”

Marinette couldn’t help but smile, even if his choice of words was unbearably cheesy. She laughed lightly and nudged him on the arm. “Leave it to you to bring the cheese to every conversation, even the serious ones. Or, I guess that would be Plagg’s job.” 

As soon as she said it, Marinette froze, eyes wide. If ever there was a time she wished she could hit CTRL + Z in real life, it was now. Slowly, she turned her head to look at her partner. 

For several long, uncomfortable moments, he stared at her, his mouth hanging open.

“How do you know my kwami’s name?” he asked finally.

“You…you must have told me about him….before,” she said lamely.

Chat Noir shook his head. “There’s only two people in the world who know Plagg’s name besides me, and one of them is…” he trailed off, eyes narrowing slightly, scrutinizing her.

“I…” She what? What possible excuse could she come up with to explain how she knew Plagg’s name? 

Over the months working as Ladybug, Marinette had developed quite a talent for fabricating the truth when she needed an excuse to go play superheroine. But at that moment, all her excuses left her. It was like her brain had evaporated right out of her head.

“You know what?” she said with a horribly forced laugh. “I think Ladybug must have mentioned it...when she gave me the mouse miraculous?” It was more a question than a statement, with her voice turning up at the end. It was like she was asking for Chat Noir’s approval of her lie.

Chat Noir’s eyes narrowed even further. “That still doesn’t explain how you know about Plagg’s cheese addiction.”

“Heh heh,” Marinette laughed awkwardly. “Of course it does!, Ladybug told me about it, obviously—about how you told her about it.”

“Ladybug….” Chat Noir repeated. “Mar—” He shook his head. “My lady?” he asked, expression softening into an awed hope.

Marinette stood there, frozen to the spot. This was not happening. She’d barely lasted a month of being the Guardian of the Miraculous before Chat Noir figured out her identity. But she wouldn’t let it come to that. She couldn’t. She wasn’t ready for that.

She bit her lip before forcing a tight smile. “Ha, of course I’m not Ladybug, silly kitty!” She punched Chat Noir in the arm with what even she could tell was painfully feigned playfulness. “You saw me with her yourself, when I gave her back the mouse miraculous.” She felt her forehead tighten under bangs. She hoped beyond hope he would take the bait.

Chat Noir nodded slowly. “That’s true. I did see you with her...but you could’ve faked that somehow. It’s not like I haven’t done the same thing before when I was with Ladybug….”

Marinette’s jaw dropped. Chat Noir had faked his civilian identity before with her? How? At least she’d had the fox miraculous, but what did he have? And when had he faked his identity? He couldn’t be in two places at once, not without the mouse miraculous, which he never had access to, and not like she could with the mirage—and even then, that was only an illusion.

While Chat Noir stood with his eyes turned up in thought, apparently considering the times he had seen Marinette and Ladybug together (which was, admittedly, once), Marinette flicked through all the past akuma attacks and patrols she could think of. If he’d faked his identity before, that must have been because she was onto him. Or, that he was with her in his civilian form and couldn’t appear as Chat Noir with Marinette as Ladybug until he could escape. 

Marinette felt almost dizzy trying to connect the dots, but she felt she was so close to figuring everything out, she could taste it. Before, she’d never wanted to find out Chat Noir’s identity for fear of losing her own miraculous, or making him lose his. But he had just told her that he was going to tell Ladybug anyway. Besides, she was the Guardian now, and she would know the identity of whoever else she gave the cat miraculous too, so taking it away from him was pointless. And she knew how much Tikki had come to mean to her—she was the only being in the world who knew everything about Marinette’s double life. And if Chat Noir had grown anywhere near as close to Plagg, she would never want to take him away and break that bond.

Ugh, Plagg. Why did she have to mention that cheese-loving kwami and give herself away? She was always so careful with what she said around him to protect her identity, and now she just…completely ruined it. Maybe it was the responsibility getting to her, being the Guardian, being Ladybug, being class president…

“Chat Noir knew I was class president,” Marinette breathed. 

“What was that?” asked Chat Noir, who still looked distracted by the (accurate) thought that Marinette was Ladybug.

“Nothing!” Marinette said quickly, mostly to get him to shut up so she could think.

I never told him I was class president. And he knew I like design, but I don’t remember ever mentioning that to him. We must know each other in our civilian lives, she thought. From school. He must be a classmate! Who else would know or care that I was class president?  

Her mind was reeling. She thought back to the akuma attacks, ruling out anyone from school that she knew had been akumatized. Every single person in her class had been akumatized, including Ms. Bustier, apart from Marinette and…and… 

Marinette’s eyes somehow managed to widen even more. She felt like they were about to bug right out of her skull. She pointed at the boy in front of her.

“You....you’re…” She couldn’t say it. She was shaking. She felt like she was about to faint.

Chat Noir looked at her with concern.

