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“You can’t have everything.” Natsu’s hand curled into a fist. If he could have had everything then none of this would have ever happened, he’d still have had a family…a brother. His Guild, his found family, would have been unharmed. Makarov would…his fingers trembled, that loss still too much for his mind to comprehend, and instead he lifted his head, forcing himself to focus on what he still had. His Guild. His friends. Gray…gods, Gray… “Which is why you should treasure what you do have. Don’t be greedy…”
He laughed, a weary, broken sound even in his own ears. He was one to talk. He didn’t want to lose anything, and yet he had nearly destroyed it with his own two hands, and for a moment his expression darkened as he remembered E.N.D.’s rage and Gray being right in his path, and he had to pause. Swallowing as he reminded himself that he hadn’t done it, that he had been stopped in time. It didn’t help as much as he’d hoped, and it took him a couple of attempts to get his voice to work again. “In my case, as long as I have my friends, I don’t need anything else.” It had always been for them, and there was a comfort in realising that despite everything that had happened and who he was, and what he had nearly become, it was still true.
“I see, you are indeed worthy of being King…”
“I don’t want to be King of anything,” Natsu smiled, distantly remembering how as a child he had stood in front of Igneel and declared with the naivety of youth that one day he would be the King of the Dragons. Not just Fire Dragons – although they were the best – but all Dragons. Now, as he stepped back towards the other Dragon-slayers, the last vestiges of Dragons in the world as Acnologia faded away, that half-forgotten dream crumbled away too. All he wanted to do was go home.
I’m…tired. I want to see Happy and the others…
It felt like a lifetime since he’d said those words, and maybe it had been, he wasn’t sure how long they’d been in this space with Acnologia. Long enough for Fiore to rally, the echo of the magic that had reached him, still vibrating throughout his body even if he had no strength left to use it. He closed his eyes, as the space they were in began to crumble around them, dissolving into a rainbow of colours. One by one, he felt the others disappearing, their magic flowing from him until all that remained was the faintest spark of his own fire, weaker than he could ever remember it being.
But he wasn’t fading.
Instead, when he opened his eyes, all he could see was a dizzying swirl of colours, much like the one that had risen from the Guild when Zeref and Mavis…
Oh…
But I want to see Gray again…
****
We won…
The Guild was already erupting in celebration around him as the glistening golden sparks of Fairy Sphere began to float down across Hargeon. It was beautiful after all the horrors they’d witnessed throughout the war, and it was hard to believe what they’d achieved. That they’d beaten Acnologia, although it hadn’t just been them. Gray wanted to join them and celebrate the fact that this seemingly never-ending nightmare was finally over. That Natsu was no longer E.N.D. with the fading of the book, and despite everything that had been thrown against him, the Dragon-slayer had survived and come back to him. And that somewhere, the Flamebrain and the other Dragon-slayers had clearly won their fight against Acnologia’s spirit. He wanted to be swept along by the cheering, and the hugs, but he couldn’t. Something was holding him back. A weight in the bottom of his stomach, a dread that couldn’t be put into words as he found himself stepping away from the others as he glanced around, on edge, even though he wasn’t entirely sure what he was looking for.
A threat?
A loss?
His heart rebelled at the thought of it. They’d already endured too much. It had to be over. Yet, as he looked around, he realised that he could see an echo of his own feelings in the faces of some of the others. In those who like him, were still waiting for the Dragon-slayers to come back to them, and his breath caught. Was that it? Was he worried that they wouldn’t come back? No, he tried to tell himself, but it lacked conviction, because the celebration was growing and spreading throughout Hargeon and yet there was still no sign of the Dragon-slayers, and his heart seemed to sink in his chest. Natsu…You’re coming back, right? It seemed utterly incomprehensible to him that they could still potentially lose, even with the cheers and laughter around him, tinged with loss and hurt and exhaustion. So, why was the fear lingering.
Swelling…
…rising like a bubble in his chest until he thought he might choke on it.
Natsu, where are you?
