Archive of Our Own

In the beginning, Jake didn't understand anything about where he was or why. Tommy had explained it, but all Jake had really heard was how much they'd pay him and something about it being like a two-for-one deal. It wasn't until something went wrong with Tommy's cryo tube on the trip to Pandora that he'd been forced to understand it: Tommy was the scientist, Jake was the marine, and they'd be able to switch days for who was in the avatar since they were twins. When Tommy's cryo tube malfunctioned, it had fucked up a few things in his brain, and he had to recover before he could get in the link. Which meant it was all Jake, all the time until he was healed up. Jake started a rush course on Na'vi culture and language, and he bitched about it to Tommy the entire time. (Tommy just rolled his eyes and told him to stop being such a baby.) 

All of this was to say that Jake started out telling the complete and honest truth in his logs, but as time went on, he had to start editing. Heavily. It wasn't too hard to do since he was the only one staying with the Omaticaya. All he had to do was edit who was helping him with what since it would be too suspicious to say that it was Tsu'tey, the next clan leader, teaching him everything. Dating the locals wasn't just frowned on, it was banned. Banned like get-sent-home-immediately-and-get-thrown-in-jail-afterwards sort of banned. But- well- Jake had taken one look at Tsu'tey and fallen in love, and apparently Tsu'tey liked the way Jake had grinned at him after being thrown flat on his back and covered in mud. 

Jake was in love with Tsu'tey, and more surprising was that Tsu'tey was in love with him. Jake hadn't mentioned it in his logs obviously, but he'd been accepted into the Omaticaya. He was one of them, against all odds. He and Tsu'tey had mated before Eywa that night, and Jake had one hell of a time thinking of what he could say in his log that didn't sound completely made up. Instead of saying anything he wanted to talk about-- to share with anyone, he was so excited about it-- he talked about the hunt he'd done that morning and made it seem like it had taken most of the day. If Grace was unhappy with the lack of detail in his logs, she probably wrote it off as him not knowing what he was doing, which is what he was counting on to fill the rest of the gaps. 

Tommy was finally on his feet again, but he hadn't been cleared for use of the avatar yet. Jake didn't know how the fuck he was going to explain that to Tsu'tey when the time came, and honestly... well, honestly he was trying not to think about it and hoping that somehow, some way, it would solve itself before he had to face it. Tommy hovered in the doorway as Jake finished his log for the day and turned off the recorder. 

Jake spun the chair around to face him. He'd never really had time to get used to the wheelchair before he was already on the ship to come to Pandora, and with all the time he'd spent in the avatar, well, he was pretty sure he'd spent more time as one of the Na'vi than he had in his wheelchair. "What's up, Tommy?" 

"Nothing really," he said with a shrug. "I was just wondering how the project was going for you." 

"You could listen to the logs, you know," he said with a motion towards the monitor. 

"Telling stories for your brother is a bit different than reporting to a log. C'mon, I wanna hear about how Hometree looks up close. What it’s like to see the forest at night." 

God, why did Tommy have to be a big ball of sunshine? Not being able to say no to him was why he was here in the first place. "Maybe we can talk about it over dinner, I'm starving." 

"Alright. Do you uh, want me to push your chair, or-?" 

"No, I've got it." It was stupid to be angry with him for offering. He only wanted to help. But fuck it if Jake wasn't a little pissed off about it anyways. "How's your recovery been?" 

"Eh, slow. I thought the moment I made it on Pandora I'd be in the avatar, taking samples and getting more comfortable with the language, but instead-" Tommy broke off with a sigh. "I dunno, man. It just feels weird. I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but it feels like you're living my life." His expression twisted. "I shouldn't have said that. I'm sorry, that was shitty. Jealousy has never been a good look on me." 

"It's hard to imagine I've ever done something you'd be jealous of. But you're right," he admitted with more than a touch of bitterness. "This was your gig, your avatar, I'm just tagging along for the paycheck, right?" 

Tommy glanced at him. "You don't sound like you believe that." 

Jake snorted, and it used to be that Tommy would let it go. But they weren't kids anymore, and this wasn't Earth. They were twins, but they had always been separate. The avatar was completely different-- a shared body. Maybe if they had started out switching back and forth like they were supposed to, Jake wouldn't feel as possessive as he currently did. It wasn't a puppet anymore, it was him. It was the body Tsu'tey had mated with, and if Tommy went into the avatar, he'd be able to feel that. Fucking hell, if that happened, Tsu'tey would be the bigger problem. Tommy would freak out, sure, but he wouldn't tell anyone outside of the science division and they'd keep it quiet out of principle. But Tsu'tey, like the others, had first called it a 'demon in a false body'. There was no telling how it would turn out if Tommy showed up in the avatar. They'd only been mated for a week; he couldn't expect for Tsu'tey to take it well if he woke up next to someone different than who he went to sleep with. 

"You're not here for the paycheck, Jake. I don't even think that's why you came in the first place. You came because I asked you to." 

"Right, and you don't miss the avatar at all," he said sarcastically. 

"Of course I miss it," he said as they turned a corner, "and I wish I was out there, learning the forest, but I'm not, that's you. And you haven't made it this far just because I asked. I- uh, actually need to talk to you about something, when you have a minute." 

"'When I have a minute'?" Jake repeated. "We've got a minute right now, that's what we're doing, isn't it? Sharing stories since we haven't had time before." 

"Right, but I mean, this is serious." 

"You finally got yourself a girlfriend? Please tell me it's Trudy, she's awesome." 

"Do you stop thinking about women even for a minute?" 

Oh, if only he knew. Coming out hadn't been a priority for Jake, in fact, the only people that knew for sure he liked men were the Na'vi, because of his relationship with Tsu'tey. He hadn't told anybody on Earth about it, and the two boyfriends he'd had were both in the Marines, only they hadn't made it out their wars alive. So, you know, there hadn't been any reason to tell Tommy about it since he wasn't in a relationship. Outwardly, Jake rolled his eyes. "What's the big news?" 

