Chapter Text
“We think your boy will fit in just fine here, Mr. Martin.”
A plump man sitting behind a desk was speaking to a man in a naval officer's jacket, who was seated next to a boy with fair hair, who kept shifting in his seat. The naval officer looked down at the boy—who happened to be his son. The fair-haired boy, on the other hand, was looking around the room; at the plump man’s numerous framed photos and the diplomas that painted the walls. The plump man gave his best practiced professional smile to the fair-haired boy, “Anything I can answer for you Ralph?”
Ralph turned to look at the man. He had many questions, most of which the plump man did not have the answers to. Why was his tie so tight? Why did his father think it to be a good idea to send him away to a new boarding school? And most of all, why did he go along with it? These were things Ralph kept inside. Instead, he simply shook his head and smiled a similarly forced smile at the plump man, though he didn’t have as many years of experience to make it seem convincing. “No sir.”
As the plump man exchanged more words with his father, Ralph got back to his introspection. Why was he here? In short, because his father thought a change of pace would be good for him. He thought being surrounded by kids his age all times of the day would help him get out of his shell and make some new friends. Sounds well enough for any teenage boy of his age. The thing is, Ralph has gone through one thing that made him unlike other boys his age.
Images plagued Ralph's subconscious mind with his time on the island. He had spent 6 months away from the rest of the world as a war raged on. But it was anything but a vacation from the violence.
He would be running through a jungle that was flooding with smoke and ash. He felt the heat of flames on his heel as he was followed by the forest fire. He would run till he found the beach, thinking he had escaped but the second he let down his guard, the fire jumped him. He heard the fire’s sickly, sweet voice chant, "Kill the pig! Cut his throat! Spill its blood!" He was encircled by child hunters with painted skin. on top of him was the boy with blood-stained red hair. he took his switchblade and parted flesh as though it was warm butter
His door flew open followed by his father running into Ralph's hysterical cries. "Ralph! Ralph! Calm down boy!" He shook the crying boy, who gripped his stomach, seemingly convinced he was bleeding out.
"Stop!" The boy was nearly gagging on his own heavy breathing, about to vomit out his hysteria.
"Relax, boy! You’re home!" To answer Ralph's second question, he went along with this boarding school idea mostly because he felt bad about burdening his father with his fits. It was rare for them to wake him yet Ralph knew the fear of one happening kept him up at night. It seemed his father rarely got sleep these days. The man had already lost his wife while he was deployed during the war, so watching his son drift away from reality would be too much for even a naval officer to handle.
Ralph was thinking about these things while his father said goodbye to him. The man’s war stained gaze matched his son’s. It was the only thing the two seemed to have in common physically. A cold hug was the most affection either could show before they parted. It was enough for Ralph. He had learned it was better than nothing.
The fair boy continued to think as he meandered to his dorm room. Passing other boys who were talking about their new roommates or which girl’s breasts grew over holiday. Ralph was just excited to find a moment alone in his room.
He was until he entered the room. Two beds. A suitcase laid mostly empty next to the bed to the far right of the room. Ralph ignored the thought of what he’d do when his roommate witnessed one of his night terrors for the time being. instead he flopped onto his bed that sprung back against him. Comfortable enough he supposed. He loosened his tie and looked to his ceiling. This was the thing he’d be looking at when he couldn’t fall asleep.
“Someone’s comfortable,” said a melancholic voice from the doorway. Ralph was relieved to hear he wasn’t the only one not terribly excited on this fine day. He looked up at his new roommate. He was a tall boy who seemed to be equally uncomfortable in a suit as he was. His dark hair was gelled back out of his milk-chocolate brown eyes. His jaw was pronounced (yet, he had full red cheeks) making him overall a solid six out of ten. Ralph returned to looking at the ceiling.
“Just waiting till’ winter holiday,” Ralph remarked.
The tall boy looked back at him. “You only just got here. I’ve never seen your face before, where are you from?”
“Manchester. You?”
“I’m Briton, born and raised,” the tall boy didn’t sound proud, but more content, “the name' Lucas.”
“Ralph,” Ralph’s first impression seemed to be pretty positive of his new roommate; though he knew that first impressions were not always accurate.
“Well Ralph, you mustn’t be so relaxed. We best be getting to the assembly soon,”
“We have an assembly?” Ralph must have missed it in the midst of his thoughts. He needed to stop doing that.
“I best not need to remind you of things like this for the rest of the year, my little brother always made me do that,” Lucas remarked as he tied his shoe. “Monday morning assembly. Wednesday and Sunday mass. Dinner at six.”
