Chapter Text
'Sensei...?'
'See that kid? You could be in his position...let's see how long he'll be your hero, huh?'
'...It'll be fine. The heroes will notice something is wrong and they'll come save us. Until then, I'll keep you kids safe. Even if I have to die here.'
Katsuki could feel his blood boiling as the sound of familiar voices passed through his head. The images coming soon after. His hands had been flat against his thighs as he sat at his desk; now they were clenched tightly. He knew his knuckles were turning white.
His teeth gritted against one another. Red eyes narrowed in the darkness of his own room. Annoyed he raised his hands and pushed away from his desk; immediately standing up. He twisted around quickly, and rested the palms of his hands against the back of his chair.
'...What would've happened if the heroes never found out?! Fuck...' The palms of his hands began to heat up; his ears caught onto the sound of crackling. He released his chair to avoid damaging it and wiped his sweaty palms against his shirt. "Shit!!" He cursed loudly as a sharp pain ran through his righthand.
Another reminder of the trial that he and his class had been unknowingly placed through.
'Should we take that brainwashing kid again?'
'...Yo...half-n-half bastard...what the fuck are you doing? Don't fuck with these guys...just...'
He glared down at his hands as the memories ran to the forefront of his mind. 'Only a piece of shit would suggest saving your own ass...' He raised his hands once again, running them through his hair.
All he wished for was a clear mind.
It made him wonder if this was his punishment for abusing and bullying his childhood friend Izuku for an entire decade. Slowly, his fingers found themselves tangled in his hair and absentmindedly, he began to pull.
'L-leave them alone you bastards!! Just...take me instead. Leave everyone out of this...please and return out teacher!'
'You don't get to tell us what we should and shouldn't do!'
'I'm gonna give you until the count of...umm...uh, the count of...three! Yeah that's it...'
Katsuki snapped out of his thoughts at the sound of loud screaming. He released his hair and fell into a battle stance; the palms of his hands glowing in the darkness. His red eyes narrowed as they shifted quickly from side to side.
He could hear the thumping of his heart in his eardrums. His breath hitched painfully and he felt his legs tremble.
Cautiously, he began to approach his bedroom door. His right hand cramped painfully from its awkward positioning. He reached out for the doorknob with his left hand and wasted little time, yanking the door wide open.
"...Huh?!" His eyebrows furrowed in confusion. He dropped his battle stance and opted to stay on high alert as he peered out into the hallway. He looked to his left and then to his right. '...Nothing? It was nothing? What the fuck...'
Katsuki sighed heavily as he looked down at the floor. "Fuckin' bullshit..." He hated feeling like he was about to lose his sanity. It had happened to him, one too many times. 'I won't fuckin' lose to this shit. I just won't.'
'I heard you're normally a mouthy son of a bitch. But, look atcha now kid!!'
'Kacchan!!'
'Please...stop hurting them...I'm begging you!'
'Todoroki...no, no no no!! You don't know what these bastards are capable of!!'
'Todoroki!!'
Quietly, he closed the door and locked it. He felt somewhat better knowing that his front door was temporarily secured. 'I'm going fuckin' crazy. Fuck this shit.' He flicked his light switch on.
It made him nervous and paranoid when the lights flickered for a minute. Reminding him of the insane power-outage back on The Peerless. His skin crawled at the memories of running through the dark corridors.
He dragged the palm of his left hand down his face. Everything was wearing on him.
The darkness.
The ambient sounds.
The flashbacks.
He hated how he was struggling so much. It wasn't as if this was his first time being in a hostage situation. He fully expected himself to at least be able to get some sleep; a few nightmares here and there. Yet, he wasn't getting that. He couldn't sleep. Not with his mind running rampant.
Katsuki pressed his back against the door; causing it to rattle slightly. He ignored the loud noise, far too caught up in his manic thoughts. Red eyes stared blankly ahead as he fell back into his deep disturbing thoughts.
''I'm gonna fuckin'...kill you assholes....just you wait...'
'...I'm sorry? Could you...possibly repeat what you just said?'
'B-back the fuck up...'
'Bakugō Katsuki...big shot first year who won first place in the Sports Festival. Also, the same kid who was held hostage twice. Once by the sludge thug and second by those league of shitheads. Poor kid...'
"Get...the fuck outta my damn head..." Katsuki muttered to himself. He drew his knees closer to his chest and clasped his hands over top of his ears. "Get outta my fuckin' head..."
His breath hitched painfully at the memories of being choked to unconsciousness. He couldn't believe how real the memories felt. As if it was happening at that very moment. "Get the fuck out of my fuckin' head!!" He pressed his forehead against his knees as he hunched over.
'Bakugō...'
'Get out of my head.' Katsuki closed his eyes tightly as he plead with no one in particular. He just wanted silence.
'Bakugō.'
'Shut up...' He gritted his teeth painfully. His toes curled inwards, "Get out..." He whispered aloud, his voice cracked. He hated the weakness in his own voice. A voice that was so loud, so strong — now so very broken and scared.
Katsuki found himself shaking his head violently at the voices. A naive way of trying to rid himself of his suffering. He knew it wouldn't work. Unconsciously, his quirk activated slightly; small sparks of his explosions starting up.
'Bakugō...!'
