Work Text:
“You’ve got to be having me on!” James exclaims in disbelief. “It’s only February !”
Remus rolls his eyes and lets out a long-suffering sigh. “No, James. I need to get good scores on my NEWTS if I want to have any hope of getting a job.” He jabs his quill in James’ direction. “ You can do what you like, but I’m going to study.” He pulls a textbook into his lap and cracks it open, clearly intending to ignore his friend.
James looks pleadingly at Sirius. “Can’t you talk some sense into him?”
Sirius scoffs. “Like Moony is going to listen to me!”
“Sure he will,” James insists. “We all know that you can talk anyone into anything!”
Sirius tosses a crumpled piece of parchment at his friend. “Don’t be daft. Moony is damn stubborn when he wants to be.”
“Work your charm on him!” James makes a flailing gesture with his arms, encompassing all of Sirius with his movements.
“I’m still sitting right here, you know,” Remus says in an unimpressed monotone, not bothering to look up from his book.
“We know that. Don’t we, Prongs?” Sirius asks with a grin.
James nods enthusiastically. “Of course, Padfoot. How could we forget?”
“We couldn’t, James. He is entirely too unforgettable,” Sirius says sagely. He can feel the laughter swelling in his chest and he does his best to force it back down as he watches the mirth dancing in James’ eyes.
James pretends to consider this, tapping his finger against his chin with mock seriousness. “You’re right, Pads. I look at Moony and I can’t help but think: now that’s a bloke who wants a lot of attention.”
Remus groans and shuts his book with a snap, tossing it onto the coffee table. “Alright, fine! You two win! I’ll help if you just shut up!”
The two friends exchange triumphant looks and Sirius jumps up to clasp Remus’ hand in his, tugging him to his feet. James immediately starts leading the way out of the common room and Sirius follows, dragging Remus behind him. Just as they’re approaching the portrait hole, it swings open revealing Peter holding a plate of biscuits.
“Perfect timing, Wormy. We were just about to go prank the Slytherins,” James says, clapping Peter on the shoulder before snatching a biscuit.
Sirius grabs two biscuits from the plate and hands one to Remus. “Cheers, mate.”
Peter sighs and takes the last biscuit, placing the empty plate on a table before turning around and following his friends back outside. “What are we doing this time?”
What they’re doing, as it turns out, is running as fast as they can through the corridors of Hogwarts in an attempt to escape Filch. James is cackling madly as he races on ahead. Sirius yet again has Remus by the hand and is pulling him along with as much strength as he can muster at the moment. Peter lags behind them all, huffing and puffing and gasping for them to wait up.
“Split up!” James yells as they reach an intersection and he veers sharply to the left without a hitch in his step.
Sirius yanks Remus to the right and they fly down the corridor, trainers slapping hard against the flagstone. Filch’s shouts echo behind them and Sirius thinks his voice is moving in the opposite direction after James or Peter. Even with that knowledge, he knows Mrs. Norris could be on their tails so he yanks open the next available door and they both tumble inside.
His best guess is that they’re in some sort of storage closet. It’s dark and small and crammed full of various odds and ends. Sirius can feel Remus’ breath against the back of his neck and it makes his hair stand on end. He shivers and finds himself stepping back to press into Remus’ front before he thinks better of it. The hitch in Remus’ breathing and his quick intake of breath perks Sirius’ ears up. He turns quickly, coming chest to chest with Remus, though he immediately takes a startled step back. His retreat is abruptly halted by the presence of the closed-door at his back, and Sirius smiles mischievously into the shadows surrounding them. He steps forward once again, effectively pressing himself against his friend. His heart is still pounding from their sprint through the castle, but he feels lightheaded and reckless for an entirely different reason now.
“Sirius, what—” Remus begins, but Sirius presses a thumb to his lips, shushing him. The rest of his hand stretches out along the length of Remus’ jaw, his ring finger and pinkie stroking across Remus’ throat. He can feel Remus shudder at the contact, and Sirius leans in until their noses are nearly touching.
“Sirius, what are you doing?” Remus hisses into the thumb still pressed against his lips.
Sirius drags his thumb down, Remus’ lower lip moving with it until it flips back into place and his thumb presses into his chin instead. He tips his head down, feeling possessed by some unknown desire, and lets his lips ghost across Remus’ with the barest of touches.
“Sirius,” Remus gasps, trying again. “James and Peter will be looking for us.”
