Work Text:
Phobia
Noun
An extreme or irrational fear of or aversion to something.
Ryuji could never quite admit that what he had was a phobia. A proper one, not just one that people said they had, one where they would scream a bit but be able to live with it. He knew it was getting bad when he couldn’t breathe properly, constantly taking deep breaths but never quite getting there, air refusing to enter his lungs. Still, he focused on trying to remain calm. He was on a mission. He couldn’t hold everyone back.
Akira glanced at him a few times, but he just smiled and hid his hands behind his back. They trembled, barely able to hold onto his bat, let alone use it in battle. The Thieves walked into the maze, the shadow leering at them from behind. The door closed with a resounding ‘thud’ and locked the Thieves into complete darkness, trapping them. His heart jumped, beating erratically.
Ryuji couldn’t breathe.
The Thieves ran forward, Ryuji lagging behind. His legs felt like weights dragging him down, useless things pulling him back. He cursed his stupid fear as he caught up to the Thieves. He felt dizzy, lack of air and his weird heartbeat making his mind spin, and he struggled to focus on what the Thieves were saying. Only snippets of the conversation managed to make their way through the fuzzy mess of his brain, and even then he couldn’t decipher the words, simple phrases swirling together.
The dark was smothering, wrapping around Ryuji and compressing tightly, reminding him of locked cupboards and loud yells, of not being able to escape. His stomach flipped, and it took all of his effort to not throw up right there. Wiping his forehead, he felt that he was clammy, hands cold but sweaty and he knew that he probably looked like complete and utter shit. Swallowing, he ignored the settling nausea and moved forward with the rest, unable to control his limbs properly. He came close to stumbling several times, but he couldn’t care less, his mind preoccupied.
I can’t breathe. I feel sick. I can’t breathe. I don’t want to be here. I can’t breathe. I’m going to disappoint everyone. I CAN’T BREA-
“Babe? Ryuji!” Akira stood in front of him, worriedly looking into his eyes. “Are you ok? Do you need a break?”
“N-no, I’m-ugh-fine…” Ryuji managed to force out, his urge to just bolt and run threatening to make him leave. Akira looked at him, eyes staring and conveying a message Ryuji could understand. Akira was calling him a liar.
“Well, there’s no point staying in here, we don’t have enough items, and we can come back anytime. I say we go back home.” Everyone agreed, and they made their way out, Ryuji clinging to Akira’s hand on the way out.
“What happened, Ryu?” Akira asked him, arms wrapped around him gently.
“Nothing,” he answered, the nausea and constricting feeling mostly gone but ghosts of them coming back in surges, sudden breathlessness hitting him like a truck. He gulped nervously.
“Liar. Ryuji-” Akira sighed, kissing Ryuji’s head fondly. “You don’t have to be afraid to tell me anything. I don’t like it when you’re sad.”
“I-I’m…afraid of the dark. I don’t like it. I can’t breathe, I fell sick and I don’t wanna feel like a disappointment-”
“Woah, woah, babe. Did you really just say that we’d be disappointed? If you told us, we would’ve been happy to let someone stay with you in the safe room or something.” Akira watched Ryuji’s reaction and sighed. “You thought we’d be mad.”
“Well, I would’ve held back the team, right? With my stupid fear and all-it’s no big deal, I can just ignore it next time we go-”
“Ryuji, you looked like you were about to faint. I’m not letting you go there again.” Akira snuggled him closer, nuzzling into his neck. Akira’s next words were muffled. “I love you. If you feel like that, just tell me. Please.”
Ryuji nodded, turning around to face Akira. Akira kissed his cheek, tenderly wiping away tears that Ryuji didn’t even know were there and they both smiled at each other. “I love you too.”