**
Natsu was fighting the tug on the fraying edges of his spirit. The colours were still swirling around him, and if he looked closely, he could see fleeting images of the Guild, his friends…and Gray amongst them. The visions strangely distant, as though they were fading away, and with a sudden surge of terror, he reached for them, fingers closing on nothing.
Gray…
**
Gray felt as though he could barely breathe for the fear gripping him tight by the time here was a ripple in the air above them, a pulse that silenced the celebrations, as all eyes turned skywards. Natsu? Hope. Beautiful, dangerous hope cut through his fear for a moment, as the sky above them split open, black against summer blue, and he caught a fleeting glimpse of the space beyond. A world almost beyond comprehension as colours swirled in the darkness before more of the blue crumbled away. Before six bodies tumbled through the crack in the fabric of the world. Hurtling towards the ground, even as the crack closed behind them until it was as though it had never existed in the first place.
Six…
…where….
…. where is he…?
The cheering and laughter had paused, replaced by startled gasps from the mages gathered on the ground, and the panicked shouts from the falling Dragon-slayers. A cacophony of sound. Yet for Gray at that moment, it felt as though all sound had drained away, leaving him in a void. Or maybe it was the air that had been sucked out of the world around him, leaving him frozen in place, unable to move or even breathe as a band of pressure settled across his chest. Over the heart that was sinking, and breaking, as his eyes swept over the scenes of reunion that breaking out around him, as the Dragon-slayers came back to Earth.
Gajeel was wrapped up in Levy’s arms as Pantherlily loomed over them, both the Dragon-slayer’s and Exceed’s expressions softened almost beyond recognition, by a relief that was too strong to be put into words.
Natsu…
Sting and Rogue were surrounded by their Guildmates, the relief and joy evident in all their faces as they watched pair toppling to the ground as they were tackled by weeping Exceeds.
Where…
Laxus was stood in the middle of the Raijinshuu, and a dozen others from the Guild, smiling as the three of them checked him over and scolded him for leaving them behind and worrying them all in one breath, even as he only had eyes for his Grandfather.
Is…
Wendy, Chelia and Carla were in a three-way hug, sobbing and laughing at the same time, as they crumbled to the ground in a tangle of limbs, under the watchful eyes of Lyon and the others form Lamia Scale.
He?
Cobra was sat on his ass from where he had landed, looking almost shell-shocked as his own Guildmates descended on him, making no effort to hide their happiness at having him back.
Despite himself, Gray found himself looking around as though expecting to find the Flamebrained idiot trying to sneak up on him, but even as he did so, Gray knew that he wasn’t there. He had always known when Natsu was around, even before they had become more than rivals, and there was an emptiness, a chill that not even his magic could protect him from. He’s not here, so…
“Where is Natsu?” He hadn’t noticed Happy approaching him, jolting when there was a tug on his trouser leg, looking down to find the Exceed beside him, staring up at him with huge eyes. The question had been quiet, but it was though Happy had shouted, Gray flinching even as a bubble of disquiet spread around them, the other groups falling silent as the realisation that someone was missing spread. It didn’t last long, questions and fearful murmurs rising around them, and over it all, he heard Lucy let out a sob behind them. He knew even without looking at her that her mind had gone back to the book of E.N.D. And that dreadful moment when it had melted away, and they’d thought they’d been too late, or worse the moment he had vanished without a trace behind, leaving them to wonder if it had all been for nothing.
This was a thousand times worse, and he had no words for her. No comfort to offer, as terror gripped him, and he turned his gaze skywards.
Natsu, where are you?
**
His exhaustion was starting to fade away and with it, the throbbing pain in his arm. Yet, when he looked, the skin was still scorched and burnt, and he clenched his fist, waiting for the pain to flare. It never came. Instead, there was a creeping feeling of peace as the colours pressed against him. And he shook his head, shrinking away from the sensation as though burned.
No! Not like this. Not now…
…I’m not done…
**
There was a roaring sound in Gray’s ears. A noise that threatened to drown out everything apart from the sickening fear that was burrowing deeper with each second that ticked by without any sign of Natsu. This can’t be happening. I can’t lose him, not now… The worst thing was that he knew that he could, that the world could be that cruel, even after everything that had happened. Fury rose in the wake of that thought because he was so tired of the world being unfair.