Ralph sat up, “Noted,” he stretched his arms, “so what does this assembly entail exactly? If you know.”
“It’s the same every year. The principal welcomes us back. Tell us any important announcements. We pretend to care. The choir boys sing the school song. Then we get to leave.” Lucas rattled as he counted on his fingers. The mere mention of choir boys made Ralph feel uneasy. “Shall I show the way?”
“That would be appreciated.” Ralph gave him a half-smile.
The two left the dorm room building. The campus was full of people who were catching up after their breaks. He noticed a few girls glancing at him and smiling before turning back to their friends. He noticed how guys tried to impress these girls with their antics. Ralph kept his head forward. Along the way, Lucas pointed out places to Ralph. Ralph makes mental notes of the cafeteria. The two didn’t really talk much other than that, which Ralph could appreciate.
They made their way into a rectangular building. Many people were already there. The room itself was a normal looking gymnasium with a stage on one side. That stage held the plump principal Ralph had met previously along with the number of other staff members. The floor was strewed with grey foldable chairs. On those chairs sat chatty teens. Ralph already wanted to leave.
The pair took seats in the rough middle of the rest of the chairs. Lucus’s friends had found him. Ralph chose not to take much note of them.
It took about ten minutes for the assembly to begin. It started with the headmaster taking the podium at the front of the stage. He smiled at the crowd. “Hello and welcome back, students “ he started. Ralph mentally checked out.
He glanced around the room. He saw the backs of heads, male and female. The aura of the room was like a cloud of dullness. Ralph felt at ease knowing from his reading of the room that everyone was on the same page. He looked towards the front of the room to see hats and ruffled collars. The choir boys, he presumed. Ralph didn’t want to look for too long. Looking up towards the clock he saw that it had been twenty minutes since the beginning of this dreadful meeting. Though he supposed it was better than other meetings he’d been a part of.
“With that being said, may I now welcome our very talented choir to sing our school anthem. And may I invite everyone to stand.”
The student body stood on command as the choir strolled from their positions in the front row to take the stage. One by one till the very last boy.
That was when Ralph’s heart stopped. No more than fifty feet away from him for the first time in years was the flame that haunted his nightmare: Jack Merridew.
Ralph’s mind became an incomprehensible mess of words and thoughts and questions that wouldn't disappear. The choir singing didn’t help drown the noise inside of Ralph’s head. It was like a swarm of bees buzzing in his ears, stinging his neurons into firing and making his mind swell.
Ralph’s eyes stayed fixed on the stage where the red-haired boy stood. As twelve voices turned to one, all the other boys stopped singing to give Jack the solo. His voice, sickly sweet, like fruit from a poison berry. Then—the unthinkable happens. They catch each other's eyes. Just for a second—a moment of recognition lights in Jack’s face. Ralph feels his stomach drop.
“Where is the bathroom?” he asked Lucas.
“The doors on the other end of the gym. Why?” he answered. Ralph didn’t satisfy him with a response.
He practically ran. His abdomen turned as he entered the bathroom. He entered a stall and dropped to his knees and emptied his stomach.
He didn’t leave that stall until the assembly ended.
It was like sinking to the bottom of the sea; feeling the weight of the water on top of you. Feeling the air leave your lungs as you sink, not being able to struggle, even if you could move under thousands of tons of water. In that moment it was as though everything had stopped and the world was still under the deadly weight of the ocean.
The moment Ralph’s eyes met Jack’s.
The fair-haired boy had lost himself in the weight of his thoughts as he stared at the ceiling of his new dorm room. Remembering how the light of the stage illuminated the face of the choir boy. How it made him look paler than he once remembered. Then again, all the boys were subjected to the menace of the sun without escape back on the island, so it could be summed that Ralph’s memory of Jack was darker than the boy in his supposed natural habitat. Everyone in that audience assumed they’d seen Jack Merridew. The way Ralph saw it, you haven't seen what someone is really like until you watch him, free from the chains of tight ties and spotlights when he shows it all the only thing hiding him is his war paint. That was the Jack Merridew not everyone survived after witnessing.
“You alright, mate?” the voice of his concerned roommate entered the room and pulled Ralph from the murkiness of his mind.
“Fine. Must have been something I ate.” Ralph’s glanced to the door as Lucas entered the room.
“Must have been some bad seafood. You still seem a tad pale. Might want to go to the nurse, mate?” Lucas inquired. Ralph wondered if he just wanted the room to himself.
