Work Text:
Kei realizes something important on a Tuesday night. He realizes it in the quiet of his room, as he sits at his desk, staring into space, headphones blaring a rhythmic tune.
His thoughts are swimming, churning, mixing. The only sense of his reality are his fingers curling on his arm, fiddling with the sleeve of his sweater.
His heart accelerates, and he takes off his headphones.
It’s that… that stupid smile. The smudge of cake frosting, worn on a pink lip. Kei was careless, had reached forward to flick it off. His insides curdled.
It’s the laugh that followed, tinkling, and with a small snort.
It’s the hand that wipes his mouth, the back of it smudging the bit of cake off in two swipes.
It’s the – damn grin of pride afterward, and the small, slightly less confident bubbles of chuckling that escape.
It’s the walks home. The warm arm that pricks his side. The ramble of words that spell out stories and half jokes – jokes that Kei finishes with little pause.
And then it’s the laugh and the smile and the summer night sky all over again.
Kei’s head is now rested on his desk. He sighs, presses his nose and cheeks to the top of it, and removes his glasses.
Fine.
Fine fine – God.
He finds his phone, flicks it open.
His vision is blurred, but he can tell by the blaring yellow star emoji that he’d found the right name.
…And he pauses. And he pauses, and he–
Can’t.
No. He’s fine. This is just… he’s fine.
His insides flutter. And he feels his heart start to ascend into his throat, cheeks burning, heart pounding, head pounding –
He presses Call.
And then, he waits. Tries not to think.
It’s not the smile. It’s not the laugh. It’s not the warmth at his side.
“Hey Tsukki! What’s up?”
He sits up, curls his hand over his other arm.
It’s not the toothy grin. It’s not the half-jokes. It’s not the summer night sky.
“Hey.”
A laugh.
“Hi.”
“Hi.”
“…Everything okay?” Tadashi laughs again, a little more unsure this time.
Kei breathes in. He’s annoyed at himself.
“Hey, I have to tell you something.”
“Shoot!” Tadashi says. Kei pauses. He can hear a shift on the other end. “Unless, um, do you need to tell me in person?”
“Probably.” Kei breathes out, flicks his gaze to his window and the blackness of night.
“Well… I could try and come over?”
“…No, I’ll just say it.” He decides. He feels like an idiot. Spontaneity is not his sport.
“Alright,” Tadashi says. Kei feels his nerves spark through the phone.
“It’s not – bad. By the way.”
“Oh, well that’s good.”
“Yeah.”
“Yeah…”
Kei clenches and unclenches his fist. He almost hangs up, almost decides against it.
But Tadashi stills him.
“Oh hey! I’m sorry, but I just remembered – you know that song you couldn’t name today?”
Kei feels his heart slow, his throat becomes less constricted.
“Sure.”
“And I thought it was weird, ‘cause you’re always the king at naming weird songs no one knows about –”
“The point?” Kei puts his hand on his cheek, ignoring how warm it is.
“Oh, well, I went digging for it, and I found it! Ooh, hold on, I’ll try to play it. One sec!”
Kei hears shifting on the other end, a rumbling of sounds, and Tadashi humming before a small ‘Got it!’ came from him. Kei forms a smile.
It was hard to hear through the phone, but his ears pick up on the slow melody, the thrum of a guitar as the opening.
“That’s it, isn’t it?” Tadashi says and Kei’s smile grows. He lets go of his sleeve.
“That’s it.”
“Yes! I knew it! I’ll send it to you later.”
Another laugh. It rings in his ear. And again, his heart starts up.
“I’m so in love with you.” He finds himself saying…
No.
Fuck.
No n–
Tadashi gives a small ‘hm?’ on the other end. The music is turned down.
He’d heard.
“What did you say?” Kei can hear his smile, can hear how his voice hitches.
He couldn’t say anything else.
Apparently, neither could Tadashi. Until:
“I'm… can I come over?” He asks, a small sound of plea.
Kei, whose head finds his desk once more, murmurs into the phone.
“Door’s unlocked.” He says, remembering Akiteru was coming back in the evening.
He hears a shuffling of shoes and a shutting of a door from the other end. Kei holds his breath.
“Hey, um – don’t start thinking a lot. By – by the way.”
Kei furrows his brows, hearing Tadashi’s breath.
“Are you… running?”
“Shut up, Tsukki,” Tadashi breaths hard into the phone. “I’ll be there in… two minutes. I – I mean it, too. Don’t think.”
Kei places on his glasses, shakily setting aside his headphones and brushing a hand through his hair, only to ruffle it up again, and deciding that was ridiculous.
“Okay?” He responds, then hears a knock at his door before it’s pushed open. He scrunches his brows, opening his bedroom door and seeing Tadashi climbing the stairs, almost tripping over himself.
“I said it was unlocked!” He whisper shouts into the hallway, and into the phone, still placed at his ear.
“You don’t get to say those things over the phone! The phone, Tsukki! Really?” Tadashi, face flush, whisper shouts back as he comes to the top of the stairs. His phone is also placed at his ear, and Kei can hear the echo of his words.
“Shut up, you’re going to disturb everyone!” Kei chides him as Tadashi heads toward his room, starting to put his phone away.
“Will you hang up already?” Tadashi waves his arms at him and Kei, nearly fuming, shut off his phone and hangs it in the air as if to say, ‘Happy?’
Tadashi finally moves past him and Kei shuts his door, setting his phone on his desk. Tadashi sits on his bed, trying to catch his breath, and staring at every space of Kei’s room besides, well, Kei himself.
And honestly, Kei could only do the same.
“…What –”
“Shh, I’m thinking,” Tadashi says, and Kei raises his hands in defense, sitting as well. They sit next to each other, backs pressed against the wall, and hearts fading in acceleration.
Tadashi takes a deep breath.
“Tell me what you had to tell me…,” He finally says. “And… then, I’ll tell you what I have to say.” He swallows.
Kei holds his breath. Then, he turns his head to Tadashi.
“I’m in love with you.”
Tadashi brings his knees to his chest. Buries his head in them.
“Okay, that’s – okay…” His voice is muffled. Kei pushes up his glasses.
“My turn,” Tadashi finally replies, after several long, long moments. His voice was small, but even. “I…” He chuckles without humor, just to fill the space. Kei didn’t need that sound right now, distracting him, causing his stomach to do those weird things.
Tadashi speaks to his knees. “I love you too.”
The room is silent. Whatever confidence, or anger, or confusion Tadashi had felt moments before, it had long dissipated, and he was left with the empty air that held their words. Kei felt it too, felt them hang over their heads. He would not let it.
“You’re still my –”
“It doesn’t change –”
They both start, then look to the other. Tadashi lets out a snort, Kei looking away and toward the dark, dark window. The summer night sky. And him.
He felt himself think those words and he still winced at himself.
“Can I do something real quick?”
“…What?”
“Something I wanted to do this afternoon.” Tadashi shrugs one shoulder, gives a pleading sort of look.
If Kei was right, it would be the same thing he’d felt like doing.
He nods. Tadashi nods back, to himself, then pushes forward.
Their foreheads bump together, and Tadashi rubs his head.
“Oh my God.” He whispers at himself.
Kei snickers.
Tadashi groans. “Nevermind, I’ll just… later.”
“Later?”
Tadashi, face burning, nods. “We can listen to that song again.”
Kei felt himself relax, breathe out. “Alright.”
And they did. Knees touching every so often, arms brushing, it became a light comfort. Kei felt the top of Tadashi’s head touch his shoulder, a soft snore emitting. He added that to the infuriating long list that churned his insides.
It was a step further from yesterday, but, it felt the same.
And he was glad.