It had already taken too much from him.
His parents, and with them his home and his childhood innocence. Ur. Lyon for a time, as a schism had opened up between them, driving them apart in their grief. Ultear, even though in his heart of hearts, he knew that she was still out there somewhere, lost to him, but not gone. Silver, and the promise that he had made to his father in his grief and rage. A promise that he now knew that he would never have been able to keep. He’d even lost Natsu for a time, his stomach clenching and churning as he remembered how the letters had started to fade, breaking apart, as the threads of Natsu’s life had broken right in front of him.
No more.
He was done with the world taking things from him, and he stepped forward, stumbling like a drunk as something more than fear began to pierce through the white noise filling his head. Fury, the kind that would have fire blazing around Natsu, and beneath it, a rising grief that couldn’t be pushed back. Natsu. He steadied himself, moving forward, eyes locked on the other Dragon-slayers as he opened his mouth. He’d intended to demand answers from them, to find out what had happened, and how they could have returned to their loved ones while Natsu was nowhere to be seen, but the words caught, trapped behind the lump that had risen in his throat. A sob that wouldn’t come. A scream that he was trying to hold back. Happy had moved with him, claws catching his skin as the Exceed clung to him, and maybe that was the breaking point. The physical pain giving him something to focus on, as he found his words again, his voice returning to him as it rose in a howl.
Not, at the Dragon-slayers in front of him as he’d intended.
Or, even as those who had their Dragon-slayers back in their arms while he was bereft.
No, his words were for the sky above him, bright and blue, and whole once more. “Give him back!” He howled; head thrown back as he glared at the space where the crack had opened. Railing at the sky. The World. Fate, and even the Dragon-slayer who hadn’t returned to him. Natsu! Where are you? I don’t care what it takes, you have to come back. That wasn’t fair, not really. The Dragon-slayer had already endured so much, but Gray knew Natsu. He knew that the idiot would have fought, and kept fighting, doing everything in his power to come back to them. To him. It didn’t matter how exhausted he’d been, or how drained his magic was, he would have fought until he found a way back. So, the fact that he hadn’t come back meant that something had to be stopping him, or that…
Gray stopped that thought before it could go any further. He had to, because the mere idea of Natsu being gone was too much to bear, especially when they had already come this far. His hands beginning to shake as he curled them into fists at his side, staring at where the crack had spat the other Dragon-slayer’s out. Willing the sky to open once more. Ready for it to break apart and shatter completely if that was what it took to get Natsu back, not caring what that might mean for Fiore, as Natsu’s face flashed through his mind. Remembering him as he had been the last time, he’d seen the Dragon-slayer, exhausted and worn, looking as though he needed to curl up in their bed for a few weeks, rather than being plunged straight into another fight. Which is why he might already be… He shook his head, as though that would be enough to keep the thought at bay, his denial weaker than before, and he gritted his teeth. No, I am not going to lose him now!
“Gray…”
“Give. Him. Back!” He snarled, completely missing Erza’s attempt to get through to him as his magic started to rise around him, as everything bubbled up at once. Happy was forced to let go of him, yelping as the temperature around him plummeted rapidly, ice beginning to creep across his clothes. It didn’t stop there, blossoming across his torso as it crept upwards, swirling patterns of frost sweeping across his skin, and those closest to him could see shapes within the frost. Fleeting images formed by the ice. Dragons that swept up his back and over his shoulders. Flames and shards of ice, mingling, until they became a dragon too, this one curling up his side, and coming to rest over his heart, as his ice swelled and grew around him.
Fingers brushed against his arm, one of the others trying to reach out and calm him. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he registered the touch, and the gasp of pain that followed, but he paid them no mind as he took a step forward and then another and another. Ice blossoming under his feet, purple and blue swirling together, as both sides of him cried out for the Dragon-slayer.
I won’t lose him.