'Bakugō!'
'Bakugō!!'
"YO BAKUGŌ!!! Dude, it's me...Kirishima. You alright man...?"
'...Kirishima...?' At the familiar voice, the constriction around his throat was no more. He could finally breath; a shaky breath escaped him. His hands moved away from his ears and he glanced over his shoulder. He stared absentmindedly at the door for a moment. 'That...that was Kirishima calling me...?'
"Psst...dude, I know you're up. Your light is on."
Katsuki narrowed his tired red eyes at the door. He carefully picked himself up from off the floor and reached for his doorknob. His good hand rested on the cool metal for a few minutes. He pondered if he should answer the door or ignore his redhead friend.
"...C'mon bro, I just wanna know if you're alright. I heard you shouting..."
'If I don't answer, then he'll just get more annoying. That's the last fuckin' thing I need right now...' He sighed as he pressed his forehead against his door. If there was one thing that he admired about his friend was his never-ending will to give up. Something that could also be considered annoying; depending on the situation.
He reached his freehand to twist the lock on his door. His left hand tightened around the doorknob as he twisted it. He opened the door slightly and peered through the crack. His red eyes narrowed, "The fuck do you want shitty hair?" He questioned gruffly as he awaited an answer.
"Huh? Oh, yeah...uh, just wanted to know if you were alright."
Katsuki rolled his eyes at the flimsy answer. "Yeah, well now you see. So fuck off." He grumbled out as he moved to shut his door. It surprised him when his door wouldn't shut all the way. He huffed as he placed more muscle into it and that's when he noticed, a foot in the crack of his door. "The fuck?"
"...Well, you might be staying you’re alright but, your eyes are saying something completely different bro."
His narrowed red eyes quickly turned into a glare; red eyes traveled upwards. He locked eyes with the redhead, he hated the look of concern. It always found some way to pluck his nerves. "Fuck. Off."
"No."
An exasperated sigh escaped Katsuki. Reluctantly, he opened his door more and moved his right hand to grasp the frame of his door. He ignored the radiating pain. "WHAT do you WANT?!" His voice was quiet but, he made sure he got his anger across to his friend; placing emphasis of most of his words.
"Can...can I come in bro?"
He clicked his tongue and shook his head. "Fuck no. Go away, shitty hair. It's the fuckin' ass-crack of morning, fuck off."
"...Can we speak?"
His right eye twitched slightly and he frowned. "About what exactly?" He watched the redhead carefully; taking in his rough appearance. From head to toe, Eijirō looked like a completely different man. There was the prominent dark circles underneath his eyes, not to mentioned the redness in the corners. His hair was much messier than normal and his clothes were sloppy. One side of his shirt was tucked and the other loose. It didn't look like someone he knew; he grimaced.
"Uh...I don't know. I thought you'd have something in mind...?"
It hurt to see a pleading expression where it didn't belong. He shook his head once again, much slower than before. "...Don't think so shitty hair."
There was an awkward silence as the two friends stared at one another.
Katsuki watched as Eijirō would glance up at him every few minutes; a small amount of hope in his eyes. Hope that he would change his mind. He only stared blankly as he tried to decipher the strange behavior of his friend. Each time, the redhead looked up and locked eyes with him, he swiftly gave him a harsh expression. One of annoyance.
"...Well, uh I'm glad you're alright bro."
"Mmhmm..."
"G-goodnight."
Emotionlessly, he watched the redhead bow before swiftly turning to his right. He figured his friend was returning to his own room. And for a moment, he expected to be overflowing with relief. Instead, he found himself empty and disappointed.
He listened as the door to his left opened and shut. Quietly, he stood there — staring at the empty spot were his classmate had been standing. '...Way to fuck it up.' He released the frame of his door and closed it shut. This time, he didn't bother to lock it.
Somehow, the short unexpected visit managed to calm his manic thought process. His thoughts of blood, death, pain and screaming were replaced with blankness. There was absolutely nothing on his mind anymore.
He was grateful and yet he was angry. Angry with himself for pushing away his friend.
'What if he needed me? And I just fucked it up...I just fuckin' pushed him away.' He flicked his light switch off. Suddenly the darkness wasn't so constricting and overwhelming. He ran his right hand through his hair before resting his palm on the back of his neck.
Instead of the darkness and nightmarish memories eating away at his conscience — it was now guilt and self-hatred.
Sluggishly, he dragged feet and made his way towards his bed. His mind weighing heavy with thoughts of his redheaded classmate. 'A fuckin' hero doesn't turn away someone in need...' His hand dropped from his neck as he reached for his covers. Slowly he peeled them away and climbed into his bed; his back facing the wall.
He blinked a few times, still somewhat anxious to close his eyes completely. He knew that he would have to give in to his sleep at some point. And he knew, it would be plagued with nightmares.
Nightmares of all the things he had done wrong in his life. Nightmares of the way society saw him. Nightmares of never being found.
He would be lying, if he said he wasn't afraid. And the thing he feared the most aside from his childhood friend was dreaming of all of the things he had failed in such a short time during his young life.
Unable to fend off the heaviness of his eyelids, sleep had quietly claimed him. And he hoped that it was nightmare free.
If only to escaped the pain of his day to day life.