"They uh, said they're going to let me get in the link soon." 

"Oh." Well shit. Turns out that the time for telling Tsu'tey was as soon as he woke up. Great. "I know you've been looking forward to it." 

"Yeah, but I know the Omaticaya might not take the change so well, so I was thinking, maybe you could come back to the compound for a few days? Besides, I don't think it'd be a good idea for my first time out on Pandora to be out in the middle of the forest by myself." 

"Probably not. I almost fell the first couple times I went to Hometree. I'll talk to them about it, see what I can do." Now would be a really good time to tell him about the truth of what he'd been up to, but they weren't in a secure enough place that they could talk about it. "I'll try to fill you in on what I know that you might not, but I'm not sure how much good it'll do you." 

Jake had every intention of spilling the beans to his brother-- he really really did-- but they didn't even make it to the mess before Quaritch came up with a group of his thugs behind him. "Hey there Sully. Now that you're up and running, Selfridge wants to talk to you." 

"We're kinda busy," Jake said. 

"Your brother can eat later," he said, not even glancing at Jake. "He's getting the opportunity he finally wanted, surely he won't mind skipping a meal." 

"Of course not," Tommy said quickly. "We can catch up later, right Jake?" He clapped Jake on the shoulder with a grin. "I'll see you soon." 

Jake smiled through gritted teeth. "Yeah. Good luck, man." It's not like he could shout it to him real quick, but he said a week from now, right? That still left him plenty of time to tell him and give Tsu'tey a heads up. 

Or so he thought. 

Jake woke up the next morning, ready to go, eating breakfast next to Norm when Norm said something that stopped him in his tracks. "Your brother's getting an early start." 

He froze, half-chewed food sitting in his mouth. "What?" 

"I don't like that Selfridge is sticking his nose in our business-- pretty sure Grace likes it even less-- but Tom's been waiting for this for years. We went to school together to train for this, you know? I hate that my first time out wasn't with him, and that now he's going without me, but what can you do? This is still a once in a lifetime opportunity, even if it's not how we originally wanted it." 

"What do you mean? He's going without you? I was planning on bringing the avatar back to the compound before he goes in, you'll be able to-" 

"What? Jake, no, he's already there." 

"What?" 

"Yeah, he's setting up the link right now with Grace." 

Jake bit back a curse and wheeled himself away from the table. Maybe if Grace was taking her sweet time showing Tommy everything, he'd be able to catch him in time. 

"Wait, Jake- Jake, where are you going! Jake! Oh for god's sake," he muttered, getting to his feet and following after him. 

He got pretty good speed on the chair, but it wasn't enough. By the time they got to the room, Tommy was already under and Grace was climbing into her own link. She raised an eyebrow when he came barreling in. "Careful marine, you'll leave skid marks." 

"How long has he been in there?" 

"Couple minutes. Why?" 

"Shit," Jake bit out. 

Her eyebrow raised higher. "Something you're not telling us?" 

"I'm sure I've forgotten plenty, but I thought I had time to- y'know, warn the Omaticaya about the switch." 

"That's why I'm going in. Even if Tom can't handle it, I'll be there to back him up." 

Yeah that was perfectly reasonable, except for the part where Jake had a mate he hadn't told anyone about. And that he'd, y'know, fallen asleep next to him last night. "What happened to him going in a week from now, though?" 

Grace snorted. "Last night they changed their minds. Selfridge thinks that if he micromanages, he'll get what he wants. Not that it matters, your brother knows what he's doing." 

Jake blew out a breath. "Yeah whatever. Good luck." God knows they were going to need it. 

Tommy knew that he could have used more time before going into Jake's avatar. When it started to be created, it was definitely Tommy's, but now... god, now it was Jake's. He'd spent more time in the avatar than Tommy had logged link time, and it was a bit of a kick in the teeth that his brother had more experience with it now than he did. Mostly he hoped that whatever Jake had wanted to tell him hadn't been that important. A shitty thing to hope, yes, but then they didn't actually lose anything with the time table being moved up a week. Not that he knew why Selfridge had moved it up a week, since by this point, one week wouldn't make much difference. 

But enough with the melancholy, he was in the avatar and he was finally going to get to see Pandora from the proper angle. Waking up in the avatar wasn't the same as his link time, and it wasn't the same as normal waking up in his human body. It was like fading into focus in front of a camera lens, if that could have a feeling. 

The first thing he was aware of, when he blinked his new eyes open, was that he was in one of the cocoon beds in Hometree. A thrill went through him; he was here, he was actually here. He didn't have to hear about it from logs or Grace's book, he could see it for himself. Since Jake was the one that had been invited here, there was a pretty good chance that the Omaticaya wouldn't want him wandering around, and he'd have to explain the whole twin thing, but he'd still get to see Hometree for a little while, and the rest of the forest after that. He didn't bother fighting the grin that stole across his face. He'd spent so many years dreaming and working to be here, and now it was finally going to pay off. The past few months didn't count because he'd been holed up at the compound, not allowed outside, even within the perimeter that had been set up. 

The second thing he was aware of, was that he wasn't alone in the cocoon bed. There was a body right behind his, and an arm curled over his waist with the hand limp in front of his chest. What the hell had Jake been doing? And why hadn't he told anyone? Tommy could understand not saying it in his logs, but not telling Grace? Or him? He was about to get angry about Jake keeping it from him, and then he remembered the interrupted conversation they'd tried to have the night before. God damn it. Did this person even know about Tommy? The answer to that was: probably not. If Jake hadn't had the time to fill Tommy in, he hadn't had the time to fill her in either. 

He started to wiggle, hoping that he could sneak out before they woke up. Unfortunately, the arm tightened around, quickly followed by a yawn. "It's not light, yet," a very male voice said. "Go back to sleep, Jake." 