He still doesn’t answer, choosing instead to lick at the seam of Remus’ lips before pressing a wet, open-mouthed kiss against them. He doesn’t know what has come over him, and when Remus parts his lips, he no longer cares. He pushes further into Remus with both his body and his tongue, feeling what will likely be the first of many jolts of electricity go through him as their tongues meet for the first time. Sirius grinds his hips into Remus’ and moans when he feels the swell of firm flesh against his own. He hears Remus’ head hit the wall behind them as he tangles his hands into Sirius’ hair.
“So maybe we’ll be a few minutes late then,” Remus chokes out.
~*~*~*~
“Pads. Padfoot. Sirius!”
A dinner roll bounces off of Sirius’ cheek and he starts in surprise, looking up at James. Recently, he’s been completely lost in his thoughts and wandering off on his own. Tonight’s no different, as is made clear by the scowl James is leveling at him now.
“ What , James?” He asks in exasperation, as if he hasn’t been guilty of ignoring his friends for the last week.
James rolls his eyes, looking thoroughly annoyed, and throws another roll at him. “You haven’t been listening to a single word I’ve said! What is with you lately?”
Sirius bristles instantly. “Like you haven’t just been going on about Evans this whole time! Why would I willingly subject myself to that?”
The way the red flush rises up James’ neck and onto his face tells Sirius two things. One: he was spot on about Lily, and two: he’s gone too far. “Look, James…” he begins.
James rises abruptly from the table, his hands balled into fists at his sides. “I don’t know what your problem is, but you’re being a right arsehole and I’m sick of it!”
He stomps off without another word and Sirius watches him go with quiet frustration. When his gaze falls back to the table, he finds Remus watching him with an odd expression on his face. Sirius drops his eyes back down to his plate feeling like a coward for the first time in his life. He tries to keep eating his dinner but he can feel Remus’ gaze burning into him and he suddenly finds he can’t take the scrutiny any longer. He leaves the table without excusing himself and all but runs from the hall.
The problem, Sirius realizes, is that he has once again acted without thinking things through. While he does this more often than not, it rarely has any long term consequences and certainly not any that bother him enough to change. What he’s learning is that Remus seems to be the constant exception to this rule. He very nearly screwed up their friendship for good with that stunt with Snape last year, and now… well, he isn’t sure what he’s going to do now. He doesn’t want to think about it either, but he’s so lost in daydreams about their kisses in the closet and the way Remus’ body felt up against him that he hasn’t been able to focus on anything else. He can barely stand to make eye contact with Remus because the swarm of butterflies that have taken up residence in his stomach start rioting every time he does. It makes him sick in a way he would probably enjoy if it weren’t for the fact that he’s terrified by it. He’s not even sure what possessed him to kiss Remus. Maybe it was adrenaline from being chased and he would have felt the urge to kiss anyone in such confined quarters… but he doesn’t think so. He can’t picture himself behaving the same way if it had been Peter or James in that storage room with him, and that is telling. There’s something different about Remus— there always has been, though it used to be easier to ignore.
Sirius pushes through the large oak front doors into the cool winter air and heads down toward the lake. He doesn’t have a real destination in mind, he just knows that if he hopes to avoid his friends he can’t go back to the common room. He stops once he gets to the far side of the shore and climbs up to the top of his favorite lichen-covered rock. He pulls out a somewhat squashed pack of cigarettes, lights one with a flick of his wand, and leans back on his forearms. The sun is just starting to dip below the horizon when he catches the scent of light floral perfume as a feminine form sits down beside him.
“What are you doing out here all by yourself, Black? Where’s your Merry Band of not so Gentlemen?” Marlene asks with an amused smile curling her lips.
Sirius rolls his eyes and takes a puff of his cigarette. “We don’t do everything together, Mckinnon.”
“Right,” she scoffs. “Don’t think we all didn’t see that scene at dinner. Trouble in paradise, huh?” She tucks her booted feet up underneath her legs and leans into him, bumping her shoulder against his.
“We’re fine. James is just a pain in the ass sometimes,” Sirius says defensively, letting out a plume of smoke as he speaks.
Marlene snorts indelicately. “Of course he is, but I was referring to that awkward bit with Remus that happened right after James threw his hissy fit.”
Sirius feels the vertebrae in his neck crack from how quickly he turns to look at her. She arches one neatly sculpted eyebrow at him.
