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It wasn't fair. If anyone should have puppy eyes, it should be Sirius. Like, hello?? He was the one that could shift into a dog, it made perfect sense for him. But James? He was a deer! There was such a thing as doe eyes, sure, but that's not what James was doing. Doe eyes indicated a sense of innocence, whereas puppy eyes was using the wide-eyed look for evil. Like when Sirius said they should get pissed on Ogden's and James wanted to sneak out to buy chocolates. Instead of listening to Sirius's argument like an adult-- "James, c'mon you gotta think about how it's gonna feel when I blow you after taking a shot."-- James looked at him with this big arse eyes and said all plaintively, "But I want to get chocolates." And what could Sirius do in that situation but give in? It was completely bonkers that James had done that to him.
It would be one thing if James only did it to Sirius, but he pulled it on Peter and Remus too! Remus wanted to do his homework, and James pulled out the puppy eyes so they ended up sneaking out to have a pint at Hog's Head. Peter wanted to ask Mary on a date, but James looked at him with the wide puppy eyes so he ended up grabbing ice cream from the kitchens for everyone.
James and Sirius were passing a bottle of rum back and forth when Sirius finally said something to him about it. More like he'd been thinking about it-- because he'd wanted to try lemon vodka but James had wanted rum, and he pulled out the puppy eyes, so rum they got-- and said, "You're using your powers for evil and it's not nice," like he expected for James to know what he was talking about.
"Hm? I wasn't aware I had powers. Much less that I was being evil about them." He frowned. "With them. You know what I mean. Why am I evil?" he asked, pulling out the wide eyes again. They weren't quite to puppy levels yet, but it was getting pretty damn close.
"That!" Sirius said, pointing at his eyes. "That right there."
"My glasses?" he asked, frowning in confusion. He took them off and looked at them, frown deepening. "What did they do?"
"Not that," Sirius said, rolling his eyes. "These." He put his fingers in circles and held them up to James's eyes. "Your bloody puppy eyes, they're going to kill us all. Mostly me. Because I'm around them all the time. I swear to Merlin, it's like you're trying to make me fall in love with you even more than I already am. Does the word overkill mean anything to you?"
James tilted his head, Sirius's fingers moving with the motion. "That's the first time you've said that to me."
"That you don't know what overkill means?" Sirius asked, dropping his hands back to his side.
"That you love me. Aww," he crooned, putting his hands on Sirius's cheeks and smushing, "you looooove me."
"Everyone loves you, shut it," Sirius mumbled.
"Not true, you big goof," James said. He was grinning like a loon, and he gave Sirius a very sloppy kiss. "You love me. You love me, you love me," he sing-songed. "Oh, did I say I love you too?"
"You say it all the time," Sirius muttered. He was clearly not drunk enough for this, since he still felt embarrassed by his confession.
"Well yeah, but it only seemed fair to say it back."
"Say what? I didn't say anything. Nothing at all."
James laughed, pulling Sirius into a hug that was nice, if a terrible angle. "Love you too."
"What are you doing?" Sirius asked.
James looked up at him from where he was kneeling over Sirius's trunk, his eyes going wide with- oh no. Sirius's heart skipped a beat, and mentally, he swore. James could get away with bloody murder if he gave Sirius those puppy eyes. Honestly. He could be covered in blood with guts in his hands, and Sirius would still say, "It's okay honey, you wouldn't hurt a fly." James blinked, then perked up like seeing Sirius was the absolute best part of his day. "Sirius!" Then he jumped to his feet and threw his arms around Sirius's shoulders. "Do you have my Snap deck?"
"No, Remus borrowed it, remember?"
"Oh, duh," he said with a roll of his eyes. He pressed a smacking kiss to Sirius's cheek, and Sirius forgot all about it until that night when he was trying to get to sleep.
The puppy eyes did not get better over time. Sirius had-- irrationally-- hoped that the puppy eye manipulation would stop after a while. Like oh, they were adults now, with a house and everything, they could have normal conversations like normal people. Only James couldn't stop doing it.
Sometimes it was on purpose. Sometimes James wanted Italian when Sirius wanted Chinese, and he would very purposefully give Sirius A Look and whaddya know, they got Italian.
Other times it was an accident. Probably. They'd be fighting and James would get hurt and his eyes would go all wide, and suddenly Sirius felt like the biggest piece of scum to walk the earth. James liked being right and all, but he wouldn't manipulate Sirius that way. It was just a pain in the arse to deal with.
"I want a kid."
"Your own?"
James laughed, snuggling closer to Sirius's chest. "Course, who else?"
"I dunno, maybe you wanted to steal one."
"That's a weird way of describing adoption," James said.
Sirius rolled his eyes. "It doesn't count as stealing if they offer it to you."
"So you thought I was suggesting taking one off the street?"
"Well it was more of a joke than an actual theory, but yeah."
James shifted to look at him and- Sirius sighed. Why did he even bother, at this point. This was the way it always ended, there was no reason to keep fighting it-- but he also wasn't going to let it go because he wasn't a little wuss and he was going to fight his battles if it killed him.
"I guess we're looking into adoption."
James's entire face brightened. "Really? You don't need to- I dunno, think about it more or summat?"
"You've mentioned kids before, so... y'know, I've been thinking it over. We'll bugger them up, but that's what all parents do."
"We'll figure it out," James said, putting his head back down. "I'm pretty sure that's also something all parents do: guess and hope for the best."
"Yeah," Sirius said, but he was thinking about the horrifying possibility that James would teach their kid the puppy eyes too, and then Sirius would have no refuge.