Oh that just fucking figured. Jake never told him anything. He hadn't told Tommy he joined the marines until he was packing up the day before he shipped out, and he hadn't told Tommy about that time he'd gotten thrown in jail-- he just showed up after three days with no explanation-- but this was worse than those things. Worse by a lot. Best to throw it out there and hope for the best. "So uh, this is going to sound weird," Tommy said, doing a weird shuffle so he could roll over to face him, "and I don't want you to freak out, but I'm not Jake." He finished speaking, and then his breath caught, because he knew what the next clan leader looked. For fuck's sake. Jake couldn't do anything by halves, could he? "I'm uh, his brother? Tommy? I don't know if he mentioned me." 

Tsu'tey looked at him for a second, then reared back as much as he could in the small, shared space. "He mentioned you," Tsu'tey admitted, his expression closed off. 

"Yeah. Um. So originally we were supposed to trade off who was in the avatar, but then I got sick and couldn't get in the link without risking brain damage. I'm sure he would've told you about this if they gave him any notice, but yesterday they told me I'd be going in a week from now, and then last night they changed their mind, so uh, here I am." 

Tsu'tey grunted, looking supremely displeased. He moved and somehow managed to get out without falling or tipping Tommy out. "Tell Jake to find me when he gets back." 

"I will." 

And then Tsu'tey walked away. Tommy let out a breath, feeling relieved. All things considered, that could have gone much worse. Of course, he had a few choice words for Jake when he got back-- such as, 'what the ever-loving fuck were you thinking' and 'why the hell did you not tell anyone, including the person you were sleeping with'. Then he might beat him over the head because now Jake couldn't put him in a headlock without a lot more effort. 

Jake spent the entire day feeling useless and anxious. Any time he thought he was done with one of those feelings, it came busting back with a vengeance. And he wasn't a scientist like everyone else in this division, so if he wasn't out on Pandora, he had nothing to do with his time. When it started to get dark, he went to the link room and waited. Tommy was trustworthy, but he wasn't exactly discreet. 

Tommy and Grace got back around the same time, but Grace was on her feet a lot quicker from all of her experience. She gave Jake a look that clearly meant she knew, but at least she wasn't going to say anything about it. 

He wheeled over to Tommy's link and waited none too patiently for his brother to come back to his senses. 

It only took a minute for Tommy to come back to himself, but it was too goddamn long in Jake's opinion. "How'd it go?" he asked as soon as Tommy looked like he could hear again. He should give him more space. He knew that he should, he could remember his first time coming out of the link and it wasn't pleasant, but he needed to know the situation and he needed- well, what he'd needed was a live camera to see how it was going, but that wasn't an option, so he was settling for second best. Also known as, interrogating his poor brother who had probably just had the best day of his career. 

Before answering, Tommy gave him the flattest look he'd ever managed in their lives. "Could've gone better," he said evenly. "Pretty good though. They didn't kick me out of the village or anything." 

Jake had to make a conscious effort to unclench his jaw. "Sounds interesting. After your log, why don't we grab dinner and you can tell me all about it?" 

"Fine." 

Okay so Tommy was mad at him. No matter how mad he was though, Jake knew that he wouldn't out him. Being passive aggressive was one thing, but ruining him in the project was quite another. 

Tommy started to climb out of the link, so Jake rolled back to give him space. 

Waiting for him to make his log was even more painful than waiting for him to get back had been, and since Tommy was actually a scientist and had trained for this, he gave a lot more detail. Nothing damning, thank god, but he described mealtimes, interactions of families, courting couples, leaving and returning hunting parties, and a few observations about the connections from Hometree to the rest of the forest. Now that he said it all, Jake could see that it was important, but he'd never thought to include it on his own. Then again, Tommy was trained specifically to notice these sort of things, whereas the only observation Jake had been trained in was if he was about to kill someone. 

Tommy finally clicked off the camera and walked over to Jake. Rather, he walked past Jake and to the door, and Jake assumed that meant they were eating now so he followed. "You're mad," Jake said. 

"You think?" He glanced behind them, then lowered his voice and hissed, "What the hell were you thinking?" 

"I'm guessing 'I wasn't thinking' isn't gonna cut it this time?" 

"No," he said, coupling the word with a swat at the back of Jake's head. "This isn't like Earth, Jake. You can't do whatever the hell you want and expect for it to work out. The stakes are higher here-" 

"I heard the same 'Pandora is hell' speech as you, y'know." 

"Then maybe listen to it." 

"He also said 'the indigenous people are savages'," Jake said with a snort. 

"For fuck's sake, Jake, stop being so obtuse," Tommy spit. "This is serious. Do you have any idea what they'll do to you if they find out? Grace probably wouldn't do anything, sure, but Selfridge? Quaritch? They'd string you up by your toenails." 

"Well then it's awfully lucky that I can't feel anything in my legs anymore." 

"Jake," he said, and it really was impressive that he could say Jake's name in so many different ways. This one was full of frustration. As the more reasonable brother, it was practically his job to be so upset with him. 

Okay that wasn't fair, but Jake wasn't in the mood to take shit for this, since Tsu'tey was pretty much the only person Jake had ever cared about that he wasn't blood related to. Not that he, y'know, had parents or cousins or anything, it was pretty much just Tommy. He loved two people, and it was Tommy and Tsu'tey. That they hadn't been able to do a normal meeting didn't help matters any, and he didn't even know how that had gone. "How was all the normal stuff?" 

Tommy gave him a look that said they were far from over talking about this, and Jake gave him the same look right back. Na'vi mated for life, and Jake had made that decision fully wanting to accept that commitment. No matter how much Tommy wanted to yell at him for being stupid, Jake wanted to scream back until he figured out how much damage had been done and if it was reversible or not. "It was great. I've seen the satellite photos of Hometree, but it's so much bigger than I imagined. Kinda like the Grand Canyon, you know? Unfathomably big. Even when I was looking at it, I couldn't grasp it. And the avatar's over twice as tall as humans are, so how much bigger would it look if I actually went there? Not that they'd let me in, I know that, but it would be so cool." He kept talking, and none of it was new information, really. It was the same stuff he said in his log, but this was more personal. He added in his personal bias this time, which is how Jake learned that while Tommy found the moss on Hometree's branches fascinating because it had some sort of connection to the tree the same way the nearby plants did, he also thought it felt gross. 