“I should be fine. Might just skip dinner and hit the sack early,” the fair-haired boy honestly didn't want to see anyone at the moment. To have the night to spend by himself in his sea of thoughts. To figure out his plan of action.
Lucas agreed and told Ralph he was going to head to dinner before leaving. Ralph returned to his state of thinking. Not wishing to sleep but unsure how long he could stay awake. Thus his eyes shut; with thought of Merridew leaving, only to return in his dreams.
In a nearly empty gymnasium was a red-haired choir boy. He was putting away foldable chairs from the assembly that just took place. His mind was in the pits of reopening old memories he wished to keep locked away. But was sure he had just seen an ever so familiar face. Fair blonde hair that seemed to still have the dirt of the island staining it. Not as bright as it was once before.
Jack remembered himself on the island. A young boy, the age of twelve. The only thingthings he wished for was to impress the tribe's leader. A boy close to him in age, though it seemed their similarities could make up for their differences.
The two didn’t exactly have the same priorities. Of course, Jack wanted to go home, but he also wanted to live out his Coral Island fantasy and enjoy what the island had to offer. What the island had to offer: hunting, dance, and Ralph.
Ralph, on the contrary, cared more for the practicality of things. Less for hunting and more for the fire, the conch, the rules. This Jack left back on the mainland. This had lead to Jack neglecting his duty to maintain the fire as a ship came by. Suffice to say, Ralph was the least bit pleased. The next time Jack was on duty of maintaining the fire was during a cold night, and to his delight, Ralph decided to chaperone him.
Jack was definitely more talkative. Being alone with Ralph gave him an opportunity to recount him the tales of his hunts in detail. Ralph seemed to be content with that telling jokes as he threw sticks into the fire to make sure, “Merridew, you talk about hunting like you’re in love with it.” Ralph smiled down at Jack as he prodded the flame with a stick.
“Can’t nag me for having a hobby,” Ralph sat back next to the red-haired boy, “it’s like nothing else,”
“It’s reckless is what it is,” the fair-haired boy felt a light punch his arm. Jack giggled, “oh, don’t try to pretend I'm wrong,”
“It’s not the most reckless thing I've done,” Jack murmured, looking into eyes that looked like tree leaves with bark peeking through the cracks.
“Oh I’m sure, care to share?” Ralph said in a tone that was almost challenging. It made Jack want to jump at the opportunity.. But thinking about it, he didn’t know what would impress the chief nearly enough to leave an impression. So, Jack chose instead to make a new reckless decision.
He lurched forward as Ralph looked into the fire and planted a kiss on his cheek, remembering the impression it seemed to leave on boys when girls would do it on the playground.
“How’s that?” Jack smiled ear to ear looking at Ralph’s face. But he didn’t get the reaction he expected. Instead, he got a chuckle.
“Please Jack, are we in daycare?” Ralph smirked. It sent a shiver down Jack's back.
“What do you suppose we do th—” Jack’s words were cut off by something soft. The feeling of lips on his. His heart seemingly stopped as though trying to freeze the moment in time for as long as possible. He couldn't close his eyes. It seemed his recklessness had rubbed off on the chief.
It was one of the last moments of innocence on the islands.
Jack had finished putting away folding chairs and left the gymnasium. He turned to leave through the door, walking out into the wild.
He remembered another locked away memory.
“I’m not going to play any longer. Not with you.” his voice was saying it to the group but his tone was directed at Ralph.“I’m not going to be a part of Ralph’s lot—I’m going off by myself. He can catch his own pigs. Anyone who wants to hunt when I do can come too.”
Turn on his heels for the forest. To run away. Away when he felt he lost to the people he wished to earn the approval of. When he lost to Ralph.
“Jack!” Ralph’s voice echoed in his ears.
“No!” His voice breaks as tears fall down his freckled face. He wished Ralph would go after him.
But he didn’t. And Jack ran away.
The red-haired boy entered the chapel not fully understanding how he got there. Perhaps he subconsciously thought he had to repent for his sins. He already assumed he was bound for hell, it was worth a shot to repent. To hide his feelings for years. Listen to his pastors and take steps to ignore these thoughts. He dated girls. He enjoyed it. He locked away the kiss by the signal fire. Locked away the desire to see him again. To hunt him down and keep him for himself, act on his impulse like he could only when he was free from society. Free from knowing that being attracted to another boy was another thing to confirm he was made by the devil himself.
Jack sat in the pews looking at the stained glass mosaic. Praying to God he had the strength to resist his temptations.