He wasn’t sure that he even had the right to say that, not after everything that had happened and what he’d nearly one. What he’d come so close to destroying with his own two hands. He hadn’t, though, thanks to Erza. And when Natsu had reached for him in the park, exhausted and hurting, and oh so tired, he’d thought that maybe just maybe he could be forgiven. Natsu had been utterly trusting at that moment, leaning into him without the slightest hesitation as he’d wrapped a supportive arm around the Dragon-slayer. As though nothing had happened. It might not have been absolution for what had happened, but that could come later. Because they had to have that later, anything else was just unthinkable, and yet the guilt was gnawing at him, and with it the uncertainty of whether he even had the right to demand Natsu back.
I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.
It was rising in his chest. A pressure that couldn’t be contained, as his magic burst out of him, forming a jagged barrier of ice around him, keeping the rest of the world at bay as he squeezed his eyes shut. Natsu. He could hear the worried voice around him, Happy’s included, and the demands to know what he was doing, and for him to stop, and he knew that he was scaring them. That maybe they were right to tell him to stop. He didn’t have the magic left for this. Drained in a way that he hadn’t been for a long time, but the thought of stopping. Of giving up on Natsu was inconceivable. He would burn up every spark of magic he’d ever had, or ever would have, and turn himself and the world to ice if it meant that he could have the Dragon-slayer back.
He saw Natsu in his mind. Not as he’d last seen him, but as the Dragon-slayer was supposed to be, and how he had been before this war, Zeref, E.N.D.…and Acnologia.
Natsu sprawled next to him on their bed, blankets bunched around his waist as he slept, snoring loudly and oblivious to the world. But, when Gray made to move away slightly, the heat a little too much for him, a hand shot out and warm fingers wrapped around his wrist, drawing him back into Natsu’s arms as the Dragon-slayer grumbled at him to stay with him.
The year apart had been nearly unbearable because, for all their bickering about space and temperature, he had missed sleeping beside him every night. No matter where he’d slept, it had always felt too big and empty. Too cold. The first night they’d spent together after returning to Magnolia had been strange, because they’d still be cautious around one another, feeling out of step after the time apart and how their reunion had happened. Yet, when they’d curled together in bed that night, it had felt like coming home.
“Don’t die…” Gray had all but bolted as soon as the words had slipped out. Not sure why he’d even said them in the first place, and why to Natsu of all people? He knew that the idiot could take of himself and that he wouldn’t give up until he’d won. So, why him? If there was anyone to worry about in this strange, temporary team of theirs, he would have said it was the newcomer – Lucy. Yet it had been Natsu that his mind had leapt to.
That had been the turning point he’d realised afterwards. A moment that had been lost in the chaos that ha followed. Even though it had still changed everything irreversibly, and his lips quirked upwards despite himself. He had never thanked Erza for forcing them to team up back then, trusting in them despite their rivalry, and as he straightened, he vowed that once this was over and he had Natsu back in his arms, he would say ‘thank you’.
Natsu.
Natsu was stood in front of him, facing off against the monster from his memories – Deliora – as though it was nothing. The Dragon-slayer stood tall, back straight, and his anger when it came had been directed at him rather than at the demon. And at that moment, as Natsu’s voice cracked and broke, hurt and worry breaking through his rage, Gray had realised two things.
One that he loved the Dragon-slayer…
…And two, that he would do anything. Tear himself and the world apart to keep him safe.
He had promised Natsu that he would never again use Iced Shell, but he’d known even then that there might be a time when he would break his word. That he would do it gladly if it meant keeping Natsu safe, and he’d come so close in the Guildhall to breaking his word, all to protect the Guild…No, to protect the Dragon-slayer, and it had been Natsu, with the same hurt and worry bleeding through who had stopped him again. It was Natsu who had stood there, tears in his eyes, ready to tear himself and the world apart to protect him. The world had defied them. Fate had thwarted them.
And Gray was done, it was time to tear them both apart.
Ice swirled around him.
“I said…” He murmured, as he fixated his gaze on the spot where the crack had been. “Give him back to me.” It was soft, but there was no plea in his words this time. He was done begging, now it was time to demand what he wanted, and the pressure in his chest burst outwards, as every drop of magic that he had left in his body surrounded him. Winter settling into the space around him, as his ice shot skywards.
A lance.
A spear.