Jake's day took up all of dinner and the walk to their room, but as soon as the door closed, Tommy locked it then looked at him with a look that was half pained, half judgmental. "Tsu'tey? Of all the people there, he was probably the second worst choice." 

"I know you're my brother and all, but don't talk about him like that." 

"You know what I mean." 

Jake thought about pushing it, but he let it go with a deep sigh. "Yeah, I do." 

"So putting aside the fact that apparently you like men and never told me, are you- I mean is it serious?" 

"I don't think knowing the answer to that will make you feel better." 

"So it is serious." 

Jake didn't say anything, and they both knew that that meant yes. 

"Jake," he said, and this time it was full of disappointment. "What were you thinking? He's the next clan leader, what are you going to tell Eytukan? Tsu'tey was supposed to mate with his daughter, he's going to freak out." 

"He already knows, actually." Not that Jake had told him, but it was part of that whole Seeing thing. Everyone had been able to tell the moment they saw them after it happened. And Eytukan had freaked out, but he was over it now. Mostly. Neytiri had been cool with it, so it was hard for Eytukan to be too pissed. 

Tommy blinked. "Seriously? He knows?" 

"Well yeah. Uh, now that we're on the subject," Jake said, scratching at his ear, "there are a couple things I left out of my official reports." 

"Really," Tommy said drily. "I had no idea." 

Jake rolled his eyes. "Would you just listen? I couldn't talk about it where Quaritch could see. When I got up here, he tried to talk me over to his side, so I can't say anything that he might be able to use." 

"Makes sense." 

"Um. So, me and Tsu'tey aren't just seeing each other or dating or whatever you want to call it, we're mated." 

Tommy blinked at him. "But you have to be part of the clan to mate with..." he trailed off as his eyes went wide. "You're one of the Omaticaya? Does Grace know?" 

"Not quite yet. She's busy, and I don't know how to get her in private to tell her." 

"How has she not heard it around the village?" 

"No idea. Hell, maybe she does know and she just doesn't want to deal with me." 

"I doubt that." 

Jake rolled his eyes again. "Yeah, whatever. So how did Tsu'tey react?" 

"I mean." Tommy gave an uncomfortable shrug. "Pretty well, I guess? I told him who I was, and he told me to tell you to talk to him when you got back." 

"Did he look mad?" 

Tommy blinked at him some more. "He's your boyfriend, not mine, how should I know?" 

"Well he's a person, so you could look and guess." 

"Do you have any idea how closed off his face is? I saw him a couple times today, and each time he kinda looked like he wanted to kill me." 

"He always looks like that," Jake said dismissively. 

"And yet you expect for me to be able to tell his actual emotions apart." 

"I hate you." Pouting felt very childish, but that's all that was left for him; Jake pouted. 

"I don't get what you're so worried about. He knew it wasn't you the second he looked at me, it's not like anything happened." 

Jake snorted. That was definitely not his concern. "Yeah I know." 

"Then why are you freaking out?" 

There wasn't any easy way to explain it, and honestly, Jake didn't want to. "Just go to sleep." He moved himself from the chair to his bed. This part, at least, he did often enough that he had it down pat. "Wait, are you going back in tomorrow?" 

"Nah. They have to run tests to see how if the link effected my recovery and whatnot." 

"'Whatnot'," Jake snorted. "Aren't you a doctor?" 

"I'm not an MD, jackass." 

"Yeah, yeah," he said, but internally, he was doing a happy dance. He didn't have to wait to talk to Tsu'tey, he'd be able to do it tomorrow. 

Jake blinked, the world coming into focus around him. No matter how many times he did it, linking with the avatar was never the same as waking up. Tommy had told him that he went asleep in Hometree, but it was a fuck off huge tree, so he didn't really know where he was until he looked around. Tsu'tey wasn't in the same hammock as him, which wasn't surprising since when he'd gone to sleep last night, it had been Tommy, not Jake. He checked the bodies around him, but Tsu'tey wasn't there. Shit. This wasn't altogether surprising, but it still sucked ass. He jumped onto the branch and started making his way over to where Tsu'tey-- and Jake, most of the time-- usually slept. 

He didn't make it all the way there before he saw Tsu'tey, who was making his way down to the ground. There was a long moment where they stopped moving and stared at each other. 

"Jake," he said neutrally, testing the waters to double check that it was truly him. 

"Tsu'tey," Jake said with a grin. "Sorry about yesterday." He started walking towards him, but his smile faded when Tsu'tey took a step back. "You okay?" 

"How do I know this is you? It could be anyone, and I would not know." 

"You'd know," Jake said, taking one step closer. It was encouraging that Tsu'tey didn't step away again, but Jake wasn't going to push his luck. "You See me, I know you do." 

But Tsu'tey continued to look at him, expression unchanging. "Do I?" 

Jake blinked, rearing back a little in surprise. "What? Of course you do." 

Tsu'tey shook his head, and Jake was hit with the very uncomfortable idea that this was a breakup conversation. "This," he said, motioning to Jake's body, "is not you." 

"Yes it is." Jake closed the rest of the space between them, and even though Tsu'tey didn't move away, it didn't make him feel better. "You know me," he said, wrapping his fingers around Tsu'tey's hand and bringing it to his chest. 

"No I don't," Tsu'tey said quietly. "This is the only you I know, and it is not real. Your brother explained. It is science and manipulation and elaborate equipment. Not you." 

"It's- I mean, yeah it's all those things, but it's also me." 