“I’m sorry, Marinette,” he said, gripping her shoulder gently. “I know you didn’t mean to say that about Plagg, but—”

Marinette shook her head sharply. Apparently, Chat Noir hadn’t even realized what he’d said. He was still thinking about Marinette being Ladybug. Which she was, of course. But Marinette had moved far beyond that. Her heart was racing, her thoughts moving a million miles an hour. Could he really be…?

She shook her head again, more forcefully this time. Just because she knew Chat Noir at school, it didn’t necessarily mean he was actually in her class, right? She was friends with Marc, and he wasn’t in her class. But then again, Marc had also been akumatized into Reverser… 

Marinette hopped nervously from one foot to the other and thought back to the akuma attacks over the last few months. There were only a handful of times Chat Noir hadn’t appeared immediately by her side. And each time he hadn’t, she had been with…

Marinette froze.

“Adrien?” 

“WHA—Adrien? I—you—” Chat Noir blubbered.

She blinked. In the few seconds she’d been thinking to herself, she’d somehow managed to forget he was even there. She looked up at him. 

Now he was the one staring. Apparently, he’d been fully pulled out of his reverie over Marinette possibly (actually) being Ladybug. He was shaking, with anxiety or surprise, or maybe excitement—Marinette didn’t know. But that didn’t matter now. 

She turned to face him fully and took in a deep breath before looking up at him. 

“Adrien?” she asked again.

Chat Noir’s mouth moved, apparently trying to form words, but no sound came out. After a few more futile attempts to speak, he dropped his head with a deep sigh. 

How?”

“It really is you, isn’t it?” Marinette asked. “You’re really Adrien.”

Chat Noir—Adrien—looked up at her and nodded slowly.

Marinette just stood there for a moment, hardly able to process or contain all her feelings (which she had a lot of) before she collapsed onto his chest with a sob.

Chat Noir fell back at little as she crashed into him and cried into his suit. “What—”

“It’s really you!” she said, probably sounding hysterical. But at that moment, she didn’t care. She’d let future Marinette worry over it later. For now, she was completely overcome. “It’s you! My kitty—my Adrien!”

Your Adrien?” Chat Noir asked. “I’m yo—wait, wait,” He pulled her back from him, clutching her shoulders and staring into her eyes. “Your kitty?” 

Marinette looked into his bright emerald eyes once again. She should have recognized those eyes before now, even transformed as they were. When he’d transformed into Mister Bug—she should have recognized him then. Those eyes. Adrien’s eyes. She could’ve smacked herself on the forehead, but instead she just stared up at him, beaming. She nodded.

Realization (finally) dawned on Chat Noir’s face. His mouth curved into a bright smile.

“Really?” he asked breathlessly. “I’m…you’re…” He pulled her into a tight hug. “My lady? My Marinette?”

Marinette smiled so broadly she thought her face might tear in two. “Your Marinette?” she asked shyly, hopefully.

Chat Noir—Adrien—pulled out of the hug just enough to see her face again and nodded. 

Marinette let out an almost inaudible sigh at that, and she felt the warmth of her breath reflect off his suit and move back across her face. They were so close, so very, very close. She looked up at him, swallowing.

His eyes were bright and earnest, his brows brought together in a look of pure, soft adoration. He lifted his hand from cradling her back and brushed it against her cheek, his claws tickling her skin. Then, cupping her face gently, he brought his lips to hers.

They met, softly at first, like a question. Then again, brighter, firmer. Then they were crashing into each other desperately, like a storm on the ocean.

Marinette melted into him. For that moment, everything felt right. She was kissing her kitty, her Adrien, and she was his lady. His Marinette.

Far too soon, Adrien pulled away from her again. She looked up at him, and although he was smiling, there was a pained look in his eyes. He let out a soft sigh and leaned his forehead against hers (he had to crouch slightly)

“Marinette, I…I want to be so happy right now—I am so happy right now.” He chuckled lightly, but the laugh didn't reach his eyes. He sighed. “But there’s something I have to tell you. Something you need to know.” 

Oh, no. Am I that bad of a kisser? Marinette thought. But something about his face—the way his eyebrows were drawn together in that loving way—told her the pain in his eyes wasn’t directed at her. 

“What is it?” she asked. Her breath caught in her throat a little as she spoke. 

Adrien closed his eyes and straightened to his full height. Marinette could see his jaw clenching, his brow tensing, like he was working up the courage to say what he needed to say.

Marinette placed a hand on his cheek. “Whatever you need to say, it’s okay. I’m here for you, now and always.”

Adrien’s eyes flashed open. He looked down at her again, his eyes pleading. He rested his hand on hers against his cheek.

“You and me against the world, right?” Marinette said.

Adrien nodded. With a deep exhale, he pulled her hand down from his face and gripped it tightly.

“I know who Hawkmoth is,” he said simply, quietly. He wouldn’t meet her eyes. 

Marinette’s hand twitched slightly in his, but she didn’t let go. She just stared at him, hardly noticing her mouth falling open. 

“How…?” Marinette began, but she couldn’t get far before Adrien raised his eyes to look deeply, earnestly into her own.

“He’s Gabriel Agreste. My father.”