“Interesting,” she mutters and grabs his pack of cigarettes to steal one for herself. She lights it and takes a drag, making an impatient gesture with her free hand. “Are you going to explain? Or do I have to start guessing? I can be very creative, you know.”
He sighs in aggravation and leans back on his elbows. “There’s nothing to tell, Mckinnon.”
“Okay then, let’s see.” Marlene taps her finger to her chin in an exaggerated display of thought. “Remus keeps staring at you, but you seem to be doing your damnedest to avoid looking at him. This is new, just in the last few days, so something has clearly happened between you two and based on James’ frustration, I’m guessing that he doesn’t know about it.”
Sirius swears under his breath. “Fuck, Marly, how do you do that?”
She flashes a grin at him, pointing her cigarette in his face. “Two things. First of all, I’m brilliant and second, you’re all so fucking obvious.”
“Alright fine. I think I’ve fucked things up again and I have no idea what to do,” Sirius confesses and he realizes that he really could use some help with this mess.
Marlene nods sagely. “What have you done this time?”
He doesn’t even want to say the words out loud. It will make everything so much more real, and he can’t remember the last time he was so unsure of himself. Still, Sirius forces the words out and outlines the important information for Marlene. He opts to skip over certain details, like how he keeps dreaming of Remus’ soft mouth and his hard chest, but he feels quite sure that they are written all over his face anyway.
By the time he stops talking, Marlene is frowning in confusion. “You’re going to have to help me here, Black. What exactly is it that you’re so scared of?”
“I’m not scared!” he objects immediately.
Marlene snorts and flicks the ash off of her cigarette. “Sure you’re not. That’s why you can’t look Remus in the eye and why you’re hiding out here instead of plotting with your friends.”
“Okay, so maybe I’m a bit terrified,” Sirius admits with a bitter laugh. “I’m afraid that I’ve screwed up our friendship. I don’t know what came over me, Marly! I’m not even sure I’m gay!”
Marlene shrugs. “I’m not sure it matters. Gay is just a label anyway. It’s how you feel about Remus that’s important, not whether you like girls or boys or even both.”
“I guess,” Sirius says uncertainly. “It’s just— I never gave it any thought before. I figured that I was supposed to like girls and so I did, but now I wonder if I’ve had it wrong all this time.” He shakes his head in disbelief. “It’s never been like that, Marly.”
“Look, if you must figure it out, then you’ll have to experiment a bit more. But you have to talk to Remus. Stop ignoring him! That’s the only guaranteed way to ruin your friendship.” Marlene vanishes her cigarette butt and pulls her jacket tighter around herself to brace against the cold night air.
Sirius turns to her quickly, stubbing out his cigarette as a thought strikes him. “Marly, you’re a girl!”
She rolls her eyes at him. “Well spotted.”
He waves his hands impatiently. “No, I mean you should kiss me! So I can ‘experiment’.” He says this last part while making quotation marks with his fingers, repeating what she had said to him just a moment ago.
Marlene sighs and rubs the bridge of her nose before getting up on her knees and putting her hands on his shoulders. His hands immediately come down to rest on her hips, his eyes level with her breasts until he tilts his head up to look at her mouth. “I’m doing this because you’re my friend and I want to help you,” she tells him matter of factly. “And you’re going to owe me big, Black.”
Sirius nods in hurried agreement and tugs her closer as she lowers her mouth to his. Her lips are delicate and soft, and she tastes of smoke with an undercurrent of something fruity. When she parts her lips, he does the same, allowing their tongues to slide against each other in a slow rhythm. He can feel her curves against his chest and under his hands and his body is already starting to react without his permission. Sirius pushes her back gently and Marlene lets go of his biceps and sits back on her heels, wiping at her lips with a thumb. He adjusts himself as discreetly as he can, though he can see by her knowing smirk that he’s still too obvious about it.
“So clearly, I don’t have to ask if you liked that,” she says with a laugh.
Sirius scowls at her, shooting her the V and tucking his pack of cigarettes back into his pocket. “Yeah, alright. Lesson learned then, but here’s the part you aren’t going to like. As nice as that was, I was wishing you were Remus the whole time and it just didn’t feel right,” he admits with a grimace.