"If it were you, your brother would not have been able to step in like using another's bow." 

"It's a little more complicated than that," Jake tried, but he could see that he was losing him. He was losing him, and nothing he tried was even slowing it. "I know that it's not ideal, I don't like it anymore than you, but I'm the same person I've always been; I'm the same person that mated with you when I-" 

"Don't." 

"Tsu'tey, please-" 

"I don't even know what you look like," Tsu'tey whispered, and when he pulled on his hand to free it, Jake let him. "I would not recognize you from any of the others." 

Jake's shoulders slumped, and he didn't move to follow when Tsu'tey brushed past him. 

He was right. Out here, Jake was one of them. He was Omaticaya, he had an ikran, and while he wasn't the best hunter, he was still good. Back in the compound though, he was another one of the Sky People, here to come destroy the Na'vi's way of life and planet. He'd let himself forget... everything. No matter how much he wanted it to be true, he wasn't Na'vi, he was human. If the Na'vi got what they wanted and drove them off the planet, Jake would have to go with them. Without the equipment and the constant, expensive upkeep it needed, he wouldn't last a day on Pandora. He didn't belong here. It had been so fucking stupid of him to think that he could have Tsu'tey for the rest of his life and that it would be that simple. 

He really was the single biggest idiot he'd ever met. He should've said no when Tommy asked him to come along. Earth was shit now, and this was a once in a lifetime opportunity sure, but he could've avoided all of this. 

Jake looked down at his body- wait. That was the whole point, wasn't it? This wasn't his body. It was an avatar that currently held his consciousness, that's all. He blew out a breath and turned to slowly make his way down. Maybe he'd go for a quick fly, that always made him feel better. 

He didn't see Tsu'tey again until lunch, and since Tsu'tey didn't initiate a conversation, he didn't try it. 

Neytiri was sitting next to Tsu'tey, and she looked at him, looked at Jake, then back. Great, she knew something was wrong. Neytiri didn't like him very much, the furthest their relationship had gotten was begrudging respect when Tsu'tey decided to mate with him. Now that that was gone, well, Jake wouldn't be very surprised if she told him he needed immediate practice in a knife fight with her. 

The rest of his day was spent learning how to craft his own bow, which was a much more grueling process than he'd thought it would be. Logically, he'd known that it would be difficult, but he'd made some arrows before and that had gone pretty smoothly so he'd sort of tricked himself into thinking that this would be the same. He had unfamiliar stiffness in his muscles, and his hands ached. Normally he didn't mind because he and Tsu'tey would spend some time alone before going to sleep, only he didn't have that to look forward to. He didn't have... anything to look forward to, really. 

He shook his head, trying to knock that notion out. He was having a bad day, that's it. 

After dinner, when the fire was dying out and a group was singing into the night air, Tsu'tey sat down next to him. 

Jake's head jerked up, and he felt frozen in place for a moment. "Hey." 

"I never know who I will wake up with," Tsu'tey said quietly. 

"Yeah. I can't imagine that's easy." The little dregs of hope he'd managed to scrounge together left again. Tsu'tey wasn't here to patch things up, he was here to explain why it wouldn't work. 

"I See you." 

Jake was going to get hope whiplash like this. 

"I do not know what we will do, but..." Tsu'tey let out a breath, leaning his forehead against Jake's. The little freckles across his skin were alight, and he let his eyes fall shut. "I am with you. Wherever that might lead." 

"I love you." Jake put a hand on the back of Tsu'tey's neck, leaning into him more fully. "I won't let you down." 

"You never could." 

Jake really, really hoped that he never had the chance to prove him wrong. 

Thankfully, when Jake got back to the compound, Tommy had a schedule ready and waiting. "I'm on light duty for the next couple months to make sure there's no permanent damage or something. I don't really know, the doctors here act like if I spend one more second in the link than what they allow I'll magically drop dead. It's a load of bull if you ask me, but it's not like I can strong arm them into giving me more time. Especially since I don't know what they're talking about, so they might actually be right. And the link is rather untested as far as everyday use goes." That made sense, because the only time it got daily use was on Pandora, and it's not like they had studies going on specifically for that with so much else happening on the planet. "Besides, I don't actually want to take time away from you, since you have-" he waved a hand vaguely "-everything going on. It'll give me the time to analyze my data, anyways." 

"Thanks," Jake said, eyes skimming over the schedule. Tommy only had one or two days a week, and they were clumped together when he had more than one. All Jake had to do was tell Tsu'tey the schedule, and they'd be able to work around it. The idea of losing any time at all wasn't fun, but this was the absolute best case scenario. Jake hadn't gotten here on his own credentials, luck, or his charming personality; he was here because of Tommy, and that was it. The fact that he had as much time in the avatar as he did was a miracle, and it wasn't good that it had come at the price of his brother's health. 

"No problem. But uh, you won't be thanking me for this next part." 

Jake looked up at him. He looked guilty. Great. "What did you do?" And wow did it feel weird to be the one saying that to Tommy instead of the other way around. 

"I um, sorta told Grace that you were Omaticaya. And mated to Tsu'tey." 

Jake sighed. "It had to happen sometime, it's no big deal." It would've been nice to have a little more time without her knowing, but it was a miracle he'd kept it secret this long anyways. His only real saving grace had been that she hadn't been at the meeting where everyone else found out about them. 

"Yeah, but she wants to move you, me, her, and Norm up to the mobile link. She's tired of Selfridge trying to micromanage her project, so it'll be easier to keep it quiet if we're up there." 

"What about you?" 

"I just said I was going with you." 

"Yeah but you're on light duty. And I'm sure the mobile link doesn't have a lot of space. You're gonna be like a mouse in a cage out there." 

"I'll be fine. Plenty of data to sift through, and if I get bored, I can start translating all my logs into Na'vi for practice. Everyone in the village was giving me weird looks, I think my accent was off." 