A roar.
GIVE NATSU BACK TO ME!
**
Natsu could feel himself slipping. There was something irresistible about the peace creeping through him. It was warm and safe, and as it cocooned him, it felt as though he had been there before. As though he was coming home, as voices and hands, half-remembered from a previous life reached for him, pulling him forwards. He let them, unable to face another fight, too tired in heart and mind.
He was fading, merging into the colours when he heard it.
“GIVE NATSU BACK TO ME!” It sounded as though it was coming from a million miles away, especially as the hands grew more demanding, but he knew that voice.
Gray…
Ice seared through his veins, chasing away the peaceful feeling, as the colours seemed to tremble, and the hands fell away. Gray. Natsu pushed himself upright, something stirring in his chest as the air around him turned bitterly cold. He knew this ice, this feeling. He had felt it in front of Deliora, and again in the Guild when Gray had been facing Zeref, the Ice Mage was readying to tear himself and the world apart…for him.
Flames flickered around his hands.
Gray was fighting for him, and here he had been ready to give it up. He gritted his teeth and pushed back against the colours. The conversation with Acnologia coming back to him, and he shook his head, realisation blooming as the colours shifted, dancing with the colours of Gray’s ice as it curled around him, breath steaming in front of him as he laughed at his own folly.
“I was wrong…I need Gray more than anything,” he whispered, flames spreading around him. A final spark of magic rising in him, and he pushed everything he had into the colours holding him in place, ice and fire merging as he fixed the image of Gray in his mind.
Gray, I’m coming…
**
Gray’s vision was going dark around the edges, as he forced power that he didn’t have into the ice steaming skywards. Natsu. For a second, he could have sworn that he’d heard the Dragon-slayer’s voice, but when he blinked, trying to chase away the encroaching spots nothing seemed to have changed.
Give him back. Come back. Give him back.
The ice was splintering around him, the barrier that had been holding the others back coming apart at the seams, and he could hear their voices again, rushing towards him. Ready to stop him, and he gritted his teeth, biting his lip until he drew blood, as he pushed everything he had and more into his efforts. I am not losing him. It was ripping him apart, his body filling in the shortfall where his magic was spluttering out but he didn’t care, even when he felt blood beginning to drip from his nose. It’s not Iced Shell, I’m not breaking my word. But, I never said I wouldn’t go this far, or further to bring you…
There was a splintering sound, and not from the ice around him. He knew, even before he heard the startled cries, an echo of what had happened earlier, and even as his knees gave out beneath him as his magic flickered, faded and died, he looked skywards.
It was slow, as though the sky itself was fighting against them, but the cracks were spreading bit by bit. Blue peeling away, to reveal black. A slow eternity seeming to pass, with Gray feeling himself slipping towards unconsciousness when a final piece fell away, and something…or rather someone fell through the hole it had created.
Natsu…
Gray couldn’t breathe, eyes locked on the falling figure, barely daring to hope. He wasn’t sure whether it was the pink hair caught in sunlight or a cry that could have been Happy. Still, the relief that swept over him was crippling, driving the air from his lungs and trapping his voice, as Natsu - and it was Natsu – limp with exhaustion and crying out in alarm, plummeted towards him. Above the crack vanished, but Gray had no eyes for it, unable to look away from the Dragon-slayer.
There was no way for him to move. Either out of the way or to catch the Dragon-slayer, and all he could do was spread his arms and brace for impact as Natsu slammed into him. The impact drove them both into the ground, and Gray yelped, as an elbow caught his side, before Natsu’s warm weight was pressing him into the ground, leaving him breathless for a whole other reason. For a moment, they remained like that, Natsu sprawled over the Ice Mage, neither of them moving or speaking. In fact, Gray wasn’t sure that they could. He was drained, barely clinging to consciousness, and Natsu didn’t look or feel much better, but then the Dragon-slayer stirred against him, just enough to shift his head until it was resting over Gray’s heart.
“I came back…” Gray’s arm curled around Natsu, pulling him closer at the exhausted whisper, a smile on his face as he dipped his head to kiss Natsu on the head.
“Welcome home….”