~*~*~*~
He needs to talk to Remus. He’s been trying to do so for over a day now, but ever since he had that eye-opening chat with Marlene, Remus has been avoiding him. Every time that Sirius did manage to come face to face with him, Remus was quick to make an excuse and disappear much to Sirius’ frustration. This is why he has nicked the Map from James’ trunk and is currently pacing along the halls in search of his friend. He ducks into an alcove to open it up away from prying eyes and frowns at what he sees. Remus has tucked himself into a vacant classroom in a far-removed, disused corridor, but he isn’t alone. Right next to Remus’ dot is another dot labeled Dirk Cresswell. Sirius finds himself clutching the parchment tighter in his hands and has to force himself to relax before he ruins it. He tucks it away and starts walking as fast as he can toward that abandoned room. He can’t say why exactly, but he feels as if a great ball of ice has formed in his stomach and no amount of reassurance can convince him that he’s being silly.
When Sirius reaches the classroom, he is unsurprised to see that the door is closed. He takes a deep breath and shoves it open with enough force that it bangs into the wall. Remus and Dirk spring apart in astonishment, looking at Sirius with embarrassment on their faces. Remus flushes a dark red and wipes the back of his hand across his swollen lips, his eyes skittering away from Sirius’ incredulous gaze. They stare at each other for what feels like an eternity until Dirk breaks the silence and steps forward.
“Sirius, I don’t think we’ve officially met before though I know who you are, of course.” He extends his hand toward Sirius, who can’t seem to do anything more than stare at it in hurt disbelief. Dirk clears his throat awkwardly and lets his hand fall back to his side. “Right, well, I should get going anyway.” He leans in and kisses Remus on the cheek before picking up his discarded robes and satchel. “I’ll see you after dinner,” he murmurs then nodding at Sirius, he steps around him and out the door.
Sirius turns to look at Remus again and he knows his mouth is hanging open but he can’t seem to close it. Remus is staring back at him, but he’s not offering up any words to soothe Sirius’ hurt. Finally, Sirius manages to choke out the question that’s been rattling around inside his head. “Is he… are you… dating?”
Remus tips his chin up defiantly. “Dirk is my boyfriend.”
“Since when? Why didn’t you tell me?”
Remus jams his fists into his pockets and shrugs. “I didn’t think it was that big a deal. Why do you care, anyway?”
“Why wouldn’t I care that you’re dating someone?” Sirius says in disbelief. He reaches out toward Remus but drops his hand before he touches him. “I guess… I thought…”
Remus shakes his head and takes a step backward. “We’re friends, Sirius. That’s all. Who I date shouldn’t matter to you any more than it matters to James or Peter.”
“You know it isn’t that simple,” Sirius mutters, running a frustrated hand through his hair.
“Yeah, well, it has to be,” Remus says flatly before pushing past Sirius and walking away.
Sirius watches him go, a dark scowl building on his face and an ache swelling in his chest. He stands there a few minutes more before stomping back to the dorm to drop off the Map and grab his quidditch gear. As he walks down to the pitch, the hurt and shock turns to anger and by the time he gets to the changing rooms he is furious. Sirius drops his stuff on a bench and begins stripping off his clothes with rough, jerky movements. James peers at him from the next bench over, looking up from his broom servicing kit and already wearing his uniform.
“Who spit in your pumpkin juice?” James asks in amusement.
Sirius finishes yanking his jersey over his head and glares at his friend through a staticky halo of his hair. He frowns and pulls it roughly back into a ponytail before responding. “Did you know Remus has a boyfriend?”
James’ eyebrows shoot up into his hair and he bursts out laughing. “Is that what’s got your knickers in a twist?”
Sirius slams the door on his locker and picks up his broom. “Fuck off.”
“Last I knew he was talking to some bloke,” James answers as he stands up with his broom in hand. He puts a hand on Sirius’ shoulder, stopping him from leaving. “Did something happen with Moony? Is that why you’ve been in such a strop lately?”
Sirius sighs and shrugs James’ hand away. “I don’t want to get into it right now. Let’s just go to practice.”
Thankfully, James doesn’t delay the start of practice to pressure Sirius into talking. He just nods his head and claps Sirius on the back. “Whatever you say, Pads.”
Sirius lets out a relieved breath, knowing he will have to talk to James eventually but grateful he doesn’t have to do it just then.