"Probably." 

Even though he'd been the one to bring it up, Tommy glared at him. "What makes you an expert?" 

"I've been living with them for four months and I learned Na'vi from them. They're used to seeing me and hearing their accent, not yours." 

"I hate you," Tommy grumbled, but it was petulant, not militant. 

"I can help you work on it, if you want." 

"Now I hate you, but I have to be nice about it." 

Jake grinned up at him. "It's all part of my charm." 

"Keep thinking that. All that time will let me practice, at least." 

"You won't be alone all the time, I know Norm doesn't link every day." Grace, he wasn't too sure about. Sometimes he saw her every day for a while, other times it felt like he only saw her once a week. But with him traveling and learning to shoot and read tracks, he wasn't always at Hometree, which was pretty much where she stayed these days. For all he knew, she linked each and every day and kept to a regular schedule. "Is Trudy flying us up there?" She was the pilot specifically for Grace's project, so of course she was, but Jake was trying to see if his initial guess about his brother having a crush was correct or not. 

"I think so," Tommy said, and his tone gave nothing away. 

"Is she staying?" he asked, which was actually a question that he didn't know the answer to. Sometimes Grace and Norm needed samples from a specific place so Trudy ferried them around-- or at least, that's what Jake thought they were doing, he wasn't really sure. If Trudy had to stay at base camp then travel up to them and then bring them where they needed, that was a lot of time and fuel wasted. 

"I have no idea, you'd have to ask Grace. And uh, speaking of, she's probably going to interrogate you for details,  so have fun with that." 

"She can try as much as she wants, some things are private." 

"We're here for research, Jake. She needs to know everything you know." 

"Well she's not going to, so she can get used to disappointment." 

"What do you mean 'no'?" she said, sounding about as offended as Jake expected. 

"It means I'm not telling you shit about how they mate, I thought it was pretty clear." 

"We need to know everything, it will give us a greater understanding of their culture." 

"Tough shit, I'm not sharing. Besides, you don't need to know the specifics of their sex to know how they interact with each other and how it impacts the rest of the clan or whatever it is you're looking for." 

"What if someone else means to mate with them?" she asked, as if that had any sort of likelihood of happening. Some of the other people in the avatar program hadn't even seen one of the Na'vi in person. 

"Then they can figure it out like I did, it's not complicated." Besides, if they were allowed in the clan, they'd know how mating worked just from understanding how the Na'vi interacted with the world around them. Even before Tsu'tey had said it to him point blank, Jake could have guessed: if he could make a lifelong bond with an ikran, he could probably do it with another Na'vi with similar results. God listen to him, it's almost like he was a scientist with this train of thought. "And even if I wanted to tell you, which I don't, it's private. You don't get to see the Tree of Souls, and you don't get to hear about my mating with Tsu'tey." 

"You've been to the Tree of Souls?" 

Jake was glad she took the change of topic. "Yes, when I had my second birth." 

"Your second birth?" 

Jake blinked at her. Didn't she already know about this? "When you're, y'know, officially an adult in the clan. You're born to your parents, and then you're born to Eywa." Or at least that was the way Tsu'tey had explained it. First you were born under your parents' watchful eyes, then Eywa took you in her arms and sent you back to help maintain the balance of life. It was another way of saying that Jake's fuck ups had more severe consequences now, since he should know better. Thankfully, he hadn't done anything too bad since that first month bumbling around. 

"Okay screw your relationship, that's the part I need to hear more about," she said, leaning forward in an unconscious bid to ensure she didn't miss a single word. 

Jake and Tsu'tey were resting at the bank of a pond. Tsu'tey was laying on his back, and Jake was half on top of him, head resting over his heart-- which was much more central to their chests than human hearts. Their ikran were similarly intertwined, a few meters away in case they needed to move quickly. 

"You will not be here tomorrow," Tsu'tey said. 

Jake could feel the rumble of his words against his ear and didn't bother opening his eyes. "Yeah, tomorrow Tommy's getting a day out. Take samples or study a tree or whatever it is scientists do when they're not talking to members of the clan. I figured that I'd pick one of the lower beds for him so that if he falls, he won't die." 

"It would take more than a fall from Hometree to kill you," Tsu'tey said, which wasn't as comforting as he meant it. Na'vi bodies were resilient as all hell, but the avatars were less so. It wasn't by much, and maybe Tsu'tey hadn't even noticed, but there were certain jumps Jake couldn't take without getting hurt a little-- nothing major, just a bit of an ache for the next couple days, but he was pretty sure no one else was experiencing it. 

"Yeah," Jake said, instead of the other shit he was thinking about, "but I don't want to risk it. It's only tomorrow, I should be back the day after that." 

Tsu'tey grunted in acknowledgment, and it was clear he wasn't happy. He hadn't exactly signed up for losing his mate every once in a while, but there was nothing Jake could do about it now. If he'd been smarter about it before, he could have left Tsu'tey alone to mate with Neytiri like he was supposed to. But Jake had never been very smart, he'd always been pretty selfish, so this was bound to happen as soon as he saw Tsu'tey and fell a little in love and a lot in lust. "Can I visit you?" 

"What?" The earlier feeling of peace was gone, and his eyes shot open. 

"You said you would be alone all day, and without my mate, I have little to do. You said you were in a different building, I could-" 

" No ," Jake said, pushing himself up enough that he could look Tsu'tey in the eye. "Why would you even think about that?" 

Tsu'tey blinked, then frowned in confusion. "I miss you when you are gone." 

"Yeah well you can survive a day without seeing me, you'll be fine." He thought about laying back down, but he was restless, so he sat the rest of the way up and rolled into his own space. He didn't want Tsu'tey to see him like that. Tsu'tey might think he was okay with it, but Jake could pretty much guarantee that he wouldn't be when he saw him. It wasn't the wheelchair-- well okay, it was a little bit of the wheelchair, but mostly it wasn't-- it was that Jake was painfully human. As a human, he wasn't shit. He'd been one of a billion people in the military, and while he'd gotten a few promotions, he wasn't very good. Tsu'tey always looked at him like he was special, even back in the beginning when he'd hated Jake. He couldn't help but think that Tsu'tey was going to regret his decision if he kept being reminded that Jake was different in a bad way. "We should probably get back, check in with Eytukan." 

"You are angry with me," Tsu'tey said, not moving except a little tilt of his head to keep looking at Jake. 

"What? No, I just don't think you should waste your time." Jake wanted to wince; that hadn't been very convincing, and since he wasn't actually angry with Tsu'tey-- just scared-- he needed to correct that. "I just mean that it's getting late, and I know I take up a lot of your time. You used to get shit done really quickly before I came around and started distracting you," he said with a smirk. 

"Now that I am not the next clan leader, I have more free time," Tsu'tey said, sitting up as well. He leaned his cheek against Jake's shoulder and relaxed, probably hoping that Jake would want to lie back down. 

Unfortunately, the statement-- while true-- made him feel guilty. Again. God, when he fucked up, he went full tilt. It wasn't bad enough that he'd mated with Tsu'tey when he wasn't truly Na'vi, no, he had to ruin his entire future with the Omaticaya too. And the worst part about it all, was that Jake probably wouldn't change his actions if he had the chance to go back and do it again. He still wanted to be with Tsu'tey, more than he wanted anything else on either planet, and it's not like Tsu'tey hated him or something. He seemed perfectly happy to be with Jake despite the cost. 

Tsu'tey tilted his head and kissed Jake's neck. "We have nowhere to be for another hour, Jake. Relax with me before tomorrow." 

Jake swallowed, wanting little more than to do just that. "Okay." When Tsu'tey tugged on his arm, he went willingly. He wasn't sure how much he'd be able to relax when he was worried about Tsu'tey trying to visit him tomorrow, but then he forgot about everything because Tsu'tey was sitting on top of him and kissing him with his hands framing Jake's face. It's not like Tsu'tey knew where the link was, anyways. 

Tsu'tey walked up to Tommy, with the clear intention of meaning to talk to him, and Tommy couldn't be more surprised if he tried. There was an awkward pause after Tsu'tey was in front of him, where he tried to find the right words and Tommy wondered if he could say hello without making things worse. It wasn't much as far as plans went, but his intention had been to ignore Tsu'tey to make things easier for him since it couldn't be easy to see the body of your mate walking around with someone else's soul inside. 

"Jake mentioned there was a separate building he was in today. I wish to visit him." He said it formally, like he was lodging an official request. 

"Oh! That's great, I'm sure he'll be happy to see you," Tommy said, brightening. "The mobile link, yes it's in the Hallelujah Mountains." Then he paused, seeing the lack of comprehension in Tsu'tey's face. Or at least, he thought that's what it was, it was hard to tell. "Uh, I don't know what you call them, that's just what we've named them. The uh, floating islands? Not the tiny ones, the big ones that are several kilometers wide. I don't really know what to say beyond that, I don't have, like, coordinates or something, and now that I'm saying that, I don't think it would help you anyways." 

Tsu'tey nodded. "I can find it. Thank you." 

Jake was basically alone in the building. Tommy and Grace were in the links, and Trudy and Norm were doing... something. God he really had to learn to listen when people threw in a couple scientific words because zoning out wasn't doing him any favors. Point is, he was the only conscious person wheeling around the place. The good news was that he had time to exercise a little, which he'd been neglecting with all his time in the avatar. He was going to be able to eat lunch today, which wasn't something he'd done since his first day out on Pandora. Not that he really missed eating lunch, but still, it reminded him that he was in fact human, not Na'vi. He was needing more and more of those reminders lately. It's like he forgot that he wasn't Na'vi just because Tsu'tey accepted him. Hell, the Omaticaya had accepted him too, and that's when he really started to forget. If they thought he was one of them, then why wouldn't he be? Round and round in circles he went; he was going to drive himself crazy like this. 

He jerked too hard in surprise when a sudden pounding went through one of the windows. He wheeled himself towards the sound to see what it was, then stopped cold. 

Tsu'tey. What the- how the hell was he here? Pandora was too large for him to have searched every part of it for something as small as the mobile link and found it. 

For fuck's sake, Tommy. He was about to have to start telling his brother everything just to make sure this sort of shit didn't keep happening. 

Tsu'tey looked confused at the clear surface, and that was fair, because why would he know about windows? The Na'vi didn't use them. Tentatively, he pressed his fingers against it. They spread until his palm was to the glass, and his blue skin lightened as he applied force, testing. 

As much as Jake would like to avoid this all day, he couldn't risk Tsu'tey accidentally breaking the window and making the whole place uninhabitable. He made his way over to the window and knocked his fingers against it pointedly. Tsu'tey had been so busy staring at the glass that he hadn't looked past it to see Jake come up to him. He startled, then gave a surprised grin. 

"Jake," he said, and it's not like Jake could hear him, but he knew what his name looked like coming out of that mouth. What came after that though, Jake had no idea. 

Jake shook his head and said, "I can't hear you," because surely that would get the point across even if Tsu'tey didn't know what the words were. 

Tsu'tey looked confused, but also like he wasn't going to leave. Jake sighed and held up a finger, then moved away. He had to grab a mask, and if he was quick after he opened the door, he'd be able to close it again before it messed with Grace or Tommy. It was hard to reach the masks from this low down, which seemed like a huge fucking mistake. When he took this one off, he'd leave it someplace lower, just in case he needed it again. He pulled it over his head and activated the filter, then took a deep breath as he faced the door. This wasn't what he fucking wanted to do, but evidently Tsu'tey wasn't going to let him ignore this. 