Quidditch practice has always been a great way to let out anger and frustration which is one of the main reasons Sirius joined the team in the first place. He likes the sport too, and it’s great to feel like he belongs somewhere, but ultimately there is something undeniably therapeutic about bashing the bludger around and trying to knock his opponents off of their brooms. It helps now, as it always does, and he feels some of the hurt and anger fade away as he plays— at least for a little while. He knows it will come slamming back into him later, likely when he’s face to face with Remus again, but for now, he just enjoys the wind in his face and the burn in his muscles.
Sirius doesn’t go into dinner with the rest of his teammates when the practice is over. Instead, he opts to stay on the pitch slamming bludgers around until his shoulders are screaming and sweat is dripping into his eyes despite the cold temperature. He finally lands back on solid ground when his ass has gone numb and the bat feels like lead in his hands. Sirius summons the balls back to their chest and levitates the equipment into the shed. He’s just about to head into the locker rooms for his belongings when he senses someone behind him. He turns to see Marlene standing there, her hands tucked into her pockets and concern etching across her face. He gestures for her to follow him and continues inside. Once there, he strips off his pads and grabs a towel to wipe the sweat from his forehead. He sits heavily on the bench as Marlene enters behind him, but he doesn’t look up— just props his elbows on his thighs, lets his shoulders slump, and hangs his head.
She sits down beside him and puts her hand on his arm. “Would I be right in saying that your talk with Remus didn’t go so well?”
Sirius’ shoulders droop even further, as though his body is trying to crumple in on itself. “We didn’t really talk. It was more like he avoided me for days and then I found him with his tongue down another bloke’s throat.”
“ What ?” Marlene says in surprise. “That seems very unlike him. What did he say?”
Sirius shrugs miserably. “He told me that they’re dating and that it has nothing to do with me.”
She sighs and leans her head on his shoulder before sitting up and patting him on the knee. “Come on, get up.”
“Why?”
“You can’t avoid him forever and you can’t stay out here all night. You’re going to go back in there with your head up— Well, shower first. Then you’re going to go back in there with your head up. You’re a catch, Black. Any guy or girl would be lucky to have you.” Marlene tells him. She pats his knee again and then grabs his hand, pulling him to his feet along with her.
Sirius reluctantly lets her lead him back up to the castle, and they are still hand in hand when they finally enter the common room. Some of the students whisper to each other when they spy them coming in together and it occurs to Sirius how it must look. He’s all sweaty and disheveled and then they come in late holding hands— it’s no wonder some of his friends are smirking. Not the Marauders though. James and Peter look confused, and Remus— well, Remus looks inexplicably angry which just serves to rile up Sirius further. What right did he have to be angry? Sirius thinks. He’s the one that ran off and got involved with someone else.
Sirius leans down and very deliberately kisses Marlene on the cheek before dropping her hand. “I’ll see you later, Marly.” He strides through the room and up the staircase toward the dorms, ignoring the whispered speculations and feeling quite self-satisfied.
Of course, that smug feeling only lasts until Sirius gets out of the shower and returns to the dorm to find James sitting on his bed. He stops short and frowns at his friend as he peers through damp locks. James looks tired and uncomfortable, but determined.
Sirius groans. “Do we have to do this now?”
“Yes,” James says in a clipped voice. “You’ve been acting like an ass for the last two weeks and I don’t know what’s going on with you and Moony but I won’t have it splitting up the Marauders!”
“Stop being such a mother hen, Prongs,” Sirius says, rolling his eyes. “We’ll get over it, okay? Besides, I don’t see what he’s got to be upset about, he’s the one dating someone else.”
James looks at him curiously. “What do you have to be upset about?”
~*~*~*~
The following morning, despite the early hour, Sirius is already at the Gryffindor table poking at his eggs. After his talk with James last night, he had hurriedly gotten into bed and closed the curtains, wanting to avoid Remus when he came up. He knew he’d have to face him eventually, but he just wasn’t prepared to do it then. Now, as he’s pouring himself a second cup of coffee, it’s Peter that sits down across from him. Peter mumbles a greeting to him and piles food upon his plate before finally lasering his beady gaze on Sirius.
“Remus thinks you’re with Marlene,” Peter says without preamble.
Sirius chokes on his large gulp of coffee and wipes his mouth with the back of his hand. “ What ? Why would he think that?”
Peter shrugs and takes a big bite of his sausage. “Maybe because you came into the common room holding hands last night. Or maybe because you kissed her.”
Sirius scowls. “I’m not dating Marlene. She’s just a friend. Remus is the one with a boyfriend that he couldn’t even be bothered to tell me about.” Peter shrugs again but Sirius catches the shifty-eyed expression passing over his face. “What do you know, Pete? Spill.”
“It just seems a bit odd to me is all,” Peter says slowly. “I knew that Dirk was trying to chat him up but Remus never seemed that interested, and then all of a sudden they’re dating?”
Sirius leans forward in his seat with piqued interest. “How long had Cresswell been flirting with Remus?”
Peter frowns in consideration. “I think it's been at least a month, maybe two?”
“But they weren’t dating before this week?” Sirius asks.
Peter shakes his head. “No,” he says slowly. “I don’t think they were. And like I said, Remus never seemed that interested so I wonder why he changed his mind.”
Sirius’ thoughts are whirring at top speed with this new information. He hadn’t known anything about Cresswell’s interest before yesterday, but now he’s curious. He winks at Peter and gets up from the table. “Thanks, mate.”
Sirius slides into the seat next to Marlene when he enters Transfiguration, causing her to raise her eyebrows at him. He ignores the questioning look James shoots him and smirks at the dark expression that immediately clouds Remus’ face. Instead, he leans in to whisper in her ear. “Apparently, Remus thinks we’re together.”
She furrows her brow at him. “Do you want him to think that? It’s only going to stoke the fire if you sit here.”
Sirius shrugs. “It’s the least he deserves. Let him stew for a bit.”
Marlene laughs and elbows him in the ribs. “You’re terrible, Black.”
He grins at her. “Wouldn’t be the first time I’ve heard that.” Sirius looks up and locks eyes with Remus who is slouched in his chair, glaring daggers at the two of them. He tips an imaginary hat in response, which of course causes Remus’ scowl to deepen before he looks away altogether. Despite his outwardly cavalier attitude, it clenches at Sirius’ heart that they’re at odds right now. He reminds himself that Remus was the one that didn’t want him and he refuses to behave like a kicked puppy.
The week passes in a blur of uncomfortable moments and heartache for Sirius. Remus is found most often with Dirk these days— something that Sirius can barely stomach. He eats some of his meals at the Ravenclaw table and disappears from the common room for hours at a time, leaving Sirius angry and distracted on a regular basis. The first time Remus walks right past their seats and Dirk greets him with a kiss and a smile, Sirius’ heart constricts in his chest and he instantly loses his appetite. He glares at the Ravenclaw table with a white-knuckled grip on his fork until Marlene puts a soothing hand on his forearm.
Sirius finds himself spending a lot more time with Marlene too. Partly because he can talk freely with her and partly to avoid the awkwardness that has developed when he’s around Remus. While James understands Sirius’ feelings, he also spends an awful lot of time fretting over the changing group dynamics which causes the other Marauders to roll their eyes and usually ends in one or more of them walking off in exasperation.
On Saturday afternoon all four Marauders are in the common room together, and Remus is sporting a huge hickey on his neck that he doesn’t even try to cover. Sirius knows he is staring and he’s clenching his jaw so tightly that he hears it creak. Remus seems content to ignore him and after several minutes of this, Sirius can’t hold back any longer.
“Got hit with a sucking charm, did you?”
Remus’ head snaps up and he glares at Sirius, but he doesn’t answer.
“Or did you just trip and fall onto Cresswell’s lips?” Sirius sneers.
Remus’ face flushes red with anger. “Fuck off.”
Sirius knows he shouldn’t keep pushing but he can’t seem to help himself. He’ll take Remus’ attention any way he can get it. “Of course, you’d be better off with the charm, I’m sure.”
Remus leaps to his feet, his fists clenched at his sides. “It’s none of your business, Sirius!”
“Of course it is!” Sirius shouts back, jumping up and standing toe to toe with Remus. “You’ve made it my business by flaunting it in my face! By kissing me and then running to him without even talking to me first!”
“Guys, maybe you shouldn’t—” James starts to interject.
“Shut up, James!” they both snap without taking their eyes off each other.
Remus shoves Sirius in the chest. “You lost the right to have any say when you got involved with Marlene.”
“I’m not with Marlene!” Sirius growls with frustration and grabs Remus’ hands when he moves to push him again. “I never have been!”
Remus jerks his hands out of Sirius’ grasp and scoffs. “Don’t lie to me. I saw you making out with her.” He picks up his bag and storms out of the portrait hole before Sirius can recover from his shock.