He pulled open the door, hurried outside, and sealed it again. There wasn't any lock to worry about, because ill-intentioned Na'vi weren't exactly roaming around here looking to kill them, so at least he had that going for him: he couldn't lock himself out. The whole maneuver took him less than ten seconds, so he was confident that it hadn't effected Tommy or Grace negatively. 

Tsu'tey was still standing over by the window he'd originally tapped on, and it hit Jake how... huge he was. Every other time that Jake saw him, they were basically the same size. Sure Jake's shoulders were a little more broad and Tsu'tey was a little taller, but overall, they were basically the same size. They were no longer the same size. Not even close. Tsu'tey was probably three times as big him, maybe more depending on how you wanted to look at it. He didn't look the same from this perspective; he was so much bigger, his features almost looked different from all the way over there, and it might just be a trick of the light, but it seemed like his skin was a different shade of blue than he remembered. 

"Tsu'tey!" he called, and Tsu'tey turned to look at him. 

There was a horrible pause. Tsu'tey looked at him, and at first there was no reaction. He looked at Jake, and he looked some more. Did he even recognize him? Between the unfamiliar human elements and the mask, it wouldn't surprise him. It would hurt (and he'd pretend that it didn't), but it wouldn't be surprising. 

But after the pause that was only four seconds but felt like a goddamn eternity, Tsu'tey broke into a smile. "Jake." It took him three steps to close all the space between them, and for a moment he towered over Jake. He dropped to his knees, but that was still too much. He sat all the way, and that was better, but Jake still had to look up at him. Nothing to be done for it though. In the background, Tsu'tey's ikran was visible, looking at the mobile link with a great deal of suspicion. 

"What are you doing out here? I told you not to." 

"You said not to waste my time, but I was doing nothing else with it." 

Damn it. That had been the wording Jake used because he hadn't wanted to flat out say 'do not come' so he could avoid the explanation after that that would explain why he didn't want to see Tsu'tey. Of course, it had never been about not seeing Tsu'tey, it was about Tsu'tey not seeing him. 

Tsu'tey raised a hand, hovering near Jake's head without making contact. From the palm to the tips of his fingers, his hand was longer than Jake's head. Very very gently, he made contact. His hand was much warmer than Jake's skin, and he wondered if body heat was another one of those differences that he hadn't thought about before. Tsu'tey looked into his eyes, and it didn't feel like Jake was blowing hot air when he thought that there was understanding there. "I See you," he said, and Jake knew that he did. After he'd met Tommy without warning, he had questioned if he did See Jake. But now, actually meeting him in his human body, he Saw him, bright and clear like there were no filters between them. Mask or not, this was the least amount of barriers they'd ever had between them. 

Jake's jaw worked, and he brought his hand up to circle Tsu'tey's wrist. The proportions were all wrong. This was a body he knew well enough that he could trace it in his sleep, but put him in the body he was born in, and it's like meeting for the first time. "I See you. What are you doing here?" 

"I missed you." 

It should've made him feel better, but for some reason, his stomach sank. He had no idea why, but that's what happened. "I missed you to. I wish we could have had a normal mating time for you." Tsu'tey had explained a few of the honeymoon-like traditions, but since they were facing a possible invasion of their home, their honeymoon period wasn't exactly typical. The gist was that, after mating, they were supposed to have more time to bond together, learn to work as two parts of the same soul, get to know how that connection affected their balance, that sort of thing. 

Tsu'tey shook his head. He'd told Jake before that it wasn't that important to him. Or at least, it wasn't as important to him as Jake was, which wasn't exactly the same thing. He dropped his hand away so it was back to resting at his side. "What is this?" he asked, gesturing to the wheelchair. 

A perfectly normal question, and one he should've been able to answer without having a brief but intense moment of panic. "It's a uh, wheelchair. Helps me get around." 

"Why does it help you get around?" he asked, innocent in a way no human could have managed. 

"My legs don't work. Anymore. I got hurt in this battle back on Earth and now if I want to move, I have to use this." 

"Hm." Tsu'tey made to curiously poke one of the wheels, but he stopped when Jake put a hand on his arm. 

"It's not really that interesting. But this is why I said you shouldn't visit, I can't go anywhere." As it was, he was still sitting on the ramp up to the door. Nature didn't exactly agree with the limitations of his movement, which meant that he was stuck to artificial halls or the avatar when he was on Pandora. 

"We do not have to go places. Would not be safe for you anyways. Is-" Tsu'tey cocked his head as he looked at the mask again and tapped it ever so lightly with his fingers "-this timed?" 

"No, this part is a filter," he said, gesturing to the piece in question. "As long as it's not damaged, I'll be fine." 

Tsu'tey nodded, and Jake thought that meant they'd be talking for a while. 

And somehow, that led to Tsu'tey asking if he could pick Jake up, and Jake said yes because what was the worst that could reasonably happen? Jake was sitting in his lap, completely enveloped by him. He was just... too small to fit the way they normally did when they cuddled. He was kinda stupidly comfortable, but he didn't know what Tsu'tey was getting out of it. 

"How does human sex work?" Tsu'tey asked after a long period of silence.

"Physically, it's pretty much the same as it is for Na'vi." 

"Did you want to? While you're like this?" 

The thought was certainly attractive, but he hadn't been able to get it up since his injury. That wasn't something he felt like explaining, especially since he didn't know if impotence was something Na'vi had a concept for. "Nah. I'm fine with our sex life as it is, when we're both basically the same." 

Tsu'tey nodded, then leaned down to kiss the top of his head. God, he had to practically bend himself in half to make that work. Jake didn't even know why Tsu'tey was trying so hard to make it work when Jake was a human, but he also wasn't going to question it too hard. 

He saw Tsu'tey the next day, this time in the much more familiar body. Tsu'tey was happy to see him, but strangely, he didn't look more happy to see him in the avatar than he had when he saw him in his human body the day before. Tsu'tey was happy to see him because he was him, not because of the body he was in. And that was a fucking weird thought.