~*~*~*~
Sirius wants to talk to Remus and set him straight, he really does, but he’s both angry and wholeheartedly convinced that he won’t be able to say anything that Remus will believe. He had kissed her after all, even if the reasoning for it wasn’t what Remus assumed. How can Sirius possibly explain that in a way he will understand?
Instead, Sirius is wandering through the corridors of the castle, lost in his thoughts and feeling rather sorry for himself. He’s passing an alcove on the fourth floor when he hears a familiar voice. He almost keeps walking, thinking that the last thing he needs is to hear a make-out session between Remus and Cresswell, but then he hears Marlene speak and he freezes.
“Lupin, stop being an ass for one minute and listen to me.” She sounds exasperated and he can practically hear her rolling her eyes.
“I don’t see what you can possibly need to tell me,” Remus grumbles.
Marlene sniffs. “Yes, well, it’s clear that you don’t see much of anything. Do you know what Sirius and I were talking about that day you saw us kiss?”
“No, and I don’t need any details, thanks,” Remus begins.
“We were talking about you , you giant idiot!” Marlene says, interrupting him. “He was freaking out because he realized how much he likes you ! He was never interested in me. Sirius was simply trying to figure out his shit— that’s the only reason he asked to kiss me, and you know what he said afterward?”
There’s a moment of silence in which Sirius assumes that Remus shakes his head because then Marlene is speaking again.
“He told me that he was wishing it was you the whole time. He wanted to talk to you, but then you were avoiding him.” Marlene sighs. “It’s always been you, Remus. Even before Sirius knew it.”
Sirius hurries away, not wanting to hear Remus’ rejection of him. He can feel the tips of his ears burning and figures his face must be red as well. He wants to be alone, and so without pausing to think about it, he all but jogs down the many flights of stairs and out of the front doors of the castle. It takes him only a matter of minutes to reach the big rock by the lake and climb up to the top. He stretches out on his back, letting the cold from the stone seep through his jacket. Sirius fumbles a cigarette out of his pack and lights it before blowing a stream of smoke straight up into the cloudy sky. The blush feels like it’s receded from his cheeks now, but he’s still unsure how he feels. He doesn’t know if he should be angry with Marlene for talking to Remus, but he mostly just feels embarrassed and maybe a little stupid.
Sirius isn’t sure how long he’s been lying out there— only that the sky has darkened and he’s on his third cigarette— when someone climbs up the rock and lies next to him. At first he thinks it might be Marlene, but he feels a shoulder press into his and smells the woodsy scent which can only belong to Remus and his heart seizes in his chest. He immediately feels the blush threatening to creep back up his neck and is supremely grateful that it’s likely too dark for Remus to notice. For the sake of his dignity, he chooses to say nothing less his voice betray his nervousness.
“I broke up with Dirk,” Remus says after a few beats of silence.
“Oh?” Sirius manages to croak as his mind races on ahead trying to determine just what this could mean.
Remus sighs and finds Sirius’ hand, twining their fingers together. “I’m sorry, Sirius. I was such an ass through all of this.”
Sirius doesn’t answer because he doesn’t know what to say. He takes another drag off of his cigarette and waits for Remus to go on.
“I was so insecure, and when you were acting weird after we snogged, I convinced myself it was because you regretted it or weren’t interested. Then I saw you kissing Marlene, and I just ran as hard as I could the other way.” Remus laughs self-deprecatingly. “The really stupid thing is that I was never interested in Dirk. He was just a convenient way to hide from you.”
Sirius takes a deep breath in and steels himself. “And now?”
“Now, I’m terrified that you won’t forgive me for being such an idiot,” Remus admits in a shaky voice. “I admit that I probably don’t deserve it, but Merlin, Sirius I—”
His words are cut off in a gasp as Sirius rolls on top of him, flicking away the cigarette he was holding out toward the lake. It’s gotten quite dark now, and Sirius’ hair is hanging down like a curtain blocking the outside world from view, and it all falls away until it’s just the two of them. Remus’ eyes are wide and his lips are parted in surprise. Sirius can’t make out anything else in the dim light but he doesn’t need to either.
He leans in until their lips are nearly touching and whispers. “I forgive you.”
“Really?” Remus whispers back.
Sirius nods and grins down at him. “We’ve all done some stupid shit over the years, and I have certainly done more than most. It would be foolish of me not to allow you your turn.”
Remus huffs out a laugh and shoves him half-heartedly, but then they’re kissing and everything falls into place.